Is it ever okay to date a project?

cassabell1894 · 2019-12-30T10:59:34+00:00

The thing I would worry about here, is that if he hasn't had much relationship experience, and he's learning from you, then (this may not be the case, but nothing surprises me with how shit they can be) he might learn from you and end up giving himself leverage and confidence to meet more women. And at the same time drain you, while you use your valuable time to teach him, when you could have someone who doesn't need to be guided and taught how to be in a relationship. I'm cynical though, and don't know all the ins and outs of your relationship with him 🙂 and I can't stand men wasting womens time!

jmaydizzle · 2019-12-30T12:06:08+00:00

[deleted]

bimbobunnyintraining · 2019-12-30T17:02:34+00:00

the only project i’ll ever take on is men’s style. cultural misogyny teaches males not to care about fashion but i care about being taken out by non-embarrassments.

granted, all i do is “oh you’re not taking me out looking like that come back when you’ve done better” so it’s hardly any work for me!

DallasOMalley · 2019-12-30T12:27:20+00:00

Speaking as a middle-aged woman, I'd never do it again. If you're in the mood to train another creature, get a dog.

CuriousCatNYC777 · 2019-12-30T12:04:26+00:00

Please don’t be the Bob-The-Builder chick. She loses every time. Watch this video from Sheraseven called “If You Build Them They Will LEAVE” :

https://youtu.be/v0scYA8rtiM

9penguin · 2019-12-30T11:51:16+00:00

Just ask yourself how much faith do you have in him that you trust that he's not treating you as the practice girlfriend, a starter wife or Bob the builder.

Whateverrr_345 · 2019-12-30T11:25:09+00:00

Probably not. I think shera would still consider that to be a "Bob the builder" chick

Haltthemoon · 2019-12-30T21:19:19+00:00

Absolutely. When I was 22, I dated a man who was 27. He never had a serious relationship before we met. I inquired reasons for a while until I felt comfortable with the answers and decided to be in a relationship with him. He grew up very religious and wanted to 'save himself for marriage'. Therefore, he didn't date much in middle school or high school. By the time he went to college, he realized he didn't trust the church anymore and decided to be agnostic. This is pretty typical when people begin college. Though, at first, it didn't sit well with me that after college, he still didn't have a serious relationship. He said because he didn't have any dating experiences before college, he was scared to approach girls. He's fairly shy. Also, he wanted to focus on his career and he has a solid group of friends. So, he never really felt lonely enough to randomly date just for the sake of dating. He said it wasn't until we met that he wanted a girlfriend.

This all checked out with his group of friends and his family. I met his family probably two or three months of us dating. Once he was ready for a relationship, it happened very quickly. His family even told me they were relieved because they worried he was gay and didn't want to come out. He, in truth, was living the FDS lifestyle. He didn't want to settle for just anyone. He was extremely picky.

To me, it was extremely flattering he wanted a relationship with me. Even though he was very inexperienced, he was a quick learner. I mean, after all, he was 27. He also had a great job, his own place, his own car, and life before we met. We just complimented our lives together. This 'project' to me wasn't a hard one except whenever we fought, it took a lot of time and patience to teach him how to understand me and our relationship. I think it was worth my time.

Though we didn't end up together, I am very happy that he's married to a wonderful woman now. I hope what we've learned together in our relationship has helped him be a great husband to her.

MyGilleyCat · 2019-12-31T04:14:19+00:00

You are very vague. "You need to do this...." as in pick up your dirty boxers off the floor and do the dishes? or "You need to do this...." as in make a reservation? or "You need to do this..." talking about boundaries, how to meet your needs as a individual?

The first two like no, I'm not your mommy. So even if he never leaves dirty boxers around anymore I think it's repulsive he couldn't use his eyes and take care of himself. I'm not really interested in teaching a man how to properly date me, I feel like that's part of being a HVM. The last one I would not consider dating a project but negotiating boundaries in a relationship which you should be ding with each new person anyways, it might take a bit more effort with someone who has never had a relationship and therefore never had those conversations but still within the realm of normal.

Title	Is it ever okay to date a project?
Author	jmaydizzle
Upvotes	15
Comments	19
Date	December 30, 2019 10:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/ehkfrw/is_it_ever_okay_to_date_a_project/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/is-it-ever-okay-to-date-a-project.259027 https://theredarchive.com/post/259027

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