How many men you've had sex with is largely irrelevant. Men mostly only care if you are good looking.

Modernlaugh · 2019-02-17T22:36:23+00:00

For ltr’s being a virgin is a bonus but not a requirement. Not being a slut is a requirement. There’s middle ground.

throwaway94x · 2019-02-17T22:32:09+00:00

i think for a lot of these guys who salivate over virgins they're speaking with their fantasy dream girl in mind, not a real human. if you're not getting any, it's very easy to get carried away and imagine this beautiful chaste sex kitten you'll one day end up with, similar to little girls planning their wedding day with prince charming or leonardo dicaprio or whatever. it's not realistic but it's fun to think about when you don't have any experience with a real relationship. i suspect most of these guys, when faced with a real life woman who likes them, will gladly take the cute normal girl with a history.

then of course there's the religious/foreign guys who i can't relate to, i have no idea what goes on in their heads.

Electra_Cute · 2019-02-17T22:28:37+00:00

How is it irrelevant, the men who make it clear that is an issue for them show it is relevant.

throwaway94x · 2019-02-17T22:58:04+00:00

High n count is an ironclad deal breaker for me, and it's essentially my only one.

Makes me feel icky.

despisedlove2 · 2019-02-18T01:46:50+00:00

Agreed. Too many men marrying high n count women is partly why the divorce rate is so high.

pirulitinha · 2019-02-17T23:48:43+00:00

I disagree. While it's true that most men aren't obsessed with virginity, there is a really big difference between having sex with few men while in committed relationships vs. having gangbangs and a random new guy every week until college ends. I think this is pretty obvious.

WhatIsTheMeaningHere · 2019-02-17T22:30:18+00:00

they only look for youth and looks.

Yes, this is true. As long as your sluttery isn't public knowledge, a man will wishfully believe that you're pure. Just don't be transparent about it.

diener_zweier_herren · 2019-02-17T23:04:54+00:00

As usual the answer is "some do; some don't"

Like do people on this sub really think that there is some monolithic homogeneous way the mind of $gender works? Because it often does seem like it.

Some males think aesthetics is more important than chastity; some males prefer a lack of chastity and like experienced people; some males like it if people continue to sleep with other people during the relationship not to mention that everyone has their own subjective definition of what exactly "aesthetic" constitutes.

mydikishomofobik · 2019-02-17T23:26:04+00:00

23 is still relatively young. I suspect there would be some guys who think 23 yo virgins are hot. If its a 60 year old virgin, I don't think they'd care as much.

Overall, I don't think men in a lot of western countries value virginity as much anymore. Virgins aren't really accessible because the a lot of people meet their wives when she's 20 or 30 something, and the average age girls lose their virginity in somewhere in high school.

Most western men over a certain age can't get virgins without getting put on some kind of registry, so they don't care as long as the girl is young, hot, and doesn't have too much baggage when it comes to long term relationships.

blackedoutfast · 2019-02-18T00:31:43+00:00

oh wow a non-virgin woman trying to convince herself and everyone else that non-virgin women are just as good as virgin women.

sorry sweetie, but all else being equal, a man will always prefer a virgin woman over a slut who has had 9000 dicks in her roast beef.

most men do end up dating/marrying non-virgin women. but that's not because most men prefer non-virgin women or don't care. it's because most men are relatively mediocre or low value. they don't have an abundance of options and mostly just take what they can get.

everyone would prefer to have a nice new car. but a lot of people can't afford a brand new car and buy a used one instead.

[deleted] · 2019-02-17T22:29:43+00:00

We often hear about how men like more chaste women or even prefer virgin girls

This is very commonly-heard thing around Reddit (/r/braincels, and the likes), but normal guys in real life really don't emphasize this at all.

You have a selection bias in that you're talking to Redditors. Outside of the internet and certain religious fanatic groups, guys don't want virgin wives.

If anything it is almost as weird for a woman to be a virgin at 23 than it is for a man, and men probably think of it as a red flag or at least a negative.

Agreed.

hammerhaunts · 2019-02-17T22:30:52+00:00

Assuming a man has access to a number of mostly equivalent and good looking girls, how will he further decide which one he wants to commit to?

CamoWoobie10 · 2019-02-17T23:18:42+00:00

Disagree. I would take a 5 (probably lower) who is a virgin over an 8 who is a slut.

ZodiacBrave98 · 2019-02-18T13:14:52+00:00

I think it is a lack of self-awareness combined with an inability to state the problem properly.

Like, I wouldn't want a girl that's been with thousands of men. That feels icky. Apologies to any current or former prostitutes reading this.

For the high but not impossible, say 20 and above, the problem is an ego/social one. No guy wants to be in his friend group where he's the caboose on the train of guys that have been through his girl. Especially if he's putting in relationship work and the other guys were 'just sex, not a big deal tee hee'.

It takes a unique mindset to walk around holding that grenade.

CainPrice · 2019-02-18T02:38:07+00:00

This is somewhat parallel to the idea that when a woman says, "I like kind, intelligent men who make me laugh", that doesn't mean that she prioritizes kindness, intelligence, and a sensor of humor over physical attraction. It means that ideally, she wants a guy that she is physically attracted to, who is also kind, smart, and has a sense of humor. But if she can't find that guy, she'll have casual sex with attractive guys in the mean time because going without sex is stupid. She'll pass over guys who are kind, smart, and funny if they're not attractive, because nobody wants to be with a person they're not attracted to.

Likewise, men prefer non-slutty women for serious relationships. Most men anyway. Definitely not all. But that doesn't mean men are going to disregard a woman's attractiveness entirely in favor of the woman being sexually conservative. Men would like a woman who is physically attractive, and also not a slut. But if you can't find one of those, you can still have casual sex with hot sluts.

shipiaozi · 2019-02-18T04:35:10+00:00

Where are you come from? The general high paternity uncertainty is linked to low investment from male. Being virgin at 23 is still mainstream in China, and the culture norm for urban upper-middle class is that male need to have apartment to marry.

EminemLovesGrapes · 2019-02-18T11:08:15+00:00

Men are the gatekeepers of commitment.

If he judges you banged too many dudes he won't keep you around.

ScootsScoots · 2019-02-18T15:52:50+00:00

For sex yes. For marriage your partner count ABSOLUTELY matters. No man wants to be a sluts retirement plan.

[deleted] · 2019-02-18T18:28:12+00:00

If you have fucked a bunch of people and your partner has not, they will likely ask themselves why. And the answer likely has to do with things like value, lifestyle, sexuality, preferences... ie, areas in which you and your partner may evince deep incompatibilities.

Furthermore, men just find the idea of their woman fucking another dude (whether past, present or future) repellent, due to in-built, evopsych preference for not being cuckolded. Men may realize that such feelings are not always rational, and therefore develop policies like don't ask don't tell. But it's always there under the surface.

So, yes it does matter how many men you've had sex with. Both objectively, and in the minds of a prospective partner. Unless your dude has done as much or worse than you, he is going to care.

reluctantly_red · 2019-02-18T01:05:51+00:00

I don't care how many guys she's been with all that matters is: (1) she's into me; (2) wants to have sex with me; and (3) I get at least as much effort as the best of the guys who came before. The last one can be a deal breaker. If she's longing for someone from her past its time to leave.

douchebag_throwaway3 · 2019-02-17T23:15:13+00:00

Nope.

I don't want to spend the entirety of my relationship wondering if/when she's going to cheat on me. And the odds are against me that she will remain faithful anyways.

I also don't want my LTR pining for all the chad dick she previously had.

I don't care how hot she is. Ain't no bitch worth that kind of bullshit.

AutoModerator · 2019-02-17T22:19:26+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

Son_of_Tzu · 2019-02-19T13:40:24+00:00

You are making two different points.

Men mostly only care if you are good looking.

I agree, to some extent. I prefer attractiveness over good looks as it encompasses other important aspects.

Your attractiveness determines your options, molds your character and life experiences. The more desirable you are... Well the more you are wanted. Duh

How many men you've had sex with is largely irrelevant

Well it isn't a binary system where you get a universal no after a certain amount.

You should see it as demotion points. Attractive BUT a slut ? Yeah might give a pass. Attractive AND self respectful ? Line up boy the queue starts here !

0kool74 · 2019-02-19T16:49:17+00:00

Yea that is just absolutely preposterous!!!!! I don't care how hot a chick is......if she's serviced more cocks than the urinals at a beer fest i'm not even gonna waste my time on her ass.

Stevefr0mYellowstone · 2019-02-20T18:06:10+00:00

1) If it comes to casual sex, then this is correct, most if not all men will not care. When it comes to commitment, they will care a lot more.

2) Youth and looks are almost certainly more important than virginity to the vast majority of men, but let's not act as if it is irrelevant.

Title	How many men you've had sex with is largely irrelevant. Men mostly only care if you are good looking.
Author	throwaway94x
Upvotes	17
Comments	116
Date	February 17, 2019 10:19 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/arpubk/how_many_men_youve_had_sex_with_is_largely/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-many-men-youve-had-sex-with-is-largely.257146 https://theredarchive.com/post/257146

Comments