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Her Confusion

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AmeriknGrizzly
April 6, 2017
6 upvotes
askMRP

We all saw my first couple of posts and how god awful that was but I'm moving on and learning from my mistakes. I finished NMMNG last night and started MMSLP. A lot of pieces are falling into place, sometimes it seemed I was reading my own history in those books. It was pretty scary how accurate they were but very eye opening.

I see how I devalued myself in her eyes and how I crushed all faith she had in me and how I destroyed all respect she could have for me. My last victim puke which started me on this path really put her back a few steps on what little respect I had earned back. After my first rocky couple of days I got on bored, did pretty good with STFU, amped up the IDGAF and started reading. After 3 days of this she started asking me if something was wrong or if I was mad at her. I told her I wasn't mad and that I was actually pretty happy. She didn't believe me and she was preparing for the calm before the storm, getting ready for another puke by me. Well she wrote me a letter, explaining how she was confused and scared, that she didn't know how much more of the emotions she could take. That she was depressed and anxious cause she was afraid of setting me off. She said she really did love me and she wants things to go back to being great again but again she was just confused at what to do.

My question is that is her confusion a result of her seeing my positive beta traits and now seeing some potential at alpha traits? Is her confusion normal? Several months ago I got the ILYBINILWY speech, is that something you can come back from?

I really see how I need to step up and be the captain again. Guide my first mate and control my ship.


Post Information
Title Her Confusion
Author AmeriknGrizzly
Upvotes 6
Comments 30
Date 06 April 2017 03:25 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206311
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/63tlx7/her_confusion/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
alphabetaILYBINILWYNMMNG
Comments

[–]anythingincRed Beret5 points6 points  (3 children) | Copy

10 days ago.

"Nevermind you just sit there on your phone like always I'll do it" spent the next 10 min folding laundry and literally crying how she never does anything or shows me affection or attention. This was the most beta I've ever been. Found this place the next day.

8 days ago

If you are going to leave then I'm not going to cry, beg, or plead you to stay anymore."

Last night:

I told her I wasn't mad and that I was actually pretty happy.

Of course she is not going to believe you. Of course she is going to try to figure out what is going on.

Several months ago I got the ILYBINILWY speech

Just means you have nothing to lose and nowhere to go but divorce or up.

She said she really did love me and she wants things to go back to being great again but again she was just confused at what to do.

If you were attractive and valuable and flirty and owned your shit she'd know what to do, fuck your brains out. But you are apparently none of those things yet, so she wrote you a letter. You've been spastic as hell recently, once the calm settles in and she realizes the craziness/depression isn't coming back and you're getting more attractive she'll really start to worry, about the current balance of power in your relationship tipping away from her, because she is afraid of putting her future in your hands again after you failed spectacularly before. Show everyone you can handle your shit.

You've been a cry-baby, validation-seeking, beta bitch...and now you are trying not to be, and she is worried you're going to be depressed again, she is worried you are going to leave her, she is worried she made the wrong choice by staying.

My question is that is her confusion a result of her seeing my positive beta traits and now seeing some potential at alpha traits?

Besides the frantic back and forth the past week, that would confuse anyone, it is also possible that your validation-seeking, comfort-giving, chasing behavior is the only thing that has been holding this relationship together recently. It is possible it is not based on value or attraction, only your pursuit of her and tolerating each other's shitty behavior. What happens when you stop pursuing her so much and stop tolerating shitty behavior? Are you ready for it to fall apart?

Reread the post u/Sepean gave you last time, it still applies and could have been written in response to this one too.

https://www.reddit.com/r/marriedredpill/comments/62bdcz/fr_went_rambo/dflgsb0/

[–]resolutions3161 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

This. The inconsistency leads to anxiety. She has no idea what's on your head and you're acting out of character.

Doesn't mean "stop," depending on what you're doing. But it does mean you need to focus on being consistent over time.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Congruency is king. Congruency and nice shoes

[–]resolutions3160 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Man, I need to step up my nice shoe game. I have some, but I never wear them because.....well, because they're too nice.

[–]creating_my_life2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Were you EVER in control? Were you EVER her Alpha? Or were you always the safe choice? Always the beta bucks?

You need to slow down and give her time to adjust to the new you. It's called "RAMBO" here for a reason.

There's a lot of men here who realize that they were always the backup plan. always the wallet. never the alpha fucks. Their wife is simply lashing out saying, "You're my paycheck, I don't want to work that hard, don't change and upset the free ride I've worked so hard to get to." Hopefully that's not you.

[–]AmeriknGrizzly0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Yes, there was a time when I was in control and the alpha. It started with me getting comfortable and slowly sliding towards more beta. Then crashed when I hit a hard depression and gave up everything. I didn't do shit but go to work, sleep, and play video games. I relinquished all control to her and then after my son was born it was clear to her that I lost all my RMV. I had no positive beta skills and was now a lazy fat fuck. Cue ILYBINILWY.

[–]creating_my_life2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

Then you have a chance. Keep reading, enjoy the forum here, and act slowly. Remember, MRP fixes men, and some marriages, too.

[–]JDRoedellRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Like it. "Some" is the operative word here

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

Do the dishes more, that'll get things right in her mind

[–]AmeriknGrizzly0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Fuck that. That's one thing I told her needs to change. I don't mind helping out and doing my fair share but I was doing it all and being a fucking bitch about it. Covert contracts out the ass.

[–][deleted] 7 points8 points  (1 child) | Copy

I told her needs to change.

That's the spirit! Tell her to change for you, It's had a great success rate so far.

Want to know why you're not getting good feedback? You're assuming that you read a book, and she needs to start acting right. You're still not getting it, and it's never going to work when you still unload onto her your wish to be a man.

[–]BrazilRedPill1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Listen to him, OP.

YOU change in order to become a better man. Maybe she will follow you, maybe not. In the end, you will get passionate sex from someone, maybe it's your wife, maybe not.

[–]weakandsensitive1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

one thing I told her

lol.

what makes you think that you're in any position to tell anyone jack?

let's assume you are though, what in the world makes you think you're worth listening to?

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Doing your fair share? What the fuck you think this is, equality?

Reality check. You're a pussy. It's ok.

Lift.

Then do keep doing everything again anyway. Organize. Plan. Lead. Strategize. Make shit happen.

And you will do this better than her because you have a Y chromosome that is currently not in use. And you will learn not be a little bitch about it.

Then and only then will she ask permission to help with the dishes because she's filled with dread that you only need her for watching her lick your cum off her lips. It will be true and it will be fun. But it won't really matter because you genuinely have no fucks left to give unless you choose to give them.

TLDR: It's the covert contracts that need to change, not you "doing it all."

[–]JustOneMoreAcct0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

Yea....I established a rule. If I'm cooking I'm not doing the dishes.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Is that how you established it?

-"If I cook I'm not doing the dishes."

Vs

-"If I cook I would like you to do the dishes."

There's a difference.

[–]AmeriknGrizzly0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I didn't tell her to do anything specific, I'm not writing her a chore list. I just said the way things are working for me and she is going to help out more. I cook most meals simply because logistics with her getting off work later than I. Now when meals are finished I rinse my dishes and put them in the dishwasher and if I feel like it I'll put the food away she is responsible for her own shit instead of me playing bus boy.

Also since she can be pretty passive on cleaning I just flat out tell her now. Hey those clothes need washed or the floor needs swept. She does the things and doesn't give any gruff when I tell her.

[–]sh0ckley0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Hey those clothes need washed or the floor needs swept. She does the things and doesn't give any gruff when I tell her.

OP is approaching leadership.

[–]Blunter-S-Thompson0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I maybe the black sheep here, but to me, this is on par with wiping after shitting.

It goes without saying.

How is this not the standard?

[–]JustOneMoreAcct2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

My wife still thinks I'm angry when I show stfu/dgaf/oic. For the longest time, prior to mrp, I would be angry and be passive/aggressive about it. By being a bad captain for so long, she has come to expect certain reactions.

Remember, for every year on your relationship, as one month to the time it takes to see changes from her.

[–]screechhaterRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Read this ..... got it ? Can you understand ?This is great shit-like permanent sidebar. Iam thinking it should nubee shit

Let me give you some advice >>>>>>> side bar

More advice, read as many posts, take a few notes, then read them again...... "Why do dat ?" Because the learning curve here is exponential....Got it ?

Acta non Verba Mothafucka

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

She's not worried about the shit that's coming out of your mouth, she's worried about your actions. Stop trying to tell her you're fine and everything is fine and start acting like it.

I get it man, I've been exactly where you are now. This shit hits you like a ton of bricks and you're in a daze trying to sort out the pile of shit that is your life. You feel conflicted emotions about your girl, youself, your life choices and your future. You see more clearly than ever, but you're also more unsure than ever.

Her confusion is because you're saying you get it, and you're making all these positive steps, but you're probably still in a daze. If you work out, dress nicely, pass shit tests and tell her you love her, but you're acting like a zombie in a daze, it will fuck with her head.

My advice to you would be to get happy and goofy. Clear that fog out of your head, realize you can only control yourself and start having a good time with the one lifetime you get. Pick your girl up, spin her around, be goofy, make silly jokes and just be upbeat while you continue not giving any fucks.

Also listen to what /u/mrpthrowa said about being in her frame. You want her to enjoy your company, but you don't want to be trying to get her to enjoy your company. Focus more on yourself and try to be more positive about your own life and your own situation.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

you're acting like a zombie in a daze, it will fuck with her head.

Exactly. Not enough of the new guys are limiting their time and attention. It seems to be a lost skill in favor of hovering around the house hoping their women see them changing.

leave. Find yourself in that haze where you giving her side glances seeing if she is paying attention then leave. get out. do shit.

Then don't tell her. Smack ass. go on to something them else.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Frame" doesn't mean you turn into a Vulcan and never get angry. It doesn't mean just doing the things you want to do.

It's short for "frame of reference."

It means you are your own mental point of origin. You are the judge of yourself. Put yourself at coordinates 0 by 0 of your own life.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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