LTR asked why I dont just break up.

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June 5, 2019
58 upvotes

Floor in washing room got flooded due to faulty washing machine. To me it's a matter of getting out the wood and replacing it with vinyl (i dont know why the previous tenants choose a wooden floor there) but she got really upset and couldnt think about anything else.

I'm also writing a grant application so I really didnt feel like dropping everything to solve the issue past the immediate matter of drying it. Apparently my aloofness pissed her off as she threw a bottle of mayo around.

I just sat motionless. I tend to lock up in situations like that. I also become hyper vigilant because I've been abused by a previous gf. It was weird but I couldnt even speak. I was loaded like a spring、waiting for the moment she would either start screaming or would move to hit me. Even tho my current gf never hit me I was preparing for it.

What she did do was tell me to sleep on the couch. I was being hurtful for making the face that I made、and if I was so annoyed why didnt I just break up? She texted me this from the bedroom.

I replied that I couldnt help how I felt. But that it was a bit unfair that she could act out and no big deal、 but when I'm annoyed it should lead to a breakup?

After a short back and forth、 she then said I didnt have to sleep on the couch if I didnt want to. I spent the night watching videos and working on my application.

I really do care for her、 and since we live together I dont want to break up over a flooded floor. Especially since I need to focus on building my business. This is an especially vulnerable time because I dont have much financial means and thus have low SMV.

So I have to ask、is my ltr (2.5 years) nearing its final stages? Is this a sign she found someone else and is preparing to branch swing? Is this just a shit test? Is this just her emotions running wild? Did I fuck up somewhere、or not? Where do I go from here?

She just came around again half sobbing and dramatically holding my hand and then letting go again、to then go back to bed without saying a word.


Post Information
Title LTR asked why I dont just break up.
Author Resolution437
Upvotes 58
Comments 86
Date 05 June 2019 03:09 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/240839
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/bwxu9x/ltr_asked_why_i_dont_just_break_up/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
branch swinginglong term relationshipsexual market valueshit test
Comments

[–]2319Skew98 points99 points  (5 children) | Copy

She's not your LTR. She's your jailor.

From my experience, it's either a flag that she's trying to push you to leave and thus you're the bad guy or she's so emotionally damaged that her behaviour doesn't register as normal.

Either way, you're spending your life tied to a bomb.

Walk away as soon as you can.

[–]leaveitaloneitsfine 1 points [recovered]  (4 children) | Copy

he's his own jailor and bomb. he's a pussy. she's just struggling with her feelings of disgust about spending her life with a pussy.

bottle of mayo around. [..] I just sat motionless. I tend to lock up in situations like that.

pin her and dump the rest of it on her head, and spank her until she apologizes for being a cunt. what's she going to do? call the cops? break her phone and keep spanking her. get her mom over there too and spank that bitch too.

man up.

[–]nicyhasreddit6 points7 points  (3 children) | Copy

Shit tests of this level indicate she already sees him as a c**t. Thankfully AWALT because a smart girl would have dumped him already.

He should dump her

[–]leaveitaloneitsfine 1 points [recovered]  (1 child) | Copy

nah he needs to experience manning the fuck up. once he's done, he can toss her and start fresh if he wants, but this really a fantastic spot for him to be in.

[–]nicyhasreddit7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You need to be able to man up before you can dump someone. Its difficult for a beta male to dump anyone

[–]cat_magnet8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

You can say cunt on the internet man.

[–]Sero-Flex130 points131 points  (2 children) | Copy

Bruh I dare a bitch to tell me to sleep on the couch I swear I never understood how guys put up with that kind of attitude

Edit: lmao y’all crazy for giving this bullshit ass comment gold thank you tho much appreciated

[–]juliank478 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

Hell, I’d go fuck her best friend on the couch.

[–]VigilantSmartbomb11 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol fr I was waiting for the “I wasn’t going to anyways” but figured maybe he didn’t wanna piss her off. Idk it sounded like it was all from his frame but I guess the comment section disagrees lol

[–]WIA20XX50 points51 points  (11 children) | Copy

Chicks dig drama.

But if you live with a chick, you don't have much room to maneuver. And if you need her half of the rent money - she has you by the balls.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn20 points21 points  (9 children) | Copy

That's why you don't live with girls unless you know you're going to marry them.

[–]WIA20XX3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Agreed. I Learned from experience.

[–]Look_Ma_Im_On_Reddit13 points14 points  (5 children) | Copy

Your sentence started off so well

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

I prefer not to have bastard children, so I guess marriage isn't for everyone.

[–]GGrub84 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

"Bastard kids" is a completely deprecated notion. What matters is how well-adjusted they are, not a meaningless label.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn3 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

It matters to me.

deprecated notion

It's the truth.

[–]montana123450 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Awesome.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Indeed.

[–]thrwy75479-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

The effects of pre-marital cohabitation are not so clear-cut.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're over analyzing what I'm saying.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Meh.. Deciding what behaviour to actively dismiss and reward will do shitloads of good for you. Do not be afraid to just walk away and let her simmer. Chicks dig drama if it gets validated. There's no fun trying to create drama solo.

[–]nrjk141 points142 points  (3 children) | Copy

It's not about the wet floor.

It is never about the wet floor.

She's bored. It's the beginning of the end. I've seen it a few times. If you want to really end it, just cry in front of her and let nature take it's course.

[–]HotelMohelHolidayInn40 points41 points  (0 children) | Copy

That's doing too much, just break up with her and be done with it. You don't have to pull out the visine and put on an act to wait for her to dump you.

Why continue giving somebody that doesn't love you anymore the most precious and valuable thing you have, your time.

[–]TBtgoat13 points14 points  (0 children) | Copy

The face he made was hurtful. If she can complain about that she'll find away to complain about him being too naked during sex. Not the best analogy but you get the point. Bitches will be bitches

[–]batfish555 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This guy.

[–]failingtheturingtest65 points66 points  (1 child) | Copy

  1. So your LTR started treating you like a little bitch.
  2. You said it's unfair to treat you like a little bitch.
  3. She said "Are you going to do anything about it, you little bitch?"
  4. You said "No Ma'am"

Stop thinking "I wonder if she wants to break up? Is she cheating on me? Has she found someone else?" because they are all fucking irrelevant.

What you should be asking is "Do I actually want to work harder to get to keep putting up with this bullshit?" Because that is the real scenario. You are going to put MORE effort in, to get MORE bullshit in return.

Bite the bullet and do what needs to be done. Stop making excuses.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Work harder? Work less and care less will achieve way more than caring.

Abundance and putting yourself first.

[–]Senior EndorsedVasiliyZaitzev26 points27 points  (1 child) | Copy

She wants out but she wants you to "kill the puppy."

Also, WTF are you doing sleeping on the couch? Do you think Uncle Vasya ever sleeps on the couch? Hint: No.

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best comment here.

[–]RedSkeller47 points48 points  (6 children) | Copy

From a guy that’s been there this is the beginning of the end. At some point, other than tonight’s event, she got bored of the relationship - so she saw this as an opportunity to cause drama. She’s trying to force your hand and make you break up with her. It’s probably too late to try and dread, especially since you live together. Probably best to send her packing.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl8 points9 points  (1 child) | Copy

No. He's validating the wrong behaviour.

All women will do this, even if they are perfectly fine, cause they want to feel that you care and causing drama works. When you show you care like a BP, she will pounce and keep doing it.

[–]nicyhasreddit5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Solution: dump and do not tolerate. The fact she can do it shows he's been tolerating similar but lesser behavior for too long

[–]TRP VanguardWhisper32 points33 points  (0 children) | Copy

Y'all keep making me post the cat again.

[–]Ill_mumble_that28 points29 points  (8 children) | Copy

This is an especially vulnerable time because I dont have much financial means and thus have low SMV.

And this is when women will kick you, while you're down. Women only root for the winning team.

Anyhow.

I had my girl try to pull some "I'm an angry grown-up child" temper tantrum one time. I told her to go to to her room. This is not a contest to see who can be the most angry or emotionally fucked up.

Your girl even thinking she can tell you to "sleep on the couch" as punishment to you, is a bad thing. It has little to do with your SMV and more to do with you failing to hold a masculine frame and lead the relationship. I sleep in the other room sometimes just cause I get sick of her ass trying to cuddle me getting all hot and sweaty n shit in the middle of the night, she comes wandering out asking me to come to bed and I just tell her to go back to sleep I'll see her in the morning.

An LTR becomes somewhat like a father-daughter relationship. Most women are emotional children that are the age of adults. It is up to to you to be the adult and put her in her place when she acts out, and lead her to where she should be to prevent her from acting out like this.

My ngga, you need to stop being reactive. Start being proactive. Setup a fuck night once a week where you fuck the life out of her. I'm talking multiple Os, jack-off before you start so you can keep going for a long time. Show some fucking passionate desire towards her body, get in her head by whispering her nasty stuff that you know she is into but is too coy to talk about and if you don't know what she's into just start talkin nasty (sex nasty), or make her giggle as you rail her. Setup a day where she focuses on you. You want to reward her, give her a massage and then say "you've earned some hot sex, but it will have to be later unless you can convince me not to wait. I've got shit to do."

You gotta be a sex god or a beta provider to maintain an LTR. Pick one. Right now you are neither.

Also ALWAYS be willing to walk. Worst case, you find a new roomate or something.

[–]bafled5 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

Real shit. Stay strong kings.

[–]bakamoney5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Exactly.

Woman lost her shit. OP's job was to to stay calm and strong. Op losing his shit is what led to this.

Women lose their shit over random stuff all the time. OP's frame melted though.

[–]nicyhasreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

He'd get the same reaction on BP R Relationships.

[–]Ill_mumble_that0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I laugh when women throw a temper tantrum and act all angry.

They have no fucking clue how not-scary they are.

If I got that angry there would be smashed furniture and entire sections of the house walls destroyed. If it was a contest to see who can get the most angry and fuck shit up, she would lose every single time.

But I don't do that, because I'm an adult that can control myself. And I dont allow her to do that either, because there is no excuse for that behavior, and I am strong enough to stop it when it before it even starts.

[–]Spirited_Awakening2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

You gotta be a sex god or a beta provider to maintain an LTR.

I think it’s harder than that.

You’ve simultaneously got to be both and you’ve got to be a sex god and you’ve got to be the beta provider.

That’s why it’s hard work. You have conflicting roles you have to flip between at the right time.

[–]Ill_mumble_that0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Nonsense. You don't ever have to fulfill the beta provider role, unless you have kids.

Even then I know dudes with kids who are stay at home dads. I just dont recommend it.

[–]TopOccasion29-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is why i'm never getting married or entering a LTR. I'll rater stick with my plates & FWB's

[–]nicyhasreddit0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Exactly.

Even if he posted this on the BP r relationships there will be someone telling him he's a pussy for not dumping her.

[–]JacobSnack7 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

Reevaluate her worth

It’s too late to dread, she has a solid opinion on how valuable you are to her. She will categorise any dreading methods as dysfunction. Obviously if she’s making mayo sandwiches mid air then that’s a massive indication on how she perceives you.

Is she really even that valuable? No man in a happy relationship has to deal with that shit. Therefore by putting up with that shit you are essentially choosing to settle for unhappiness in your relationship. FUCK that.

I wouldn’t say this is the last straw, women often act sporadically and make decisions/act on emotional impulse. This could be a one time thing then she may proceed to become the best possible partner but realistically you need to consider your options.

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points  (5 children) | Copy

This doesn't necessarily mean it's the beginning of the end, but if you don't man up, it certainly is.

What nrjk said, this isn't just about the wet floor. She is testing your masculine frame. She wants you to be the man and 1) At least have a plan to fix the floor... 2) Don't ever allow her to speak that way to you and certainly don't ever allow her to throw shit, regardless if you are the intended target or not.

What you need to do is 1) calmly, but firmly tell her that she will never talk to you again that way. This is by far the most important thing. If you act like a doormat, you'll get treated like one. If you act like a man who doesn't put up with disrespect, you'll get treated like one. 2) Don't talk logical to her and don't explain yourself. Simply tell her you have a plan to fix the floor and she doesn't have to worry about it. 3) Let her know that you are really disappointed with her actions and begin giving her some space. Don't be bitter, don't be a dick, but don't continue giving her the same attention until she does some form of a submissive gesture.

By doing ALL of these things, one of two things will happen. She will either (eventually) realize that you are a man who refuses to put up with her shit and she'll turn into a sweet girl and apologize to you. Don't let it end there, make her to something nice for you as an apology (words mean nothing). If this happens, there is hope for this relationship, but you really need to not ever stand for that shit again in the future. Or she will continue treating you like shit and the end is probably near.

Women test when they feel you have not been in your masculine frame. They want to see some kind of sign that you won't put up with her shit. She is begging you to do this. If you continue failing tests, she'll be looking to branch swing. If you begin being a man and passing her tests, she'll start turning into a sweet girl again.

I believe that this doesn't have to be the end so I wouldn't start hopping immediately on the break up train. However, if you continue acting like a doormat, the end will come very soon. Seriously follow the steps I laid out above and good things might happen. If not, yeah, the end is near, but it's up to you and the actions you take whether that is the case or not.

[–]nicyhasreddit4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

It should be the end. He should just dump her

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

1) Yes, but retracting attention is way more effective.

2) True, but you don't even have to tell her to not worry.

3) see 1. Retract attention when you see behaviour you dislike.

4) Reward good behaviour.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Verbally telling your girl, "you fucked up and I won't put up with it", followed by retracting attention is the most effective.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Perhaps. I never did so far, cause I'll ask them what they apologise for when they do and I don't want to indicate at what point my boundary was reached. Let that hamster go round and round.. I want them to go through the interaction and realise what that boundary is. Assuming I have indicated this boundary before. Each their own I guess ;)

[–]i-am-the-prize2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

So far, in my limited experience, the hamster is best leveraged when I withdraw (what am i doing? am i thinking of her? am i still disappointed?) so I agree the covert language of both seduction and female communication has a lot of power, but I do not think it is best used in establishing boundaries, rather more so in enforcing them via the withdrawal of my time/attention when she displays behavior I want to discourage.

So, to communicate the actual boundaries I've been setting as I regain my Frame and (re)establish my primacy - I communicate those overtly. Because they are simple and coming from my Frame, the masculine Frame, for example:

1) when you speak to me, even if you're upset/dealing with domestic BS/drama surrounding our kids, you do not treat me like another child- your drama and tone that you were using when speaking to them - it ends when you begin to speak to me.

2) when you speak to me, you don't raise your voice/yell.

...

so simple basic shit. For me to withdraw/withhold attention at some 'nebulous' boundary I've yet to establish, it serves me no purpose other than pointless mindgames, if she doesn't know where I stand and what I expect and command as respect.

Since OP is talking LTR (however disfunctional) let's think first officer/captain relationship. the FO should have no doubt on what is acceptable or not when working with/for the captain. A strong and competent Captain should not be thinking: "ooh, I'll keep the FO in suspense on why the captain/me is upset at them!! that'll show her!! She'll be wondering why I'm upset!!!" No, she'll think you're neurotic and unstable and a PITA.

What I've found about the tried and true RP commandments/advice, at first glance it seems like it will upset the woman, but in the end it makes both her and us happier: her knowing she has a man who commands self-respect, stands his ground, controls his frame (for all of the evolutionary reasons she's wired to want this - read the sidebar, don't argue with me), us happier is easy - although we need to understand that we won't find the unconditional love of a mother in our LTR's so get that now, but we will be admired and appreciated and we will generate true attraction in our LTR. The LTR will do her part in ways that play to her strengths (cooking your favorite meals, offering affection, looking for subtle but meaningful ways to actually please us).

[–]CaptainKidd9611 points12 points  (0 children) | Copy

Nah man, it's not the wet floor. It's her not being satisfied and her not respecting you. It starts with "major things" and then before you know it she's nagging you because you a couple of spoons where the forks belong or some stupid shit like that.

I undestand that you are currently in a delicate financial situation. Don't you have a buddy with whom you can live with and split the rent with him instead of living with your ltr? If the problem continues the grow she won't let you reach your full potential and she'll keep creating drama to bring you down.

[–]maloven2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I had a relationship like this. Regret having ever met her as it did cause me more grief than I needed. In a much better one now. I always had a RP mindset in terms of I treated her but never had the actual courage to break up with her.

[–]777views2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Can you share your personal tips/advice about being in a relationship? Also, glad you found a better girl man.

[–]0io-2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Women love to freak out about stuff.

You're calm and collected and not bothered by this stuff and you don't care about anybody's feelings. Just fix the washing machine problem without saying anything about it. Let her be the one to apologize, but don't ask her to apologize. I'd let her clean up the mess in the kitchen.

In her mind she will say, Fuck, u/Resolution437 really has his shit together. Why was I panicking about that.

You have to decide how much mayonnaise throwing and freaking out you're willing to put up with in a relationship. I'd say this is a pretty typical female tantrum and shit-test. If she's doing this crap all the time you should dump her. If she's normally fun to be around and this is about the only crazy shit she has pulled in 2.5 years then just chalk it up to she had a bad day and her emotions were out of control. It's not like she burned the house down or smashed up your car.

She feels panic, she wants to see if you to enter her frame and panic too. Or will you be a real man and treat her like a misbehaving little girl and pull her into your frame? You win by not freaking out and fixing the problem as if nothing ever happened. You win if you couldn't care less about it.

You mentioned a previous abusive girlfriend, so you might do a little bit of introspection as to why you're dating crazy women.

Just stay focused on your mission, which is your grant writing stuff. Fuck her good. Don't get pulled in to her silly tantrums or arguments. Fix stuff that's broken and don't say anything about it.

[–]DoYouConcur292 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

What you need is a non-red pill opinion. People here have a different mindset. I used to frequent this sub and realized people here assume all women fit into the same category (which has some truth to it) but for the times it isn't true - like right now - you need an outside look at the situation. "Why don't you just break up with me?" can be a reflection of her own low self esteem. Of course, TRP will claim its a shit-test. It could be, but by posting here you only get the TRP opinion.

[–]MisfitPL93 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Fuck all the haters here saying shes ready to branchswing, dump her and all that other crap. The OP is in an LTR ( not a plate ) and isnt owning his shit

Floor in washing room got flooded due to faulty washing machine. To me it's a matter of getting out the wood and replacing it with vinyl (i dont know why the previous tenants choose a wooden floor there) but she got really upset and couldnt think about anything else.

Faggot - You didnt react to the immediate concern of water on the floor, nor did you calm her concern about the issue. Yes she freaked out - girls do that, YOU, you fucking retard did fuck all so its no wonder she carried on the way she did. I bet all her clothes were wet except her panties. You didnt take control of the situation and say " Babe - lets sort the leak and I'll sort the other stuff out later " You froze like a deer in headlights.

I'm also writing a grant application so I really didnt feel like dropping everything to solve the issue past the immediate matter of drying it. Apparently my aloofness pissed her off as she threw a bottle of mayo around

OWN YOUR SHIT - at least tell her you have the situation under control instead of not giving a fuck. Pull her up on her disrespect of throwing shit

I just sat motionless. I tend to lock up in situations like that. I also become hyper vigilant because I've been abused by a previous gf. It was weird but I couldnt even speak. I was loaded like a spring、waiting for the moment she would either start screaming or would move to hit me. Even tho my current gf never hit me I was preparing for it.

Faggot - you lost frame - no wonder she told you to sleep on the couch, I would have told you to as well you scared little bitch - where is your frame and being stoic? You spent the night watching videos because you were scared

What she did do was tell me to sleep on the couch. I was being hurtful for making the face that I made、and if I was so annoyed why didnt I just break up? She texted me this from the bedroom.

NEVER, EVER sleep on the couch. Ignore it and sleep in your own bed. Let her sleep on the couch

I really do care for her、 and since we live together I dont want to break up over a flooded floor. Especially since I need to focus on building my business. This is an especially vulnerable time because I dont have much financial means and thus have low SMV.

So I have to ask、is my ltr (2.5 years) nearing its final stages? Is this a sign she found someone else and is preparing to branch swing? Is this just a shit test? Is this just her emotions running wild? Did I fuck up somewhere、or not? Where do I go from here?

You have low SMV cos you acted like a faggot. Is your relationship near its final stages - NO, but she has seen what a little bitch you are

You fucked this one up and if you keep doing it then your relationship is over - her stating about breaking up is just the beginning

[–]TopOccasion290 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Spot on...but let's be real it's over. OP should still try to save it though for some experience. But she will inevitably do the same shit again after a while then OP should bail.

[–]batfish551 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Major shit test. Big enough that you should be asking yourself if you deserve that much of a bitch. Dump. That. Bitch.

Also...you're trying to start a business with that kind of shit at home? You do know that starting your own business is like an 80 hour a week job? If she doesn't derail it outright, she'll start bitching and moaning that you don't spend enough time with her. Side note: A woman will never allow you to better yourself while you're with her. She knows that once you've improved yourself/your standing, you'll dump her fora newer, younger, hotter model.

[–]Nergaal1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I replied that I couldnt help how I felt. But that it was a bit unfair that she could act out and no big deal、 but when I'm annoyed it should lead to a breakup?

If you thought it might be a shit test, why did you break your frame and got into her mind game? It is obvious you got the wrong state of mind if your first reaction was to say "you think it's unfair for you to bitch me around?" You could have said simply that you are not her bitch, but instead, you decided to check up on her feelz.

she then said I didnt have to sleep on the couch if I didnt want to

This is a confirmation that her initial reaction was purely a shit test. One does not swing 180o if it's not some kind of shittest.

I really do care for her

The "really" part tells me you are already going downhill. It might not be all lost, but you are certainly going to be dumped if you don't regrow your frame.

She just came around again half sobbing and dramatically holding my hand and then letting go again、to then go back to bed without saying a word.

This are the early stages of regret. When she feels guilty enough about the shittest and about you failing it, then her "manning up" and walking away in a cold manner. She was sad for something she realized she lost (i.e. her respect for you) then found a way to cement her mind about not regretting starting to pull away.

[–]RevolutionaryPea71 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Sorry dude but you fucked up by moving in with her. Moving in means goodbye sex, hello drama. I mean, you weren't allowed to sleep on your own bed for fucks sake. The last time something like that happened to me I was being told off by my mother for being a naughty boy.

If you have to put up with a woman's shit then you've fucked up. If she can withhold sex from you then you've fucked up. You're on the path to living like a little boy with his mummy for the rest of your life.

[–]ass-my-eat1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

When a woman shows that she doesn’t care to be with you, then you should ................

fill in the blank

[–]nicyhasreddit1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Why are you asking this question? Dump her already

[–]SeasonedRP1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

She doesn't have any respect for you. It's too late to fix that. I wouldn't necessarily say she has found someone else but she will. It's more than a shit test. You've been behaving in a way that has caused her to have zero respect for you, and it's time to make an exit plan.

[–]HotHead1211 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Damn dude she moped the floor with YOU

[–]Timely4ct1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

My man. I was you where you are right now. She doesn’t respect you. If she knows that your ex hit you then she doesn’t respect you even more.

A woman who respects and loves her man would never treat or speak to you like this.

Leave her and rebuild your life again - exactly what I’m doing right now.

[–]Senior EndorsedMattyAnon1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

What she did do was tell me to sleep on the couch

The fact that she feels she can throw you out of your own bed shows how much control she thinks she has over your life.

It's time to show her this is not the case.

I really do care for her

She knows this, and knows she can pull dumb shit like you described. You need her more on edge so she behaves better, OR...... find a girl who behaves better.

So I have to ask、is my ltr (2.5 years) nearing its final stages?

Almost certainly.

Is this a sign she found someone else and is preparing to branch swing?

No, but she's aware she has options

Is this just a shit test?

No

Is this just her emotions running wild?

Yes., but also that she has no respect for you.

Did I fuck up somewhere、or not? Where do I go from here?

Yes, you committed too much to a girl who responds to commitment with abuse.

You can try running dread game, but personally I think if she behaves like this it's time to end things.

[–]moontripper12461 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

"threw a bottle of mayo around"

my joke with my girl is when we're ready to end it we'll start throwing dishes and breaking shit.

literally happening to you, just end it

[–]Red_Pill_Brotherhood1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Its over. If she is threatening a breakup with you she doesn't value the relationship much and isn't afraid of losing it. That means you are in her frame and she probably has you by the balls. You have 2 options:

A)Start asserting yourself calmly and controlling the frame. Now.

B)Dump her and move on.

I would go with B. May sound extreme but trust me. Also, why deal with the drama?

Also, you need to read chapters 30 and 31 in "The Way of the Superior Man" about how her mentioning the washing machine and being upset at you over that isn't really about that. It's about you not keeping your word with something and/or not being in your masculine energy. The book will clear this up perfectly for you.

[–]yungplayz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

  1. What is this weird thing you use instead of commas?

  2. Her going nuts on you because of the leaking washing machine — that's bananas. Come on, it's not like you sabotaged the machine or something. It's up to absolutely no good and appears as she's just looking for a reason to break up. Apparently, she just wants to justify dumping you somehow, doesn't want it to look like she did it out of blue. And she's not mature enough to just openly admit the current state of affairs.

[–]crystal_wb1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude, all she wants is drama. She's manipulating you to give her more attention. She's not sticking with her decisions because she wants you to "fight for her", or in this case, fight for sleeping next to her.

What you describe is what I was like in the past until I did therapy. She's manipulating you, and I believe she thinks she knows exactly how you're gonna react.

The worst thing for her would be if you just didn't respond or react to her mind games anymore. For example if you just accepted sleeping on the couch and didn't respond to her texts anymore. But you didn't, you gave in to her. So she thinks she's "winning".

While a lot of people automatically say you should give up on a relationship like this, I personally think that if you both really work for it, you could change her behavior. Make her aware that she's manipulating you, in case she doesn't already know (no joke, she could be unaware that she's doing it). Tell her that that's very very toxic behavior. And also tell her she can change that behavior, once she realizes that it's toxic. For me it took a while to change it. It's kind of a "habit" that I did, and I only in hindsight realized I did it again. It took me long to realize that I'm doing it while I'm doing it. Open communication is the key. When I was in the process of changing the behavior, whenever I realized I was doing it at the moment I told my partner about it, went to a separate room and texted him what I actually wanted, instead of manipulating him, since I can express myself better in text than with words. We worked it out.

If she really loves you, she will try to change for the sake of your relationship. If not, I would not recommend staying with her. For your own mental health, especially if you were abused in the past.

TLDR: I think she's manipulating you. But with the help of therapy she could change this behavior, once she realizes it. If she's not willing to change, end the relationship.

[–]CheesyStravinsky0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Realizing that you need to be more proactive in fixing and directing things, and also amplifying yourself into a proactive sex god role.

Just letting everything crumble around you while you write grant applications will ensure your demise here; this is assuming you are trying to continue this, though.

I've seen some advice from people here before who also hard straightforward talks with women to the effect of, "I am building out this business via x, y, and z right now. If you need to be a with a billionaire right now, then that's not me, but I will be, this is how I'm making it happen. If you need to go get that gold now, then go, if you're down to ride with me, then it has to be with ME as I am now." Supposedly this has worked for other men on here in convincing women of their captain status; women don't necessarily need the dollars compared to the reassurance that you are steering a ship somewhere good.

I believe it as well. Why did MacKenzie Bezos stay with Jeff in the early stages of Amazon for example? It was a small online book retailer, and she was the hirer up hedge fund woman compared to Jeff at first. It seems likely Jeff had a conversation like that with her if he didn't make it evident.

[–]Ohboohoolittlegirl0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whenever women go for these arguments, tell her: I'm done with this discussion and go away. Do not re-initiate and do not start about it again. let her feel sorry for it. In addition, I'd recommend you to tell her if she wants to sleep separate, the couch is her place to sleep. Then leave her alone, work on your application and continue.

Anything you say will make her go crazy. Do not validate bad behavior, reward good behaviour. Remove your attention when she's causing drama and she'll *probably* come to you after a while to apologise. Reward her apologies with attention, tell her you do not fight about BS and that she has to do better. Then continue as if nothing happened.

This is the best way of dealing with invalid issues she's causing. Before you do this, ask yourself whether its a valid point, if not. Disregard, take away attention and continue what you are doing.

This is the most important part of the LTR: Do not validate BS, or you have BS drama everyday.Its the biggest shit-test you'll get and failing it will result in extra shit-test, loss of attraction and in the end, cheating.

She's not broken, if you responded correctly.

Do not let her drag you into pointless discussions, do not let her drag you into a blame game. just shrug and tell her you have better things to do and leave.

Edit: Reading other responses and wondering whether these guys ever LTR gamed women and realise how it works.

[–]send_it_for_the_boys0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Been there done that, it’s over bud. She’s telling you what to do, dump her. And don’t talk to her, she’ll come back around I guarantee it, you’ve been with this broad 2.5 years. But it’s upto you if you’d even want her back or not when she does. I would dump her and just go balls deep working on your business and hitting the gym for a few weeks make no time to respond to her annoying texts to come back and decide after a bit then. You’ll feel better if you take a stand and do it but if you just ride this out until she dumps you it’s gonna sting a lot worse, unless you have a few others lined up.

[–]bittr_n_swt0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Definitely agree with others. It’s not about the floor. She’s using it as a distraction for how she really feels

[–]omega_dawg930 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

girls don't like negative feelings so she's doing all that shit to get you to break with her... that way, you're the villain and she's not to blame.

there are two ways to breakup tho. if you want to leave an opening, breakup like a man and just walk. go totally silent and ignore her. in a few weeks or so, she'll come crawling back.

if you want to end things permanently, get super emotional... cry, yell, throw or break something (not her lol) and just act like a blue pill beta bitch boy. after a few weeks, send her flowers and beg like a bitch to get her back. she will surely walk off and leave you for good after that.

but don't waste your time thinking about this too much. a wet floor doesn't create that type of behavior.

[–]MachiavellianDogma0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why does this feel as if I am reading a novel ?

[–]Malactha0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Never tolerate a woman breaking your shit. If anyone is going to break my stuff it is going to be me. When they act like this I tell them they are acting like a toddler and to grow the fuck up, and that their behavior disgust me.

[–]GrouchyCounty0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Bitch broke my mayo

[–]GrouchyCounty0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

So.... you've never heard of pms then...

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You never sleep on the couch. You sleep where you God damn want to sleep.

Every time I had this one ltr get mad at me I'd say "okay goodnight, I'm sleeping on the couch" before she could say anything. She'd pause and be like "wh-what???? Please dont come sleep with me let us not fight (even though her dumbshit ass started it).

It messes with their minds when you just do what you want. If she tries to keep you out of the bed, you pack a bag and disappear for a few days. If its YOUR bed you dump her ass outside and lock the door.

[–]Resolution437[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Thanks for the responses and the wisdom. I realise I am currently not in a position to break up. As mentioned she has me by the balls financially、 and I need to focus on other aspects of my life right now.

I've made peace with this and am looking for a good exit strategy. Preferably my application goes through and I can get out of the country to chase my dreams. In the meantime、this period will be good experience for me、as was mentioned.

That said I also agree that I've been a pushover. I let my insecurities get the best of me and my lack of self respect shine through. Past few months have been rough、even though things are starting to look up. But if I dont respect myself、 nobody will. Even those who claim to love you.

As for my gf/jailor: she had been crying for most of day because I did not speak to her much. I waited until after dinner because I'd be hangry otherwise、then sat her down and told her whe was disrespectful yesterday、 throwing stuff around like that、as well as telling me to sleep on the couch.

She reacted very defensively、profusely denying that she was being disrespectful. But I did my best to keep frame and insisted that if she is the one who is upset、she can sleep on the couch if she wants- but she has no right to tell me what to do in a situation like that. Still、I did take responsibility for not providing enough assurance that the issue was going to be fixed. I refused to apologize however.

I suppose I'm still a beta、but it is the solution I deemed best. At least i can stand by it though、and peacefully go to sleep. In the bed.

[–]Imperator_Red0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Jesus you sound like a raging vagina.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I'm also writing a grant application so I really didnt feel like dropping everything to solve the issue past the immediate matter of drying it.

Expect shit tests and full-fledged manufactured crises at the worst possible times. You're about go on a fishing trip with your brother you've been looking forward to for months? Taking the Bar Exam tomorrow? Brace for drama.

Apparently my aloofness pissed her off as she threw a bottle of mayo around.

This is where you crack a joke. "I've always been more of a ketchup person myself". Then go for a kiss. If she seems 100% inconsolable and mentally-ill start recording and retreat a friend's apartment. Crazy girls can destroy your life with false accusations.

she then said I didnt have to sleep on the couch if I didnt want to.

Sleeping alone or being given the silent treatment is torturous to them, so they assume we feel the same way and pull this shit on us. This is where you freeze them out and ignore the text. Or crack another joke. "Maybe tomorrow night, I set up a badass pillow fort out here".

Especially since I need to focus on building my business.

These kind of periods where you're not raking in cash are the most dangerous for men in my experience. It's to the extent that I'd recommend monkmode or one night stands depending on your values and mindset. You can't really accumulate brownie points with women so they think you're being a bum no matter how long you've brought the bacon home. I've seen relationships die when the man went back to school, she got promoted and started making slightly more after years of him being the breadwinner, and even in one case where he was legally not allowed to work because he was still applying for permanent residence/citizenship.

Is this a sign she found someone else and is preparing to branch swing? Is this just a shit test? Is this just her emotions running wild?

If I had to guess, it's a combination of things. Unless she's hideous, you do have rivals for her affections. Maybe she has some doubts about business/education plans and fears she'll be stuck as breadwinner(does she make more than you?). The spill is just an excuse - the resulting fight is both a shit test and an excuse to break away if she decides on that course of action.

[–]NabroleonBonaparte-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Dude holy fuck

Treat her like she treated that tub of mayo and toss her nasty ass aside.

You’re busy building your future, you’re handling your grant, you’re building a business. 10yrs from now this stuff will propel you into a position of power and stability. And she’s so stupid and short sighted that she’s acting crazy and obstructing your mission.

GTFO Yesterday

She’s already bullying you 2yrs in, and you wanna see how worse she can get over time?

Dump her, focus on your goals. Afterwards, figure out why you’re always in these crazy relationshits



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