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Mixed message?

Reddit View
February 7, 2019
6 upvotes

After Rereading the way of the superior man. I realized when my woman would seem to be in a bad mood or less energy. I would remove my attention and affection thinking I’m “punishing bad behavior” when in reality. She wanted love.

I realized this and it has been a total change. I can bring her up just by keeping my energy high and happy and showing her love. I never did this before and I would withdrawal and things wouldn’t get better.

But this has me thinking isn’t this a bad thing or a beta trait? To constantly show love and affection? Our relationship is still fresh and I do love this girl. I love to see her happy she’s such a great addition to my life. I have got my shit together. I still have my own independency. I’m working tons. Saving. Investing. Lifting BJJ. make time for friend and manage to fix all the shit around the house when it needs it. I’m ripped and although I don’t work with women. Or get much free time. When we’re out she sees how women look at me. So the dread is there. The sex is almost too much for me to keep up but I haven’t REJECTED HER yet.

But I do constantly show love. Bc I want to but there’s this voice that says. Red pill says don’t do this. But she responses so well to it. I dk if this is some attachment issue on her part. She isn’t a pain at all but she loves my love and affection and I do give it all the time. She reciprocates it.

I just have this paranoia that overtime this is going to make me seem beta. Is this as simple as pulling back if behavior or sex frequency changes?


Post Information
Title Mixed message?
Author starky000001
Upvotes 6
Comments 32
Date 07 February 2019 06:47 PM UTC (2 years ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/217440
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/ao70b0/mixed_message/
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Red Pill terms found in post:
TWOTSMbetadread gameliftthe red pill
Comments

[–]2ndalRed Beret12 points13 points  (0 children) | Copy

But this has me thinking isn’t this a bad thing or a beta trait? To constantly show love and affection?

First, stop caring about labels. Not every fucking thing has to be "beta" or "alpha" or RP or BP. Life is not black and white. If it's working, keep doing it. If it's not, change it.

It's only "beta" if you're doing it to appease her. If you're doing it as a genuine response to having your shit together in life, yes, your wife will feed off that energy in a positive way. If you're doing it as a response to her mood or to get some thing out of her, you're not living your own life but your wife's life. She will feed off of that too, but not the way you want her to.

[–]SeamusAwl13 points14 points  (9 children) | Copy

I would remove my attention and affection thinking I’m “punishing bad behavior”

I hate this thinking. Mainly because you shouldn't be punishing grown adults for bad behavior. That entails you are trying to change them. You remove attention solely because you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior, not as a means to punish them. If another guy shows you disrespect, you cut them as friends. The only difference is that with your LTR/Wife is you allow them grace to apologize and fix themselves.

I just have this paranoia that overtime this is going to make me seem beta.

Not so, you can still be her Alpha and show love and affection. But the thing is, if all you do is show her love and affection when she pouts, she will start to use that to manipulate you to get her way. On top of that, if you are constantly providing love and affection then you will have become something worse than beta. You will become emotionally boring to her. Women love to be excited emotionally (good or bad, doesn't matter).

[–]Reach180Red Beret4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I hate this thinking. Mainly because you shouldn't be punishing grown adults for bad behavior. That entails you are trying to change them. You remove attention solely because you will not tolerate disrespectful behavior, not as a means to punish them.

Agree with all of this.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret3 points4 points  (6 children) | Copy

Mainly because you shouldn't be punishing grown adults for bad behavior.

This depends on context. The important differentiation is if you are "punishing" as a way to make yourself feel better or as a method of helping the subject to improve. A big part of that depends on frame and the relationship.

My wife and I practice a 24/7 D/s relationship. She receives and PREFERS punishments from me occasionally if it is warranted. These punishments only come AFTER she fully understands her missteps and is fully accepting of the consequence. In fact, based on the structure of our relationship, I would be doing her a disservice by not giving her a proper punishment. By delivering a consequence for bad behavior plus giving her adequate guidance on how to improve, she has the tools and motivation to improve plus the benefit of having no lingering guilt, since all sins are absolved once I have determined the appropriate consequence.

Alternatively, lets say your wife acts like a big bitch, and you just allow her to do it, and continue to give her all of the benefits of being in your presence, then you have taught her it is A. acceptable behavior or B. you don't really care about her. Maybe later she will feel guilty and be on the offensive assuming you are harboring ill-will now. It's all kinds of 3D chess.

A proper loving D/s relationship is beautiful in its simplicity.

[–]starky000001[S] 2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Can you expand a bit more on your relationship? She is very submissive to me and loves my dominance I’d like to incorporate more of what you’re talking about. Bc I’m not familiar with all the dynamics

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I can, but one of the important aspects of a 24/7 D/s relationship is that it is very personal, in that no relationship will necessarily look like any other. The key tenet for me is that if all parties are happy with the relationship structure then it is inherently good, where outside norms and influences are irrelevant.

Also, I have considered writing about my progress and relationship on here, but I'm afraid that it is too advanced for the vast majority of guys just finding MRP, and I don't want to be responsible for handing out the dynamite to all the children.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

And that is why you are on the short list the next time an MRP Mod position opens up......

[–]InChargeManRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Lol, you speak as if being a mod is desirable :)

[–]HERE2SHILL2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

How many of these gimmick accounts do we need?

[–]SeamusAwl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A proper loving D/s relationship is beautiful in its simplicity.

I stand corrected.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

grown adults

Women

Error, does not compute. Don't divide by 0.

[–]Tbonesupreme9 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

I think you have it all upside down.

Removing your attention isn't PUNISHMENT for BAD behavior.

Giving your attention is REWARD for GOOD behavior.

When she isn't acting correctly, she doesn't get her reward.

It's subtle, but to me, it's a big difference in frame.

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

Women will conform to the mood you put them in. My gf deals with assholes at work all day and she'll come home grumpy and pissed off at everyone. She's not pleasant to be around when she is like that, but just leaving her to be alone won't change anything. It's not like she's being disrespectful, but women can't control their emotions.

That's why they need you to be the emotional rock. Let her wavy attitude crash up against your big strong man arms. I change my gf's mood by teasing her and pissing her off then squeezing and holding her while she calls me an asshole. Showing her with your attitude that the world isn't falling apart and that you're in control is exactly what she wants, she just doesn't know how to say it.

I try to stick with more of a "cocky funny" type of attitude, followed by comfort instead of just straight up comfort. Show her that her emotional swings don't phase you by controlling them and having fun with them.

Say something to piss her off a little, then tell her she is cute when she's angry and watch her melt into your frame.

[–]starky000001[S] 0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

This is the only other thing she does that I would say is new to me dealing with. She manages a pub and I love her but she needs guidance. She knows she does. She’s very submissive to me. I can give her advice but at the end of the day this is her career not mine.

She comes home every night pissed off. Every. Single. Night. Complaining about something. And to me the solutions are easy or if not easy. They are possible.

Anyway in my past I would try to solve the problem. Now I just listen. Support her and then play with her. It works. But in the back of my head it’s like, is this going to ever change? Should I be offering solutions? Giving advice. Sometimes she carries on for a while. I have to stop her and tell her let’s not worry about work right now.

Is the best thing to keep doing what I’m doing. Listen. Weather the storm and let her figure it out herself?

[–]cholomiteMod / BP Downvote Magnet1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women go from angry to horny pretty fast if you know how to do it.

She doesn't want solutions, she either wants you to agree with her or to just STFU and let her bitch for a minute. If giving her love or whatever is working out for you, then who gives a shit, but I would keep it in check because that shit can get old quick unless you escalate every night and make it fun.

[–]rocknrollchuck1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

MMSLP talks about "Cheer the heroes, boo the villains." You should read up on that.

If you think there's a chance she may actually want your advice in certain situations then you can simply ask her "Do you want a solution here or do you just want me to listen?" This has worked great for some guys, but YMMV.

[–]2ndalRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

She comes home every night pissed off. Every. Single. Night. Complaining about something. And to me the solutions are easy or if not easy. They are possible.

She's not looking for solutions to her problems in the way you and I do, so stop trying to solve them for her the way you solve your own problems.

The way you solve them is by doing exactly what /u/cholomite said.

[–]ManguZa3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

If she reciprocate it, it's not an issue.
But be ready to go cold and strict when she'll misbehave. It'll begin with small things which will become bigger things if you let the place.

[–]starky000001[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is exactly what I have been doing. Since the first day I kept an eye out for even little things like her raising her voice to me. Of course it didn’t happen at first. She was on her best behavior. But it happened one night. And honestly I’m so good to her. I handle all my shit. I bust my ass. But the second she raised her voice.

I calmly said. If you have an issue with something you can talk to me about it but you’re not going to speak to me like that. And I went cold and went to the gym

This was the first time she experienced that side of me. And she hasn’t done it since. It works bc I’m happy and loving all the time. So if I do this. She knows I’m serious

[–]Reject4442 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I think you might be missing something here. As I see it, removing time and attention isn't for normal "bad moods" or low energy days; for those things, YOU are the Captain and YOU set the tone and use your positive masculine energy to bolster her up and bring her out into a happy place again. Bad moods and low energy aren't something you should be looking to "punish" her for anyway; if she's in a bad mood it's your job to help her get over it by sharing your awesomeness with her. You only withdraw your time and attention for disrespect, sexual denials, or other violations of boundaries you have clearly established. I also think you can show your woman love and help her be happy without at all using beta behaviors.

[–]starky000001[S] 0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

What behaviors do you mean

[–]Reject4440 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think it's all about your frame, rather than any specific behaviors per se. If you're showing her love from a place of insecurity and oneitis, or as part of a covert contract ("if I get her some nice jewelry, she'll have sex with me!"), you're being a beta and doing it wrong. But a strong, secure man with solid frame can still do nice things for his woman to make her happy and feel good, because that's what the man wants to do. Being "Alpha" doesn't mean being a standoffish jerk all the time or never doing anything nice for your woman. It means that when you do those things it's because YOU want to and you're doing it from a place of strength and independence, not because you're focused on her behavior or reaction but because you are The Prize and you have decided to make her life better by sharing your awesomeness with her.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just don't fall into helpless patterns. You can take most actions from a place of choice and power vs a place where she demands it and has expectations you must conform to.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm pretty sure it doesn't take MRP or RP or even any-old-guy to tell you when something isn't broke: don't fix it.

If something changes down the road you may need a tune up but don't tinker with an engine that runs well.

[–]HornsOfApathyMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I have read and listened to WOTSM probably 10x. It's my favorite of the sidebar. I've pondered the same paradox that you have here. I think that personally, I've come to a conclusion that works for me.

When my wife is in a "normal" bad mood, it's usually because of outside influences filling her container with these bad moods. If I can determine that is the case - I do as the WOTSM suggests. I use my own energy and lifeforce, full of humor and genuine desire to create a new container for her to fill.

I can bring her up just by keeping my energy high and happy and showing her love.

Another way that I think about it is that when I do give her love/affection if she's in a normal bad mood I'm actively PUSHING my masculine energy through her. I don't "bring her up" as you suggest, I offer and push through her an alternative energy. It's a pretty esoteric way of thinking of things, but if you can master your breath you can master your energy and where it goes. WOTSM says to breathe deeply throughout the day to fill your own container (yourself) with the energy of positive lifeforce, masculinity, and humor.

But I do constantly show love. Bc I want to but there’s this voice that says. Red pill says don’t do this.

Good. Then that means you are your own point of origin. If you were doing this to change her shitty behavior that would be incorrect. If you're living your life of fullness from your masculine core for you it creates the container that she desires. You can't put her in a container. She has to choose it.

I just have this paranoia that overtime this is going to make me seem beta.

Looks like you've found your beta shit goblin.

Is this as simple as pulling back if behavior or sex frequency changes?

If what you're doing isn't producing the results you want, change it. If you're getting the results you want, keep it. It's that simple.

[–]BluepillProfessorMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Withdraw attention and eventually affection for sexual denials.

Why were you withdrawing this when there were no denials?

Why do you think showing love is "beta?"

You can be the sweetest, flower and tampax buying motherfucker in existence and still be Alpha as fuck. If you are getting all the sex, love, and respect that you want then there is no reason not to show the Beta love and cuddles.



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