Once a redpilled woman gets married what is the difference between their redpill relationship and a bluepill relationship?

LittleMissAfrodite · 2018-12-23T12:57:52+00:00

Are there any things specifically unique to redpill relationships for women or is it simply as diverse as blue pilled relationships? My impression is that the...

[–]Mezails21/F in LTR for 3 years33 points34 points35 points 7 years ago (19 children) | Copy Link

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 12 points13 points14 points 7 years ago* (18 children) | Copy Link

[–]Mezails21/F in LTR for 3 years26 points27 points28 points 7 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

In my opinion a lot of the difference has to do with how we take criticism. Blue pilled women might say that they do not want to "needlessly" nag their husband, but if you point out that they actually do just that and are making his life more difficult than it has to be, they just snap at you rather than considering that they might be doing something wrong.

For example take the issue of having a friendship going on with ex-boyfriends or male coworkers. Does it make the life of our husbands more difficult? Yes. Does it cause him emotional unrest and stress when I go out for a coffee with other men? Yes and yes. Are redpill women willing to hear this out and refrain from building relationships with men other than their husbands? Yes. Are bluepilled women willing to do the same? No, and if you bring up the topic in their communities they will downvote you, snap at you, and ridicule you. This is the difference. Redpill women are willing and able to take criticism and make sacrifices for their husband's well being, while blue-pilled woman only say the same.

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Thanks for that response.

From outside looking in, how can a person tell if a redpilled person or blue pilled person really means what they say?

I've met redpilled women who say they would feel treated unfair if their husband did certain things that would be beneficial to the husband but inconvenient to the women. Then the redpilled person advocates for the husband being "considerate" or "fair."

Are these redpilled women simply outliers? Where do you draw the line between making your husband's life better and making sure your husband is considerate, fair, and respectful of you?

If Isomeone gives a redpilled woman advice about how to make more sacrifices for her husband that she doesn't want to do and she and others agreeing with her say the man should be more considerate, how does that distinguish them from blue pills?

The level of consideration?

Also where do you draw the line? If a blue pilled person thinks they are being treated unfairly or neglectfully, what makes their feelings inhertantly different than a redpilled woman feeling treated unfairly or neglectfully based on what her husband wants?

Does redpill advocate that redpill women do everything their husband wants no matter how inconvenient?

If not then is it just a difference in magnitude and not "core belief?"

If the difference is in magnitude and not core beliefs, what magnitude of husband pleasing would you say redpilled women have in comparison to blue piled women on a scale of 1 to 10?

[–]Ariel12511 points12 points13 points 7 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]Theendisnearornot16 points17 points18 points 7 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

A lot of what women consider helpful (and even another woman would appreciate) is actually considered very disrespectful by men. So if I were driving with my sister and said “oh you need to turn soon”. She would say “thanks” even if she already knew it and she would probably take it as my watching out for her (and the same if she did that to me or even if my husband did that for me I would be appreciative). Now put my husband (or any husband really) in the drivers seat. And he doesn’t hear me being helpful- he hears “look, you can’t do this for yourself so I need to tell you this because I think you’re stupid”. So redpill wives try (and sometimes fail - but that’s where you apologize) to not do these things that disrespect their husbands.

Often the argument has been made than men need to just stop feeling that way because that isn’t our intention. But a man that requires his wife (and those around him) to be respectful of him would be more redpill.

The thing is the payoff is massive. My intention is NOT to get something back from my husband, but more often than not the more respectful I am toward him - the more he is willing to give to me (without my asking for it even). And this a much stronger marriage is born.

[–]dottywine10 points11 points12 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Theendisnearornot1 point2 points3 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Obviously it depends on your relationship and your individual personalities. My husband tends to be the better driver and was probably intending to turn anyway or he knew a better route. So that for him tends to come across more like nagging (also driving has been a sensitive issue since I used to be a horrible “backseat” driver). If he doesn’t find that disrespectful — awesome! There’s a reason the old joke about the man stopping to ask for directions still gets laughs. It tends to be more of a conquest for some men and a way to prove themselves.

However there may be something that you’d be able to give a different example of that might not apply time :). Other examples of things wives do that are crossing that line from “Helpful” to disrespect may be in terms of cleaning (either telling their husband how to do it or going back and fixing it later), how to care for the kids(“it’s too cold out for that” or “it’s almost dinner stop feeding him those”) or down to how to do their jobs even.

That’s where Laura Doyle says to state what you would like and allow your husband to do it his own way :)

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 5 points6 points7 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

Bluepilled women tend to view the relationship as something they need to benefit from first. That is, all is right in the relationship if she's happy (happy wife, happy life!). They tend to put themselves first and leave their partners to figure the rest out without much help, and heaven forbid he gets it wrong!

For example, a bluepilled women would believe she can handle a career, manage a household, raise kids and be happy. She believes that her husband should intuitively share this vision and support her in such a way that she is able to get what she desires. So he should be willing to maintain the home, raise kids and have a career that, preferably, allows her more lifestyle choices. Any failure on her part, especially when all the responsibility gets too much, is her husband's fault for not being able to support her in the way she desires.

Thus she nags him to do more. She loses attraction for a man who she believes is holding her back. She gets into spats and sets up tests and traps, using covert contracts to check his marital fitness. When he inevitably fails because he cannot live up to the fantasy she has of what her life should be, she finds excuses to blame him because her entire life she's been taught women=good, men=bad. She may also have gotten away with never having to finish what she started as family, friends and men may have eased her burdens due to some types of female privilege.

Examples: she gets boys she knows like her to do her homework for her. Her father always let her have her way. Whenever she played the victim, she received emotional support and help, which reinforced the belief that she's really just a good person, otherwise why would people protect her? It never dawns on bluepill women that the privilege they have places them in a bubble where good things just seem to happen randomly, when actually others are easing things for her.

She isn't necessarily evil. She just never had to be that emotionally mature that she had to put her needs aside for a moment for someone else's benefit. This is why she delays marriage and motherhood so she can enjoy her youth, especially with multiple men. It's why she can treat her partner like dirt and not know nor care. It's why she believes her views are always right.

These are more extreme examples but many previously BPed women, especially former feminists, can attest to the misinformation they were fed about men and relationships.

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

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[–]Theendisnearornot6 points7 points8 points 7 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Men are the provider & protector. They are the leaders in the home. If there is a decision to be made - my husband makes the final choice. He will hear my side of it (often not always if it either doesn’t concern me or if it needs to be made quickly). I, then, to the beat of my ability follow that lead. If I don’t agree, I don’t belittle him or make him feel stupid for it (same goes for if he made the wrong decision).

I’m the nurturer in our home. I take care of almost all the housework (he does the outdoorsy things or the things that need to be fixed). I am the primary caregiver for our kids. I make most of the meals. I do work outside the home (about 10 hours a week) so there are some things that he will help with if I am swamped, but I rarely ask.

That seems to me like most “redpill” marriages work that way.

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 3 points4 points5 points 7 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

This is so interesting and I'm glad you clarified.

I actually just made a thread asking about this exact topic. Among many in the redpill women community they actually denounced these gender roles as outdated and not really applying to their lives nor would they teach their sons and daughters about it. Many of them said that house work should be divided by time available, not by gender and that neither gender is more suited to it than the other.

So I'm thinking that there is a large disparity and rift among redpill women. So much so that I question if it indeed redpill if so many self proclaimed married redpill women don't actually ascribe to the belief in gender roles in that way.

If only some redpill women ascribe to the belief, and some blue pilled women ascribe to it, than it doesn't actually seem like a red pill belief. It just seems like a relationship dynamic that is pill-neutral.

I was actually extremely surprised to hear so many redpilled women essentially call gender roles in the house outdated and "unfair," or some other variation of that. Which explains my confusion.

[–]Theendisnearornot4 points5 points6 points 7 years ago* (1 child) | Copy Link

Myself personally - I don’t look at it as redpilled. We are more traditional in our thinking (conservative Christians here) so that is where it stems from for me. I actually find some advice here to lean more toward feminism and away from so called “redpill”. Personally traditional gender roles make sense to me and I understand why they’ve lasted for so long. I was this way before I ever became aware of the idea of redpill vs bluepill. So I totally understand the confusion :).

I suppose there is a spectrum and one does not need a label to behave a certain way. I’ve seen successful marriages where the roles weren’t as clearly defined (in terms on house work, money, etc). And I’ve seen some fail that are built on that. I suppose it comes down to, in the end, keeping contempt away, staying respectful and defining what works for your individual relationship.

Also to add, my understanding of true redpill is just the philosophy of hypergamy and n-count and all the other terms that get blown around by the men of that subreddit. And I’m not sure how it exactly extends to marriage. I like to hang around here because most of the redditors here have the more traditional values I appreciate (versus something like marriage or relationship advice subreddits).

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 2 points3 points4 points 7 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

"I suppose there is a spectrum and one does not need a label to behave a certain way."

Yes I'm getting this. Understanding that there is no real "red pill way" to be in a relationship is very helpful at understanding the community itself. I'm getting the impression that redpill women in many ways aren't that different from healthy blue pilled women. The biggest difference from what I've seen, that is pretty much universal, is that redpilled women "embrace" their femininity and employ girl game to vet and acquire a husband.

Beyond that it seems all bets are off. There are more conservative redpilled women and more liberal. Some who believe in gender roles and plan to teach it to their children and some who think that gender roles are sexist or outdated, even in the red pill women community.

It's useful for me to figure this out because it helps me figure out where I fit. Find a community and a people I can most relate to. And of the community I engage with, it helps me figure out what the community is all about so I can focus on the things we have in common within that specific community.

I want to talk to like-minded people about the way I live my life. I want to share experiences with people with similar backgrounds in the same way that a Christian would tend to want to join a church and share their life and relationship with God with other Christians.

When it comes to how I view myself, which is after all what this is all about, I'd say I am a red pill women but I'm not necessarily in a red pill relationship because there is no one universal idea of what a red pill relationship entails. There isn't consensous at all very much. Which I supposed has it's downfalls and merits.

I'd say I'm definitely in a more conservative relationship and I do plan on teaching gender roles to my children. Value of femininity and masculinity, etc. That's probably more because of my conservative Christian upbringing than my being red pilled.

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[–]FKAIrisWife (3y) mom (1y) former mod11 points12 points13 points 7 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]LittleMissAfrodite[S] 0 points1 point2 points 7 years ago* (8 children) | Copy Link

Interesting.

What about the blue pilled women that don't do that, which many would claim they wouldn't do. If you go into r/purplepilldebates or r/relationships and ask if there are any married women who refrain from complaining about their husband you'll definately find many.

Are you saying that no redpilled woman does that in any way ever? Are you saying that blue pilled married women across all spectrems aren't taught to not complain and so all of them do it?

Edit: I'll give a little more context into my line of questions and the reasoning for it.

I suspected that blue pilled women generally don't most of the time satisfy their husbands desires even when they aren't in the mood. I've met a few redpilled women who also believed this.

So I went over to blue pilled subreddits and asked them directly. They assured me that they in fact do have sex with their spouse and satisfy his desires when they aren't in the mood. So hearing so many testimonies helped dispell my beliefs about blue pilled marriages and made me think "well if this is something that there is very little to no disference between blue pilled and redpill marriages and relationships, what other thing is there no difference between?"

So that's why I'm asking the questions that I am now.

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Title	Once a redpilled woman gets married what is the difference between their redpill relationship and a bluepill relationship?
Author	LittleMissAfrodite
Upvotes	12
Comments	42
Date	December 23, 2018 12:57 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWives
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWives/comments/a8ugmi/once_a_redpilled_woman_gets_married_what_is_the/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWives/once-a-redpilled-woman-gets-married-what-is-the.208312 https://theredarchive.com/post/208312

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