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Crush this bad behaviour i have

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September 1, 2017
7 upvotes

Hi guys, been working on my map and going ok, 4 months in. For those of you who don't know my my wife is away often and I'll be honest i am a pussy about it. I am sure she uses it to her own power. I am working on basically being more IDGAF about it. Progress is slow. Progress in lifting, diet, etc is good. I get some good dread results from time to time. See more ioi's from randoms. I feel like my SMV is pulling back towards even. We are both coming up to 40 so i have an edge there. 2 kids.

My 'bad behaviour' as per the title, is to be honest something i think we both do to each other.

Example: She got home from 4 day trip last night, I was shaving in the bathroom (can't exactly just stop) so she stopped in the bathroom for a quick kiss etc. We 'touched cheeks' but did not kiss - excusable due to the shaving. In good IDGAF mentality, i let it go, no big deal (said the attention craving whore that i am). Well i thought i let it go. I did not. I drew up a big fuck off covert contract that i needed to see more affection come from her before i would give it out back. I do this a lot and so does she.

We basically create a 'stand-off' for contact and affection. I most often give in (not cave in) and just make the bridge, and often this ends the stand-off.

YES this is an MRP behavioural Q, not just a rant about 'her'

My question is as follows: Some of the MRP tools, specifically DNGAF would say to let it go, no big deal, just dont set up the contract and move on with a 'non-affectionate' interaction. Let her melt in her own time.

But other tools, specifically be a leader, be a man etc - would tell me to be the instigator, lead my woman towards an affectionate interaction, most obviously by being playfully affectionate despite her coldness. (Ie. melt the ice with my heat gun)

At the end of the day the solution is to be the guy she cant resist but fawning all over, i know that. Just curious about which of the two options above are the best in the mean time.

TLDR - Always lead and initiate affectionate interactions, or DNGAF and live with a slow melt ice queen. IMHO DNGAF goes against the proactive leadership

Thanks....


Post Information
Title Crush this bad behaviour i have
Author simbarlion
Upvotes 7
Comments 45
Date 01 September 2017 02:27 AM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/205549
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6xbome/crush_this_bad_behaviour_i_have/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
leadershipMAPdread gamesexual market valueliftcovert contract
Comments

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

We 'touched cheeks' but did not kiss - excusable due to the shaving. ... Well i thought i let it go.

You sound like you have a lot of anger. You also sound like you keep score a lot.

It's simple. Clean your face off, then go fuck your wife that you haven't seen for 4 days. You are making this far too complicated. It's your job to initiate. Do your job.

Some of the MRP tools, specifically DNGAF would say to let it go, no big deal, just dont set up the contract and move on with a 'non-affectionate' interaction. Let her melt in her own time.

You are making a something out of a nothing. You don't need to do a non-affectionate interaction. You need to stop being a bitch and imagining slights and insults everywhere.

Get your testosterone levels checked.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Get your testosterone levels checked

Important to note this. When I was low T my bitch level increased, now on the shots and I can feel the DGAF returning.

Anecdotal proof for sure, but I believe it.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You sound like you have a lot of anger. You also sound like you keep score a lot.

Yep 100%. need to hear this. Thanks. Need to lead and DNGAF if it doesn't work out how i hope. I think i have covert contracts all over the place, READ: expectations of her behaviour.

[–]Alphaphux0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Lifting will also increase your T levels naturally

[–]SteelToeShitKickerRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you read the studies, those increased levels are transitory and thus bullshit. It's propagated by clickbait blogs, one simple trick to increase your Testosterone!

[–]markpf735 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

You sound like a woman

[–]simbarlionRed Beret4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Yeah and as per post i act like one, just after input in to best path forward.

[–]matrixtospartanatLVRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Your best path forward is to go forward on the path.

You remind me of one of my children, "Are we there yet?"

No, you are not fucking there yet.

KEEP GOING.

Don't look at every one of these events as a setback. Think of them as course corrections, for YOU to understand.

Lifting is great. It gives you confidence and builds her attraction to you. But that's it. You're not going to use your power to beat her into submission.

The real battle is fought in the mind. The NEW you must destroy the OLD you.

Arm yourself with the sidebar, fight to the death, and kill the beta hamster.

[–]bigOlBeta1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

The new you must destroy the old you is gold

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (5 children) | Copy

We 'touched cheeks' but did not kiss - excusable due to the shaving. In good IDGAF mentality, i let it go

What is there to "let go?"

We basically create a 'stand-off' for contact and affection. I most often give in (not cave in) and just make the bridge, and often this ends the stand-off.

It's not "giving in" to go get what you want. She's waiting for you to finish shaving. Let her know you're finished shaving by going to kiss your wife.

I mean what do you want her to do to show affection there? Like, what is the actual alternative you're hoping for? You're in the middle of shaving. It would be rude of her to start rubbing your nipples and getting in your way or whatever.

Overall, your read seems to be that she's withholding affection. She actually sounds completely oblivious and has no idea this "standoff" is even happening.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

She actually sounds completely oblivious and has no idea this "standoff" is even happening.

Thanks, its good advice, but there is a clear power play. She sooked to me i wasn't affectionate enough when i was shaving. It is way too tit for tat. My Q is really to take the higher ground or play the DNGAF game.

I try to break the BS by 'leading' but it does go against the DNGAF approach (in which case i would not do anything).

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

She sooked to me i wasn't affectionate enough when i was shaving.

I think you're drastically over-complicating this. In your quote here, she literally whined for more affection, and you responded by not giving it to her. You're not describing a standoff anywhere but in your head.

Just go kiss your wife, and then go do some cool man shit. She's just a girl. You don't have to be afraid of her.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

You're right. But i can tell you she uses affection as a weapon like most girls use sex....

Either way getting out of my head and into less fucks is the go. And don't confuse leading with GAF.

Love this place.

[–]BirdManBrrrr2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

But i can tell you she uses affection as a weapon

Women control access to sex, not affection...unless she's simply repulsed by you in a "DON'T TOUCH ME!" way. Doesn't sound like that's the case.

You can own the affection: Kino, slap her ass, 10 sec kiss, pick her up and spin her around, whatever.

[–]BobbyPeru3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

there is a clear power play. She sooked to me i wasn't affectionate enough when i was shaving

This is all really petty.

You have to develop your frame instead of playing these woman games... These are the kind of games the women play with each other on the different housewives series. Stop acting like a woman.

[–]BirdManBrrrr2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

i needed to see more affection come from her before i would give it out back...We basically create a 'stand-off...

Struggling through this myself and recalling the base level shit of women being largely reactive in desire and affection...you're being autistic. This standoff is your construct alone; you're waiting for the IF/THEN to occur because you're still butthurt and she's probably just confused why you're ignoring her. Fuck the power play nonsense too, affection is a silly thing for you two to use as a weapon. Grab her ass often, that's plenty of power for you.

This should be helpful for you; touches, drive by ass grabs or spanks, playful shit like that. Give that a try for a few weeks and report back...I'd bet if you just got over yourself and were free with affection she'd respond nicely.

[–]AustralianArm2 points3 points  (6 children) | Copy

If she uses affection as a weapon, you need to just do you and dole out affection, flirt, game, etc with no expectation of getting anything back. If she responds, winning. If not, her loss.

Go do guy stuff in between slapping and squeezing her ass.

Also, don't be scared to get shave foam on your lady. Kiss her properly and have some fun with it.

And kill that fucking hamster. With a shotgun to the face.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Cheers. Hamster is more of a big red.

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Big Red? I don't get this reference

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

kangaroo.

[–]AustralianArm0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

That's a massive rodent.

I'd suggest skipping the shotgun and just going for a Barret Model 82A1 with hollow tip bullets to kill that hamster

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

FWIW i find caffeine to be diabolical for hamster size. Caffeine is like giving steroids to my hamster. No caffiene makes it so much easier to NGAF.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This. Imagine her giggles as you grab her and kiss her while smothering her face in shaving cream.

"Stop it you're going to get me dirty!" She bitches at you

You just keep on with a goofy grin and playful attitude, getting shaving cream all up her cheek

She playfully hits your arm telling you to stop it

You kiss down her neck, getting her messier yet. She giggles. You tell her to bring in her bags while you finish shaving so you can give her a"homecoming present" "it's in a big package that you'll find in the bedroom" smirk

you can imagine where it goes from here, OP. Be the writer of the romance novel that she's living.

[–]BobbyPeru1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

I have a wife who travels a lot for business. It took me some time, but what I've found is you need to give her some space when she gets back and ease back into it. It's almost like starting from scratch every time she comes back, and in that way it resembles a LDR.

I've found keeping very busy myself keeps away the ONEitis, and that's what your main issue is. Lift, read, social life, hobbies, work... Etc

[–]simbarlionRed Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

If I tracked my progress it would look like a saw tooth with the big dive when she goes away.

This petty shit is the bottom of the dive. Then I recollect and progress again. Hamster chills the fuck out till next trip.

[–]BobbyPeru2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I've been there. I know exactly where you are.

I swallowed the pill 16 months ago, and it's taken me a long time to get to a comfortable place with the LDRish thing.

Have patience. Don't be so hard on yourself. Just try to get a little better each time.

You're going to keep diving, but if you work on progress, the dives are more like jumps in the shallow end, where you can just jump right back out. Stay in touch on PM with me if you want.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers. I will ask a few via pm.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I drew up a big fuck off covert contract that i needed to see more affection come from her before i would give it out back.

A passive-aggressive covert contract ... double fail.

Crush all passive-aggressive behaviors, as well as covert contracts.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Did you read blue pill professor ebook - it lays it out in steps

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

tried to get it, not available in my country. Will try other sources.

[–]BirdManBrrrr0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Kindle?

[–]Alphaphux0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Get out of your head!

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

thats gotta be a vote for DNGAF. thanks.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

The answer to your question of which is right is both - you have your MAP and you are at a place that isn't chased by her. So you IDGAF for now, work on your MAP, and one day you will be a man of value that is chased after

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Let me compare DNGAF to STFU....

There has been a lot of talk about how STFU is not totally STFU - you have to talk and communicate, just give away very little.

So I think that must apply to DNGAF. You can't totally NGAF, otherwise you look autistic.

Answer must be to lead / initiate (affection and / or sex) and THEN DNGAF if 'turned down'

Make sense? - treat initiating affection same as initiating sex....

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah it's mental masturbation at this point - march on

[–]jagged_edge_pill0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you want to kiss her go grab her and kiss her. Make it 10 seconds and then walk away and stay busy.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

We could be married to the same woman for all intents and purposes, she is probably very task orientated and DNGAF if you feel your emotional needs have not been met.

What worked for me to some extent, you need to keep the DNGAF attitude. The way you rekindle by means of letting her melt in her own time or forcing/leading and interaction is not all that important.

If you have the frame, the method used is not as important. I let her thaw or force an interaction, both have similar results, so there is not a wrong or right way.

I go on work trips fairly often. When I get home after a few days and everyone is chilled and relaxing, on their phones or watching tv, I used to get pissy because nobody jumped up to welcome home the king. Other times, I get home and want to be left alone for a while, to thaw, so to speak.

Your wife is probably the same, there is no 100% right way of doing it. Who I was on a trip with, where, how long, how frustrating the travel was, or how shit the accommodation was, or the shit that went down at the office while I was out of town. It all forms the mood you are in when you arrive back home.

For you to anticipate how she will be and to prepare the best way to get comms going again, puts you in her frame.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yes and yes. This is gold.... I know what to do its time for the hard work. I Do gaf too much... This is where I need to begin. I need frame and independence. Thanks man.

[–]TurdDoctor0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

When you "rubbed cheeks" why not grab her ass with your free hand, then give her a real kiss when you're done. Don't feel that you need validation by HER initiating affection- you give it to her because you want to, and you can make it sexual because you feel that way. You imply that her she uses affection as power over you, either in not initiating or not reciprocating. Don't give her this power. Following your MAP and increasing attractiveness, then elevated levels of dread, takes this power away from her incrementally (it takes time). And the more you care about affection from her, the more power you give her. If she doesn't reciprocate (follow your leadership), back off for awhile (DNGAF), work out and withdraw your attention, try again tomorrow as if nothing happened (lead). This is all described in the professor's book- get it now.

[–]simbarlionRed Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Thanks. Need to get this book! Cheers for your input.

[–]TurdDoctor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It really is a great book, I'm reading it for the second time now and am also reading the books it suggests for each dread level. As my previous post described, make sure you and your SO have separate e-reader accounts if you buy it electronically. Cheers.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So...how could we simultaneously let her know that 'touching cheeks' isn't sexy or acceptable, that you expect and will have a good kiss in the future, and that you are a fun and attractive leader?

"That'll do for now...but I'll be coming for the real deal when I'm done shaving." (sly smirk).

[–]Rian_StoneMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Did you read WISNIFG? Becuase this reads like someone who hasn't.



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