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FR: Vacation Shit Test

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May 31, 2016
24 upvotes

My wife and I took a trip away without the kids last weekend. I sorted the whole thing myself- organised leave from work on her behalf, set up babysitters, flights, accommodation, everything. Told her a few weeks ago that we were going, and she had been bragging to everyone that would listen since then.

We both had a few too many drinks the first night, so are feeling pretty sorry for ourselves the morning of the second day, and just laze around the pool for the morning. After lunch, I tell her that I'm going to go and get some snacks and drinks from the hotel shop, and then take a nap. She asks me to get some pineapple and coconut drink to go with the duty free booze she bought. Sure, no problem.

I walk over to the store, grab some snacks, some drinks for me, and the first pineapple and whatever drink I can see. Surely there is only one pineapple and whatever drink at this shop, right? Back to the room, pour myself a drink, and sit down to read for a bit. A few minutes later she gets back. Turns out that I had bought pineapple and mango drink rather than pineapple and coconut. She has an absolute meltdown, yelling about how I never listen to her, why the f*ck would she want pineapple and mango, and just generally ranting like a 3 year old who has had her sandwiches cut the wrong shape.

I sit there, witnessing it through a purely rational lens. Sure, I got the wrong drink, that’s on me. If she’d acted in a reasonable manner and said ‘you got the wrong drink’, and I’d respond with an equally reasonable ‘oh, sorry about that, why don’t we walk up together and get the right one’.

But this wild, emotional, and irrational response just finally hammered home a few key points. Feelz before reelz, and What have you done for me lately. We are in a hotel room on a tropical island that I organised, with kids being looked after by babysitters at home that I organised, while both taking leave from work that I organised, and she is still able to turn into a screaming banshee over a box of juice that can be replaced in less than 5 minutes? Yep, All Women Are Capable of That.

I’m too far caught off guard to respond with A&A or AM, and all I manage to verbalise is "Really?" a couple of times before firmly telling her to get the fuck out of the room so that I could take my nap. Not an ideal response, but I’m defending my frame unlike in the past where I would have DEERed the shit out of this. She looks shocked, but shuts up, and then storms around the room for a minute making herself a drink, then goes back down to the pool.

Again, in the past, I would have gone after her after an argument like this, because the thought of her being angry with me would be enough to keep me awake by reliving the argument in my head and planning for the ensuing round 2 and eventual apology. However, this time, operating within my frame, I know I haven’t done anything wrong, so I can genuinely NGAF and fall asleep within minutes. The lingering hangover may have helped this as well.

She comes back up about an hour later, and wakes me from my nap to ask why I hadn't responded to her text message. I tell her I have been asleep. She then reads it out to me, and it was basically an apology sandwiched between two slices of justification. I call her on this, and add to ask her if she knows how unattractive it is when she acts like a toddler whose sandwich has been cut into the wrong shapes?

She goes quiet for a bit, and eventually I break the silence rambling about how housekeeping woke me up half way through my nap by calling the room phone to ask if they could ignore the do not disturb sign on the door and tidy the room. She interrupts my rambling to make a genuine apology. In the past, she would have pushed me for an apology for yelling at her, and I would have eventually relented. Today, she didn’t even mention it.

A few minutes later, we had some good quality day time sex, and the rest of the trip goes well.


Post Information
Title FR: Vacation Shit Test
Author omarcoming16
Upvotes 24
Comments 33
Date 31 May 2016 12:22 AM UTC (4 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/207397
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/4lsgxz/fr_vacation_shit_test/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
A&Aframeshit test
Comments

[–]jeeohnjones2 points3 points  (10 children) | Copy

I know I haven’t done anything wrong

At least own it that you didnt read the label.

edit - arr i read it in the wrong order, i see it now, didnt do anything wrong afterwards

[–]SOAADDICT2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Good job, OP. Now buckle down and keep going. In the beginning boundary setting is all about consistency. Right now she thinks a good way to get attention and reassurance from you is through tantrums. Of course she does, because I'm sure you've taught her to do it by giving her attention and reassurance when she throws tantrums in the past. Just like you led her into the bad behavior you can lead her out, and this is a great start.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit test passed. It seems so basic but it is so very critical. Keep that image of a little child in your mind and it makes it easier.

Also, feel free to neg her about it in the future. For example after grilling make a point to ask her how she would like to cut her bread. Leave plausible deniability. Try some bondage and when you have her helpless tell her the safe word is " mango." Have fun with it and laugh in her face. I would have patted her on the head and told her to stop being naughty.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not taking it is the cake. A.A. /A.M out of it is icing.

You'll get it, once you compartmentalize and get less reactive. The only real difference is you end up less frustrated and she returns to 'normal' quicker.

One thing that can bite you along the way is that as things start improving, you tend to expect less childish behavior out of your wife.

You may even have long periods of few to no minor shit tests. But it will always be there. So when it occurs , you can get surprised and react in a way you would rather not (with a GTFO and getting irritated other than a laugh and say "OOokay then princess, I'll add it to her highness's list of 'get it yourself next time'.")

So long as she is breathing, there will be shit, fitness and comfort tests. You can eventually reach a state of mindfulness where you're alert without as much effort.

Good work!

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Take the box of juice, walk to the door, stop, look over your shoulder, slap your ass and tell her, "No you cannot have the Mango!"

[–]KyfhoMyoba1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

"You got the wrong drink!!!!!"

Not as bad as getting the wrong wife. (I've got to start thinking before talking.)

[–]Clapboom0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Made me smile.

[–]its-iceman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't think telling her to get the fuck out so you could rest was a mistake. As long as you weren't an emotional fireball while doing it, you were doing what you wanted and not bending to her child-like behavior.

I think you handled this pretty well. AM comes later when you've gotten further down the rabbit hole.

My only criticism is that you have some kind of a covert contract going on about you planning all of this = her being someone she isn't. She's who she is at home, maybe with a few less clothes and a few more drinks in her. With more leadership you'll get her to a better place.

[–]fuckmrpRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

She goes quiet for a bit, and eventually I break the silence rambling

Side note but worth mentioning. You need to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. That silence was an opportunity.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (4 children) | Copy

100% fuck, now only 95% fuck.

Progress is progress...

Don't forget, catering to her whims isn't owning shit. The reason guys take ownership of vacations is because they own the things they do, not to make her haaaapy.

Trust me, just had this experience over a house sale, she's. Miserable whether she gets what she wants or not, so I just do the best thing anyways.



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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