Is there a way to train your split second wittiness? Especially responses to shit tests.

audiotrack · 2019-04-12T08:52:26+00:00

I have also been in this situation before. What I did was to pause for whatever period I need to come up with witty response. Sometimes is 2-3 secs, sometimes more. Even 5 seconds makes huge difference for my brain. Prerequisite: don't give a fuck about them needing your answer immediately.

throwawayycheyeah · 2019-04-12T08:08:48+00:00

I know how you feel. I've heard that watching a ton of stand up helps people be more funny but I dont know.

RedAgeist · 2019-04-12T08:18:59+00:00

Do you feel the need to respond right away? Using pauses, creating silence for a few seconds can help.

I'd just smile, pause then respond. It sounds like you get caught off guard, and hamster out anything to dismiss the tension you might feel at that moment? Could be wrong

MattyAnon · 2019-04-12T12:25:38+00:00

only realizing seconds after the response a perfect witty ass reply that would surely have gotten me laid with said strangers.

Don't be dumb... one witty response isn't going to have you bending random girls over within 3 minutes.

How do you work on this? Am I autistic?

Most people can't do this, so what you're thinking of is actually kinda special. If you think people excel at this you're watching movies rather than real people.

Two plans here:

If you want to be attractive and pass shit tests, there's some basic rules:

Never care, never be flustered
Always remember there are millions of other girls, you have options
Silently walk away from bullshit and drama.
Always be a sexual man
Don't take anything as an attack

Now you don't need to be witty.

"That's a stupid pair of shoes". It's not drama, it's not bullshit, it's not sexual. Ignore and move on. Doesn't need a response other than "oh, ok". It's important you don't care.

"You just want to fuck me". Obvious sexual shit test. Answer: "yes I do".

"I bet you say that to all the girls". She's right. "Yeah I do, and it works just fine on the clever ones".

With that in mind, there's only 5-10 basic initial comments you're going to get. So once you've been through 5-10 of these you have experienced them all. So practice your answer and thought patterns, because it's going to happen again.

Was smoking outside a bar, put out the cigarette on the curb. Chick walks up to me and says smiling “You coulda started a fire”. I reply “That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”, she looked confused, walks away. Then I realize I coulda said “Stop talking about your panties” and would’ve had a chance of tapping that.

Right. So next time you say "I'm not as hot as you". Simple, flattering, flirty. Not insulting her. Works for all direct flattery.

Random chick walking in front of me stops, checks me out, and strikes up a conversation, walks with me. My house is 20 steps away. I ask her if she had fun plans for the night, she says she just has to go home and shower. I tell her “this is my place” and just head on inside.

“You know, Cali’s in a drought and we could save a lot of water if we showered together”.

Flirty, but she's not going to just agree to it.

Look..... in short...... stop insulting them, stop walking away. Chill and be normal. Just stand there and say nothing if you have to.

ChadTheWaiter100 · 2019-04-12T14:48:55+00:00

Lmfao. “The dumbest thing you’ve ever heard” that’s a good response.

Should have went like this “that’s the dumbes thing I’ve ever heard” laughing your ass off. Reach out hand “hi my names tom.” Wink.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2019-04-12T15:41:09+00:00

As others have pointed out, use the pause.

Also, if you say something dumb, add "Oh. Did I say that out loud?" after it, because it will help you recover by signaling that you weren't serious about whatever faux pas you made.

H_Crush · 2019-04-12T08:42:39+00:00

It would be amazing to always be in the moment and carefree. I'm having trouble with it and for me it depends very much on the state I'm in.

My first thought on the first situation was something along the lines "oh yeah? would you care?" with a sneaky smile, where the smile, your attitude, composure and playful mentality in general play a bigger part than what you say. It doesn't have to be witty and smart, it just has to be congruent with you. In this case it's an ideal opportunity to start asking her questions in a playful manner. You'd tease her afterwards and let her invest and qualify herself with questions like "you look like you'd need some excitement in your life" and so on, which of course again has to be authentic, meaning you can pull it off.

OfficerWade · 2019-04-12T14:02:14+00:00

Authenticity.

Slut_Slayer9000 · 2019-04-13T02:38:08+00:00

“That’s the dumbest thing I’ve ever heard”

That reply is straight 100% autism.

You know, Cali’s in a drought and we could save a lot of water if we showered together

Also austim, neither of those replies will ever get you laid. Your objective isn't to come up with the best pickup line. Your objective is to be charming and smooth. Like if you want to make friends you need to be FRIENDLY. The roasting comes after you are well acquainted. Being witty means ALL targets including you find what you say amusing, you're suppose to be light hearted not a savage.

In each case the chick opened YOU. All you gotta do is not fuck it up and progress the interaction. Literally saying anything then asking her a normal question will do. Case #1: "Yeah it could but (your rebuttal)" > Pose her a question: Could be related to the topic of smoking, could be something else entirely it doesn't really matter, what matters is she opening you.

In case #2 a simple: "I was about to go (make a drink, light a bowl, play some guitar, whatever seemingly normal activity you can think of ) wanna come with?" If you overtly imply sex the anti slut defense will kick in and you will be rejected, you gotta play it cool.

If you wanna get more witty and think on your feet find friends that will roast you and you roast them back. Preferably good guy friends as they don't hold back. Luckily I grew up around a lot of males in my family and you either learned how to roast or be forever picked on, I learned quickly to think on my feet.

***Also something to add, being "witty" isn't gonna help you that much in 1 on 1 interactions, its great for attracting a girl when you're in a group of people but otherwise its meh. You need to smooth, charming and seductive to pull women. To do that you need to get ALOT of experience talking and attracting women.

BornOnMay3rd · 2019-04-12T11:22:30+00:00

Practice. If you can't get that then stand up comedy. Choose your comedian catered to your result

th33unsaltednutt · 2019-04-12T12:57:39+00:00

Talk memes with your bjj buddies. You become an expert quick

boy_named_su · 2019-04-12T15:46:45+00:00

Take an improv class. They offer them in most cities.

Watch standup. James Acaster is witty. Andrew Schulz I like too

Read some Oscar Wilde

nross368 · 2019-04-12T21:11:03+00:00

surround yourself with witty people. Simple as that. Learn from witty people how to be witty, slow one.

ShotgunTRP · 2019-04-12T21:37:40+00:00

It’s not just what you say but how you say it

“You could start a fire”

“I’m a certified pyro” +1000 yard stare = creepy

“I’m a certified pyro” +with a playful voice a coy smile and pretending to light something on fire = kinda funny and something you can make a playful conversation out of

Focus on getting “the vibe” right rather than the perfect words.

DubbleFUPAwitCheez · 2019-04-12T16:41:34+00:00

Do you have friends? Talking shit and joking with them is practice for this. Don't expect to be the funniest immediately and you may never be the wittiest of your friends period. I'm convinced some people are just naturally more witty than other people.

Title	Is there a way to train your split second wittiness? Especially responses to shit tests.
Author	gitpullhoes
Upvotes	23
Comments	43
Date	April 12, 2019 6:55 AM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bcakgw/is_there_a_way_to_train_your_split_second/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/is-there-a-way-to-train-your-split-second.225114 https://theredarchive.com/post/225114

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