You can find the original post [HERE] (https://www.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6n3zvh/issues_integrating_ltr_into_friend_group/) This is a long post with dialogue, TL;DR at the end.
The event that I was referring to happened last weekend. It was a Friday - Sunday reunion event, so LTR and I were on vacation from Thursday - Monday. We scheduled in extra time for travel, because we had flights with long connections due to the lack of decent direct flights from the nearest airport.
The schedule was: Friday: evening cocktail party and dinner Saturday Morning: guys and girls events (guys going golfing/girls doing wine tasting event) Saturday Evening: boat party Sunday: group brunch
We sat down the Wednesday evening before the trip and went over the schedule together. She also shared with me her fears that this would be a repeat of the wedding, and we discussed signals and ways that she could show me she was beginning to feel uncomfortable.
On Thursday, we arrived and checked into our rental. We unpacked and organized our things and went out for dinner at a restaurant the I had made reservations at.
Friday night arrives and LTR is all dressed up and ready for the cocktail party (I don't want to know how much time or money she spent on outfits and accessories, but she looked smoking the entire weekend). We arrive at the party and head to the bar. LTR "doesn't drink" (aka drinking is rare), so I made sure that we got there early enough that she could make friends with a bartender and arrange for her to serve mocktails throughout the evening. You would be surprised how often she gets shit for not drinking from people, and she didn't want the extra pressure of explaining herself all night.
Next, I found us a table and we settled in so that people had to come to us if they wanted to talk. Things went well, I introduced my financée to those who hadn't met her yet. There were plenty of new spouses and significant others (both male and female), so unlike the wedding LTR wasn't the only new person.
When my core group of friends arrived, greetings went okay and everyone caught up on each other's lives. Then as we moved towards more substantive conversation, I noticed some signs that two of my friends were purposefully ignoring and being rude to LTR. She noticed it too, and after it happened enough times that it was not an accident, she signaled that she was uncomfortable. We had already talked about what would happen next, so I knew the next time it happened I would jump in.
A couple of minutes later, LTR again tries to engaged in the conversation and asks Friend A a direct question. Friend A immediately changes topic, ignoring LTR. But, before I was able to interject and ask Friend A what the fuck his problem is, LTR says the following:
LTR: "Excuse me A, I asked you a question. Would you mind answering? Or in lieu of an answer, you can feel free to explain to me what your problem is. I'm sure everyone here would love to hear the reason you and B keep pretending like I don't exist."
LTR: "Looks like you two do not have an explanation for your behavior. That leads me to believe that you are both choosing to be rude. It is unfortunate that you are so immature. I was raised to treat people with respect, so let me respectfully say this ... Either remove the sticks you have up your asses and explain what the problem is so we can find a solution, or please kindly remove yourselves from this conversation."
A: "Vlad, you need to learn to control your fiancée."
Me: "I was ready to say the exact same thing to both of you, and it would not have been so eloquently worded. You heard LTR. Either share your grievances so we can move past your bullshit or leave."
A: "Have fun being married to that bitch."
B: "Looks like LTR has really changed you Vlad, and not for the better."
Me: "I believe you were asked to leave if you couldn't offer an explanation of why you two are such dickheads. As you have both throughly embarrassed yourselves and your wives, I would highly suggest leaving the entire party. You know where to find us if you are inclined to apologize and beg for forgiveness."
A decent amount of the guests at this reunion had the pleasure of witnessing this exchange and watching A and B exit the party. Word quickly spread when there were four empty seats at dinner. After this exchange I took LTR aside and told her that I was very proud of her for sticking up for herself, and that I supported everything she did and said.
LTR: "I know you promised that you would handle the situation, and I never doubted you for a moment. I'm not going to lie, that shit mad me pretty fucking angry, and I wanted the satisfaction of standing up for myself. I wanted them to know I knew exactly what they were doing. I'm sorry if I stepped on your toes and deviated from the plan."
Me: I understand why you said and did what you did. I support you sticking up for yourself, and I am proud of you for going out of your comfort zone. I have your back. If you want we can leave now too, but I think we should stay and rock it and be awesome. A and B are the little bitches babe, not you.
We stayed and had a blast. Suddenly everyone wanted to be our new best friends. A and B were no shows for the golf outing as well. I arranged a spa day for LTR instead of the wine tasting, because she doesn't drink. But, I heard from some of the other women that their wives still showed up and did nothing but bitch about their husbands.
I would like to say that there was a come to Jesus moment where A and B apologized and everyone started to get along, but that never happened. I saw them around the rest of the weekend, but we never spoke again. Maybe we never will, who knows. Either way, my already great relationship has improved. This was the one nagging doubt floating around between LTR and me, and it is gone.
TL;DR Hoity toity people enjoy drama, and that is no longer my life. Took everyone's advice about confronting my friends for being dicks to my LTR. She beat me to the punch, and I had her back the entire weekend. Ended up being one of the times I've been proudest of LTR. There comes a time in life where it is okay to put "hoes before bros."