I feel offended by my coworker offering to set me up with one of her ugly friends, any advice?

Yashugan00 · 2016-08-28T20:50:50+00:00

Wow that is an absurd situation. Likelu she's been brainwashed by 'fat acceptance', healthy at any size and believes very strongly that it's 'beauty is on the inside'. If you decline, the shaming will begin: What's wrong with you: "are you not man enough"? you owe no justification. Seems like a Hail Mary pass for her sister, she might drop it if you don't engage in the subject again.

DeepRelay · 2016-08-28T20:52:51+00:00

She's trying to push the feminine imperative of getting high value males locked down and controlled within her social circle.

She thinks highly enough of you that she wants you stuck in her social network. She probably also hamsters that shes doing you a favour by setting you up with a girl you could keep (as it must be hell for you to be single when you could be in a LTR, that's the dream, right?).

Also trying to help her fat friend.

Anyway, politely avoid the topic if it comes up, or say that in a relationship you expect someone who can go mountain climbing or some other obviously impossible activity for the whale.

hamstercide · 2016-08-28T21:43:40+00:00

It doesn't matter why your coworker is trying to set you up with a woman you're not attracted to. What matters is whether you want to go out with this woman or not. What matters is what you want.

If you're not interested, and it sounds like you're not, just say "I am not interested, thanks very much"

She'll say "how come? She's so NICE! She's so COOL!"

You reply "I am not interested."

She'll say "It's cause she's fat, right? ASSHOLE!"

"I'm not interested."

You just keep saying that. "I am not interested." "I don't want to." You do not owe anyone any justification or reasons for why you don't want to or are not interested. You're not interested. That's all you have to say.

VasiliyZaitzev · 2016-08-28T23:55:16+00:00

Setting people up is a hobby for married people. Sometimes, the only thing that the folks being set up have in common is that they are single. Oh, and as you get older this shit starts happening more and more, usually without your knowledge or consent. You show up to what you think is just going to be a normal party and suddenly the hostess is trying to hook you up with her fucking friend. And if you tell me the truth, that her friend is a fucking ghastly cow, you'll get a lecture about what a nice person she is and how your standards are too high. I've seen it happen 1000 times.

In my 20s, one of my buddies had a girlfriend, later his wife, who is actually really good at picking out women I would like. But that's the exception not the rule. Basically most of them just throw bodies at their ugly friends hoping that someone will stick.

So yeah, don't get too worked up over this. The married chick was just trying to do a solid for her fugly friend.

machimus · 2016-08-28T21:01:55+00:00

You're just like the hot girl that gets bitchy because you dared to talk to her. Try not to be a sore winner.

I can understand why you're not interested, but why are you wasting energy being offended?

Whisper · 2016-08-29T06:08:30+00:00

Does my coworker think my SMV is low or is she just trying to get something for her friend more than she cares about who she asks?

Stop taking women so seriously. Treat them like children, and regard anything they say as coming from a child.

If the five-year-old daughter of a fat train wreck of a tattooed single mom said to you "You and mommy should get married."... would you be offended?

Of course not. She's just a little girl who wants a daddy, and for mommy to have a handsome husband and be happy. She doesn't think about your welfare or your feelings, because she's five years old.

Women are like that, too. We are the adults to them. They never worry about our welfare, because on some unconscious level, they see us as invulnerable. A five year old doesn't worry about if daddy is going to be sad, or get hurt, because daddy is daddy, and daddy is big and strong and can beat up superman.

Whatever you want from women, you have to demand from them as a condition of your attention. Never wait for them to spontaneously consider your needs.

vandaalen · 2016-08-28T21:35:57+00:00

Should have just told her that you appreciate it but that you don't mix business with private stuff.

SomeoneSeeksPurpose · 2016-08-28T23:09:13+00:00

Some people are just like that, they know a single girl and a single guy and think "Hey, why don't we match them up, they are both available", completely disregarding all other factors than being single.

Gf of a friend of mine tried to set me up twice. One was a unmotivated cc-riding fatty, the other was just fat. Both awkward as well. I did not want to date them after meeting them, now my friend and his gf shame me for being too picky. Fuck off.

GC0W30 · 2016-08-28T23:07:10+00:00

Some men are like me. Maybe she thought you were.

Nature has given me an insatiable appetite for women of child-bearing years. I can be thrilled with a hot mess of a crazy fat bitch as long as she's a cum-swallowing cock-fiend.

It isn't good for me, it isn't healthy, but I don't really mind a 300-pounder. I'll wind up LTRing a girl skinnier than that, but I can absolutely enjoy a fat woman's pussy, complete with its temperature hotter than the center of the sun.

I'm 3 or 4 times more marketable than I was a decade ago, but this hasn't changed.

I wouldn't be upset. She's not able to know that you have sexual self-respect.

knightSwolaire · 2016-08-28T23:02:11+00:00

Decline, "she's not my type." And do not engage further when shamed or asked why

InChargeMan · 2016-08-28T23:10:14+00:00

Don't respond, but if she asks, tell her you recently started a relationship. BUT, you know a nice plump fella you could pass along info for.

wadebarlow · 2016-08-29T01:23:15+00:00

Seems fairly straight forward. You're working and schooling full time. If you want to avoid upsetting anyone, feed her some line about it not being fair to her friend with how busy you are and you won't be able to give her the attention she deserves.

[deleted] · 2016-08-29T01:54:06+00:00

"Im letting you know now that i am not a fan of anyone who cant take care of themselves"

She brings the job/money bit into it

"I meant physically i dont care about money or job titles just take care of your health, if she cant do somthing as simple as that im not interested"

You may come off as an asshole but i bet my dick the married girl will want your dick.

lanky32 · 2016-08-29T05:40:29+00:00

Your co-worker definitely does not think you to be of high SMV. That being said, decline her offer to set you up assertively without explicitly telling her that you don't date fatties.

This is not to not hurt her, I don't care about that, this is to protect yourself from your co-worker, you explicitly tell her that you don't date fatties and being the fatty that she herself is, trust her to spread bullshit about you, which is never good in a corporate environment.

InformalCriticism · 2016-08-29T12:13:37+00:00

Women love playing match maker.

I have been in medical facilities where middle-aged women have said, "if my daughter wasn't married, I'd give you her number". Dumb really does go that far. It's like, clearly I'm here for medical treatment, and you want me to give you a grandchild? Unprofessional covers it, but just barely.

If this is your first encounter with women being too familiar in the workplace, count yourself lucky.

The best advice I can give you is what I use, myself, but I'll follow up with more specific advice.

"Find out what women in your workplace like, and what they don't like. Then, do neither."

Be as unassuming as possible not to "trigger" their emotions. Saying something like "I'm too picky", even if it's true is going to make them hate you. You can play cute and unassuming so many different ways not to slam the door, yet turn them away.

"I'm still getting over my divorce" (negative vibe, might gain sympathy when gossiped)

"I'm not really looking for a relationship" (neutral)

"Oh, that's so flattering, I just wish I had the time for something like that" (positive)

All of these are so easily defensible positions, and keeps everything smooth without damaging your reputation.

Just remember, these match-makers are self-serving their personal relationships when they approach you. You are nothing more than an accessory to their social life, even in that moment they offer to hook you up with their friend(s). When boiled all the way down, it's a disgusting practice, especially when it feels like a cold call in sales. Disrespect on a very real level.

Keep lifting, it sounds like you're able to recognize bullshit when you see it, even if you don't smell it coming. If you have any more questions like this, don't hesitate to ask; it's rare to see someone on the right track, but facing situations like this.

If you want to take anything from it positive, take it as a compliment, and ask yourself why the hot girl isn't trying to hook you up with her hot friends, and make some new personal goals.

You eat the elephant one bite at a time.

You hike the mountain one step at a time.

Self discovery starts and ends with you.

[deleted] · 2016-08-28T21:06:10+00:00

Set her up with one of your fat friends.

LLL3peat · 2016-08-28T22:00:28+00:00

You can say you are single but you met someone over the weekend. I think she might be the one and leave it at that. Thank her for showing you her friend though

SexySmexxy · 2016-08-28T23:11:03+00:00

Are you scared to say no or something?

Tell your friend you don't want to, end of.

You seem old enough since you're divorced, tell her you're not interested in her and get on with your life.

Momo_dollar · 2016-08-28T23:38:12+00:00

Protect your rep at all costs. If you go on a date , even just to be polite, your rep can get damaged, if you reject and say why truthfully your rep will get damaged.

nummas · 2016-08-29T00:13:33+00:00

It's simple. Just ignore it and don't bring it up unless she asks what you think, just say you are not interested and of you need to bullshit to get her off yoir back tell her you are interested in someone else, not from work. But don't sound offended when you answer to avoid her getting all pissy. This is your place of income and you don't want any tension.

[deleted] · 2016-08-29T00:22:41+00:00

This is how Girls feel when ugly or weird dudes hit on them.

Don't respond as a Girl would. Saying "Ew she looks creepy/fat/ugly" is not how you can respond.

The__Tren__Train · 2016-08-29T00:43:22+00:00

No need to be offended, just have a chuckle and move on.

You aren't top 20%, and neither is her fat friend. So in co-worker's mind, you are perfect for each other.

(This means you need to work harder on improving yourself)

blackedoutfast · 2016-08-29T02:44:06+00:00

Don't take it personally. It's not about thinking you have a low SMV, she is overestimating her friend's SMV. They are friends, so your coworker obviously thinks uglyfriend has some good characteristics or whatever. She knows you're single and seem like a cool guy, so why not ask you? Maybe you have a fetish for ugly chicks or you will see past her appearance and lover her for her personality and all that.

Just say you aren't ready for a serious relationship right now, don't say her friend is too fat and ugly for you lol.

brooklynisburnin · 2016-08-29T03:45:38+00:00

The entitlement is real, don't sweat it brother, there's thousand of those entitled women that, regardless of your SMV or the SMV that you "display", are going to assume any women is good enough for any guy, just because.

I'd laugh at her face tbh, but considering it's a work environment declining politely seems more reasonable.

hamstercide · 2016-08-29T05:15:53+00:00

Shrug it off. It's just some random thing some idiot did. If she asks, tell her you're not interested. If she asks why, say she's not your type.

beginner_ · 2016-08-29T05:33:52+00:00

I think you handled it well enough. If the topic ever comes up again just tell here you wanted to not offend her and let her down easy but now you are being direct.

Options:

After your divorce you are absolutely not interested in relationships at this point.
You never mix work and relationships, meaning if it goes wrong "our relationship" will be negatively affected as well.

And if fat shaming occurs say you never even looked at her facebook.

For the future I would always say you don't mix work and relationships. And you really should not. If you already have abundance mentality you won't fear missing out anyway and if you do not, you can be 100% certain you will not like what you will see. Why would a good looking chick require help from her friends to land a good man? She is fat, ugly or crazy or all 3 of them. always.

JamesSkepp · 2016-08-29T07:14:12+00:00

If they thought your SMV was low, they wouldn't go for you. It's the opposite.

meh613 · 2016-08-29T08:05:16+00:00

Thank her and move on. This is not the place to make enemies.

DiebytheSword666 · 2016-08-29T09:01:29+00:00

I wouldn't feel offended if I were you. Just remember that a lot of women have a strong sense of entitlement. (He must be in shape! He must be 6'0" or taller!)

I'd just tell your coworker that you're not interested. Do not even mention anything about her weight being the issue. If one coworker heard you say, "Oh, I don't like overweight women," you can guarantee that they'll go to H.R., complaining that you're making rude comments about female bodies or some b.s. like that.

rattamahatta · 2016-08-29T11:01:09+00:00

Don't ever be "offended", that one's for SJWs and their protected classes. You should be grateful for this valuable assessment of your SMV, which is zero. You're not a meal ticket – yet. This is the type of girl they think you deserve. She wouldn't try to hook up Brad Pitt with her, would she. So what, you're 6'0" and healthy. So are millions of other guys. What car do you drive, does your family have wealth or are you at least a big bad motherfucker, with great chin and tattoos all over? Are other guys afraid of you, do they at least respect you? Not with that "I'm offended" shit. Guess what, your SMV ain't shit. This is where you're at, and it's why you're angry. Had you not encountered TRP you would probably think nothing of it. Source: am 6'0", 165 pounds, decent looking, no SMV to speak of, nobody's fault but my own. Sorry if I offended you ;)

___Jamie___ · 2016-08-29T15:11:13+00:00

Relevant thread I made a few days ago: https://www.reddit.com/r/AskScienceDiscussion/comments/4zjuxs/is_human_beauty_an_objective_thing_that/

redditatt · 2016-08-29T15:53:37+00:00

I find that the girl doing the setting up is usually higher on the 10-scale than the one being set up.

Don't overthink this one- she's just trying to help her friend out. I don't think it would help you score in the future, but if it were me I would say something to the woman who tried to set up, but that's me- I'm just curious as to the story behind it and how she would reason through it.

Could also be an opportunity to help your fellow human. Be blunt and tell the woman who tried to set you up that if this girl wants a man she needs to change her life and lose weight.

[deleted] · 2016-08-29T20:24:17+00:00

Just tell her that you don't want to blur any lines by dating her friend. I wouldn't date a co-worker's friend, no matter how hot or great she is. If the relationship doesn't work out, it could make things awkward between you and the coworker.

Officer_Dick_Johnson · 2016-08-29T12:46:18+00:00

When she asked "Are you single?" you should've said that you are dating, that this non existing girl might be the one. Basically just make precedent that you're not interested/taken, maybe then she'll fuck off for good.

[deleted] · 2016-08-28T23:45:18+00:00

This sounds like it just has to be some kind of joke

Title	I feel offended by my coworker offering to set me up with one of her ugly friends, any advice?
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	45
Comments	84
Date	August 28, 2016 8:39 PM UTC (9 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/501afs/i_feel_offended_by_my_coworker_offering_to_set_me/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/i-feel-offended-by-my-coworker-offering-to-set-me.268 https://theredarchive.com/post/268

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