I'm a sort of feminist guy wondering if I can be myself

damaskrose · 2016-04-20T02:29:49+00:00

My question is if I am looking for sex or a relationship, should I be myself or should I "become" something?

You don't have to become a different person in order to attract women. If you create some kind of fake persona and act like something you're not, then you're just going to attract women who aren't compatible with the "real" you. You probably won't like them very much, and once your facade starts to falter, they probably won't like you very much, either.

That being said, being yourself and self-improvement aren't mutually exclusive. You've probably changed & improved a lot over the years, through trial-and-error, without even realizing it. But are you still "yourself"? Of course! If you haven't been successful so far, then you might have to change certain things about yourself in order to attract the type of women you want. But that doesn't mean becoming a different person, it just means making a few tweaks.

For example, you say that you're introverted. Extroverted men tend to be more successful with women, and frankly extroverted people tend to be more successful at life (I say this as an introvert myself). But that doesn't mean you need to fake being an extrovert - you just have to figure out how make your introversion work in your favor. An introverted man with frumpy clothes, bad posture, who doesn't make eye contact is going to be seen as "that weird shy guy". An introverted man who dresses well, has confident posture, and makes good eye contact is going to be thought of as "the strong silent type". You won't attract the women who're really into extroverts, but you'll attract the ones who'll be compatible with you.

I made some of these changes myself, and went from being "that weird shy girl" in high school to receiving compliments on my "elegant and reserved" temperament. I don't feel like I'm trying to be something I'm not, because the changes are so small and superficial, yet they can make a huge difference in how you're perceived. And really, it becomes second-nature over time.

[deleted] · Wed Apr 20 2:22:35 2016 UTC

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Lonny_zone · 2016-04-20T04:03:57+00:00

should I be myself or should I "become" something?

Be your best self you can be. Something that you like. Working out and dressing well to be a guy women want is obviously something that you will like.

This feminist girl just taught you an important lesson: women are superficial and like outward signs of masculinity.

[deleted] · 2016-04-20T04:54:09+00:00

I think you are making a big mistake.

Your thinking that "feminism" means girls will be attracted to because you are a feminist. Women are attracted to masculine men. Masculinity is not equal to misogyny. Honestly the self-proposed feminist girls at my Uni who are straight are the one's who are more into masculine guys.

honeypuppy · 2016-04-20T05:28:48+00:00

If I don't lose my virginity by the time i'm 20 i'm at least going to harm myself, and I figured this is the best place to post about this for feedback.

No, it's just about the worst place. There are other subreddits, but if you're thinking of self-harm, you should seriously be considering getting off the internet and finding a therapist.

lbspredh · 2016-04-20T06:46:15+00:00

so wear the first outfit again and see how she reacts, maybe it's just the way you dress?

BiggerDthanYou · 2016-04-20T08:09:07+00:00

19 feminist male but starting to be less feminist now because even though The Red Pill is full of hate and propaganda, it seems they are actually right a lot of the time about what most college women are attracted to.

Being a feminist and being attractive are not mutually exclusive. You don't have to dress and act in a feminine way to be a feminist.

Just because TRP is somehow the first place that you listen to when they tell you that, shockingly, being attractive is attractive doesn't mean that they are correct when they tell you that you've got to be someone totally else in order to attract women.

One of the biggest issues with the manosphere is that they can't grasp the concept of "toxic masculinity". Because they can't handle nuance, don't understand context and can only think in black and white they figure that feminists hate any and all masculinity although what they actually criticize are the notions that men should never engage in "feminine" hobbies and jobs, that men are disposable and should have to risk their life in order to save people, that men should be strong and never show emotions, that men can never understand women, that men only want sex and that men are not interested in parenting or are bad parents.

Toxic masculinity doesn't mean that masculinity is toxic. They are talking about the harmful elements of masculinity.

But you can be as masculine as you want and still be a feminist. If you like working out, wearing Fight Club shirts and beards do it. Feminists don't want to force you to be a cute and nice little beta, they only want to make men that are like this feel comfortable in their skin without them getting called out by others for not being manly and tough enough.

You can dress more alpha without becoming a douchebag. So you can be yourself while at the same time being attractive.

ppdthrowawai · 2016-04-20T03:34:14+00:00

19 feminist male but starting to be less feminist now

You will find that modern feminism is a political ideology that feeds off of gender war politics. Ever wonder why their narrative doesn't really match the world you live in? I encourage you to look into any of the big feminist statistics. Most of them are bogus or exaggerated for emotional impact. Do some independent research and come to your own conclusions.

My question is if I am looking for sex or a relationship, should I be myself or should I "become" something?

You should be the best you that is possible. At 19 I thought I was the shit. I was funny, athletic, good at most shit I did, and got good grades. At 30, I am all of those, PLUS I have an amazing career, own a very up and coming business, have traveled the world, speak multiple languages, play a few musical instruments, can dance, can strike up a decent conversation with just about anyone, am a decent cook, dress well, and have a better haircut. None of this obviously happened overnight. The point is that you should constantly be making yourself better.

Without getting into any pills, the cold truth though is that human beings are shallow. Women are just as shallow as men. Despite what anyone will tell you, there are a lot of shallow external indicators of whether a girl will like you or not. Make sure you dress stylish, do your hair well, and keep physically fit to maximize your chances. Half the battle of attracting women is to market yourself and working on your external characteristics (looks) and how you present yourself (a fun and confident demeanor) will go a long, long way. None of this has to do with your personality deep down, but can give you big changes in your life.

Most of all, expect to fail and fail a lot. While I would love to go back and teach my 19 year old self everything I know now, I am especially thankful for every failure I've had because those are the hardest life lessons that often teach you the most. Good luck.

RareBlur · 2016-04-20T05:34:07+00:00

Uh.. I think you are reading too much into this girls actions. You have no idea what's in her head and why would you care? Did you ask her out? Doesn't sound like it.

None of this has anything to do the feminism.

To answer your question, you have to project what you want people to know about you. Maybe this girl was projecting the wrong things.

But that might depend on the type of person you want to notice you.

adrixshadow · 2016-04-20T05:43:26+00:00

"Self" is a completely meaningless term.

Men don't have "Self" men have "Will".

What is your Will?

[deleted] · 2016-04-20T06:37:38+00:00

My question is if I am looking for sex or a relationship,

Which one do you want?

should I be myself or should I "become" something?

You should be yourself and yourself should become awesome.

If I don't lose my virginity by the time i'm 20 i'm at least going to harm myself, and I figured this is the best place to post about this for feedback

*Okay. Full stop. THIS is what you need to address. *NOW **

This is what is stopping you. You're desperate, needy, you rely on others to inform your self worth. No no no no NO. Fix this immediately or at least start working on it. Stop giving a fuck because the biggest thing that is a turnoff for 19 year old college girls is guys who are clingy and needy and give a fuck. Never give a fuck. Never

[deleted] · 2016-04-20T03:16:03+00:00

But this feminist girl was attracted to me when I was "alpha" and completely put off when I looked even slightly "beta".

She was attracted to you because you looked more attractive and masculine. Attractive people do better in almost every situation. Take some time to groom yourself, and pick clothes that match and complement your body.

My question is if I am looking for sex or a relationship, should I be myself or should I "become" something?

Sorry, but I think this whole idea of "should I be myself" is ridiculous. Your appearance, words and actions influence everyone you interact with. You go to work to make money. You get an education, in part, to get a job. You put on clothes in public so you don't get arrested. You don't tell your teacher she's fat because that would be rude. You need to eat even if you're not a foodie.

My point is that, yes, you have to spend time and effort to make yourself more desirable if you want to actually be more desirable. I'm not saying at you have to buy into that TRP misgony. But, Christ would you prefer to wake up to an attractive girl every morning or a homely one that? Guess what? Women feel the same way. You spent hours each day in college improving your mind. Just spend an hour a day making yourself more desirable?

wombatinaburrow · 2016-04-20T02:55:25+00:00

So you altered your appearance between the first and second encounter? Maybe she didn't recognise you? My dad shaved off his beard and even his mates didn't recognise him at first.

Please don't hurt yourself. Work on your fitness, and maybe try some team or social sports rather than just lifting weights.

prodigy2throw · 2016-04-20T02:56:10+00:00

You pretty much answered your own question

Apexk9 · 2016-04-20T01:59:44+00:00

Listen being a feminist is stupid.

Don't waste your time helping someone else use your time to better your life.

Don't read books about patriarchy or how whatever cap they spew read books toward a skill.

I taught myself to train dogs by reading and doing now I have a lifelong skill I can use in any situation. (World ends guess who can train attack dogs) while you will have nothing to show for it.

If you're a male and practice feminism your a waste of sperm

Princeso_Bubblegum · 2016-04-20T04:23:30+00:00

If I don't lose my virginity by the time i'm 20 i'm at least going to harm myself

Get over your fucking self, jebus man, your self worth isn't dependent on you having sex.

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[deleted] · 2016-04-20T05:01:22+00:00

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shogunofsarcasm · 2016-04-20T02:12:36+00:00

First step is be yourself, if that includes the gym, go for it. Be the best you that you can be. Don't try to become something you aren't because it can cause more trouble than it is worth.

Second, try not to make your virginity such a big deal. Harming yourself over it solves nothing. The people that tease you are assholes that are making it a bigger deal than it is. It doesn't really matter in the long run and 20 is still pretty young.

macsenscam · 2016-04-20T02:33:15+00:00

She may have given you the cold shoulder because you didn't come on a little more aggressively.

HigHog · 2016-04-20T05:44:34+00:00

Other people are answering what you should and should become as far as dating is concerned, but I'm going to bring up something else you mentioned. Don't be a feminist. For the love of god, please, don't be a feminist.

3rd wave feminism is one of the worst and most harmful ideologies of modern times. It's slightly less evil than fascism and socialism, in only that they are it's inevitable end result. It is responsible for the destruction of the minority community, the destruction of the family, the ongoing destruction of free speech, and the destruction and demonization of western culture in general. It is racist, sexist, bigoted, totally against equality,and totally against truth. Almost all of feminism's main talking points are lies.

Black people are disproportionately affected by police violence due to racism? Lies.

The Wage gap exists due to sexism? Lies.

Objectification of women has a negative impact on society? Lies.

Men are more often domestic violence abusers than women? Lies.

Rape is going up on college campuses? Lies.

Islam is a peaceful religion? Lies.'

White privilege is real? Lies.

Women are discriminated against in STEM fields? Lies.

The American government is full of institutional racism? Lies.

People can be healthy at any size? Lies.

Feminism preys on people's emotions, telling them they are victimized children who can't succeed without the help of a feminist fairy godmother despite literally all available evidence saying this is untrue. Feminism isn't backed by facts. It's backed by these sweeping ideas that racism and sexism just MUST be because, well...who the hell knows really?

And then because colleges are highly liberal, and because TV shows are highly liberal, these ideas are backed up and reinforced again and again and again in every facet of your life and so we believe them with no proof. It is truly brainwashing of the highest order.

Don't buy into their ridiculous narrative and look for proof. Ask yourself questions like: If there are more black people than white people in prison, is it automatically true cops are racist? If there are more black people than white people in the NBA, then does that mean the NBA racist? If the answer is no, then dig deeper and try to uncover WHY that difference actually exists based on FACTS. (Hint: It's because black people commit more crime on average, and have committed more crime on average for the past 150 years, and there was no drop in crime levels even after the civil rights movement and black empowerment.)

Anyway, that's my rant on feminism. It really is a vile, disgusting, thing.

Title	I'm a sort of feminist guy wondering if I can be myself
Author	[deleted]
Upvotes	5
Comments	30
Date	April 20, 2016 1:52 AM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/4fl1fv/im_a_sort_of_feminist_guy_wondering_if_i_can_be/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/im-a-sort-of-feminist-guy-wondering-if-i-can-be.275036 https://theredarchive.com/post/275036

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