I'd like to ask for a bit of advice on handling some pre-sex shit tests. This basic scenario has played out a number of times, ending with me walking away at least two or three times.
Tonight my wife was in shit test mode. She started with a compliance test to open a delivery for her. I did the "oh no your legs don't work!" thing, physically moved further away from the box, and eventually just said no repeatedly and kept a smile on my face. Legitimately wasn't annoyed. This is only here for the shit-test context.
Eventually she changed the subject to sex and told me to get towels (for after). Grabbing hand towels is something I usually do, so didn't fight the compliance test and just grabbed the towels. When we started kissing she decided to create some tedious bedroom drama. She playfully hit/pinched me and then got pissy when I return the favor to her ass. I grabbed her ass and kissed her to shut her up about it, but in the process I leaned on the sleeve of her shirt, pinning her shoulder to the bed. She pulled it away and launched into a bitch session about me leaning on it, said that she's told me in the past that it bothers her and I always do it and it's intentional.
Now what the fuck am I supposed to do here? Serious question. She's sabotaging the tiny bit of sexual energy in the room by taking a break to lecture me. Ignoring her rant completely seems implicitly to say that I'll accept this behavior. Part of me wants to tell her to fuck off and walk away. Part of me wants to tell her to shut the fuck up and kiss her (but I'm not really aroused anymore anyway). Part of me wants to DEER and respond to her accusation.
Instead I purposely leaned on her sleeve again. I believe it came off playful, but maybe it came off more "fuck you" in the moment. She pulled her shoulder away again, I gave her a smirk, and she bitched some more. I told her to take off her shirt and it wouldn't happen again. Her response was that she's told me about things like this before, and I intentionally do things that I know piss her off (I guess not entirely false based on my last action) and that she doesn't like it when I do things after she tells me she doesn't like them. What I hear: "I don't like to be playful (with you) and if I'm going to put up with sex (with you), then you could at least walk on eggshells during the act."
At this point all the blood had left my dick and I was actively disinterested in sex. So I told her this wasn't doing anything for me and looked at her. She said something that amounted to "whatever", so I put my pants on while telling her that I don't know why she pushes like this before sex and that it completely ruins it. Then I said I was going to go read elsewhere.
Obviously, I have a lot to work on. Firstly, more STFU. I took a weak exit and made it weaker by whining about her ruining it. By the time it got to "this isn't doing anything for me", I should have already been putting on my pants, said only that and left.
What else should I be doing for shit tests like "oh my God you leaned on my sleeve?" I could go AA and ask if it's fatal. I could ignore it completely and pretend she never said anything. I could nuke it and walk away immediately. Of those only AA seems reasonable but I think would yield the same escalating shit test I got tonight.
Obviously I should get more attractive and this will happen less, but while I work on that are there any other suggestions? I'm interested in both "alpha sprinkles" that would help in this narrow situation, because it's happened multiple times, as well as more general, "this is happening because you're fucking up broader issue X".
(And yes, after I read I also went and lifted. Accessory lifts because I already did my scheduled lifts today.)
edit: Holy shit wall of text. Cut down some, but still a lot.
And since this is my first post in AskMRP, cut the shit:
36, 150lb, 5'7", 15ish % bodyfat (Navy method), Wendler Training maxes: OHP 75, BP 125, SQ: 225, DL: 235
- NMMNG: Don't hold people to your covert contracts. Also holy shit a lot of guys are way worse off than me.
- MMSLP: Being attractive is the biggest factor in marital bedroom happiness.
- WISNIFG: Assert your actual desires. You can get your way most of the time by simply being willing to state what you expect, repeatedly.
- Rational Male: This was the first one I read and it's been a while, but... Relationships are not altruistic and love isn't unconditional.
- MAP: Rehash of MMSLP MAP but refocused to present it for a less desperate-husband audience. Didn't get much out of this.
- Pook: Have fun with it.
- Way of the superior man: Haven't finished, but... Create duality in your relationships.
- How to win friends...: A decade ago, but... No one generally cares about you. They care about themselves. Show genuine interest in them and they'll suddenly be interested in you.
- Day Bang: Haven't finished, but... Open in the daytime in a gentle, non-sexual manner. Elderly opener.
- The Ironwood Collection of Alpha moves: Lead your family to win in the bedroom.
- Sex God Method: Being a sexual god will make women fall in love with you. Do that with DEVI to be a sexual master.
- Models: It's far better to force a potential partner into the interested or disinterested bucket than leave her undecided.
- Subtle art: You actually will give a fuck about something, so pick well.
Testosterone: Haven't checked. Will do next time I've got a GP checkup appointment.
Initiations/rejections: probably between 2:1 and 3:1.
Number of women besides your wife you could call right now to chill this weekend: 0
Last girl you flirted with who isn't your wife: Last was a random cashier; don't recall name but also don't flirt enough in general
How many days over the past 15 you have actively gamed your wife: ~10
Two things you do that make you a good catch: Good cook. Pretty funny.
What you would do today if you did not have a wife/kids to go home to: Right now, sleep. Tomorrow, call up friends to hang out, probably.
Write down what Dread Level you are on: Working on 3
How many more months you have to go until you are an attractive man with options: 6-12