Have you ever been accused of being a "nice guy" or a "nice girl"? If so, do you think it was warranted?

pinkgoldrose · 2017-08-04T06:04:31+00:00

I accuse myself of being a NiceGirl because I am. I read /r/Nice guys and just feel sorry for the guy because I've been there. It is a symptom of trying to control the other person. You think that if you just give amazing blow jobs on demand and cook him homemade meals he will never leave you or cheat on you. It hasn't worked so far but I haven't changed much because it's a habit at this point, it gives me a false sense of security, and I don't know what else to do.

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T13:40:12+00:00

Nah. But in high school before the whole "nice guy" thing was so overplayed, I had a conversation with one of my guy friends that went something like this:

Him: "Why don't girls like nice guys?? I'm nice!"

Me: "Well it's good to be nice but that can't be the one single thing you have going for you. That's boring and lame."

Him: "Yeah true, [girl he liked] is nice AND pretty AND smart AND good at a lot of stuff."

He and that girl are still dating I'm pretty sure. ...TRP confirmed?

cxj · 2017-08-04T06:11:59+00:00

Yeah. Seeing any girl of any age, weight etc crying just triggers extreme beta mode in me. My ex used to cry manipulatively and it worked even though I knew she was doing it. A few times, I've asked if a crying girl I didn't know or barely knew was ok. This has led to accusations of "nice guy" as in I'm just faking sympathy to get in her pants somehow. The girls themselves never do this it's other random people and frequently on the internet. I've also been trashed for messaging girls with serious concern if they make vague posts about self harm, because I know multiple people who have taken their own lives and I'm not playing with that shit.

One time I let a barely legal, fairly hot girl crash on my floor for a few days because she was in some serious shit, she was an orphan with no parents and nasty rumors have followed me for years about it. Nothing sexual even happened, we just watched movies and talked about feelings and I made her some food and helped her brainstorm how to get back on her feet. She didn't stay long, is now doing much better and has made internet posts point blank saying I was not exploiting her and nothing sexual happened, and people just don't want to believe it because creep shaming is more fun to them. It's like Fuck what's worse letting her crash with me or leaving an 18 year old at a train station overnight by herself?

It really bums me out because I just want to help people sometimes but people just love gossip, drama and pointless judging. They ignore the 20 times I help out some young dude in exactly the same way and fixate on the one time it's a hot girl.

no win

GinSmokeLies · 2017-08-04T14:21:03+00:00

Hmm. Not in so many words, because "Nice Girl/Guy^^TM" was not really a thing back then afaik, but yeah kinda.

When I was in high school I was not very cute (to put it kindly), and I had a bit of a superiority complex because I "wasn't like other girls." I felt so mistreated because I was so sweet and nice and pure, and boys only liked those awful, shallow, slutty girls.

Finally a very wonderful, blunt friend got fed up with my pity party and was like, "Dude, you know why guys don't like you? Because you don't put in any effort to look cute and because you come off as a bitch who thinks she's better than everybody else. Those girls you hate aren't awful and slutty at all, they're just fun, and you're not fun!"

And I was like "Damn," and I was butthurt about it for a while, but I eventually realized that she was right. I had convinced myself that boys didn't like me because I was "Too nice," but really it was quite the opposite - they saw me as a stuck-up bitch. I eventually removed the stick from my ass, learned that going to the occasional party wouldn't send me to hell or make me become stupid, and learned how to flirt and be fun. Lo and behold, guys liked me more, and I also became an actually nicer person.

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T13:44:54+00:00

No but I was kind of a nice girl "Guys only care about looks REEEEEEE!" at about 12-13 years old

DrunkGirl69 · 2017-08-04T06:16:05+00:00

nice girl

wat

wtknight · 2017-08-04T11:22:01+00:00

No. I've had women give me that look like my attention towards them was unwanted, but I've always been able to recognize it and I've never continued my attention towards them to the point that I was called out for being an overly persistent "nice guy."

As for just being called "nice" in general by a woman who wanted to be friends with me but wasn't attracted to me, I can't remember that happening either. I come across more as a strange, quiet nerd then a "nice" guy.

sunkindonut149 · 2017-08-04T13:52:23+00:00

One weird guy who used to be at my job said I was "nice" meaning I'm not a stripper or a hooker, which indicates that he apparently hangs out with a lot of strippers and hookers which is groce

BookwormJane · 2017-08-04T21:54:26+00:00

I was accused of being a "too nice girl" but what the guy really meant was that he found me boring as hell because I was too nice. Basically he said that after he realized I was not going to have sex with him.

When he started hitting on me --> I was the most interesting woman around.

When he realized I wouldn't have sex with him --> "You're too nice and boring".

So yeah. I don't give a damn.

[deleted] · 2017-08-05T01:06:38+00:00

No-one who knows me for longer than 5 seconds would ever describe me as a nice girl.

[deleted] · 2017-08-05T05:20:59+00:00

1.) No, I did not. I'm not actually a very nice person. My internet persona is very different from what I'm like in real life.

AutoModerator · 2017-08-04T05:27:45+00:00

Attention!

You can post off topic/jokes/puns as a comment to this Automoderator message.
For "CMV" and "Question for X" Threads: Parent comments that aren't from the target group will be removed, along with their child replies.
If you want to agree with OP instead of challenging their view or if the question is not targeted at you, post it as an answer to this comment.
OP you can choose your own flair according to these guidelines., just press Flair under your post!

Thanks for your cooperation and enjoy the discussion!

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T05:40:55+00:00

No one ever had cause. I knew my place, you see

BPremium · 2017-08-04T10:45:27+00:00

No. I never even heard the expression until I got on Reddit. I have heard plenty of girls describe certain guys as "sweet" which is not good.

DrunkGirl69 · 2017-08-04T10:55:18+00:00

I don't think I've ever been called a nice guy in my life. Probably because I've always been a jerk

Entropy-7 · 2017-08-04T12:28:55+00:00

I had a woman tell me I'm a nice guy not too long ago. However, she was Chinese so it was probably a more literal compliment in direct translation than "nice guy". It might have been due to the fact that I specifically did not expect anything or escalate on our first two dates (and then third date she jumps my bones).

PM_ME_ROASTIES · 2017-08-04T16:16:49+00:00

I've been accused of being a Nice Guy online, usually when I bemoan the fact that women are attracted to "bad boys". What really annoys is me is when some women genuinely think the Nice Guys (TM) who complain about girls going for abusive men are worse than the abusive men themselves.

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T16:48:05+00:00

I'm a really pleasant person IRL (no really) but no one's ever accused me of being a "nice guy" in that way, (i.e. a guy who's only nice in order to get into a girls pants, then becomes an asshole when rebuffed.)

I have, however, learned the hard way young in life that being merely "nice" and passive isn't enough and there's gotta be some sexual assertiveness involved, otherwise it's a total turn off to women even those who are very obviously attracted to me. So now I do my best to be a genuinely kind person who also knows how to escalate and be assertive without being an aggressive douchebag. It's worked out pretty well for me

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T19:34:49+00:00

I've been called nice once, but also been told 'well... Ur not a bitch' by the same person

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T19:48:58+00:00

'um people treat me like shit from the get go and I feel this is unwarranted...' 'UR A NICE GUY11!!!1!!! YOU NEED TO BE A FEMINIST ALLY!!! >:('

generally goes like that. I don't know why I'm supposed to just tolerate people treating you like pondscum for whatever reason.

absurdlivingghost · 2017-08-04T20:29:44+00:00

I don't think so. I remember learning about the concept when I was 16 and realizing how negatively it was viewed, which I think prevented me from falling into any of those patterns of behavior. There have been instances where I got too nervous or tongue-tied to tell someone how I felt, but I acknowledged it was my own issue and didn't hold it against the woman.

The only time I've really gotten angry over a rejection was when I told someone how I felt and she gave me a spiel about how she reciprocated but her life was complicated blah blah, about two weeks before she slept with my best friend. Even then, though, I kept my composure and basically told her that I could still be friendly in a group setting but could probably never be close with her again.

JustStatedTheObvious · 2017-08-04T05:36:00+00:00

Nah, I learned how to sell most of my good deeds as sadism - often the right thing to do is the hardest thing, so it's not like I'm faking any of it.

Even better yet, genuine altruism scares the crap out of sheltered pessimists. And that never gets old.

tl,dr: Nobody questions my actual motives when I clearly enjoy their suffering.

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T08:53:38+00:00

I don't think most men would have a problem with a "nice girl".

[deleted] · 2017-08-04T13:46:48+00:00

about 18-19 years old I realized that if I behaved "normally" I was a nice buy who everyone wanted to chill with but the sex thing not at all.

As soon as I because what I would call "Asshole"me, pussy "on tap" relatively speaking.

I did not like being the asshole. but honestly, it "worked".

Went back and forth between the two for years. Still don't think I have the proper balance.

Dominic_Badguy · 2017-08-04T13:52:49+00:00

Are we talking about NiceGuys(TM), the relatively rare phenomenon in which a man befriends a woman, then professes his love and attraction for her in a surprising, blindsiding fashion, and calls her names when she LJBF's him?

Are we talking about NiceGirls(TM), the very common phenomenon in which an unattractive girl shames and ridicules (usually average) men for not wanting to date her and in which the NiceGirl (TM)'s friends wing for her with the refrain "But she's so NICE!!!"?

Is that what we're talking about here?

Title	Have you ever been accused of being a "nice guy" or a "nice girl"? If so, do you think it was warranted?
Author	Dominic_Badguy
Upvotes	5
Comments	101
Date	August 4, 2017 5:27 AM UTC (8 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/6rifp3/have_you_ever_been_accused_of_being_a_nice_guy_or/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/have-you-ever-been-accused-of-being-a-nice-guy-or.266620 https://theredarchive.com/post/266620

Comments