Hi, I am a new lurker here after a very long hiatus (since 'the game' days). Amusing how there are now terms for everything!
History: Was an AFC 10 years ago before working towards bettering myself. Was "plate spinning" for a couple years before I met my on-paper unicorn. Dated for 5 years and married for just under 2 years. Over that time I developed a good frame, worked out, dressed well, became a millionaire, etc. I make no claims about being super alpha, but I don't think I am super beta either. Before marriage, I told her I was selfish and I would always be #1, and she was ok with that.
Since marriage: Good sex life (3-4 times a week - no starfishing), she was reasonably submissive and I did whatever I wanted. This was until 3 months ago when she went cold and we stopped having sex when she "loved me but was not in love with me" and "was bored." At this point I realized I fucked up something and I rationalized that I failed too many comfort tests and amped up beta behaviors while maintaining frame as much as possible.
This appeared to have worked, and we resumed having sex 3-4 times/week about a month after the freeze out. I dialed back the beta a bit, but more than originally since she appeared she needed more. About this time, I decided I need to brush up on PUA/relationship stuff/whatever you want to call it and stumbled upon "red pill" through the Internet rabbit hole.
While reading MMSL I came across the same phrases she used and set off alarm bells. Even though I had zero evidence and to be honest, almost zero suspicion, I asked if had an affair. She flatly answered yes, she cheated once with a co-worker, but it was over. Almost no remorse as she had already rationalized it as my fault for ignoring her. This blew me away as she has been crushed through her ex cheating on her, and her brother was divorced for the same issue. But AWALT I guess, even for supposed unicorns.
After losing my composure a bit and cooling off. I did the rational thing of not forgiving her, but not pissing her off while my lawyer figures out a way to minimize my losses before I file. I have to say it is hard to give up on a dream, but to accept infidelity is the ultimate beta move and something extremely difficult to recover from (or so my hamster says).
Post-mortem: To try to figure out what went wrong, I started reading more books (ie, NNMRG, WISNIFG, etc) and was shocked by how it focuses on lack of sex. I had as much sex as I wanted except for the brief month and yet she still strayed. Does that mean my value was high, but some super alpha just came along?
If that is the case, then what is the point in trying? You will never be the #1 alpha in the world (because that is Brad Pitt, or some pro athlete or something) - someone will always lift more, have more money, be more handsome, be more confident, etc.
I guess I am just thinking ahead post-divorce and whether it is even worth taking another shot at LTR/Marriage or just to fuck random women until you are shriveled. All I would need is someone to invent test tube babies so you didn't need the mom.