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Another threat is coming

Reddit View
October 10, 2017
6 upvotes

Posting via mobile. One other post from this account. Paranoid on specifics so certain details may be slightly off. Picture is the same.

Married 9 years. Two kids one junior high, other early elementary. Me 35 5’10 and 245. Wife 38. 135. Daughter of alcoholic mother. Swallowed the pill 2 months ago. Devouring the sidebar. Read WISNIFG, Mindful attraction plan, NMMNG, MMSLP, and reading the Rational Male. Started 5x5 3 weeks ago. Making gains and looking better, dressing better losing weight. Making small changes and making plans and working slowly to take back control from the FO.

I posted 30 days ago about being turned down when I initiate. I was initiating like mad and getting nowhere. Wife still initiates and my sex life is not a deal breaker right now. I didn’t want to fuck things up even further though. Got some good advice and did have an opportunity. Just simply being fun again helped tremendously. I don’t think she had any feeling towards me at all, including anger, cause I was just taking everything for so long and placating her.

I married too young. Wife had child from previous marriage. Have always been completely Beta but was so wrapped up in work it was hard to GAF about other things. Looking back I didn’t have the mental maturity to handle the stress, it was all I thought about. But I avoided my oneitis because of this. Suffered depression and was a sorry excuse for a husband. I gained 50 pounds during marriage, catered to whatever I thought would make her happy. Let myself go and lost my dreams. No question all of this is my fault.

Have a new job now. Better balance. Developed total oneitis.

Wife was SAHM. In the last year she got a good job, upped her SMV by losing weight and dressing better. Pretty sure she was positioning herself to leave. Honestly don’t blame her. I hate that is what was (maybe still is) happening, but don’t blame her.

6 months ago seperation talks started. Followed by things going well (sometimes great) then back to seperation talks. This cycle has continued with one or two conversations prompted by her around divorce each month. 2 months ago (days after redpill discovery) she brought up seperation. I blew up and agreed to move out. Signed a lease, arranged furniture, etc. Days later wife calls it off. I stay at home. I hadn’t yet got to the part about never leaving your home, and I was a pussy.

During this time 6 months ago, I have dropped 45 pounds and already started dressing better, and working out. Though frame had eluded me. (still does, but 2 months into the pill I’m handling things better).

Finally pass the last test of seperation by saying that I am not moving out then broken record. This was about a month ago. Every time prior to this I would lose my shit, become a whiny pussy and try to negotiate. Spoiler alert: it didn’t work.

Wife brings up seperation around days 8 to 15 of her cycle. Like clockwork, last 6 months. I get that she generally speaking doesn’t want to fuck me. I am accepting this, and putting myself in a better position. Is this pattern of her wanting out of the marriage during or close to ovulation normal? AWALT? This ONLY happens around this time. Again I KNOW she does not want to fuck me. I wouldn’t fuck me. A year from now someone will. Expecting something along the lines of she’s not happy, wants a divorce, etc.

Thoughts on best approach? Figure I have about a week and the next one is coming. Plan is the same. Not moving out, broken record, then STFU. “Let me know if you are getting the paperwork, babe.” Then STFU.

I want to keep the marriage intact. I want to be there for my kids while they grow up. I wasn’t to be in the best possible shape I can be and follow my dreams. These are my wants. I know I don’t control the marriage. I will control what I can control. Getting tired of the nuclear threats. There is no question why she wants out. I FUCKING GET IT. But Jesus this is grinding on me.

This will be my last post for a while. I know what to do. In the short term I need to be told to MAN THE FUCK UP. Said that this is where I am. But, yes, I need to hear it from internet strangers. And what is said here makes sense in a life of not knowing what is going on.


Post Information
Title Another threat is coming
Author Facinganewreality07
Upvotes 6
Comments 31
Date 10 October 2017 11:00 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205292
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/75kw81/another_threat_is_coming/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGbetaAWALTframesexual market valuethe red pillcloseNMMNG
Comments

[–]creating_my_life21 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

Me 35 5’10 and 245.... Started 5x5 3 weeks ago. Making gains

You need to stop being obese ASAP. Your ONLY mission in life is to make that scale read under 180 lbs. Until then, NOTHING ELSE FUCKING MATTERS.

I want to keep the marriage intact

MRP fixes men. Sometimes it fixes marriages. Never make a woman your goal.

There is no question why she wants out. I FUCKING GET IT.

Own your shit. There's no other way.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, this is your mission! Go forth, let the gym be your second home, and get your shit together. It truly is the only way.

[–]chachaChad8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

She brings up separation around ovulation becuase she’s horny and wants to fuck some besides you. Don’t give in to threats. You need to take the lead here and make the divorce happen. Otherwise she’s just going to up the pain until you do. She’s never going to get the papers drawn up. That’s action. That’s what you do.

Your job now is to stop being fat, learn everything about being a good divorced dad then take control of your life. Tell her how it’s going to be a make it happen.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

"I'm horny. What can I fuck. (Looks at husband) Ugh not that. Maybe Chad at work. I could bring him here. But ugh...he's always here, playing Xbox and eating cheetos. I could go to Chad's apartment...but wait getting caught cheating would hurt my social value. Hey husband when are you moving out?"

[–]chachaChad0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yup!

[–]g_e_m_anscombe-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

It doesn't sound like he's divorced yet and the fact that she's hamstering for a separation only while ovulation makes me think he's still got a shot to save things.

I wouldn't make a move toward separation or divorce unless he's accepted that she'll use it as an excuse to have sex with other men. I would tease her about it though - it's poor frame to let her threaten the nuclear option once a month. The longer she does it, the more the hamster wheel will spin.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fostering a relationship is her job, not his.

Financially, sexual options, social stigma. Marriage is 100% something he gives her, all the benefits, none of the risk.

Why in gods name would you help someone take freedom from you? Thats on her to convince you that she provides enough value for you to give it to her.

Not your job

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Still got a shot to save things

The only thing he should care about saving is himself. What's with this "I can still fix us" mentality?

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

Back to basics for you.

Your hamster is getting the best of you.

Have you heard the 'stay' plan is the same as the 'go' plan?

Divorce may be imminent. You cannot stop it. You cannot control it. But you DO control YOU.

So get your shit back together, refocus your energy and effort, and stick to the script.

This is what you need to do, by the numbers;

1) Continue in MRP. Period. No wavering, no stepping off the line, no rest days, ...MRP.

2) Talk to 3 attorneys, and be READY to respond if she opens the silo and launches the first strike.

3) Be totally aware that your special snowflake you'd like to stay married to, when the divorce starts, is going to turn into Lucifer's personal cock-sucking whore from hell, swallow his fiery cum, and spew it all over you in court to burn your shit down. If you doubt me, go spend some time at r/divorce.

4) u/Red-Curious has posted a ton of free shit here. Read his posts, and all his comments.

5) The stay plan is the same as the go plan. Don't get confused, sidetracked, discouraged, depressed, fucked up or fucked over.

The stay plan is the same as the go plan.

What you do now is all about you.

It's your only hope.

The wife may leave.

The marriage may end.

It may already be too late.

But IT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER because...

The stay plan is the same as the go plan.

Keep your head up, eyes and ears open, and your mouth shut.

This ride is going to get rough.

"Please return your trays and seat-backs to their locked and fully upright position and ensure your seatbelt is snug and secure"

"In the event the cabin loses air pressure, put YOUR mask on first..."

The stay plan is the same as the go plan.

That is ALL you control.

Grab your balls, take a deep breath, and fucking hold on.

No matter what happens...

YOU WILL BE OKAY as long as you prepare like your future depends on it...

BECAUSE IT FUCKING DOES.

No bitching and whining.

Now,

STFU

and,

Get back to work.

[–]Facinganewreality07[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thankyou. I appreciate the reply. These are things that I “know” but I have not internalized much yet. I know them but I’m not yet “OK” with them. I know she is looking to branch swing. I know she may have or is cheating. I know she doesn’t want to fuck me. I know I fucked this up. I know what to do for me for the rest of my life.

I needed to hear this advice directed at ME. Both the advice above and those who look at it and simply tell me she’s already fucking Chad, and it’s over. “A guy who came to Fight Club for the first time, his ass was a wad of cookie dough. After a few weeks he was carved out of wood.” I know this is a process and it’s gonna be a helluva lot longer than a few weeks. I am that wad of cookie dough and I will be carved out of wood. I will not leave this place...time to STFU and get to work.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

If this is really as bad as you say, you should see a lawyer now. Other guys on here can give you specific advice on that part, but the goal would be to have the papers in hand, and next time she says she wants a divorce you can say, "Sign here."

[–]Facinganewreality07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. And have seen lawyers.

[–]Red-Curious4 points5 points  (5 children) | Copy

Since /u/matrixtospartanatLV summoned me ...

Is this pattern of her wanting out of the marriage during or close to ovulation normal?

Yes, it means that she wants to screw someone but can't bear the thought of screwing you, so she wants out.

Thoughts on best approach?

Start recording one normal, peaceful conversation every 1-2 days. If she ever files for divorce and alleges acts of violence to get a protection order, you play those recordings and say, "Does this sound like the voice of someone who's terrified of me?" If you have the diligence for it, more recordings is always better.

More to your pattern, despite what you say your pattern of action shows that you've made her your emotional center. You need to find a mission in life outside the marriage. Women were designed to be helpers and arm candy. That's what they want more than anything. They don't want to be the precious stone Indiana Jones is searching for - they want to be the girl adventuring alongside him, helping him find it. Make her your stone and you've just lost your marriage. Find another stone and invite her on the adventure and you're giving her an opportunity to fulfill her internal imperative, which is the only way she can be satisfied in the marriage.

Once you have a mission, start getting in shape to fulfill that mission. That starts with physical shape (also: doing physical things a la OYS). Then it's emotional shape (master stoicism and frame), and finally: mental shape (keep up the reading).

After a month or two of making headway with the physical, mental, and emotional trifecta, you should start to demonstrate leadership toward fulfilling your mission. That mission can't be marriage-centered. That never works. If your mission is "make a lot of money, have a great house, raise good kids, etc." then you're not going to make much headway. Those are the things all women want inherently anyway (i.e. provision, beta comforts). That just comes off as being a beta-appeaser. Sure, you can have those things too, but you have to show her that you have higher interests than hers, and that you're capable of pursuing them.

Then invite her to help. Once you've mastered the trifecta and have made progress on the mission, she should (ideally) be hooked on your mission and want to join you in it. This is where true relational intimacy will happen for her - not from getting her needs and comforts satisfied, but by living your life on a mission alongside you. That's what she craves. Would Indiana Jones' girl have been happier if immediately after they met he quit his journey to buy a house and settle down as a professor? No, the adventure is what caused her to go crazy over him. That's what solidified the bonding.

I want to keep the marriage intact.

Above is how.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Great Sivalinga analogy.

[–]Red-Curious0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What's Sivalinga?

[–]NirmohiAham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

The stones Indiana Jones is searching for.

[–]Facinganewreality07[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thankyou and I like the analogy. She didn’t start as my precious stone but she certainly became it.

I am doing things for me (losing weight, lifting, graduate courses, going out more) but don’t yet have a mission in life. Will take high level view next week and think on that. Been doing things for others for so long I need to stop and remember what I want. I want to have a graduate degree, I want to be in shape and strong, I want to be a great father. To this point my “mission” consists of things wanted inherently and I have no higher interest or goals.

I know where I am and yes she is my emotional center. 2 months in and I’m certainly not OI. I won’t bullshit and say otherwise. You gave me a lot to think about.

[–]stonewall19791 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Having been in a similar situation, take this for what it's worth.

Get cleaned up as best you can, buy a new shirt and pants if need be, get a haircut, shave or style your facial hair, whatever, but get cleaned up. Find a good bar/pub/coffee shop that is busy, and start flirting and talking to any woman you can. If you want to kick your oneitis, the only way is to have more than one woman to spread your attention to.

I'm in the middle of my divorce, it sucks, I feel my kids are going to be hurt by this and I can't protect them from it, only help them through it. I was pining for my wife as she had been my direct focus for a long time and post redpill was my indirect focus. I couldn't see that until it was hindsight. It took several weeks to realize my marriage was over, she was done and gone, there was no reconciliation.

Then my attorney said, everything is progressing well, go out, make friends, find new hobbies. I downloaded Meetup and Tinder. Turns out hiking with new friends, and chatting up several ladies from Tinder took my attention away from my situation, got me out of the house, and got me away from the soon to be ex. Now that I'm feeling confident again, got some swagger back in my step, and have two ladies (with a few more messaging regularly) basically fighting for my time, attention, and dick; my wife smells it, sees the new clothes, hates my confident attitude, the smile I wear constantly, knows when I'm gone and guesses where I'm at. She has said several times how she just wants to fuck me silly some days.

That was a bit confusing at first, a woman who's cheated, broken our family, gave the ILYBINILWY, tried throwing me out, said I'm pathetic, and has continued her affair with the other guy, and is telling me that she wants to fuck me? It clicked, She's jealous. She sees that other women have an interest and selected me. I stopped being a floor mat, stopped taking her disrespectful attitude, stopped catering to her shit tests. Started getting my shit together, dress better, the divorce diet helped with several pounds coming off, I'm going out and having fun.

I don't know that I could have ever truly internalized an abundance mentality without going out, talking to, meeting with other women, and in my case fucking them silly. I thought I had it, but it was just delusional bullshit I fed myself, a "hey look at me, I'm a big big now".

Unless you're actively gaming other women, you'll always have your oneitis. Don't believe you have other options for women in your life, go out and know you have options other than your wife.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Then get the fuck out. Today. Pack your shit. This is my house. The kids stay.

At some point you need to draw a boundary until then STFU

Whatever you do, quit participating in this viscous shit. Are you nothing more than a paycheck ?

Walk of run 3x day and lift.

You can get meals @250 cals in the grocery store that are decent About 4.00 each. Small portions should shrink stomach fast. Can eat 5-6 day until weight is crashed off. Stop eating carbs after 6pm

You are going to have to lose weight, and masculine Shit pronto. Grow a beard while on a diet.

[–]Tebulus5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Here you go little boy, here are the pats you so desire: pat pat. Kill your fucked up marriage, get in shape, focus on you. She probably had a side boy lined up and he stopped responding so she called off you moving out

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good honesty bro. You need to view this as a carcass. If it comes back to life good for you.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Pretty sure she was positioning herself to leave.

Yes she was. Any time a woman's SMV becomes 2+ over the man's, a branch swing is inevitable. With you still at 245, she's probably still 2+ over you. Kick it into high gear, cut calories-up protein.

Wife brings up seperation around days 8 to 15 of her cycle.

Not to bring cheating paranoia, but the sidebar suggests if when woman does this right before ovulation it's a huge red flag that she's cheating.

Trust, but verify.

on the brighter side-->>

The broken record thing about staying was a good move. Don't go broken record more than a few times though. And don't bring up the papers again.

All you can do is keep improving yourself. Do that, and you will be ok regardless of the outcome with her. It takes a long time to get to OI though, so it's probably hard for you to see right now.

Don't be scared to post. Just cover your tracks, use incognito mode.

[–]Facinganewreality07[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. She has cheated or is looking or at best is certainly thinking about it, I know. she is a completely different person later in the cycle and the beginning. —my Beta comforts win out. Ovulation hits and no Alpha at home right now and she wants out to find him.

I have no OI right now just like you thought. It is hard to see. I needed the responses for the reminder.

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Looking less shitty! = looking better.

Not reading the rest of this victim. Puke. You're a mess, fix the obvious before worrying about the rest

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My take is you want to stay married. Maybe you will, maybe you won't. The best plan is to be the best you (as you already know). My advice, which is just reaffirming other advice here, in order of importance, is:

1) LOSE the weight NOW, ...act like you are about to go to prison and need to get ripped or you will be someone's bitch asap. I can confirm that You will be Hungry, but stay focused on the plan.

2) I second talking to 3 attorneys. Get ready for divorce. But STFU about it. When it happens, you must be ready.

3) STFU about everything in your relationship. Move conversations away from the "relationship," kind of like distracting a child. Be firm when you say "not moving out" but add, "and I'm not saying it again"

4) Practice being fun, practice having a good mood. I actually remind myself everyday, on the way home, even at home when I have a moment... be fun, be engaging, try to laugh. Otherwise, get busy with something else (hobby, something to fix, play with kids) and remove yourself from wife's presence.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Here is the 2x4 to the face you need:

Your wife is looking for separation the same time of the month she is ovulating and wanted to be fucked cave man style

You are so repulsive to her she would rather be alone than fucked by you.

Be happy she is just speaking of separation.

Stop being obese. Keto is your friend. IF is your friend. Be at the gym 7 days a week. You get zero rest days till you are sub 200 or benching 225 squatting 275 and DL 315 all for reps. Until then you have no reason to weigh more than that because its not muscle or big bones....its fat.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (2 children) | Copy

Not taking recovery days is detrimental to progress and really bad advice man.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah yeah. Thread the needle if you must.

Point is OP needs to fucking lift other things, heavier things other than just food into his mouth.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For sure but seems like he's a rookie and rookies take shit they see on the internet seriously without deep research.

As I continue to improve myself I question certain beliefs I have. Sometimes I realize I've been thinking a certain way or doing certain things because I heard one guy say it convincingly once or from a one off article. It's taken time to realize I was basing behaviors on unsubstantiated bull shit.

[–]470_2_700_nm0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

My god man you are fat. I mean Jesus that is fat.

I can’t blame her. I’d fucking leave my wife if she were 190 lbs.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I need to be told to MAN THE FUCK UP

says it all right there. get out of here.

You're a waste. You can't even do it yourself. You're wife has bigger balls then you do.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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