Finally passing shit tests, but more questions

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July 29, 2019

32 y/o 6 ft, 186 pounds.

Deads: 365, squat: 275, Bench: 265. MMA, BJJ, Muy Thai 3-4 times a week. Competing in a few months.

Reading several books, read the side bar, etc.

Yesterday, I decided that my wife and I needed to thoroughly clean the apt because it was getting a little out of hand. (we both come from households where growing up, our parents were not good at keeping a clean house, so we made it a point to do everything we could to keep our home clean).

I tackled certain tasks and she did certain tasks as well.

She cleaned the kitchen counters, the island, the stove, etc.

We finished cleaning and a an hour or so passed and I decided to make some food, while she meal prepped for herself.

I used the stove and made the slightest mess. Shit test 1 It was literally just a bit of grease splatter. Instant shit test. bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan about how she just cleaned and that she feels like it was a waste of time that she just cleaned it, etc. She rambles on for 5 min or so while I have my face buried in my breakfast, pretty much ignoring her. She finally stops and starts looking at me and I calmly said, " It will get cleaned, once you leave the kitchen" (She had stuff on the stove as well). Went back to stone silence and she just stood there for several mins or so while she continued prepping. I didn't make eye contact, didn't acknowledge her, etc. This went on for well over 5 min. I finished my food and went into the office. Another 5 min passes and I can hear her put down a kitchen utensil and I hear a knock on my office door.

She walks in and instantly starts apologizing for being controlling and being upset about it. She vents her apology for a few min and I barely acknowledge her. She said she knows she gets controlling sometimes and she apologizes for doing so. I basically just said "Okay" and she asked me if I was mad. I said, "no why would I be."

She gave me a kiss and went back to finishing her meal prep. I finished what I was doing in the office and went back into the kitchen. Talked to her for a bit and joked around/had some convos.

She finished and we got ready to go to our apt pool. On our way out the door, she asked me again Shit test 2/continuation "are you mad, you seem off?" I said, "no not at all, why?". She said "you just seem quiet after the issue earlier". I brushed it off, I might have been a little quiet, but it wasn't from a place of butt-hurt. I really just didn't have much to say to her.

I brought headphones with me to the pool and listened to a pod cast while she read. We barely talked for the entire time we were there. Her mom came to hang with us, I stayed with them for about 20-30 min and then I went back to the apt alone. I really didn't want to hang out with them. I tell them I had a bit too much sun and that I'm gunna go upstairs.

Her mom leaves, she comes back up and we discuss dinner. She tells me to stay busy for an hour or so, she wants to surprise me with a really nice home made dinner.

The dinner was amazing. She loves to cook, so I usually eat really well, but this meal was over the top good.

During dinner, I told her I want her to wear her lingerie outfit that she has (hoping to have sex after we digest dinner) and she passively says "I don't want to wear it" (we had unexpected sex during the day on Saturday that she initiated, so she probably thinks shes off the hook for a few days/week, it was also semi starfish sex because we were short on time). So I shrugged it off and said "okay". She has been self conscious about her weight the past 2 weeks. She went away on a business trip and went HAM on the eating. She was bloated, etc from the trip, even a week after being home. (Which I noticed but didn't care).

I thanked her for the great meal and we start up a multi-episode documentary to watch, which we got about half way and got into bed. (Sunday's are lazy days for us, I like to recover from my MMA and lifting workouts).

We watched 2 of the 8 episodes before we got into bed, my wife skips ahead to like episode 6 and it is about sex, or so I thought. While picking it she says "ohh this one is about sex" in like a very interested voice while looking at me.

It was def a blue pilled script to begin with (the scientific portion was interesting, but the host was such a beta faggot), but it wasn't cringe worthy until this portion of it. It was basically saying that women aren't the only ones who should look into contraception options and that men should do it too. The undertone was shaming men into making women the focus on contraception. I tried keeping my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it. I basically told her how ridiculous this is and that they show the most beta male men on these shows to shame men. She didn't really acknowledge my comment.

The documentary ends and she makes a mention that Shit test 3 "when her and I are done having kids, she wants me to get a vasectomy". I said "no way in hell and that if her and I were to split, I want to be able to keep my options open."

She didn't like this answer and basically repeated what I said. I said "yep". She said goodnight, I said goodnight and gave her a kiss and turned over. No sex, she's now pissy, etc.

Wake up this morning and she seems normal, I woke up with the reset in mind and she leaves for work, I go to Jiu Jitsu, haven't heard from her since.

I trying to turn this semi starfish sex into more fun. She used to love when I went down on her, usually orgasm'd every time. She's into butt plugs, but we haven't used them in awhile because she "feels constipated".

She's felt "constipated" for weeks now. I took all of the toys, put them in a bag and put them in the closet. She recently asked where they were (not while we were having sex) and I basically said that we don't use them, I put them away.

Half assed BJ's just to get my dick wet to be able to stick it in easier. She uses a vibrator while I fuck her missionary, she orgasms very strongly. I flip her over for doggy to finish and that's that. Move on with the day.


Are these decent/good ways to handle shit tests as a newbie red piller?

In what ways can I handle the lingerie situation? I can tell she feels guilty about going crazy on her business trip and over eating. ( She isn't fat, but she does need to lose about 10 lbs).

Thoughts on the vasectomy response? She is obviously trying to call the shots. I know vasectomy's are reversible, but she is obviously saying it to try to be in her frame.

I really don't know what else to do to get her to be sluttier again. I've been soft dreading her. I stopped kissing her as much, stopped saying I love you unless she says it, I stopped being physical with her, unless I'm initiating sex. I do my best to stay busy. I'm caught between doing more kino and completely withdrawing attention. I think sometimes I come off looking needy when I kino too much. Sometimes when I try to hug her from behind and jam my dick into her back, she just tells me to stop and pushes me away.

Should I withdraw even more attention?

Any other tips on how to continue dread and to get her to be sluttier? I know people will say that I need to flirt with not only her more, but other girls in front of her. There hasn't really been a situation in a long time where I could even do this. Her and I don't go out to the bars or anything at all really.

Post Information
Title Finally passing shit tests, but more questions
Author ke3bsf6
Upvotes 10
Comments 51
Date 29 July 2019 02:48 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]UEMcGillI am become McGill, Destroyer of Blue Pill12 points13 points  (2 children) | Copy

You seem to piss in your own cornflakes. When you say shit like "what if I still want kids if we break up?" and "I put them away because we don't use them" it comes off as spiteful and bitter.

Remember she's not asking for info, she's asking for feeling. So saying these things to her conveys a feeling of unease to her. Why would I want to get a vasectomy if I'm not sure I'll still be with you?

So as far as sex and lingerie, give her only the option to say no. Don't let her decide to say yes. "Babe, where's the sexy red teddy? Put that in for me hun." or "where's the bejeweled blitz? I think it needs to make an appearance tonight.". Often a woman only needs to get past the first bit. But if you make her say yes the whole way she might not get past it.

I get the feeling that you're still in the anger phase. That's OK. But it's affecting how you manage your relationship with your wife. There has to be push and pull. Machiavelli and Cincinnatus. Dread is based on both fear and longing. If you push too much to fear she may end up alpha widowed.

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I am always on the verge of too much fear and dread... If you push to far, you end up breaking the woman and she will do some CRAZY shit and then rationalize it later. I get close to this line all of the time and have to dial it back and give some comfort.

[–]Redpillbrigade171 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Thank you for that history nugget lesson.

[–]helaughsinhidden8 points9 points  (5 children) | Copy

You are coming off as roll playing and it is confusing her. Find your balance of kino and be consistent. Purposely withdrawing attention for extended time is butt hurt. Just ling enough for the behavior to stop or her mood to shift back into your frame, then resume as if it never happened.

You also should be sure to reward good behavior, like the apology. I know guys who have never heard an apology in a 30 year marriage. Also, be better about wording, "it's okay" implies her behavior was acceptable vs saying "thanks" encourages the actual apology and let's her know it is safe to admit mistakes and be welcomed back when corrected.

[–]Perfectinmyeyes1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lol I'm one of them. Well not 30 years but feels like it.

[–]cdh10030 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Never really thought about that difference in wording. Like it.

[–]MrChad_ThundercockBig Red Machine4 points5 points  (9 children) | Copy

“she wants me to get a vasectomy".

Best response would have been:

“ great!, I can start banging my girlfriends raw dog without worrying about getting them pregnant... (wink and grin)”

“she wants me to get a vasectomy. I said "no way in hell and that if her ...”

Stop DEERing.

Don’t get into a debate- especially about a hypothetical.

She wants to feelz, give her some feelz. Your value is above hers, you are the Prize. Treat her like a little girl.

[–]useful_stranger4 points5 points  (2 children) | Copy

Head shake... I’d get out before having kids with this woman. Ok, I’d give it a solid 6-12 months of manning up, doing my thing, charming her, but if it doesn’t work and she’s not excited, I’d get out.

You got wet paper bag frame, man. Make some big ass changes over some time, stop micromanaging every interaction, then reevaluate: would you pick her now from the sea of pussy? Why? Why not? What are your standards? Why would/do you continue to put up with sub par treatment? If your needs are not met, and you put up with it it’s your damn fault. Ok she’s a great cook, but you want to also get laid with a woman who’s hot for you and can’t wait to choke on your cock.

Big decisions ahead for you.

[–]apietroski83 points4 points  (2 children) | Copy

I am yet to be a pro at passing shit tests either, but your response to her little pout fest about making a mess of the stove, I would hardly consider passing a shit test. Its good you STFU through most of it, but a better response would have been playful, along the lines of "you look so cute when you get worked up" then slap her on the ass, give the stove a quick wipe and joyfully carry on with your day.

You say you were not butthurt by this, but from what you described from your actions, your wife took it as you being butthurt.

When she came in to apologize, thats when you pull her on your lap, give her a long passionate kiss, slap her ass and tell her to get back to cleaning. She was looking for comfort and affection and you barely acknowledged her.

You were completely butthurt the entire time at the pool. You dont withdraw attention all day just because of a shit test or two, dont let it phase you. Your wife in a bathing suit is the perfect time to try and game her and warm her up for whats to come later.

You had a covert contract all day and let yourself down by thinking if i show her some lingerie i will get laid tonight. If that was your shitty attempt at initiating, that is when you withdraw attention and affection and go lift or read by yourself. Instead you entered her frame and gave her some attention after you got rejected.

When she brought up the vasectomy thing, that's when you playfully change the subject and mention something about your balls still being attached and ready to fire some baby juice. Instead you got butthurt and started arguing about why you'll never get snipped. When my wife used to bring up vasectomy, id tell her we are having an army of kids before anybody's giving me the snip, and then i would proceed to blow a huge load in her.

You're making some baby steps, and its hard to ignore all the shit women spew sometimes, but they all want to test your frame and make sure you are still the leader. Keep recognizing the tests, but work on a more playful way of deflecting and passing them. And game your wife throughout the day if you want to actually get laid.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (12 children) | Copy

She vents her apology for a few min and I barely acknowledge her.

This isn't good. Reward good behavior. I smile, and give her a Daddy hug and a Daddy forehead kiss. She fucking LOVES that shit. They shit test so they can FEEEEELLLZ your masculinity. Stoic is fine if you are listening with mild interest during a bitch session or something but not when she apologizes. After the apology you need to shift gears and reward that behavior. I consistently say to her "Good girl." after she cooked a good meal or fucked me a like a dirty whore. Or while I am fucking her I growl in her ear "You are such a good girl." or some variation depending upon how immersed she is. Typically she will respond very positively to this.

Someone recently told me to focus more on rewarding good behavior than punishing bad. Looks like you are doing a decent job of ignoring or punishing the bad but I think you need to ramp up the rewards and praise for her being a good girl.

It's crude but think of training a dog. She will be the woman you want when you are the man she will want to submit to and please. Are you worthy of this type of woman right now? Does she want to please you? Is your SVM high enough to command this type of desire? It sounds like it might be but you tell me. Even if you don't always go out to bars, do you get IOI's? I get attention wherever I go and it makes the wife get all kinds of horny.

If you are getting IOI's and you have decent SMV (higher than hers at least) then your problem is lack of frame and a gross personality she doesn't find attractive. I would be more than willing to bet (I don't know you) you have a weak frame and it might have to do with the emotional piece. A two legged stool falls over. Or in BJJ terms, its really easy to sweep someone if you capture their post. Wifey keeps sweeping you with her emotions because you aren't strong enough yet to base out. More sidebar, more lifting and more time will get you where you need to be. Good luck.

[–]umizumiz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Shit test 2 was a comfort test. Ok, back to reading

Spez: you've got good advice here.

[–]ReddJiveRed Beret1 point2 points  (8 children) | Copy

I didn’t read other comments. I usually do. mostly because I hate repeating something but today...fuck it.

I never understood why guys that start this process feel the need to point out the world’s blue pill mindset. This show is blue pill, where is the Red Pill music at? Give it up. The world is blue and it’s not your job to change it. This smacks of the real alpha bullshit that flared up last year. Stop it. This is about you. Not them. Not anyone else.

Your self respect. Your boundaries. What you want. Not anything else.

If TV pisses you off that bad stop watching it. I did. Haven’t had cable TV in maybe 15 years. Get rid of those time wasting activities.

Now as I read this sounded like you had good Frame then I got to the end. What a way to slide back. I mean full on into home plate face first slide.

Getting her to respond sexually. You aren’t attractive enough. That simple. Physical you may have it but you are learning that physical isn’t all there is to it. Some women that’s all you need, others need you to show them more. Physicality, financials, and status are things a man can change and gain huge improvements in his life.

Your Frame. Your outlook is much harder. You have to remember she still sees and knows what kind of beta you were. I am guessing right now that past is what you have to overcome. To do it you just have to not care. YOu had it great during the lunch/breakfast encounter but are losing it on sex. You are faking it in other words.

How to get her to be sluttier? Be a man that she would do that for. She knows what you want. You keep presenting these situations, what you want. She says no. YOu handle it like you did the clean kitchen thing.

The advice for unplugging married men is never turn down sex. You already are in a IV Drip so take it. Then do what you want or try to as the case may be. Eventually you will get to the point where everything is hitting on all cylinders and you will look at her and just say....yeah you can do better. She knows she can.

You are coming off needy because you are. Doing kino should just be what you do. She refuses or rebuffs you. Laugh slap her ass and thank her for her service. her saying no is trying to take that away from you. The way you respond signals to her that you do this to ALL women or will. Similar to when she starts talking about other guys. Your response is to ramp it up and make her reflect on being a slut. Women don’t openly like being called sluts (except by their Alpha), so your kino when rebuffed is just that. You took what you wanted and left. Her response is irrelevant.

Get to that mindset.

Lastly. The vasectomy response.

Why not just say no? No is a complete sentence. Yeah yeah I get AA and AM but if you can’t think of anything else just say no.

Pretty easy. Except where you still feel guilty.

[–]mrpthrowa1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

It's a good start, you're getting there, although this is still somewhat forced and too conscious. At some point it'll become second nature and you don't have to concentrate to ignore a bitch when she disrespects you. Mainly because you're still somewhat in her frame - you worry too much about what she thinks and what her reactions are.

The bitching in the kitchen thing - I would've just ignored her.

The lingerie situation - ask/order, if you don't get what you want ignore. That's ok.

Sex documentary - now this is where things go somewhat out of control because a high value man values their time too much to watch shit. You watched shit, you reacted to it. It's basically entirely out of your frame. Your response to the vasectomy was fine. Again you shouldn't give a shit what she thinks.

You should concentrate less on the action-reaction between you two, and on just improving yourself. It's a long term thing, not a slot machine where you push buttons and expect immediate responses.

In other words, don't be so analytical.

[–]0io-Tsundere0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

First of all, you're on the right track with lifting and getting the house cleaned up.

Secondly, It sounds like she's horny and you're not initiating nearly enough. When she asked if you were mad or you seemed off you should initiate right there (in my opinion). Propose a two minute quickie or warm-up for later. Just start making out with her and if she says "not now" stop and save it for later.

Regarding the red lingerie, I would just put it out on the bed and tell her to put it on. If you really want to have some fun with it, get some "crazier" outfit than that and tell her to put it on with the red lingerie. Bunny ears, leash, wig, heels, and red lingerie. She'll either go for it, or pick something from what you've laid out. In a week or two the red lingerie will be the "vanilla" choice. Even if she freaks out and makes a fuss and refuses to wear anything you still get credit for being bold and demanding, and she'll get the message that you're expecting her to up her sex game. I wouldn't talk about the red lingerie or the sex toys in the box, you put the ones you want to use out on the bed so that when she walks into the room she says "what's all this?" and you tell her what you want. There's a lot more excitement and momentum that way. She still has a choice, obviously, about what she will and won't do, but instead of asking for stuff you're telling her what to do, which tends to work a whole lot better.

Edit: One problem with married sex life is that it's boring. Make sure you're not boring and that she's not getting bored. Her getting herself off with the vibrator makes it sound like she's got a lot of sexual desire that's going unmet. You could be doing a lot more.

[–]Imaginary_Historian0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

It was def a blue pilled script to begin with (the scientific portion was interesting, but the host was such a beta faggot), but it wasn't cringe worthy until this portion of it. It was basically saying that women aren't the only ones who should look into contraception options and that men should do it too. The undertone was shaming men into making women the focus on contraception. I tried keeping my mouth shut, but I couldn't help it. I basically told her how ridiculous this is and that they show the most beta male men on these shows to shame men. She didn't really acknowledge my comment.

I wouldn't tell your wife about how "beta" the guys are and then go on about how they shamed men and such. To me that is talking about fight club. I dunno about the rest of you here, but never in any conversation with the uninitiated will I mention the words “beta” or “alpha” or any terms that could “out” you.

[–]IncitingDramah0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Shit test 1 It was literally just a bit of grease splatter. Instant shit test. bitch bitch bitch, moan moan moan about how she just cleaned and that she feels like it was a waste of time that she just cleaned it, etc.

"Got to make sure you have something to do around here, love"

Shit test 2/continuation "are you mad, you seem off?"

As pointed out, this was a comfort test. You missed good opportunity here. Give her some good feels and be playful.

"No, just a lot on my mind... like that sweet sweet ass"

Shit test 3 "when her and I are done having kids, she wants me to get a vasectomy"

You're a faggot.... jesus man.

"And stifle the growth of the Viking army I'm growing?! Get the fuck out of here!"

I'm glad you're identifying the tests but you're overreacting and overthinking. Be fun, not a faggot.

As far as your frame, you're dumb enough to be baited and then hooked. EVERY TIME.... anything that isnt your frame is amusing or irrelevant. Want to get laid more, make it amusing.

I know people will say that I need to flirt with not only her more, but other girls in front of her.

Wtf advice is this? You're not prepared for this kind of shit! Get this autistic thought out of your head.

The advice I have is flirt more, force the perspective of you being a sexual being. All I got from your post is that you're a frustrated dude in her frame and a boring cunt.

The advice I was given is you want the slutty stuff, she needs the feels!

Lastly, this....

I basically told her how ridiculous this is and that they show the most beta male men on these shows to shame men.

STFU! This is acronym for Shut The Fuck Up since you obviously dont know.

running your stupid fucking mouth about this is just shooting yourself in the foot. It's not alpha, it's not even beta, its fucking faggy. You talk about this and it dispels the illusion of her fantasies. It makes you look weak, it makes you look insecure. So... STFU.

[–]FoxShitNasty83-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

"just a bit of grease splatter" this isn't a shit test. This is a own your shit test.. "I'll take care of it"... Because your not an untidy pig of a man that cannot lead and fails to own his shit of keeping the boat shipshape! Oh wait nevermind

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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