You know it's kind of funny. My wife once told me before we were engaged that she had a deadline in her mind about how long she'd stay with me if I didn't commit.

Fast forward to now. We've been married 20 years. I've been RPA for 3 years. Lost weight, improved finances (still house poor though). And just generally improving myself.

I've picked up old hobbies, eat better, dress better and made new friends. Meanwhile she has alienated all but one friend (who she isn't even really that close with she lives two hours away). Doesn't really get along with her own family, complains constantly, won't follow my lead in bed or anywhere else really. Just seems like a generally miserable person. Nobody is ever good enough for her. Not her parents, siblings, in laws...nobody.

It occurred to me yesterday, when thinking about divorce, that at some point she will also push the kids away with her shitty attitude as well. And then it further occurred to me that this is almost mathematically certain to happen. That will leave just me and her. I know this will happen because that's how her parents are now. And she's shown this pattern with many others. Her Parents don't talk to their siblings or most of their kids.

So this got me to further thinking about the downside of pulling the ripcord on divorce. What is the downside? She makes more money than I do. So financially there isn't going to be a ton of fallout. I believe I will have equal custody with the kids because she works swing shift and has nobody to watch them much of the time besides me (remember no close friends or family).

Which leads me back to the deadline thing. I am putting a six month drop dead on this marriage starting today. The best goals SMART Goals. Specific, Measured, Attainable, Realistic, and Timed. I think my goal is all of those things.

Has any of the divorced guys (or guys who turned it around from the brink) on here ever just made a mental deadline like this? I don't plan on telling her. But it will give me a framework to make this choice.

The tables have turned and the once twenty year old smoking hot girl is now a 40 year old graying woman with no friends. It think it time to set a new deadline...and make it work for me.

I want to give this thing a final last shot. But if she doesn't come around by the time the kids go back to school next year, I'm gone. I will prepare my finances for this exit (only debt will be mortgage). I am going to continue to improve mentally, physically, and financially. She can either come with or not but the train is definitely whistling and moving out of the station.

Having made this decision to set a deadline is kind of freeing. The IDGAF attitude comes much easier when you really DGAF. The temporary nature of relationships (she's not yours it's just your turn) attitude really sinks in too.

I'm not mad at her, I actually feel sorry for her (nice guy alert). But you have to throw in a losing hand at some point.