Trajectories

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August 2, 2019
7 upvotes

27, married for little over 6 years. No kids. High paying job. Attractive wife. Halfway through the sidebar, started reading around the first of the year. Lifetime endurance athlete, but started lifting ~4mo ago, minimum of 3 days per week. Changed my diet, have been bulking, now at 18%BF via Navy method, and currently attempting my first ever intentional cut down a few %. My SMV is definitely higher than my wife’s, but hard to say exactly how far.

Posting because I am resenting and regretting the decisions that’ve put me where I’m at. I’ve been betabuxx to the max. Regretting the dog we got my wife because she wanted one and I felt guilty about buying myself a car. Regretting the house we bought because she refused a smaller place. Regretting the tattoos we got together because she wanted to and I was in love and what the heck. There are a few more big things, and a lot more little things.

Yet, we BOTH feel like our marriage has been a series of compromises. We hardly ever agree on big decisions, and usually not on little ones (especially back when money was tighter). Arranging the kitchen in our house was a 3 day war, and now we’ve got shit stored in all kinds of goofy places - kinda funny to think about now.

I could be in a much worse situation (financially, sexually, etc), but the thing I can’t stop thinking about right now is how much I want to cut my losses and get out - I.e. a divorce.

No kids yet, but that would be the next step, within a year. I don’t want kids, and even more than that, I don’t want to resent having kids. My wife really wants kids soon. I can’t even imagine raising kids with my wife. Wtf was I thinking 6 years ago... well, she was (and is) hot, and I felt lucky to have her. But she’s not a good homemaker, not good with money, not good at planning, or long term thinking. Sex has never been terrible - interestingly it has been improving recently. Sadly I just can’t imagine the sex getting good enough that it changes my mind about kids or my regrets about other decisions.

Still, my frame is so fucked. Can hardly do anything without thinking about it affects her, to the point I know it annoys even her sometimes.

I’m bad at asking for what I want, because for so long I’ve believed I don’t deserve it. I’ve been suppressing for so long that all I want now is to be out of this marriage.

Divorce would hurt her emotionally way more than me - or that’s what I tell myself. Don’t want to be cruel to her. But there I am again, in her frame.

This is getting longer than I’d hoped. Feels like my only options are continuing down this path of regretful decisions (kids), or getting out now while it’s still relatively easy.

FWIW, neither of us have cheated (so far as I know) — we don’t even flirt with other people.

Anyone else been in a similar situation? Did you stay, or did you bail?


Post Information
Title Trajectories
Author askmrpthrowitaway
Upvotes 7
Comments 23
Date 02 August 2019 11:03 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/248717
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/clbbx2/trajectories/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
framecheatingsexual market valuelift
Comments

[–][deleted] 14 points15 points  (1 child) | Copy

Sounds like you skipped When I say no I feel guilty in the sidebar. You sound like a big ol faggot who doesn't know what he wants and is asking internet strangers how to manage his life.

Do you have any idea what you want in life? I would start there. You don't know who you are or what you want. You do not value yourself at all. Get to work faggot, sidebar and lifting is the only advice I'm going to give.

[–]FoxShitNasty834 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

I smell anger, I wonder if Rambo will be making an appearance soon.

Hard reset OP leave that shit in the past nothing matters but right now. You are the fucking man now! Run like the fucking wind and don't look back until you get to the gym!

[–]Rifleshoot11 points12 points  (3 children) | Copy

The same underlying issues that caused you to get to where you are now will simply undermine you when you attempt a relationship with someone else. The problems aren’t with her, they are with you. You can cut her out and go look for another woman, but those same issues you have now will still be there and you’ll be right back to where you are now. Focus on fixing yourself before you focus on her. Learn to man up and say no. All women want leadership and it’s your job to provide it for your wife.

[–]suprathepeg3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

This

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

While this is true, it sounds like his wife isn’t offering much.

[–]tspitsatgp3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

...and she wants kids, while he doesn’t! That’s kind of a big deal and a good reason to end the marriage.

[–]WesternhagenWinner8 points9 points  (0 children) | Copy

(Long admission of one-itis) and then "Divorce would hurt her emotionally way more than me".

No dude, it wouldn't. She will instantly move on with little or no thought for you. That it will hurt you the most is why you're obviously afraid to do what you know you have to do.

she’s not a good homemaker, not good with money, not good at planning, or long term thinking.

Before your next relationship, reflect on the lack of leadership that this statement demonstrates.

[–]ibelieveican19827 points8 points  (0 children) | Copy

You sound like a real nice guy.

Start at the sidebar. Read No more Mr Nice Guy and When I say No I feel Guilty.

As for your last question, a lot of us have been in some variation of your situation. Well maybe not as big a faggot.. but regardless, you are a man - you take responsibility for your actions and you fix yourself not your wife.

Figure out what you want and work toward it. Right now though, you are not ready for any drastic decisions.

First - Sidebar, STFU and Lift - atleast for the next 1 year. Then maybe just maybe you will have enough of a frame to make some decisions on what you want to do.

Get to work.

[–]CrazyLegs78[🍰] 6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Just some food for thought... Why are you regretting the dog? The attention it needs? The expenses? The time demands? Who provides the majority of care? Now what do you think it will be like with kids?

I was not RP enough, before I got married and had kids, to identify things like this. You are, and consider yourself slightly ahead of the game. All of the little fights and disagreements will be completely amplified once you have children if you continue down your current path.

The way I see it, you have three choices; 1 Business as usual(keep living her life). 2 Swallow the whole pill and attempt to change yourself before having kids with this woman. 3 Leave now and pursue the life you want on your terms.

No one can make this decision for you, time to put on your big boy pants. Nothing gets easier for the rest of your life, so you better harden the fuck up.

[–]blissfullyaware005 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you don't want kids then you better figure that shit out quick. She will find a way to get pregnant, believe me. At least without kids you can bail from your marriage relatively unscathed, but you bring a human into this world and the courts will not be on your side if things go south. Sidebar. Sidebar. Sidebar.

[–]RedPill-BlackLotusRed Beret6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever you think you would be doing if you were single again, do that.

And lose more bodyfat.

[–]RPeed4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

She made you get a tattoo?

Sounds like a real shot caller prag.

[–]suprathepeg3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

18% BF is fat.

You compare your SMV to your wife like it’s a zero sum game.

You are stressing about the fact you can’t and don’t lead.

You compete with yesterday’s YOU not today’s wife, GF etc.

In the end your goal is to be capable and worthy of leadership in your life and home. Is your understanding of how to increase your own SMV at the point where you can lead your wife to increase hers? Can you lead your future children to be healthy and give them the tools to carry that into their futures?

Your anger and frustration is because you engaged in covert contracts and your realizing they have as much value as the extra 6%BF you’re carrying. It’s normal accept it as what it is and keep moving forward.

If you’re so lost that you need an internet guy to give you some direction then keep reading:

  1. Fix you fatness. Shoot for 12%.
  2. track your diet.
  3. get good at calculating your macros.
  4. you can still take advantage of noob gains and build muscle while you cut fat.

Get so good at this that you can manage your macros without a ton of effort. I used Myfitnesspal daily for almost a year to get shit dialled

  1. Meditation. Learn to meditate and do it. You gotta learn to accept and disconnect from your feelings. Not suppress them. Not be easily swayed by them.

You got a lot of work to do and that’s a good fucking thing. What you need now is discipline, number one thing in your life is gonna be self discipline. The more you can dominate your self the more you can exert that influence on the world around you.

Memorize this mantra: “Stay plan is the Go plan.”

Right now divorce does nothing for you. you learn nothing by pulling pin. I say this as a guy who split with a wife of 14 years after 1 year of MRP.

[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

You already know the answer brother. You just want us to confirm it for you. Sounds like you found TRP in the nick of time!

[–]arm_candy4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lifetime endurance athlete ... now at 18%BF

What sort of endurance athlete are you that you’re carrying 18% body fat? Even if you’ve been bulking a few months that sounds like bullshit. Endurance athletes are generally lean as hell and 4 months of bulking shouldn’t add 8-10% BF.

Have you been dream bulking or are you not actually an endurance athlete?

[–]screechhaterRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Welcome to the circus.

Pretty soon you’ll admit this is all on you and admit your failings.

But hey, at least it’s now and not 20 years from now.

STFU diet your ass down. Laser remove the tattoo and rearrange the kitchen to be functional.

compromise happens a lot with with shitbag leadership in the home

[–]Iammrp22 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

You clearly have done no work. This isn't a place where people spoon feed you or tell you how to run your life. If we told you what to do we'd just be encouraging you to continue being a faggot. You need to get to a place where you can run your own life without your wife and without internet strangers. Read the side bar. Read No More Mr. Nice Guy. Read When I Say No I Feel Guilty. Post weekly in Own Your Shit. Whether you stay or go doesn't matter. You have work to do. Get to work faggot.

[–]teaandtalk2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you really don't want children, then get the damn snip. Bodily autonomy goes both ways. Children don't deserve to be raised by a parent who doesn't want them. And if this is a dealbreaker for your wife, then best to find out now.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Whatever you do, do not have kids to just have kids. Pull the ripcord if thats not in your plan.

Life is 10x more complicated when you start creating new people.

Nice work at getting married at 21 idiot.

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Don’t know how I missed this one, but your post reads like a rambling stream of thoughts. Did you even have a specific question?

[–]griz3lda0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Please, please do not have unwanted kids. They will grow up with severe emotional problems and wreak havoc on the world (this is how you create borderlines), and you might wind up a suicide case if things keep on as they are now. If she needs kids that badly, she can become single and raise them herself from a sperm bank. I would MUCH sooner divorce than have kids.

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You have been (and probably remain) a big altruistic pussy. You will find in time this was all your fault for having no spine. Be sure you work through the MRP sidebar.

All that being said, the kids thing is a big deal. If you really don't want kids and she really does, you guys are done. Otherwise one of you will compromise on that issue, and will be miserable ever after. If you have kids when you don't want to you'll be a shell of a man, bitter and resentful towards people you made that didn't ask to be here. If you somehow convince her to not want children, you'll just get divorced in a couple years when she realizes she still really wants that. Set her free while she's young enough to find someone else and still have children.

[–]Bits2Bits0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Please don't have children with this woman if that's really how you feel. It will suck for them and it will be your fault.



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