27, married for little over 6 years. No kids. High paying job. Attractive wife. Halfway through the sidebar, started reading around the first of the year. Lifetime endurance athlete, but started lifting ~4mo ago, minimum of 3 days per week. Changed my diet, have been bulking, now at 18%BF via Navy method, and currently attempting my first ever intentional cut down a few %. My SMV is definitely higher than my wife’s, but hard to say exactly how far.
Posting because I am resenting and regretting the decisions that’ve put me where I’m at. I’ve been betabuxx to the max. Regretting the dog we got my wife because she wanted one and I felt guilty about buying myself a car. Regretting the house we bought because she refused a smaller place. Regretting the tattoos we got together because she wanted to and I was in love and what the heck. There are a few more big things, and a lot more little things.
Yet, we BOTH feel like our marriage has been a series of compromises. We hardly ever agree on big decisions, and usually not on little ones (especially back when money was tighter). Arranging the kitchen in our house was a 3 day war, and now we’ve got shit stored in all kinds of goofy places - kinda funny to think about now.
I could be in a much worse situation (financially, sexually, etc), but the thing I can’t stop thinking about right now is how much I want to cut my losses and get out - I.e. a divorce.
No kids yet, but that would be the next step, within a year. I don’t want kids, and even more than that, I don’t want to resent having kids. My wife really wants kids soon. I can’t even imagine raising kids with my wife. Wtf was I thinking 6 years ago... well, she was (and is) hot, and I felt lucky to have her. But she’s not a good homemaker, not good with money, not good at planning, or long term thinking. Sex has never been terrible - interestingly it has been improving recently. Sadly I just can’t imagine the sex getting good enough that it changes my mind about kids or my regrets about other decisions.
Still, my frame is so fucked. Can hardly do anything without thinking about it affects her, to the point I know it annoys even her sometimes.
I’m bad at asking for what I want, because for so long I’ve believed I don’t deserve it. I’ve been suppressing for so long that all I want now is to be out of this marriage.
Divorce would hurt her emotionally way more than me - or that’s what I tell myself. Don’t want to be cruel to her. But there I am again, in her frame.
This is getting longer than I’d hoped. Feels like my only options are continuing down this path of regretful decisions (kids), or getting out now while it’s still relatively easy.
FWIW, neither of us have cheated (so far as I know) — we don’t even flirt with other people.
Anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you stay, or did you bail?