My wife and I took a trip away without the kids last weekend. I sorted the whole thing myself- organised leave from work on her behalf, set up babysitters, flights, accommodation, everything. Told her a few weeks ago that we were going, and she had been bragging to everyone that would listen since then.
We both had a few too many drinks the first night, so are feeling pretty sorry for ourselves the morning of the second day, and just laze around the pool for the morning. After lunch, I tell her that I'm going to go and get some snacks and drinks from the hotel shop, and then take a nap. She asks me to get some pineapple and coconut drink to go with the duty free booze she bought. Sure, no problem.
I walk over to the store, grab some snacks, some drinks for me, and the first pineapple and whatever drink I can see. Surely there is only one pineapple and whatever drink at this shop, right? Back to the room, pour myself a drink, and sit down to read for a bit. A few minutes later she gets back. Turns out that I had bought pineapple and mango drink rather than pineapple and coconut. She has an absolute meltdown, yelling about how I never listen to her, why the f*ck would she want pineapple and mango, and just generally ranting like a 3 year old who has had her sandwiches cut the wrong shape.
I sit there, witnessing it through a purely rational lens. Sure, I got the wrong drink, that’s on me. If she’d acted in a reasonable manner and said ‘you got the wrong drink’, and I’d respond with an equally reasonable ‘oh, sorry about that, why don’t we walk up together and get the right one’.
But this wild, emotional, and irrational response just finally hammered home a few key points. Feelz before reelz, and What have you done for me lately. We are in a hotel room on a tropical island that I organised, with kids being looked after by babysitters at home that I organised, while both taking leave from work that I organised, and she is still able to turn into a screaming banshee over a box of juice that can be replaced in less than 5 minutes? Yep, All Women Are Capable of That.
I’m too far caught off guard to respond with A&A or AM, and all I manage to verbalise is "Really?" a couple of times before firmly telling her to get the fuck out of the room so that I could take my nap. Not an ideal response, but I’m defending my frame unlike in the past where I would have DEERed the shit out of this. She looks shocked, but shuts up, and then storms around the room for a minute making herself a drink, then goes back down to the pool.
Again, in the past, I would have gone after her after an argument like this, because the thought of her being angry with me would be enough to keep me awake by reliving the argument in my head and planning for the ensuing round 2 and eventual apology. However, this time, operating within my frame, I know I haven’t done anything wrong, so I can genuinely NGAF and fall asleep within minutes. The lingering hangover may have helped this as well.
She comes back up about an hour later, and wakes me from my nap to ask why I hadn't responded to her text message. I tell her I have been asleep. She then reads it out to me, and it was basically an apology sandwiched between two slices of justification. I call her on this, and add to ask her if she knows how unattractive it is when she acts like a toddler whose sandwich has been cut into the wrong shapes?
She goes quiet for a bit, and eventually I break the silence rambling about how housekeeping woke me up half way through my nap by calling the room phone to ask if they could ignore the do not disturb sign on the door and tidy the room. She interrupts my rambling to make a genuine apology. In the past, she would have pushed me for an apology for yelling at her, and I would have eventually relented. Today, she didn’t even mention it.
A few minutes later, we had some good quality day time sex, and the rest of the trip goes well.