Written in April 2019
This is my last resort. This whole thing, this married red pill stuff will make or break me, one way or the other.
I’m exhausted, frustrated, angry.
This is my first post on here, although I have been reading a lot. I started lifting about 4 months ago. It’s a long read, so you fuckers might need a chair to sit this one out.
I am a 43y old man in a LTR with a 46 y old woman. We’ve been together for 23 years. We have two beautiful daughters (10 and 12). I met my wife at university when I was 20, she was a few years older and doing a post-grad. We fell in love and have been a couple ever since. I had sex with 2 other girls before I met my wife. She had the same number: two guys.
Most of the men on MRP went through the same scenario: hot and plenty of sex in the beginning, then gradually decreasing to (virtually) zero. My timeline is somewhat different. Sex has always been an issue in our relationship. It took 2 years before we had normal sex (P in V). Before that, it was hand jobs, some oral or climaxing on her tits or ass. Every attempt to normal intercourse was painful for her. She went to see a doctor but he couldn’t find anything abnormal. We talked a lot about it, I didn’t want to push or rush her. She felt bad about it, so I kept silent and hoped it would become better. It did, just when I was about to hit the road and break up with her (now I realize she must have felt something was off). From that moment on, the sex was relatively okay: plain, vanilla sex about 4 times a month. She never let me cum on her face or in her mouth. Anal was a big no-no. I never insisted to increase the frequency. Partly because I didn’t know better, I was blue pill, and I was in love with that girl and everything went well, apart from the sex.
We traveled a lot, we both had a career, great social life, we had friends, hobbies, a life... Around 2005, we decided we wanted kids. The sex became more intense, more frequent. Only two months after she stopped taking the pill, she was pregnant. During her pregnancy and many months after giving birth, sex went off the table. Two years later, when the second kid was born, same scenario.
Since daughter #2 (2008), sex has never been the same. Being intimate became a struggle. She was never into it anymore. I’ve heard every single excuse in the book: too cold, too hot, need a shower, just showered, feeling sick, ate too much, headache, kids are still awake, kids are asleep, tired, work to do, must watch show on tv , etc. Some months, we would still have sex 4 times, but only after I really insisted. Sometimes, we’d only have sex twice a month. It became very functional intercourse (duty/starfish sex, as I learned on here).
In 2012, she decided unilaterally she would stop taking the pill. She suggested I could get myself a vasectomy. I was not willing to do that at that time. Blue-Pill-me never argued and started using condoms or I just pulled out and came on her belly/tits. I hate condoms so I stopped using them and just pulled out every time. Risky business, I would say, but frequency had dropped to about 3 times per month, so who cares, right? While typing this, I now realize it’s been almost 7 years since I came inside my wife!
Now, my wife was very happy with this situation. She couldn’t/can’t care less about sex, she literally told me a few times that she could live her life without having sex ever again without a problem.
Not so much for me, it became a real problem. I became resentful, frustrated, angry.
I tried every option in the book to change our situation:
I tried to talk logic with her: “Sex is part of a healthy relationship.”. Nothing changed.
I tried choreplay. The house was spic&span, hoping that I would be granted acces to her pussy. Nothing changed.
After years, that didn't seem to work, so I drew the opposite card and acted extremely butthurt when denied. I would give her the silent treatment for days, neglecting the house and even my kids, thinking that would show her the way. Nothing changed.
I was blue pill, for sure, but not all the way. I am controlling finances in our house, I have a relatively visible media job in my state and I do have some limited “star power”. I make 100k/year, I have a private pilot license. My kids come to me first to ask permission for something, I run the house like a tight ship and even my wife seeks advice for things. But in relationship stuff, including sex, I am blue pill and afraid to confront her.
In all honesty, she is a good mother for our daughters and not a bad woman. I read all these horror stories on MRP about nagging, lunatic and loose-canon spouses. That’s not my situation. Shit-testing is minimal, she’s good looking, in good shape and of sound mind … but the sex sucks.
Anyway, in 2015, we endured a very long dryspell (months without any action). At one point, I just snapped and couldn't take it anymore. On a lonely night, when she went upstairs to sleep at 9 pm and left me all alone and horny downstairs, I opened an account on datingsite POF.
I never had any real street game (I never cold approached a girl), but my online game was pretty good. Within a week, I was close with 3 ladies. I met up in real life with a HB7. Married, mid-thirties, in a dead bedroom situation. Eager to be fucked. So yes, I had an affair. Was that my best move ever? No, but it was all too much and I needed relief.
That fling opened a new world to me. For the first time in 19 years, I slept with another woman, and that was an eye opener. It felt so extremely good to be with a woman that was actually enjoying sex, how cool was that? She sucked me in a way I was never sucked before. She let me fuck her how I wanted. She let me cum wherever I wanted. I felt revived, what a joy!
My ‘plate situation‘ lasted a few months, until … until my wife found out. She found some messages on my phone from the HB7 chick and I confessed. Or actually, I partly confessed: I said we kissed and fooled around, I never admitted we had sex, there was no proof anyway. Whether she believes that, that’s unclear. We talked and we talked and we talked. I said I was unhappy because of the lack of intimacy, she was mad but said she understood and partly took the blame. After that shitstorm passed, the sex actually picked up again. But old habits returned and frequency dropped to about 3x/month starfish sex again. So I’ve gone through all the scenario’s again: choreplay, passive aggressive, logic … I even showed her articles stressing the importance of sex in a relationship, I kept a score card, I was extremely nice, or extremely rude: to no avail. The sex was/is pathetic.
Fast forward to end of December 2018: it’s been a month without sex, and I am to blame for that as well, because after so many rejections and NO’s, I just stopped initiating. For the first time in 2 decades, I was really contemplating of leaving her. I was ready to have “the final talk” with her... Then, on a dark winters night, I discover married red pill.
It was as if suddenly someone turned on the light in the dark room I have been walking in for more than 20 years. All of a sudden, I could see the objects in that room. And I finally understood how to not run into them. Inexplicable or seemingly random events from the past all made sense now.
I'll give you a few examples to make my point:
- After she found out about my affair, the first week was all drama. Silent treatment, tears, anger, resentment; the full package. But in week #2, however, she all of a sudden became very sexual. She initiated sex twice that week (something she hadn't done in years). Out of the blue, things were possible that she never allowed before. I was flabbergasted and it didn't make sense to me AT ALL at that time, until I discovered MRP recently. She must have realized she needed to up her ‘girl game’ because she saw I had options.
- Another example. As mentioned, my wife would agree to the deed on average only once or twice a month on - what looked to me - random dates. Thanks to my scorecard and a 'period calculator' I can now see that those sex days were on days she ovulated.
I slowly started implementing MRP in January. I read through MMSLP, NMMNG, WISNIFG, Pook, Way of Superior Male. Other books will be read soon. I started lifting, and slowly but steadily building muscles (I was skinny fat: 5’11” and 150 lbs). Showing more leadership in my house (be the oak), seeing old and lost friends again, started initiating with her again. All hard NO’s by the way, no sex for me so far.
One of the first things I did after my disovery of MRP was getting that vasectomy. 'Control the birth'. If it wasn't for my current LTR, I would be abe to fuck other women without risk if the need should arise.
In February, my wife developped a full blown hernia and she couldn’t leave the house for days. Recovery has been slow since that day. She had a lot of pain for weeks. It’s only since the end of March that she’s off pain killers and able to function normally again. This slowed down the MRP process for me somehow. Of course, I kept working on myself in the background while assisting her in her recovery to the best of my abilities. But I stopped initiating . Her pain was real, I could see her suffer and I completely understand she – physically - couldn’t have sex.
She’s much better since April and I have been slowly initiating again, but still all NO’s. I tried to talk her into hand jobs or BJs (no back effort required, right?) but been gettin hard NOs. She says she’s not feeling it right now because of her condition. I am willing to go along with that and don’t want to be an asshole, but I am afraid that her medical condition will now be the standard excuse for not fucking me.
Anyway, that’s where I am right now. No sex since early december and slowly adding MRP into my life. That’s enough for the introduction. I’ll follow up from now on in OYS and keep you posted about my progress...
Thanks for reading, good luck to you all.