707,481 posts

12 year LTR just ended

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April 23, 2017
13 upvotes

Hello, first post here. Lurker for quite some time. We'll, guess I'll get to it. I caught my GF of 12 years lying and cheating on me. I don't know how long it's been going on but at the very least it could have been a month. My now ex, let's call her Jenny for now, had been going out a lot the past 2 weeks because she has family visiting for 3 weeks. I don't drink and going out to bars was never my thing. Her and her family go out about every weekend. I used to go with them but it got boring quick. I had 100% trust in Jenny and told her all the time that I didn't mind staying home and for her to have fun with her family. These past 2 weeks though, she was coming home after 5am. I always wait up for her because there have been times where she ran out of gas or lost her house keys. I asked why she came back so late without a text or call and she chalked it up to falling asleep at her cousin's friends house. I just shrugged it off and figured whatever. Throughout the 2 weeks, she was coming home at 5-7am. I asked what her deal was and again she said it was just because her family was here and she had so much fun that she just loses track of time. Now one night she asked if I could sleep at my place because she was having the girls over and needed the room (her place is small). I naively agreed. I woke up the next morning and rushed back to her apartment because I had meat marinating and need to start slow cooking it before it got too late. As I open the door to the apartment, I see her family and 3 random dudes on the couch. I was shocked at first then got pissed real quick. First words out of her mouth were "hey, you didn't tell me you were coming over" why the hell would I? No kiss hello or hug when she sees me also. So pissed off I start cooking and ask her to get everyone out. She pushed back and said, we're in the middle of a movie and I want everyone to finish watching it. It is her place so I didn't say anything, I just gave her a look. So the movie is done and everyone leaves. I immediately start fighting with her and leave. I didn't talk to her the whole day and again that night she goes out drinking again. No show until 7am again. I asked if she went to a guys place and she said yes, it was her cousin's friend and that she was ok. I told her to stop doing all of this because it was disrespectful to me. She agreed but said she was still going to out because family. She came home again at 7am. I told her I had it, that if she doesn't stop this I'm gone for good. No calls or texts from her for 3 days straight. So I text her and see what she's done since. Claims she was working and didn't go out at all. So I come back to her place and she drops a bomb on me. Says that I would need to change my mind about marriage, kids and living together and getting rid of my apt (when we first got together told her I would never do either and we agreed that it was ok at the time) or she is out. So I leave and go think it all, I come back later that day and tell her that I think or relationship has too much value to let it go and I agreed to change my views but we need to start budgeting immediately for the changes. I bust out a spreadsheet and get to work. And out of nowhere she says, we're still not good. That she now needs time to think about it and was skeptical of my decision since for the past 12 years, I never wanted any of that. So I left confused as fuck. I knew it in my gut, there was someone else. I start digging around but no one that knows anything will talk to me. I didn't see her for 2 days and go over her place to talk. As we are sitting and talking I see her deleting text conversations. Entire convos, not just messages. She gets in the shower after some talking to get ready for coffee. I quickly Google how to recover them and look at her gps history to see where she is at 5am almost every night. I got the address but only saw a handful of texts because she caught me looking through her phone. The texts read, "I miss you my love" mostly from the other guy. She responded with the same. I was fuming but I kept my cool. I acted like I saw nothing because she thought she was slick deleting them. I go home and tell her to have a goodnight and if she was going anywhere after hours to let me know. At 3am that night, I go to the address after she told me she was going home. I see her car and I knock on the door. No answer, so I see if it's open. It's unlocked so I walk in and see her, her cousin and the other guy sitting on a love seat. He quickly jumped up and went to the other couch. She was pissed that I just walked in and demanded to know why I was there. We argued and kept saying nothing physical ever happened between them I tell her about the texts I saw and she claim it was only "emotional" and never did anything with him. But she also claims that she was thinking of breaking up with me because of my views and he was just someone she was "talking" to for the past week but didn't come to a decision yet. You don't send texts like that to someone you haven't fucked. I made her leave and go to her place and I went home. The hurt was so bad. I changed my views for this chick and i think she only asked me to do it thinking I would say no and walk away and then she could jump into a new relationship guilt free. I'm literally beside myself KNOWING full well what I should do, but not being able to do it. I don't want to lose to this dish washer without a green card, because I know I'm 100 times better than him. I got more money than him, a better Apt and I look way better than him! My fucking ego is destroying me right now! It's making me want to believe that nothing physical ever happened but it just can't be true.

Update: Guys I have read every comment so far and I get it, paragraphs, my hamster went into overdrive. I did in fact setup a no strings attached relationship so I could jump ship when the time was right, but she was the one that benefited from that and not me, so I acted like the bitch. I'm good now though. I went back to her place and removed all of my accounts from her PC, changed all of my passwords, packed up all my shit, made her go to the bank to pay me the money she owes me and bounced.

Since then, I was invited to a bar a friend of mine DJ's at and bumped into my (recent) ex there. Our friends and families are very close and I couldn't really get away from the situation when they all got together. Then out of nowhere, bam, one of the hottest chicks I have ever known (my teenage crush who is still about a HB8) walks in and is shocked to see me. Tells me how good I look and can't believe the change. In my teen years I was the fat, super bluepilled, gamer kid (I have been lifting now for 5 yrs). My 2 close friends that were there instantly start asking who she is and if she is single.

Then while my ex was talking to me and my 2 other friends, my old crush comes up and starts hitting on me and asks me to facebook her. I know, it sounds so made up because the revenge couldn't have felt any better! My ex walks away, heated, and my 2 friends just looked at me and asked how in the hell can I be that lucky? We always joke about a video from Casually Explained: The Friend Zone and I just shouted out, "STEP ONE!"

It was too perfect.

Edit: Changed link to jump to the explaination of step 1.

Edit #2: My ex's mom keeps calling me asking what happened. I guess she found out we broke up. I love her mom, she treats me like her own son and I don't want to cause her any pain if she finds out what her daughter has done. Her mom is super old school and will flip out on my ex if she hers the truth. So my question is, should I tell her or just tell her to ask her daughter? I have ignore all of her calls so far.


Post Information
Title 12 year LTR just ended
Author 12yearLTR
Upvotes 13
Comments 20
Date 23 April 2017 01:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206247
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/6727ar/12_year_ltr_just_ended/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
friend zonehamstercheatinglong term relationshipliftclose
Comments

[–]atlhartRed Beret25 points26 points  (1 child) | Copy

The road to recovery is hard, because I'll tell you flat out the most important step is accepting that all of this is on you. It's your fault. Your responsibility. You control what happens in your life. You are not a victim. When you can accept that, when you internalize that, you will begin to be a whole man again.

This here, your post, is pure victim puke. You get one. Now it's over. You're. O longer allowed to post as a victim. Post as man on control of his life. Post what you're gonna do about it to improve your life. Post how you're moving forward. Post analysis of what's wrong with you and how you'll fix it. Your ex's problems are her own. Forget her. Move on.

[–]12yearLTR[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Wow dude. Reading this put a giant smile on my face. Thank you.

I lift 5 days a week. Girls stare at me in the gym. I know I'm better than this situation, my ex and this dude. I became too complacent in the relationship and she saw it as a weakness and started swinging for the next branch. I got lucky and got out of all of this early (before marriage and kids) . I will move forward, plate up and fatten my pockets now that I don't have to pay for 2.

[–]fakefalse8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

She was not yours​, it was only your turn.
You need to ghost her, block and begin your new journey with woke eyes.

Swallowing the red pill is never easy.

[–]rocknrollchuck7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You'll never be able to trust her again, no matter how hard you try. At least you're not married, and thank God she's not pregnant (she's not, right?). Let her go, cut all contact and start over.

[–]nastynickdrRed Beret8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

The relationship is over. Yeah she was fucking this dude. Why she did it, was he better than you or not, for how long it was happening, if the relationship was good until now, doesnt matter anymore. Take what happened as a lesson and improve yourself. She had you by the balls and you accepted too much stuff you shouldnt have.

Lift, hit the sidebar, improve yourself before ever considering a LTR again. Hit the market, spin some plates, have some fun. You are free now.

Also, you say you are not into drinking and bars, so when you are screening again for a LTR find one that is not into that as well (yeah, not easy).

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

she was coming home after 5am.

That is all you needed my friend. You know the bars close at 2:00 a.m. right?

This is a textbook example of monkey branching behavior. Thank you for the story which may just save other men the trouble.

I miss you my love

We get almost the precise story every few months. When a woman monkey branches she suddenly loses all feelings for the man she committed to for years and decades. It is like turning off a switch.

See War Brides for more.

Also, CONGRATULATIONS! Now you are free and living well is the best vengeance. You can be balls deep in strange and spinning 3 plates in a couple of months.

[–]Terribledragon4Hire9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

After 12 years bud and you still have your place. She got sick of waiting for you.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Paragraphs

[–]BobbyPeru6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Seriously, have some dignity. This chick has done everything just short of kicking you in the balls.

Read all the sidebar and lift like a madman. Become the man you want to be, not the OI pussy whipped BP you currently are. Do the work.

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Her and her family go out about every weekend.

Disclaimer: At this point I should also add that this in no way excuses the woman who CONSTANTLY goes on GNOs as some kind of ritual with her girlfriends. This is symptomatic of a larger problem and this, again, is based in desire. If you ever find yourself in this circumstance your best recourse is to NEXT and remove your attentions entirely. Women who have a regular GNO in LTRs are seeking something vicariously through their friends that they feel deprived of and need a fix for to feel completed. It’s only a matter of time until the right circumstances arise for her to consolidate on that deprivation. Better to cut your losses on a bad investment than play the cuckold for a woman who has no genuine desire for you and regularly demonstrates this in her behavior.

[–]anythingincRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

change my mind about marriage, kids and living together and getting rid of my apt (when we first got together told her I would never do either and we agreed that it was ok at the time) or she is out.

Just for posterity (because OP has been a "Lurker for quite some time" and yet still doesn't use any MRP terms and the copy and paste removed the previous formatting) let it be known that a decent woman will not live this way indefinitely. You were living a no-strings-attached, easy-trade-in lifestyle, and are being a bitch because she traded you in first. You made the rules so you could get a fresh model when the old one broke down or started showing miles...well...

These past 2 weeks though, she was coming home after 5am.

THIS is fucking "breaking down." But you didn't trade her in. You hamstered that shit pro-style.

I come back later that day and tell her that I think or relationship has too much value to let it go and I agreed to change my views but we need to start budgeting immediately for the changes.

And then you compromised from a position of weakness. Probably destroying any shred of respect for you that she had. You didn't change your values because that is what you wanted...you were changing them out of desperation to keep this busted ride on the road after SHE broke the lease.

[–]RuleZeroDADRed Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read this if you're not a troll.

Her demand for greater commitment was a "get out not looking like a cunt" ploy.

It's been over for a while.

[–]drty_prRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Even in the unlikely circumstance she isn't fucking these guys (that's an extremely unlikely circumstance by the way), she is definitely doing hard drugs to be staying up that late. Woman who do hard drugs are a no go for not only LTR, but anything really.

Woman who do hard drugs will do all sorts of fucked up shit. They will waste your money, come at you with some real crazies and most definitely fuck people for free drugs! Never date a woman who does hard drugs!

To you though OP. As much as you view this as something you want to salvage, for whatever reasons those may be, it's not worth it. She will never respect you again for taking her back after such disrespect. What she will do though, is the more you present yourself with value, the more she will hide her behavior. You may never catch her again.

Your fear of being out man'd by this guy is egotistical and bule pill conditioning. That mentality drags you down in every element of your life. Not just with this cheating bitch.

It's also quite possible her behavior is geared towards making you end it. She doesn't want to "kill the puppy". It'll look far better for her "family" if you're the asshole who left her. Don't let this deter you from saving yourself a life time of heart ache.

Good luck man.

[–]The_LitzRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You horrid man, she was about to enjoy a threesome on the loveseat and you spoil it by breaking up the party.

You have a lot of issues, there is a lot going on in that post. The best thing I read there was the title saying it just ended.

I have a bad feeling you have your hamster started up and you are trying to rasionalise her behavior. Don't.

Move on and improve. She has, albeit, not improving but defaulting to her natural settings.

[–]SexistFlyingPig0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Right now you don't know why it happened. This is the hardest thing about it.

I know why it happened. Not the specifics, but I know it follows the same pattern it's always followed. The good news is that it's all your fault.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lucky you. You're free from this bitch. But not so fast.... I cringed at almost everything you did/said in this story. Be more than a lurker. Actually read the sidebar and start implementing it. It's obvious you haven't.

[–]mabden0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm literally beside myself KNOWING full well what I should do, but not being able to do it.

This, gentlemen is how not to deal with an unfaithful wife/girlfriend/SO.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Paragraphs you lazy fucker...

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't want to cause her any pain if she finds out what her daughter has done.

Not your responsibility.

[–]bob13bob0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Imo,. Why did you not move in after 12 years if ur that fixated on her. No strings attached? It was foolish of her to stick around this long,. I feel bad for her. The heart wants what it wants, don't blindly follow advice from others. If you are a little long term dude,. Be one.

Prenup if u gonna get married.



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