Any advice on getting over the fear of childbirth/pregnancy

beidran · 2020-09-08T04:08:24+00:00

From a young age I decided that childbirth simply was not worth it. I didn't change my mind until much later, just in the nick of time. But I still had to deal with all the residual fear of loss of body integrity. What helped me was the realization that countless women before me had gotten through pregnancy and childbirth just fine, and often multiple times. I decided to trust that my body knew what it was doing, and I'd get through it just fine too. There's a wide range of childbirth experiences out there; perhaps you could read up on what other women's births have been like, from C-sections to home births. Demystify things for yourself. It's such a uniquely female experience; I'd hate to think that unexplored fear would drive you away from considering it.

Eosei · 2020-09-08T11:55:08+00:00

Well, everyone is different of course, but one thing about pregnancy and child birth is that the pains and discomfort happen over time. It doesn't all hit you at once, your tolerance may increase with minor aches and one thing the uncomfortableness does is it makes you look forward to giving birth :). No one is ready to give birth just like that, it's a process. Coming to terms with not being in control and stepping into the unknown is part of that process.

You can't predict how your pregnancy or childbirth will go as there are so many factors, but it can also be easier than you think. I used to think giving birth has to be the absolute worst thing in the world. I used to think it is so unfair, it is so dangerous and I will surely die. I thought my only way of surviving it would be being heavily drugged up in a hospital, if I collapse they will take the baby out.

Then I got pregnant, the pains during the pregnancy weren't that bad, I did surprisingly well. I was still quite certain that while other women may have survived giving birth, I will fail miserably, it will be terrible, embarrassing, traumatizing, possibly deadly.

I started reading about natural pain relieving methods, some were pretty out there to my tastes, but it did relieve my fears a lot. I even saw a black and white image of a woman giving birth with a smile on her face. I started shifting my understanding more towards... if it's not unheard of for women to not loose their minds from the pain, maybe I too have a chance. Women have survived this since forever, my grandmothers have survived this multiple times, pain relief or surgery have only recently become available. Maybe we're not as dependent on them as I thought. Of course it can still be dangerous, there can be tragedy, it's good thing that we have nurses and doctors and blood transfers, but there must also be things that the body and mind can do to help the situation and we don't always access this source.

I did well, I didn't have a lot of expectations going in, I tried to keep an open mind and not worry too much about the future. With the contractions you have to focus to stay present, not let your mind try to escape out of your body. I did ask for an epidural, because I was under the impression that it has only just begun and I would not have the stamina to last for many more hours. In hind sight it was unnecessary, but no harm done, I got a nap and then it was only a few minutes of pushing and the baby was born. I thought the best part about the experience was feeling my body do something I never thought it could. I'd compare it to driving along in your ordinary little car and pressing the gas pedal, but instead of the usual sound you get the deafening roar of a many times more powerful race car. That was the sensation I had when it came time to start pushing, an internal roar. The epidural did help me to feel that as there was no distracting pain at that point, just the sensation of the womb contracting with full force. It helped to relieve my doubts. There was of course pain and uncomfortableness, but nothing too bad. Later I had two more babies without epidural, and I have even less memory of being in pain in those deliveries than I have from the first one with epidural.

I would never be judgmental about anyone else's decision to have or not to have children and how to go about it, I would be very careful even to advice one way or the other. I don't know anyone else's tolerance and pain. And never ever would I put any blame for complications in pregnancy or birth onto the mother. Despite this I do feel personally it has been one of the more empowering experiences in life, for me. I had this idea that I, out of all women, am somehow inherently unfit or not worthy. I could've held on to that belief for the rest of my life and I'm sure it would've held me back in other things in life. Instead I found out I'm not different, I did well and I have strengths I never knew I had. It changed my outlook on my body and all of reality, really.

2020-09-08T11:55:10+00:00

I have very low tolerance to pain amd had 2 babies already.

When the pain start you cant go back, only foward, and when it finally stops you forget it completely

Ionotropic_effect · 2020-09-08T12:07:01+00:00

I’m with you...I am very fit and active and eat really healthy food daily, and you hear these stories of women barely being able to stomach anything but simple carbs and juice for the first trimester. My biggest fear is my husband no longer finding me attractive during/after pregnancy even if I manage to lose the baby weight. Le sigh.

anothergoodbook · 2020-09-08T13:42:09+00:00

Read everything by Ina Mae Gaskin. I also love the movie The Business of Being Born.

mackveg · 2020-09-08T02:54:29+00:00

Pregnancy and childbirth is the easy part. It is sleep deprivation, hormonal changes, worry, and marital challenges that will break you.

blahpunchlineblah · 2020-09-08T13:05:31+00:00

I used to be really scared (I will be trying for my first next year), but I started to look into the baby/oregnancy subreddits. Seeing so many women expierence pregnancy and labor and sharing their stories turned out to be really comforting.

I learned about the most common issues and how to spot them. So should anything happen I know what signs to look for.

I am actively working on my 'pre-pregnancy' self. I am making sure I eat very healthy. I am working muscles that will help with labor. I am going to a preconception appointment with my doctor (next month!) To make sure I have updated vaccines, and my vitamin and mineral levels are good.

I talked to my husband about my fears, and he shared his. We worked out how to best communicate when we are scared or stressed so we can support each other.

I am horrified by needles. My doctor actually gave me a cream to put in before I need to get blood drawn that is a localized numbing cream so I don't feel it. I have a note that I need an extra nurse with me, so I have someone to help me.

I am much more confident now. Some fears are still there, but they are at a manageable level now.

2020-09-08T13:56:21+00:00

I’m 6 months pregnant right now and I actually love being pregnant. I am 35 and only realized I wanted children when I turned 32. Before that, I did not want children but suddenly this urge and desire came before me and now I’m very happy. I’ve gained weight but I still feel sexy being pregnant. I can’t explain it but I do. Intercourse is not that much different either. I’m actually not nervous to give birth because I want to see my baby so badly. I do get nervous about finances and whether my husband and I will still be sexual and still be us, ya know? You may change your mind or you may not. It’s not a big deal either way. I don’t think it’s something you should worry about now though. If your body and mind starts telling you to have children, you will and you will be fine.

Throwaway230306 · 2020-09-08T16:01:39+00:00

In general, I think pregnancy/motherhood is one of the riskiest things women can embark on. We talk so much about vetting our men, but you can't vet your pregnancy or childbirth experience...or your children, for that matter! You get what you get.

I often think it's so extremely weird that as a very risk-averse person, I had somehow still had three kids!

I was also extremely afraid of pain, got sick looking at needles, etc. I think what helped me is thinking about how this is really the safest time in history for pregnancy/childbirth and there are excellent pain relief options out there if you want them, like epidurals. They have their downsides and don't work for all women...but it's something to research and consider.

lonelythrowway763 · 2020-09-08T17:41:23+00:00

Honestly, I used to be the same way. But when I met my husband I really started to want biological kids. I researched and read a LOT about pregnancy and childbirth before and during my pregnancy and decided it would be best to go into L&D with the motto "All I want is a healthy mom, healthy baby." Also, "It's only a few hours of my life" lol. I've heard the epidural takes away most of the pain of labor, so that's always a great option. I have scoliosis so mine didn't work last time. I did not think it was super painful regardless! And despite having some nasty tearing, I was fully recovered within the 6 weeks that's normal. I think often times you read all these horror stories and think that horrible, traumatic experiences are the norm, but really, the people with normal experiences (the vast majority) don't bother to share.

If therapy is an option for you and you'd really like to work through things, that would probably be helpful too. I'm a very anxious/fearful person (both in general tendencies and about specific situations) and have always found therapy very helpful for myself.

-Acta-Non-Verba- · 2020-09-08T22:08:16+00:00

Epidurals are wonderful things. The pain is not like what they show in the movies, they hamm it up for drama. It is mostly gone noways.

MirriMazDuur · 2020-09-08T08:39:40+00:00

Same here. If I ever have children, they won't be biological. Why?

I have quite narrow hips, too narrow for a child's head to go through it. Sure, I could get a C-section, but in Poland (especially now, with the very conservative government), even if you had a planned C-section, chances are that the doctors might to tell you to try to give birth naturally because "it's safer" or "you were created to give birth that way" (in reality, it's mostly because it saves them money).
My body won't age well after having a child. My mother had several stretch marks after giving birth to my older sister, put on 50 kilograms, her waist disappeared entirely, she had LOADS of cellulite, as well as loose skin.
My mother is a narcissist and has BPD. I most likely inheritted her BPD, and my sister inheritted her narcissism. I don't want to pass down mental health issues, my looks and the "ability" to age quickly.
There are several children that need a family, but are stuck in orphanages or the foster care system. I'd gladly adopt such a child.

HoneybeeSweetPea · 2020-09-09T00:20:35+00:00

I have LOTS of thoughts on this. I am a mommy and aspiring doula, so talking about pregnancy and childbirth are two of my FAVORITE topics.

Let’s start with this: What sources have influenced your beliefs on pregnancy and childbirth? Most likely you’ve heard horror stories from other women, and seen ridiculous scenes of screaming women in labor from film/television.

You need to work on deconstructing this narrative you’ve been told your whole life. Start by searching on YouTube things like “Peaceful birth”, “calm natural birth” or “positive birth story.” Watch these women! How focused they are. How they breath and moan and move.

I’m not trying to sell you the lie that labor is easy, mess free, and completely 100% painless. But what I am telling you is: Childbirth doesn’t have to be scary. It doesn’t have to be a horrible, agonizing, traumatic experience. It can be peaceful, calm, concentrated, empowering and honestly, beautiful.

I’m also not trying to convince you to have a natural birth in your bath tub at home, if that’s not your thing. (For me, it totally is!)

I just want to encourage you to do some heavy research and start relearning what you believe about birth. Research midwives, doulas, natural birth, water birth, pain management technics, Bradley Method/Hypnobirthing classes. Read blogs, watch videos, read books (Ina Mays Guide To Childbirth is an EXCELLENT resource!) and learn about pregnancy and childbirth from a different perspective.

Jikira · 2020-09-09T13:30:32+00:00

Yea, I am the same way, I made it a point that I would not be bringing a baby into the world early on in my relationship. Birth can be traumatic I have seen it go really good and I have seen go really bad. My mom had really bad post partum depression with me and my younger siblings and her pregnancies was really difficult. I think you should talk to your partner more about it as you should not be unsure or speculating what he wants. My bf and I talk about it a lot and now both want to be child free.

Deedee554 · 2020-09-09T21:03:14+00:00

I think that this is something every woman at one point or another may tackle. I think becoming more desensitized to the topic may help. Reading is a good form of education, watching content like Call The Midwife which shows the reality of pregnancy and motherhood through the entertainment medium. Maybe talking about the fear with a friend who has had and those who have not had children themselves.

I have yet to have children and let's be honest I think we will all be nervous, scared or intimidated by the vast positive and negative possibilities that can occur during, after and simply due to pregnancy. It's completely rational to be scared but there are better ways of managing that fear. And I think that becoming more educated, well read and exposed to the subject is a way to go 😊

I hope this helped.

pineygrrl · 2020-09-14T02:31:51+00:00

Oh yes, unless you’ve had kids, you WILL, there’s nothing else like it.....no yardstick to make comparisons...

Nandemodekiru · 2020-09-08T03:14:11+00:00

I mean... surrogacy or test tubing could be a good option?

HoneybeeSweetPea · 2020-09-09T00:20:40+00:00

I have LOTS of thoughts on this. I am a mommy and aspiring doula, so talking about pregnancy and childbirth are two of my FAVORITE topics.

Let’s start with this: What sources have influenced your beliefs on pregnancy and childbirth? Most likely you’ve heard horror stories from other women, and seen ridiculous scenes of screaming women in labor from film/television.

You need to work on deconstructing this narrative you’ve been told your whole life. Start by searching on YouTube things like “Peaceful birth”, “calm natural birth” or “positive birth story.” Watch these women! How focused they are. How they breath and moan and move.

I’m not trying to sell you the lie that labor is easy, mess free, and completely 100% painless. But what I am telling you is: Childbirth doesn’t have to be scary. It doesn’t have to be a horrible, agonizing, traumatic experience. It can be peaceful, calm, concentrated, empowering and honestly, beautiful.

I’m also not trying to convince you to have a natural birth in your bath tub at home, if that’s not your thing. (For me, it totally is!)

I just want to encourage you to do some heavy research and start relearning what you believe about birth. Research midwives, doulas, natural birth, water birth, pain management technics, Bradley Method/Hypnobirthing classes. Read blogs, watch videos, read books (Ina Mays Guide To Childbirth is an EXCELLENT resource!) and learn about pregnancy and childbirth from a different perspective.

BlueDream808 · 2020-09-10T16:19:45+00:00

Read Ina May Gaskin and please... understand that an elective c-section will disrupt the natural hormonal process necessary for the mother/baby bond. Babies are not meant to be cut out of the womb. I just had my first child several months ago. I had a drug free birth and had a great experience, and I’m planning do it again, at home this time. Please know that your body is built and created for the purpose of childbirth and horror stories are NOT the norm but the exception. Research about the hormone oxytocin and the role it plays in pregnancy, childbirth and nursing. It’s your body’s built in pain reliever.

Title	Any advice on getting over the fear of childbirth/pregnancy
Author	mackveg
Upvotes	15
Comments	35
Date	September 8, 2020 2:03 AM UTC (5 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/iol10t/any_advice_on_getting_over_the_fear_of/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/any-advice-on-getting-over-the-fear-of.212209 https://theredarchive.com/post/212209

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