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FR: NMMNG is like a punch in the gut

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March 10, 2017
14 upvotes

I started my MRP journey in earnest Jan 1st. I just finished WISNIFG (previously read MMSLP), and started reading NMMNG this morning in earnest.

This is just a warning for other newbies like me. By the time I got to the end of the first chapter, I felt as if R. Lee Ermey walked up to me wearing a wry smile, put one hand on my shoulder, gave me a knowing nod and then punched me right in the fucking gut. I mean, I literally felt nauseous as I read this description of me - right there in black and white - and it was not pretty.

Fuck. Do I have a lot of work to do.

So, fair warning faggoty newbie fellow travelers ....


Post Information
Title FR: NMMNG is like a punch in the gut
Author sixdownsevenup
Upvotes 14
Comments 44
Date 10 March 2017 02:19 PM UTC (3 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/206432
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5ymah9/fr_nmmng_is_like_a_punch_in_the_gut/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
WISNIFGNMMNG
Comments

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

Good on you for actually reading the material. It is almost comical how many men here have been "reading" the sidebar material forever and yet don't seem to understand some of the basic concepts. I have read it all, some books multiple times, and branched out into more advanced titles as the years have gone on. These books have made me a better husband, boss, lover, and man. I also have much less stress in my life now that I have internalized the truth about the reality we live in. NMMNG was a punch in the gut for me too but it was When I Say No, I Feel Guilty and Rational Male that really completed my Red Pill Newbie training.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I plan on rereading WISNIFG after this first thorough reading of NMMNG. I just feel, as a n00b, that NMMNG is so important - even after just one chapter - I felt compelled to post. If it spurs some other newbies to get after it sooner, then I can live with the criticism of my posting this.

[–]dandar46004 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

That's why that book should have been read first. That one is the one that opens your eyes.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Yes. I see the wisdom of the order in the side bar now. Other newbies - please read these in order. I thought I was making a good decision since I had already previously read MMSLP. It was not. NMMNG is strong medicine and should be taken first.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Jan 1st.

Top KEK. Most lead with actions, questions, or failures. Brokebackmountain haiku works though

[–]capn_barnacles1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the tip. I've started reading MMSLP along with the sidebar/wiki first. I think I'll put MMSLP on hold and start NMMNG.

Guidance on the order is very helpful to me. Lots of material to absorb, and I want to make sure i don't get ahead of myself.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the party.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Fuck. Do I have a lot of work to do.

Yes you do. Approach it as a long term journey. Embrace it. Enjoy the work.

You are starting through your freshman year of MRP. You will be on this path for the rest of your life.

As you do the sidebar, realize many of the resources you will read again, but with a higher level of understanding in the future. Best.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You were me 18 months ago.

Welcome. read. Everything. Devour.

I cringe when I think of all my failings as a man. It's been work, but the work is invigorating because I know I'm doing it for me.

Advice? Dump your ego. You're so new you don't even know what you don't know. Keep reading, thinking, working on yourself.

Congrats on opening your eyes.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (18 children) | Copy

This isn't a field report. A field report is about an action of actions you have taken, doing an evaluation on them, and then looking for advice or criticism from others.

This is:

I read a book. It was cool. Hope you read it to.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] -1 points0 points  (17 children) | Copy

You know - you are exactly right. Taking a risk by using slightly inaccurate terminology to try help other faggoty newbies was clearly a major fuck up on my part. Mea maxima fucking culpa. ;)

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Witty banter comes after work and contribution.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

fair enough.

[–]WesternhagenWinner2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

Have you done any of the Breaking Free activities? If so, how did they go? How did identifying and getting rid of covert contracts change your relationship with your woman? Telling us about that would be a FR.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I literally started reading this book this morning at breakfast (I take some solitary time to eat and read). The only breaking free activity I have done is the first one, and that was because I had already started some therapy (MRP friendly) and have 2 others I can talk to about NMMNG.

I was just so amazed at the visceral reaction I had to reading all these (really terrible) things that I have been doing my whole life. I just felt like this is a lot of men, and was moved to share the experience.

Should have left out the FR tag. Roger that.

[–]WesternhagenWinner0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I know exactly how you feel. I had precisely the same reaction the first time I read it. The part about the "making of a nice guy" hit me hardest because it described my childhood exactly.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (11 children) | Copy

We don't do passive aggressive here. if you'd been here more then 10 minutes you'd know that.

Do some real work before you come back.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] -2 points-1 points  (10 children) | Copy

I see - so I should have just DEER'd in the face of your criticism? And we're calling "Agree & Amplify" passive aggressive now?

I have looked at your post history and can see your experience and the value you have contributed. I respect that.

That said, tell you what - I will be the ultimate judge of myself and whether I have done real work and have something I think I need to contribute.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

ReddJive isn't wrong - I read nothing light and funny in your response, only a snarky reply. You seem to be willing to listen to criticism, so as a further mini-exercise for you: once you have a chance to cool off a bit (a day maybe), re-read that response, and consider how you'd react if someone said that to you, then consider whether you often react to your wife that way, and whether that's going to be a productive way to build respect, trust, desire, or any of those other nice intangibles.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

So - just to be clear, I wasn't angry or mad. I do see guys get crucified here for DEERing to criticism. That was my faggoty attempt at A&A - wasn't meant to be passive aggressive.

I understand now that I haven't yet earned that right here. I have received the message and am processing it. I knew I had a long way to go, but it is much much longer than I even knew when I started.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

It has nothing to do about earning the right to AA, your comment is such a poor attempt at AA, your are getting called out on it.

Reread your comment; you ARE DEERing, explaining that you took a "risk", and used "slightly inconsistent terminology" to "help" others. You are trying to protect your ego through a faulty attempt at AA.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Interesting. Fair point. I didn't see that.

[–]innominating2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Of course you didn't, that's why i showed you. There's a lot of shit you won't see for a while. There will be a time when you wish your could unsee the shit you see.

Welcome to the club my man.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

If my comment was meaningless, we'd laugh, poke each other in the tummy and go get ice creams. Instead your argued and entered my frame.

Let me know how Chapter 2 turns out.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 1 point2 points  (3 children) | Copy

Fair.

I think I'll wait until I absorb the whole book and have something more substantive to contribute.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

You really need to read the whole sidebar to have something "substantial" to contribute.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Hmmm ... I'll consider that statement - but I am not sure that agree with that. Especially, since this is the "ask"MRP sub. I would think that contributions take the form of asking for help.

[–]BobbyPeru0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

At a minimum, the sidebar should be systematically read (in process) as questions are asked.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia0 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

There are plenty of good articles in /r/marriedredpill talking about which book to start with depending on who you are. Nice guys obviously need NMMNG and push overs need WISNIFG.

[–]RBuddDwyerRed Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nice guys obviously need NMMNG and push overs need WISNIFG.

But you repeat yourself.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

That is why I started with WISNIFG - I thought I was more of a pushover. Now I see that was a symptom of Nice Guy Syndrome. My physical reaction to that discovery motivated me to post.

[–]bogeyd6Mod / Red Militia1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Different strokes for Different folks.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

punched me right in the fucking gut

Love the image though I saw it as more of bitch slap that knocked me on my ass. NMMNG has unplugged more men than any other source. The idea of covert contracts is so obvious and so ubiquitous with men today but almost none ever see it.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I was sitting in a McD's having my morning caffeine when I read that first chapter or so and I literally felt like I was going to throw-up for a minute. It was an amazingly visceral reaction.

I mentioned in another comment that I just completed the first read-through last night. It is tough coming face-to-face with the fact that I am not the person that I try so hard to get everyone (including myself) to believe. It is so clear to me right now that my personal integrity is for shit and I have got to come to grips with some serious shit. It is way worse than I thought ...

[–]mundocorde0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It was also a kick for me.

I am convinced that it's not enough with reading the books once. Only after several reads the info starts becoming second nature.

By the way, I highly recommend the audiobooks, especially for long commutes.

Sincerely, another noob like you.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

For NMMNG I decided to take a much more structured approach and start the sidebar reading over from scratch. Yeah - I've read MMSLP a couple times, and just finished WISNIFG, but I just read them. So much just slid off me like oil off of teflon.

I just finished reading NMMNG from start to finish over the past couple of days. Now I am going back and work on a chapter or so each week and really work every one of the exercises. When I finished the first reading last night I was mentally exhausted. It was like someone looked into my soul and saw everything.

I can already tell that some of those exercises are going to be epic struggles.

[–]TaistoKarhu0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Yeah it was the eye-opener book for me. It felt like I was getting beat down in every page, everything I had believed in was shred to pieces. It's strange how the book included most of my former disfunctional foundations of belief and explained their flawed mechanisms to me in such a way that I couldn't help but agree in the end. I remember wanting to argue with the book all the way until acceptance came.

It was painful and for that I'm ever grateful to Robert A Glover. I'm reading it the third time now because I really want to internalize that book inside out.

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

It has become clear to me that it is going to take me many months, and probably years to change some of the dysfunctional "nice guy syndrome" behaviors.

[–]firstorbit0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

I'm about a third of the way into NMMNG and I'm only identifying with about half of what he's saying. I started with MMSLP and I found it had much more relatable and practical, usable info.

Like I don't get how staying sober and staying in shape are approval seeking behaviors and then he tells you to try not doing those things. So becoming a fat drunk is supposed to help somehow?

[–]sixdownsevenup[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

So, I read the books out of order so have finished MMSLP (a couple of reads) and WISNIFG. I identify with most of the traits in NMMNG. Although I see it as an important book to read, certainly not every man will have "Nice Guy Syndrome". I definitely do. Not only that, but exactly is it is described in the book I can see how my childhood responses to my parents shit fucked me up.

I really don't think that Glover means that anyone should not pursue things like staying in shape, or staying sober - but that those things should be done only for you and you are the only one that needs to approve of them.

In a sense, this sort of goes to the heart of what I am trying to process. It is not so much that I am worried about initiating - but that my entire frame is fucked because I will tend to monitor availability for practically every woman. In fact, Glover pointed out that he has seen this behavior in Gay men - even though they would have absolutely no interest sexually in women.

So, I think there is a little something in NMMNG for every man, but not everything in NMMNG is applicable to every man. As you pointed out, some of the other books may have more applicability to a particular man and situation.



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