Wife shocked to catch husband of 12 years getting a BJ at a party. Minor detail: She never gives BJs because "They just don't do anything for me."

RPsixthree · 2014-07-27T10:07:15+00:00

The funny thing is that she says: "Him getting a blowjob hurt me because I don't give him blowjobs."

I could accept: "Him getting a blowjob hurt me because I give him head all the time and I had been perfecting my skills during years of marriage."

But it's not new for me. A friend told me that it hurt her so much when her boyfriend cheated on her, because she has very low libido and rejected sex most of the time/nearly all the time. After the breakup she said she doesn't EVER want to hear again "I cheated because we almost never have sex."

So her plan was to find someone who is "more understanding."

I can understand it to some extend. You dont want someone to be better at something that makes your partner happy.

But the other woman wasn't better for no reason. His wife wasn't even trying.

The same old "I don't want to put effort in, so I declare the current state (no bjs) to be the best state. The state that is good for my husband. My husband isn't allowed to be unhappy with this state. He has to want what I want. I want no bjs so he isn't allowed to want bjs."

This is what "I am a sexually experienced woman and I know what I want" is usually code for. It means "I know now after riding the carousel what I don't want and my SO will not get it."

shallanalla · 2014-07-27T08:03:01+00:00

In the last 3 weeks I have a different person who looks like my husband but she didn't act like it. He had been going to therapy every week, church on Sundays, he cooks dinner (he rarely cooked anything more than Mac and cheese for the kids). HE WRITES ME POETRY!!!! We talk at night, and play games with the kids almost nightly, and he never had his phone out when he's home.

that's one hell of a freudian slip right there

husband is killing his marriage inch by inch, god damn

Clauderoughly · 2014-07-27T08:08:46+00:00

She can't understand that a woman made him feel, awesome, sexually desirable, and happy and that the woman wasn't her.

This is super dread game, and him learning that he has options.

TREVI5001 · 2014-07-27T12:25:01+00:00

Well for once it seems that the comments seem at least somewhat reasonable. Was she being pretty lousy about refusing to do something he asked? Maybe. However, he still did cheat on her, so she wouldn't exactly be crazy to want a divorce. It certainly does seem that she is ignoring the root of the problem, in that she simply wasn't doing something that her husband wanted. Relationships are a significant amount of give and take. You have to give up some shit in order to get some back, but she doesn't see that she has done anything wrong, simply because he was the one to make a misstep. Situations like this just seem crappy for everyone involved, even if there is a lesson to be learned from it. Too bad for their kids that this is probably going to drive a wedge between them and make the home life uncomfortable.

jeanmeslier · 2014-07-27T20:58:14+00:00

If my wife came out with a "I don't give head" final word on the matter, I'd be filing for divorce pretty shortly thereafter.

It's not just that I'd be living permanently without blow jobs, which I see getting on a regular basis as a quality of life issue, but mostly the knowledge that I'm married to a selfish cunt who doesn't give a shit about my happiness. Life is too fucking short to be in a relationship with someone like that.

This ties into what I'm always saying about setting the proper boundaries. If your wife thinks she's got you sufficiently betafied and trapped, then what you do is start going to the gym and start finding activities that don't involve her.

You basically start shaping your life in preparation for a divorce, then serve your wife with papers. It might sound petty to take it to this degree, but what kind of life do you want to live? Do you want to be reminded every single day that your sexual wants and needs are meaningless to the person who is supposed to be your best friend in the whole world?

Blow jobs are not an unreasonable request.

The prevailing TRP wisdom is that wife will weigh her options, probably realizing she's getting dumped and will reconsider her ironclad "it does nothing for me" blow job rule. If not, dude gets out of a relationship where his needs are a non-consideration. Either way it's a win.

By being the one suing for divorce, his chance of getting divorce raped are mitigated somewhat.

He takes his lumps, chalks it up and seeks out companionship where his needs are more of a priority.

Frozen_Tundra · 2014-07-27T15:06:47+00:00

The guy's first mistake was marrying a woman that was against giving him what he needed.

Assuming that this came up early in their relationship, as soon as she said I don't give head because they do nothing for me he should have run for the hills. ME ME ME.

My bet is he had no other options and settled.

Spin plates
Learn what you like, learn what you need (both in a person and sexually) and if they don't meet your needs, next.
If they do meet all your basic needs then consider an LTR if that is what you want

Lumberjack1234 · 2014-07-27T12:32:21+00:00

Reading her comments, I can't seem to understand why did the husband tolerate such behaviour from her. She is too self-centered.

psyflux · 2014-07-27T16:34:46+00:00

Has he spoken to you about this?

[-] wellrestediam -5 Points 18:05:13, 26 July

Early on he did. But I think he eventually leaned I wasn't going to do it.

And that lesson learned was "This restaurant doesn't serve steak...I'll just have to go to that place across town any time I want a steak."

Once you realize what you want isn't on the menu you'll find yourself looking for a new place to eat. This is human nature at work, call it an addiction, call it a need, call it whatever you think best describes it.

And given the situation she described, I doubt that was his first steak from that other restaurant.

MooMooMooN · 2014-07-27T19:33:59+00:00

HA! Reminds me of a woman I know said she never gives her guy blow jobs because she doesn't like doing it.. but "I'm the best at them"

Few months later the guy is caught meeting hookers to get blow jobs and she's all shocked and upset and stopped talking to me when I repeated to her: "You never sucked his dick and you are surprised?"

exit_sandman · 2014-07-27T19:54:32+00:00

The guy deserves to be dumped, if only for being so stupid to let a woman give him head at a party where his wife was.

2014-07-27T13:56:24+00:00

Actually half of those comment aren't so bad. Quite a few people telling the wife that keeping a relationship alive is a two-way street - she seems to think it's okay to deny him [good] sex while also denying him from getting it elsewhere. She sounds about as passionate sexually as a wet handkerchief.

If somebody is brutally unhappy in a relationship there are only a few possible outcomes, and honestly, if as a spouse you take no responsibility in making your partner happy (sexually, financially, emotionally) you kind of deserve that inevitability.

2014-07-28T02:19:59+00:00

This is the answer! Therapy will help you with the feelings, and his feelings, in a safe space.

No - just suck his dick once a fucking week and we wouldn't be here would we?

Jerry_Cherry · 2014-07-27T15:36:07+00:00

I have legitimate question. So it's cool if a guy cheats on a girl who "isn't trying" to keep him sexually satisfied. But what about a girl who cheats on a guy who doesn't sexually satisfy her? Is that still cool?

JustMadeYouYawn · 2014-07-27T18:04:47+00:00

Another title of this thread should be: husband shocked that the woman he married doesn't want to give him blowjobs. This is TRP? This is where we have real talk right? So how about we do some real talk and talk about how illogical so many idiot men are. For all this talk about how women are illogical and how women are incapable of xyz, why do we see the same unending pattern of idiotic men getting themselves into shitty situations with women?

If a blowjob is so important to this guy, why not wait to marry the girl he cheated with rather than the wife he ended up marrying? There are no shortage of girls who loves the cock out there, what kind of a worthless sack of dirt and sorry excuse for a man would settle for something that he's clearly unwilling to settle for? And this goes for all the other sob stories out there of guys getting screwed over by their wives.

Why does no one talk about how dumb Kobe was to marry a girl he filmed a fucking rap video with? Even his parents were STRONGLY against the marriage. But Kobe was making excuses the same way girls make excuses for accidentally cheating on their bfs because they got drunk or "things just happened". He put tens of millions or even hundreds of millions of dollars in jeopardy for that.

The same deal with Tiger Woods. Arnold. Etc. Why is it that we always talk about how shitty the women are but we don't talk about how idiotic the men are? This ain't rocket science. When you marry someone, you're risking your assets. When you marry someone, you're usually agreeing to enter a monogamous relationship, and cheating will very likely result in divorce which means losing your assets. If you don't want to risk your assets, or if you don't know yourself well enough to trust that you can keep your dick out of other vaginas, then don't get married. Yet every time one of these rich idiots get screwed by their wives, we hear about how they are the victim of gold diggers. Oh please, they didn't put a gun next to your head. We don't let girls get away with this excuse for cheating but we let these guys get away with excuses for signing a piece of paper.

And when you are in a relationship, I think there's pretty strong signals of what you can expect from your partner. Yes, people don't change, but a lot of the change is superficial, and the real character traits of a person largely stays the same. Wasn't there a stickied thread about how women aren't capable of change recently? So what excuse do you have? And please, don't give me that BS about women faking enthusiasm for blowjobs to trick you into marriage. When you're getting a blowjob and when you're fucking, it is VERY obvious how enthusiastic they are. If you settle for a girl that just ain't that enthused to be touching your dick, then it's your own fault you put a ring on her. And if her sex drive does change, make sure it's not related to that 30 pounds you gained.

Here's what it really boils down to for a lot of guys. They find a girl that tolerates touching their dick. Then they cling on to that girl making all sorts of internal excuses for the red flags he's seeing. Then one day, he finds himself in a stale marriage with a woman he doesn't really understand, trust, or even love. The marriage sucks the souls out of both people until someone cheats or goes for a divorce. And then, the "victim" of this story focuses purely on the act of cheating without taking any responsibilities for getting themselves into this situation. Instead, they pin all the blame on the opposite sex. The women talk about how men are pigs and how their husbands got caught cheating. The men talk about how women are soulless gold diggers that trick men into marriage. I just see a pool of pathetic morons.

RedPillScare · 2014-07-28T01:49:31+00:00

"Ladies, take care of that man. If you don't, some other woman will."

Aerobus · 2014-07-27T16:51:09+00:00

my husband created on me, I gave him a month to find a new place to live, now I don't want him to go

Wow. Women can't even make up their minds if they are mad at their husbands or not.

In the last 3 weeks I have a different person who looks like my husband but she didn't act like it. He had been going to therapy every week, church on Sundays, he cooks dinner (he rarely cooked anything more than Mac and cheese for the kids). HE WRITES ME POETRY!!!!

And the husband has ruined the marriage not by him getting a BJ, but by becoming super beta. If he had maintained frame and applied dread game, she would be all over him.

iluminatiNYC · 2014-07-27T14:37:24+00:00

Personally, dude was dead wrong for cheating. It's just not my thing. Once you take those vows, unless you divorce, you're committed.

Then again, I say that as someone who filed papers on a Tuesday and may or may not have gotten a car blowjob that Saturday. You do the math. :)

While I don't agree with the guy's final resolution, I do understand his frustration. Dude spent 12 years going down on the woman, and homegirl didn't bother to reciprocate in any way? I've been with women who are anti-blowjob, but trust me when I say I made sure I saw what them hands do, if you get my drift. The fact that she just laid there and thought of England for 12 years, and dude finally manned up and made some attempt to get something different makes me sad. Screw prostitution. Gimme 48 hours lead time, and I can have some friends give him Prince's "Darling Nikki" -- the Live Action Edition.

I'm not going to tell them to divorce or not. I will say that dude needs to grow a serious backbone. 12 years of no reciprocation at all? My heart bleeds for him, even if he is a cheater.

2014-07-28T09:51:48+00:00

"In the last 3 weeks I have a different person who looks like my husband but she didn't act like it. He had been going to therapy every week, church on Sundays, he cooks dinner (he rarely cooked anything more than Mac and cheese for the kids). HE WRITES ME POETRY!!!! We talk at night, and play games with the kids almost nightly, and he never had his phone out when he's home."

Wait a second...he became the man/father of her dreams and all he needed was a blowjob? "But I don't like giving blowjobs because they don't do anything for ME." Well...look at how much it would do for you if you thought about him in bed once in a while.

2014-08-02T05:00:22+00:00

Hey I was just told in another thread that bj's aren't sex and therefore he wasn't cheating! I should send her the link to that.

bukkake_news · 2014-07-27T18:05:42+00:00

lmao at this idiot cunt she's lucky her husband is a moron a reasonable man would be paying a beautiful young call-girl $200-$300 a week to blow him every Monday and Thursday.

2014-07-27T16:41:54+00:00

It does my heart good to see that the comments where as others have pointed out, surprisingly reasonable, as much as I condone cheating in both sexes from what OP said she gave him no choice.

Also OP points out further on in the thread that her husband has started working out and getting fitter and how it's attractive, once again women would rather share.

Cyralea · 2014-07-28T14:40:16+00:00

I can't believe you're getting upvotes on this comment. It's creepily sexually entitled. She has a right to make her own sexual choices without justifying them to you, and pressuring women to do something sexually that they aren't comfortable with, for whatever reason, is really disturbing, as is your assumption that men have an absolute right to everything they want sexually.

Welcome to the new generation of feminist women. It's all ME ME ME. The idea that they should be beholden to any obligations is a crime against humanity. That it should be demanded that they make some concessions in a marriage to satisfy their husband is worse than any human transgression imaginable.

And one wonders why men are loathe to marry today.

2014-07-27T15:29:18+00:00

Tbh it sounds like this guy did what he did almost out of spite because of his wife. I can't really get behind him as a result. While her unwillingness to give her husband a bj because 'it does nothing for her' is fucking retarded, I won't get behind a cheater that cheats out of spite. In the words of Patrice o'neal, if you're going to cheat do it righteous. Don't cheat because of your bitch, cheat cause you want some strange. Do it for you and not because of her. Bitches cheat out of spite, men shouldn't.

2014-07-27T17:40:37+00:00

Meh, doesn't justify it. If he wants a bj, he should divorce rather than cheat.

Oh wait, he's a guy. Carry on then. Adultery, while bad is better than divorce rape.

Title	Wife shocked to catch husband of 12 years getting a BJ at a party. Minor detail: She never gives BJs because "They just don't do anything for me."
Author	jeanmeslier
Upvotes	131
Comments	70
Date	July 27, 2014 7:52 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/2bufg6/wife_shocked_to_catch_husband_of_12_years_getting/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/wife-shocked-to-catch-husband-of-12-years-getting.228948 https://theredarchive.com/post/228948

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