Should I stop her, set a trap or ignore?

ReddJive · 2017-02-24T15:15:36+00:00

Damn I miss Jacktenofhearts right now.

A lot of you unplugging guys need to understand that there are in fact shitty people out there. Some of them are in your life. You've been a beta fuck for a while and you attracted a lot of them to you.

what spouse would not want to go with you when someone close to you is dying? Think about that for a moment. If she loves you...and I mean loves you as much as she professed when you married her wouldn't that mean supporting you when you have to shoulder the death of a family member?

Now consider the type of human being it takes to push you out the door, with kids, and no support to go say goodbye to a family member, for the last time....whom you will not likely actually see pass away or attend the funeral for?

Why the fuck do you want this person in your life?

2gunsgetsome · 2017-02-24T16:05:09+00:00

On one hand, men walk alone, bigger shoulders, etc. You don't NEED her support.

OTOH, she's finding excuses (possibly real) not to be with you. People make time for what's important to them.

I told here it’s important for me that we all go and that we go together and are seen as a strong family unit

You expressed your vision. The answer is either "fuck yes" or "no". Excuses are a long way of saying "no".

The medium is the message. You're not her captain (right now).

Take the trip in your frame and don't giver her another thought.

fakefalse · 2017-02-24T15:16:49+00:00

Trust your gut.

But let's say she isn't fucking around. At the very least, she's not supporting your interests or concerns.

Either way... Fuck her. You aren't as important to her as you had hoped. You need to reallocate your energy into yourself, your kids and all that falls in between. She'll either adjust to the change and submit to you, or you can distance yourself further and further from her.

There's a move I use to measure people. Call it an ante, like in poker. I place a set of options on the table for my wife or friend or whatever. These are a controlled set of options. I impose no judgment or personal investment on said options. Then, based on how they choose, I'm able to determine how much they value me. I have to follow through on the decision, it's the price for me to play and buy information. I then adjust my investments accordingly.

You did the same here. You offered her a choice. Based on her decision, you can decide how much you want to invest in her. Next time, be passive when offering the choice. They must feel completely free to choose. You must not react in any way to the decision, in the immediate.

You're on the right track though buddy.

hephistab · 2017-02-24T16:16:39+00:00

I don't disagree with the other opinions, but is this even important to you? I know you say it is, but is it really? Your actions say that even though this is so important that you cannot dedicate more than a weekend (which after flying time means 1 day?).

Does your wife know this person? Does she like this person? Heck, do you like this person? Do you talk to this person regularly? What I am trying to get at is whether you are doing this out of courtesy of societal norms or out of the true need to connect with this person before they pass away. Your wife should follow your lead, but if you do not seem sure in what you are trying to accomplish you cannot blame her for wavering.

Or maybe I am wrong, and it is your mom or someone really close to you where her presence would be natural and expected. In that case maybe she is just a shitty person and/or respects you that little.

askmpr_rob · 2017-02-24T16:26:04+00:00

You want the whole family to go visit a dying relative before they go.

My whole family is going to see him before he dies, you do what you want with that information sweetie.

Are you able to say those words (or your version of) without breaking eye contact?

I would suggest having some work on the follow through if she decides getting a little bit of 'paperwork' done that weekend is a priority. Have you spoken to a lawyer yet? Even if it's not required, knowing the worst case scenario is a priority

BobbyPeru · 2017-02-24T17:28:30+00:00

Is your wife's job generally very demanding? I just know that my wife's is, and recently she couldn't be with me to visit a dying family member. So, first I'd look into the validity of her reason. Sometimes, jobs can be so demanding at particular place and time.

The red flag that jumps out at me though is the fact that she wants you to take the kids. I get it at her job might be demanding, but you are going to see dying family member, so it seems like it would make more sense for her to keep the kids there. The Saturday thing may or may not have been a red flag depending on her work load.

Trust but verify it. But, of all things, don't get up obsessed about it

screechhater · 2017-02-25T01:44:59+00:00

Terminally Ill Family-

Go and concentrate on you and the person as you have a "mission" to focus on and carry out. I would even think alone would be better. Obviously, that's your choice.

No one but you will have regrets if this doesn't take place

Spousal Cheating/Gut Feelings and Working on You

Gut feelings are - primal DNA driven intuition that something is amiss. In a time where we had to fight and kill or be that, gut feelings, and reactions to them, could be the difference between life and death. Do not dismiss a gut feeling

As it is, the very fact you found MRP, and started your journey, was, as you state, "I found signs (though nothing definite) that she might have been seeing some else form work over the last few years. I have dug deeper and tracked back and forward since then and found 0 evidence to confirm this other than some (like 2) flirty (by her standards) emails in the last two years"

So I ask, is this due to some insecurities or is it research panning out ? According to you, you have found nothing. But, your gut and your repeated unexplained reactions by her in a troubling time. is sending red flags, further reinforcing the gut feeling something is amiss

Only you can deal with this, but in my view, the red flags and the gut, there is something amiss. However, I would highly recommend taking the trip and concentrate on it first and foremost.

I own a small company, I told one of my staff I did not want to see him for a week when his wife had a hysterectomy. I paid all his time off. I have also extended many days off for grievance and sent employees home and told them to go with their spouse to see a dying relative. There is nothing more important than supporting your spouse, during a situation such as yours, nothing. I am sure your wife's boss would also support this

anotherswingingdick · 2017-02-26T09:31:09+00:00

I might have advised you to use this-or-that clever strategy to discover what exactly is going on when your wife uses her "Saturday time".

I might have, but what's the point? Even if infidelity was thrown in your face, you'd find an excuse to ignore it and use the children as an excuse for why you don't have any testicles.

askmpr_rob · 2017-02-24T15:01:52+00:00

It may be tough to force her to go because (1) she doesn't respect you and you're a bitch (2) handcuffs will probably set off airport metal detectors. If you go that route, get zip ties.

If she doesn't go, definitely disrupt your time with a dying loved one to obsess about setting a trap. You insecure fuckhead

askmpr_rob · 2017-02-24T16:51:43+00:00

Had a similar situation in the recent past.

It was important to ME to go. I went by myself. No discussion, no questions, no bullshit.

There are no kids at home, but, I would not have taken them with me if I did. Main reason, I never considered myself to be the primary caretaker of the kids if wife was available. Second, I just would never expose my kids to all that grief with a dying person. It's not in their job description IMO. Best

RBuddDwyer · 2017-02-24T16:53:08+00:00

Now the reason for finding the red pill is 4 months ago I found signs (though nothing definite) that she might have been seeing some else form work over the last few years. I have dug deeper and tracked back and forward since then and found 0 evidence to confirm this other than some (like 2) flirty (by her standards) emails in the last two years, also MAP is working very well, sex is up (x2 weekly previously monthly and she initiates about 10% of the time before it was 0), shit tests being passed etc. But the trip, weekend thing has got me thinking again.

Your paranoia is really showing here, and it's fucking up your game. So far all I saw was a wife who is trying to accommodate a difficult time for you by not making you drag her and the kids along for what could be a really hard time. She is letting you focus on handling this without having to worry about her. Plus, she does have to do some work. So, unless you have some other reliable proof that she is cheating (which I don't see from you), then I think she is just trying to accommodate you and help you out.

BluepillProfessor · 2017-02-26T15:28:00+00:00

Go yourself and get a nanny cam for your bedroom.

This really illustrates the fact that as men we are truly alone. No helpmeet, no wife in the traditional sense. Only ball busting competitors who fight for the lead continually while they complain, bitch and whine if you win, and hold you in extreme contempt if you lose. At least in the first case they will shut up long enough for you to put your dick in her mouth.

223552 · 2017-02-27T08:18:48+00:00

I am fairly new here (2 months), so I may or may not be correct with my answer. I have faced similar situations with my wife for years. Different settings, but same content, wanting to feel like we are a family unit. For example, I would ask my wife on the weekend, "lets take the kids to the pool", the answer would always be no ( i have things to do at home, my legs are not shaved, etc, etc) I would get really butt hurt, especially when you see happy families playing in the pool. I can give more examples, but content is the same, wanting our wife to play along, and make us feel like we are important... Now I tell her I am taking the kids to pool, and if she wants to she can join us. I am OI of her answer (still a no though, with excuses etc.) You cant ask for respect (has to be earned), you cant ask some one to follow you (great leaders inspire people to want to follow them). So you are getting butt hurt, because she is not making you feel important enough, you care too much what others think ( I told here it’s important for me that we all go and that we go together and are seen as a strong family unit). You could have just booked her a ticket, and told her she is going, and not even give her an option to back out, or tell her you are going, tell her you are taking the kids, and whether you should book her a ticket or not. Instead its sounds like you tried to rationalize with her. FYI, its easier to see someones else mistakes, but in the situations, I would have probably done something similar to you. Its a work in progress...

Title	Should I stop her, set a trap or ignore?
Author	askmpr_rob
Upvotes	7
Comments	51
Date	24 February 2017 02:54 PM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit	askMRP
Link	https://theredarchive.com/post/206482
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/5vxv0e/should_i_stop_her_set_a_trap_or_ignore/