Posting via mobile. One other post from this account. Paranoid on specifics so certain details may be slightly off. Picture is the same.
Married 9 years. Two kids one junior high, other early elementary. Me 35 5’10 and 245. Wife 38. 135. Daughter of alcoholic mother. Swallowed the pill 2 months ago. Devouring the sidebar. Read WISNIFG, Mindful attraction plan, NMMNG, MMSLP, and reading the Rational Male. Started 5x5 3 weeks ago. Making gains and looking better, dressing better losing weight. Making small changes and making plans and working slowly to take back control from the FO.
I posted 30 days ago about being turned down when I initiate. I was initiating like mad and getting nowhere. Wife still initiates and my sex life is not a deal breaker right now. I didn’t want to fuck things up even further though. Got some good advice and did have an opportunity. Just simply being fun again helped tremendously. I don’t think she had any feeling towards me at all, including anger, cause I was just taking everything for so long and placating her.
I married too young. Wife had child from previous marriage. Have always been completely Beta but was so wrapped up in work it was hard to GAF about other things. Looking back I didn’t have the mental maturity to handle the stress, it was all I thought about. But I avoided my oneitis because of this. Suffered depression and was a sorry excuse for a husband. I gained 50 pounds during marriage, catered to whatever I thought would make her happy. Let myself go and lost my dreams. No question all of this is my fault.
Have a new job now. Better balance. Developed total oneitis.
Wife was SAHM. In the last year she got a good job, upped her SMV by losing weight and dressing better. Pretty sure she was positioning herself to leave. Honestly don’t blame her. I hate that is what was (maybe still is) happening, but don’t blame her.
6 months ago seperation talks started. Followed by things going well (sometimes great) then back to seperation talks. This cycle has continued with one or two conversations prompted by her around divorce each month. 2 months ago (days after redpill discovery) she brought up seperation. I blew up and agreed to move out. Signed a lease, arranged furniture, etc. Days later wife calls it off. I stay at home. I hadn’t yet got to the part about never leaving your home, and I was a pussy.
During this time 6 months ago, I have dropped 45 pounds and already started dressing better, and working out. Though frame had eluded me. (still does, but 2 months into the pill I’m handling things better).
Finally pass the last test of seperation by saying that I am not moving out then broken record. This was about a month ago. Every time prior to this I would lose my shit, become a whiny pussy and try to negotiate. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.
Wife brings up seperation around days 8 to 15 of her cycle. Like clockwork, last 6 months. I get that she generally speaking doesn’t want to fuck me. I am accepting this, and putting myself in a better position. Is this pattern of her wanting out of the marriage during or close to ovulation normal? AWALT? This ONLY happens around this time. Again I KNOW she does not want to fuck me. I wouldn’t fuck me. A year from now someone will. Expecting something along the lines of she’s not happy, wants a divorce, etc.
Thoughts on best approach? Figure I have about a week and the next one is coming. Plan is the same. Not moving out, broken record, then STFU. “Let me know if you are getting the paperwork, babe.” Then STFU.
I want to keep the marriage intact. I want to be there for my kids while they grow up. I wasn’t to be in the best possible shape I can be and follow my dreams. These are my wants. I know I don’t control the marriage. I will control what I can control. Getting tired of the nuclear threats. There is no question why she wants out. I FUCKING GET IT. But Jesus this is grinding on me.
This will be my last post for a while. I know what to do. In the short term I need to be told to MAN THE FUCK UP. Said that this is where I am. But, yes, I need to hear it from internet strangers. And what is said here makes sense in a life of not knowing what is going on.