"nice guy" that's "not good with money"... i wish to god I'd read this 20 years ago! she NAILS it! i married a man-child exactly like this and it took me back over a decade. but i am a queen (and raising another one) and my life is back on track now!

kmblue · 2020-09-18T21:02:05+00:00

This was my father. He was able to keep decent jobs now and then but he was always willing to quit and dream about making it big. My mother worked and made enough that he was able to fuck around and do nothing but become a bitter narcissistic drain on everyone. These men are narcissists who refuse to deal with reality. They are bigger, more important than they really are and whoever tried to puncture their sense of superiority is evil and mean.

PenneyPence · 2020-09-18T21:18:32+00:00

when you take someone who is a teensy bit depressed or avoidant by nature, and you put that person in a situation where that person doesn’t have to work — or at least can get away with barely working for a while — that person will find new, creative ways to avoid work indefinitely.

This was almost me a couple years ago. I was going to move my bf (who had lost 3 jobs in the 4 years we were together and was unemployed at the time) in with me because I was sure once he moved in, he would have the stability he needed to focus on getting a job. Thankfully I wised up and ended it after reluctantly paying one of his tickets so he wouldn’t get a warrant. He was evicted from his apartment a few months later. What a disaster that could have been. The stories I could tell you about the excuses he constantly came up with over and over again would make your head spin. Just don’t do it.

JunjiMitosis · 2020-09-18T20:58:17+00:00

I love how she clear as day says no. So many advice columnist would kind of work around saying no

usually_compliant · 2020-09-19T04:56:18+00:00

Ask Polly is always so good, and this is no exception. I lived with a guy for 4 years who just could not seem to get or hold a job, and had the typical "I'm too smart to work at a gas station" mentality, even though he had barelyyyyyy scraped through HS and had a record. So I paid for everything and am just now paying off all the debt I incurred. And what did he do when we broke up? GOT A JOB!!!! I thought I was helping him work through a depressive episode, but she is right, all I really did was mess up both of our lives. You wouldn't take on an unemployed roommate, why is a boyfriend (with kids!) any different?

Shecommand · 2020-09-19T00:43:45+00:00

Well that article described my 2nd marriage 🤦‍♀️. Barb the builder retired her hammer , ain’t doing it again EVER !!!!

honeybeeroll · 2020-09-19T00:36:49+00:00

Thanks for sharing, I love the way this was written! I've never read anything by her before, I love her attitude. The Beyonce metaphor was great lol. I think the woman who wrote in knew what she should do, but her affection for her bf was too strong and I'm sure the swift kick in the ass that was this article did her good. At least I hope so. He's not a "bad guy" but he's a job hopping degenerate leech who stupidly lives above his means, has no savings, and is in debt. Most people in America who are in debt aren't in debt because they're hard working honest people who can't catch a break - they're in debt because they're like this guy. And the author is right, he's never going to change.

janiceofcourse · 2020-09-19T02:15:31+00:00

Oh wow! This is fantastic! I wish I had read this before I met my first boyfriend. Had to learn all these lessons the hard way.

AliceInDatingland · 2020-09-19T00:47:36+00:00

I needed to read this. While I haven't run into this exact situation (yet), I understand the conflicting feelings of the letter writer. But I greatly appreciate the frank honesty of the answer. Thank you for sharing it.

CatSweets · 2020-09-19T05:56:12+00:00

"Don't bring him Beyoncé" is actually a good summary of the FDS principles

cantstopthemachine77 · 2020-09-18T22:55:34+00:00

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