Context: I decided to revisit some of the beginner materials from the side bar and re-read NMMNG. reading it through again has really helped with my sense of frame and being congruent with myself. However, it has lead to deeper question that I am struggling to resolve. I find that there is a nagging feeling that doesn't ever seem to go away. It is a feeling that I used to try and get resolved from my wife, which lead to her, rightfully, thinking I am a faggot. The feeling is something like, "no matter what I do, or how much I improve, I am still going to be a piece of shit." In essence, it's self hatred.
To add to the context, I should probably say that I cannot recall a period of my life where I felt otherwise about myself. So I am having a hard time finding a point of reference for what not hating yourself feels like or looks like. So the questions for the group are where does a positive self image come from? Given Acta Non Verba, what actions create a positive self image? How does one truly internalize being the prize and how do you know when you get there and aren't just faking it?