"I’m Tired Of Feeling Grateful To My Husband For Marrying A Single Mom"

jobs33ker · 2014-07-28T16:27:14+00:00

Why is it that I need to feel grateful to a man for being a decent human being? For caring about a child that isn’t his biological son? What type of person wouldn’t watch this beautiful little boy grow up before their eyes and feel some love and affection? That’s not luck, it’s basic human instinct. Of course we love and protect the innocent.

Dat entitlement.

RedEcstasy · 2014-07-28T16:32:13+00:00

Why is it that I need to feel grateful to a man for being a decent human being? For caring about a child that isn’t his biological son? What type of person wouldn’t watch this beautiful little boy grow up before their eyes and feel some love and affection? That’s not luck, it’s basic human instinct. Of course we love and protect the innocent.

Note how she implies that a man who isn't willing to raise her kid isn't a decent human being. I doubt she would care about any of the thousands of kids who will die this year, yet any person who doesn't care about her boy is an instant shitlord.

Yes, she should be grateful that she found a man desperate enough to look past her mistakes.

Overkillengine · 2014-07-28T15:41:28+00:00

Translation: "I'm tired of being reminded I can't slack in any other areas because I've already got something in the minus column of my total value, even though that is the result of MY choices, not his."

UrsusG · 2014-07-28T15:32:52+00:00

This is an extension of Briffault's law, and applies universally to all people, not just women: no-one likes to stay indebted or grateful too long.

The woman's reasoning is as follows: if he married me knowing I'm a single mother, I guess I was valuable enough to him to commit.

She is actually quite right in her reasoning.

GayLubeOil · 2014-07-28T18:08:04+00:00

Briffaults Law strikes again. Past benefit provided by the male does not provide for continued or future association

southernmost · 2014-07-28T17:58:18+00:00

[permanently deleted]

DrakeSaint · 2014-07-28T18:02:29+00:00

I've dated and had a fiancée who was a single mom for two years. Treated the kid like a son.

My brother married a single mom. Treated her daughter like she was his.

Had a friend who dated a single mom. Treated all three of her daughters and sons like his.

None of the outcomes were good. I wonder why.

Esminia · 2014-07-28T18:07:57+00:00

[permanently deleted]

2014-07-28T17:06:17+00:00

She divorced before. The father of her child, no less.

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/the-intelligent-divorce/201202/the-high-failure-rate-second-and-third-marriages

mcdehuevo · 2014-07-28T20:17:27+00:00

Why is it that I need to feel grateful to a man for being a decent human being? For caring about a child that isn’t his biological son?

Leaving aside the stench of entitlement this woman's writing exudes - plenty of others have pointed that out - this is a perfect example of working backwards from a self-centered emotional conclusion and sneakily establishing false principles using weak, generic language to justify it. The key phrases are "a decent human being" and "caring about". A neutral third party would replace those with "selfless" and "committing all of his resources to providing for", respectively.

It's very obvious to everyone what she's doing overall, but I think it's equally important to call out the specific tactics and be on guard for them, especially in an LTR. When you're arguing with a woman, she will do this constantly, and if you let it slide either because you miss it or because you're giving her the benefit of the doubt, you're leaving yourself open to a lot of traps.

Always remember: masculine communication uses reason to construct a consistent model of objective reality and test it against others; feminine communication uses reason to support a dynamic now-state of emotional fantasy and gain validation for it.

insickness · 2014-07-28T20:59:40+00:00

Seems like she resents her husband for being a nice guy. She says,

my husband can often seem to be too good to be true. Honestly, the guy is saint-like. But I really resent...

Where as if her husband were redpill she would be saying something like

He treats me like shit by doing X, Y, and Z. But I really love...

MachineGunTeacher · 2014-07-28T19:48:35+00:00

Mike had never been married, didn’t have any children. He owned his own home. He had a good job.

This is what she uses to judge that he's worthy of her. Beta bux.

2014-07-28T20:49:49+00:00

every time I read stories like this, I lose my faith in humanity. Then I read the comments and I get all warm inside.

jethreezy · 2014-07-28T23:07:44+00:00

This fool obviously realizes she's spewing bullshit propaganda, otherwise there wouldn't be any need to remain as an "Anonymous Mom".

BluepillProfessor · 2014-07-28T19:55:34+00:00

Honestly, the guy is saint-like

I just bet he gets laid like a Saint. I would guess low T.

busior · 2014-07-28T21:36:20+00:00

aaaand then one day that dude will come home right after work to see her former single mom now wife sucking off 2 guys at once

cooltrip · 2014-07-28T22:21:42+00:00

Then why doesn't she forget about those ones who expect that feeling from her?

"Because in that case she would have to forget about everyone, she would have to force herself to ostracism, and she could not survive that way"

Well, if she wants others to help her survive (and if she wants it freely and by her own decision), then she'll have to accept those other people's implicit rule that she has to feel grateful to her husband for marrying her.

If she doesn't want to accept that rule, then she should forget about those other people, and she should try to survive on her own; this way, she won't have to put up with that rule.

watersign · 2014-07-29T03:37:13+00:00

Female Solipsism at it's finest

AMan_Reborn · 2014-07-29T03:47:59+00:00

I could potentially see myself witht the right woman if she already had a kid, but with the understanding that we were going to have our own. I could raise a kid that wasnt mine. I wouldnt love them any less or play favourites with my own. BUT! the prospect of dating a single Mom with a daughter is a lot more appealing than dating a single mom with a son. The whole single mom/son dynamic of us against the world is a lot more daunting.

I lived with it with my Mom and half brother who were a tight little unit that had been through tough times together. That bond is a strong. To the point that there wasnt really room for me in that unit, let alone a new guy. My brother and dad didnt get along and thats what prevented me from having the married mom and dad life. I just dont see that happening to as large extent with a single mom and a girl.

Just something I think about.

BrothaTom · 2014-07-29T07:05:19+00:00

Wow, just wow.

I apologize for the lack of substance in this comment, but this absurdity blows my mind. Shit she's a bitch. I hope he signed a pre-nub.

dick-opotamus · 2014-07-28T21:08:31+00:00

What if you married a super hot woman. An 11 out of 10 and every one keeps telling you how you are not worthy of her. You might feel like telling them to shut the fuck up and quit acting like you are some kind of homeless charity case.

AntixD · 2014-07-29T04:13:12+00:00

"I cannot imagine going on more than a single date with someone if I found out they weren’t excited about the “package deal” of dating a single mom. If you aren’t ready to be a parent, you shouldn’t get involved with someone who has a child."

I blacked out when i read this

cover20 · 2014-07-29T13:06:47+00:00

Her husband isn't a saint. He's weak. He settled for an imitation of the real thing and she hasn't even given him any children of his own.

She's lucky to have found someone willing to sacrifice their own family to give hers money and a "father figure".

That doesn't mean she's trash. She never explained why she left the boy's father so we don't know that. But given the percentages and what comes across in her attitude, I'd say it's highly likely.

exit_sandman · 2014-07-29T14:09:08+00:00

And here's the followup article to that. More hamstering inside.

http://www.mommyish.com/2012/11/04/single-mothers-entitled-393/3/

exit_sandman · 2014-07-29T15:12:16+00:00

Aaaand here are the gems (usually no RP-lingo) from the comments who call her out on her selfishnes..

i know a girl that used to date a dude that had a kid. after my friend and the dude split, she used to still pick up some other womans baby every other weekend and help the guy who she wasnt even with by picking her up after school.

firstly this isnt her responsibility. she is putting in selfless effort. second trying to find someone like that is very rare. this guy is a lucky guy to have an ex girlfriend help him with his kid. this is an admirable trait in anyone. it demonstrates selflessness and caring.

and the same goes for you. if you feel like you and your son are a package deal, fine. if you feel like someone should be happy with both of you, thats good. but the fact is whether someone SHOULD and whether someone will are two different things. and you lucky girl, you found someone who WILL, and who genuinely likes it. its great. just be equally awesome to your husband when he needs it.

you dont have to kiss his feet for it. and you dont owe anybody else anything. but keep in mind always that even though he likes doing it, he doesnt have to. you are a lucky girl, living the dream, one that most single mothers are wishing they could find. you got a second chance with a man and your child isnt baggage to him. dont blow it getting pissy. your fortunate situation is extremely EXTREMELY uncommon.

Don't be naive. I want children and I am a strong man (literally). I would never marry a woman with a child without the stipulation that WE have OUR own child. Her son is not my biological child. Yes he is a human being and that goes without saying, nobody says we shouldn't care about another man's child. The issue is her belief that she shouldn't be grateful for this man when others know the score and she doesn't seem too.

I agree with you, however how many "good" women are out there? I judge many by decisions they have made. How did you end up being a single mother? What happen to birth control? What happen to get married before having children? What I see most of the time is this: Women looking for not a provider but an exciting figure that will sweep them off their feet. As Allison Armstrong has said the treatment that women get in romance novels and Hollywood movies is alien to the average woman, that they car constantly in search of... That very thing they watch or read about it. Men recognize this and keep telling women its UNREALISTIC but society as a whole is saying, that's not true, you only need to find a rich man that can fly you to any location on earth in his private jet so you can have lunch on the French Rivera or dinner at the Igloo Hotel in Sweden. The reality is families have a very average existence but popular culture has told women they should demand more.The movie "Date Night" comes to mind. Men are largely doing there part, not all men of course but intelligent men are, they are avoiding the bad decision makers, you know the women with two or three children and never married...

Well, isn't this some crap? I'm a single mom who would love to get married to a wonderful man some day. If people congratulated me on my great catch, I would say "Thanks, yes, we are blessed." A good man that is still single is rare, and one that will truly love your child is rarer still. If she can't appreciate him and get over her entitled superior attitude, she may be surprised one day when he's gone. Sure, women deserve to be loved, but he deserves respect and appreciation for being a good father to her kid. Acknowledge that he is the man he is by choice, and stop taking him for granted. Sheesh!

As a step father myself, it really stings to read an article like this. Being a step parent is infinitely harder than being a biological parent. Emotional abuse, isolation, rejection, incredible lifestyle changes with little award, etc. You can even add another layer, what if the biological parent is still involved yet the spouse of the step parent has full custody? That means the step parent gets to enjoy years of ugliness from the step child because "they aren't the real parent" - despite doing ALL of the work as a real parent.

It's very simple - if you bring a child into this world and decide to date, it WILL be unequal to the person you are with. And therefore the biological parent needs to appreciate the unique struggles of the step parent. What is concerning about the article is that the author does not believe there are unique struggles that a step parent goes through, and that "by being with her" makes up for any hard ship. This is simple ignorance.

As someone who turned down being a step-parent more than once, I feel for you! One of the women was a window (her husband died in an accident) and had a two year old. She was a good christian lady from a traditional culture, early 20s and not bad looking at all. She and the church pushed me to marry her in subtle and not so subtle ways. Her boy was very precious and I felt bad for them, but not enough to sign up to be his dad. The other was my then neighbor after getting my first real job in the big city. She had a kid and kicked out his thug daddy for repeatably cheating. She wanted a relationship seeing that I was a nice guy (naive, vulnerable, young guy who is not getting much poon) that has a future and would be a good provider. The woman was from a working class background and quite attractive in her own way. She found out from a older lady neighbor that I was looking to find a good girl to settle down with and was not interested in the pumping and dumping that is common among young urbanites. She figured she had an easy catch and tried to get me to commit... After enjoying myself for a while with a woman who knew how to pull out all the stops in the bedroom, I moved out when she started to get nasty because I would not propose. Also, I found that she was still screwing the baby daddy on the side. I may have looked naive, but I was no sucker.

Hey, how about we hear stories from single women about how lucky they are to have found single dads caring full time for their brood of children. How happy the women are to be looking after, and being mum to another woman's kids. How much the women love these kids by another woman and how she is always be happy to play second fiddle to her husband since his kids come first.

She should consider herself lucky. No man getting into dating ever goes "Man! I really want to date a single mom". No man. Period. The baggage a single mother carries with her whether it's the bad boy who knocked her up and left her who wants to come back to hit it again or better yet you being involved in a instant family and lord knows co-habitating with a Single mom if you aren't the father leads to child support once you split.

Guys always remember. Your freedom is important..but your financial and emotional freedom from women is the most important overall.

I hear guys, all the time, say how lucky they are that "they met a girl like her". Guys routinely worship the hides off women for commiting far less and sacrificing far less than this guy did.

Truth is: she IS lucky. Extremely lucky. She is luckier than her partner. She had baggage. Yes, baggage. He did not. He accepted her baggage and thus she should feel grateful for that, and she should feel "lucky".

She's not grateful, and she doesn't feel lucky. Grateful women who feel lucky DO NOT write articles like this.

Reading this article, I can tell that this woman was never physically, intellectually, sexually or romantically attracted to this man. She settled down with him because he was financially stable, nice, and willing to raise her kid. There was never any passion there.

Gawd, I hope I never end up like that. I'd rather die than end up with a kind, stable old man who does nothing for me on a gut level.

I guess those are the sacrifices you have to make as a single mom? Good thing I'm not packing kids, then.

First world problems. Geez.

That's huge for a guy to take on another man's child. Most men with options when confronted with a woman with a kid run away as fast as they can and this guy married you and you are complaining about this!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lady you define entitlement and narcissistism. So to recap:

You got knocked up on the cock caroseul by an alpha stud.

A nice guy beta wifes you up.

You are complaining that you he gets some recognition for taking on a role that most men have nightmares about because it steals from your glory that you are awesome and basically he should be grateful. I really thinks that's what's at play here. In the back of your mind, you still know the days of hot studs and you're thinking to yourself this dude should be grateful I'm with him. I believe that's the root.

Can I ask a favour? Please don't divorce him later on. I think that's what's going to happen and he doesn't deserve it.

bama79rolltide · 2014-07-29T03:56:16+00:00

I don't think the woman sounds bitter. She knows her man is wonderful. She knows she is blessed. It would get old hearing how lucky she is. I would get sick of it after some time. The dude decided to take on someone else's baby, and hasn't made it an issue.

I see her point.

Title	"I’m Tired Of Feeling Grateful To My Husband For Marrying A Single Mom"
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	73
Comments	109
Date	July 28, 2014 3:18 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2by8f5/im_tired_of_feeling_grateful_to_my_husband_for/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/im-tired-of-feeling-grateful-to-my-husband-for.228939 https://theredarchive.com/post/228939

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