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In this bit, Amy Schumer describes a conversation with female friends where lame "secrets" are divulged and tension built around her openness. Has it been your experience that women are often incapable of being real with others? Why?

neptunesunrise

December 2, 2015

7 upvotes

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Post Information

Title	In this bit, Amy Schumer describes a conversation with female friends where lame "secrets" are divulged and tension built around her openness. Has it been your experience that women are often incapable of being real with others? Why?
Author	neptunesunrise
Upvotes	7
Comments	57
Date	December 2, 2015 5:00 PM UTC (10 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3v5vdl/in_this_bit_amy_schumer_describes_a_conversation/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/in-this-bit-amy-schumer-describes-a-conversation.278148 https://theredarchive.com/post/278148

Comments

[–]fruitenvrac 8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]neptunesunrisewelcome to costco, i love you4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]fruitenvrac 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Ha ha, alright, I just decided to bite and click on the link and viewed my first Amy Schumer sketch.

Not bad. The point is very valid. I agree with her.

Case number 1: I was invited to a university party (off-campus) by a friend, a male who went to a private school. All his private school buddies and gals were there. I'm not sure why, but at this point in time, if you went to a private school and you were a girl you would say things like: "I think women who wear make-up are sluts" and "I would never be friends with someone who went to a public school, urgh" and "Who invited public school girls here?" (pout). I experienced all this at the party.

So I did what any sane person would do. I identified the Head Snobby Bitch, Fran, who was co-flatting at the apartment where the party was. I took a tampon out of my bag, pulled off the wrapper, put it under the sink in the bathroom and watched it grow four times its usual size. Then I squeezed out the water and hung the deflated looking thing on Fran's bedroom door handle using the string around the knob.

I left the party immediately afterwards and the next day asked Robert (the guy who invited me) what the response was after I left. Apparently she completely freaked out and started screaming: "I told you what these girls are like! Oh my GOD one of them put a used tampon around my door handle!" Because apparently water soaked = used. Apparently she got one of the men to remove the offensive item and clean down her door handle because she was afraid of germs and contaminants. Also, I was "banned" from the house. (Yeah, it didn't turn out that way. She moved out.) I laughed my arse off.

FIVE YEARS LATER

I was on the bus with my then-boyfriend Jon. There were only two other passengers on board. It was one of those annoying buses that takes you through every Goddamn backstreet before you get to your destination. In other words, a longish ride, and incidentally because of the neighbourhood we went past a lot of my old uni-day haunts. The pubs, the homes that had the biggest house parties, etc.

Anyway, I noticed the girl with the longish-bobbed hair two seats in front of us, when she tilted her head slightly to look out the window, resembled a better-looking version of Fran. I whispered this to Jon. Then I told him the tampon story. Feeling more confident and indifferent as time went on, my voice rose high enough for this girl to hear.

"That's the house! That one! Where I hung the tampon! Ha ha ha... what a dumb bitch."

Then I added: "I remember she was constantly paranoid that Robert - you know Robert? yeah - anyway, after they started dating she was constantly worried that he was cheating on her. This was because they started dating when he was already with someone else, then he left his girlfriend for Fran. We were all like, "Really? Fran? You'd go out with that nightmare?" and he was like, "I'm dating four girls at the same time and she's one of them. She doesn't know." And I just burst out laughing. God, she was dumb."

Then I added: "One thing that really shitted me about her is that Fran would always be trying to score sympathy points about her mother dying of cancer. As far as I can see, her mother is still alive and well and has been "dying of cancer" for the last ten years or so. I was like - "Jesus, bitch, is this woman dying or what? Saying something truthful in your whole goddamn life." But Fran is incapable of that. Poor little rich-girl Fran. The thing I never got was, if she was so rich, why did she spend all of Robert's money when they went to Europe? I guess paying your own way is something private school girls don't do."

Then: "She's also the one who said, "I couldn't picture EVER being friends with a public school girl." Yeah, I know! And then I found out her flatmate was called "Cindy". Who has a housemate called Cindy? That sounds suspiciously public-school to me."

Then the girl got off at an obscure stop. As the bus was pulling up, I said... "Oh, I think Fran and Cindy lived out this way! I.... oh my God." (Bus doors closing) "That WAS Fran!"

I saw that the window was slightly cracked open and as she walked past the moving bus I yelled out, "Hey Fran! At least I thought you were too hot to be Fran! Turns out a bit of makeup works after all, hey!" She kept walking in this rigid way and I kept laughing.

I laughed hysterically the whole bus trip. It was also my birthday. What an awesome present. I've never been SO GLAD that someone overheard every awful thing I could say about them. And to be honest, I wonder if part of me suspected that it COULD be Fran and she'd grown her hair out and embraced minimal makeup. But I was willing to go down that path no matter what.

She was truly that awful.

PS HI FRAN!!!!!! I forgot to tell you that fob necklace chains went out of fashion in the 80s!

[–]GridReXXit be like that8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (23 children) | Copy Link

[–]cats_or_get_outRPW (=^‥^=)5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (22 children) | Copy Link

[–]taiboworksrational idealism > toxic egoism5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (21 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (13 children) | Copy Link

[–]taiboworksrational idealism > toxic egoism1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (12 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points7 points 10 years ago (11 children) | Copy Link

[–]taiboworksrational idealism > toxic egoism2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]taiboworksrational idealism > toxic egoism2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled-1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago* (2 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled1 point 10 years ago [recovered] | Copy Link

[–]neptunesunrisewelcome to costco, i love you1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]taiboworksrational idealism > toxic egoism2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]anacrassismurex bath1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]fruitenvrac 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

I have a secret sensitivity I want to confess.

These little birds started building a nest near our front door. Weird nest: mud based, cup shaped. Then a few days later my brother reaches up with his arm and takes a pic using his phone. Three spotted eggs. About a week later, we discovered a baby had fallen out and landed on a ledge underneath. "He's done for," we all thought, but put him back in the nest, hoping his deadbeat parents wouldn't let him fall out again or reject him.

They didn't. He grew up. He was this flat little thing breathing heavily in my palm and now when I walk out in the mornings or when the sun's coming down I get to see three little baby-faces looking up at me. It's the damned cutest thing I've ever seen. Not to mention their little twittering form of communication is so cute that I'm annoyed that "twitter", the social media function, has stolen that word and made it mean something else.

The adults are trying to build another nest nearby. The homeowner doesn't want this to happen. There's a wasp's nest in the way. Against the homeowner's wishes, I knocked down the wasp's nest with a broom handle so they could start mating and being super cute again.

I know that they are attempting to mate again because I became so obsessed with their cuteness that I had to identify the species, the behavioural patterns, and I know that they will attempt to mate twice in one mating season.

We all have our dirty little secrets. Mine are the adorableness of Welcome Swallows. (Insert mandatory headjob joke here.)

PS "My wife used to be 'tarded. She's a pilot now." - Like the flair.

[–]neptunesunrisewelcome to costco, i love you2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]demerera2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]exit_sandmanstill not the MGTOW sandman FFS4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]cats_or_get_outRPW (=^‥^=)8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]neptunesunrisewelcome to costco, i love you3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago* (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]anacrassismurex bath4 points5 points6 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

[–]dragoness_leclerq🚑 Vagina Red Cross 🚑8 points9 points10 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]neptunesunrisewelcome to costco, i love you2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–][deleted] 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (10 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sleela17 3 points4 points5 points 10 years ago (9 children) | Copy Link

[–]Ocean_Squeeze 1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

[–]hyperrrealLoves fun1 point2 points3 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sleela17 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

Yeah, I've noticed both Amy Schumer and Rhonda Rousey suddenly started grabbing headlines on news.com.au all of a sudden, even though no one in Australia seems to have watched/listened to either of these people before the headlines popped up. Nice sneaky work you did, there, media: get us into these people retrospectively by talking about them as though we're all already discussing them in real life.

Nice.

The same thing happened with Justin Bieber years ago (I don't mind if I spelled his name wrong). This was before he got massive-OMG-big. Before you could walk into a pharmacy and buy a Justin Bieber electric toothbrush which plays his songs when you press a button.

There was a news article about "Bieber fever" hitting our city and someone called Justin Bieber apparently fearing for his life etc after teenage girls tried to basically mob him, grab at him. I remember looking around at the twenty-something and thirty-somethings around me and saying, "Who the hell is Justin Bieber?" and the only response apart from a blank look was, "I don't know, I think he's a popstar or something because the news says he was attacked by his fans... teenaged girls. I think."

Thank you for introducing us to Justin Bieber, Aussie media, when we were all quietly and happily living our lives. Well, let's be honest, the teens with their secretive Bieber agenda are also responsible.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points1 point 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]fruitenvrac 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]DrunkGirl69Manic Pixie Drunk Girl2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]fruitenvrac 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]Sleela17 0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago* (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]ThatGreekLady 2 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub12342 points3 points4 points 10 years ago (6 children) | Copy Link

[–]nomdplumeFormer Alpha0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (5 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub12340 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (4 children) | Copy Link

Even more than lying, we tell little half-truths all the time. For example, today I'd been out, and as I got back home I just caught my cleaner leaving in the car park, so I just went over to say hello. And she was smoking, and she said something about not smoking in front of clients. So I told her not to be daft, that I didn't care, which was true.

What I didn't say to her was "yeah, you're right not to smoke in front of clients, smoking is a disgusting habit, you should stop, and it's fucking your teeth up".

Not least because she's a nice person and does a good job. But I wouldn't say it to anyone, unless I knew them really well. Who would?

These are the little lies we tell all the time, to ourselves, to everyone else. Otherwise life would be a bit like this.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DfmXodInxTU

[–]nomdplumeFormer Alpha0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (3 children) | Copy Link

[–]wub12340 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (2 children) | Copy Link

What you can say about the clip is that just because we didn't tell lies wouldn't mean that we would be absolutely brutally honest all the time. But Gervais is a very astute person, and rightly recognises that we tell lies to protect ourselves and others from undesirable social consequences.

We even tell lies to ourselves constantly. It is only the truly evolved person who can be brutally honest with his or herself. I am actually rather good at this, but it's not for everyone because sometimes the consequences are good, and sometime the consequences are depressing! Most people prefer platitudes.

Another good example of this trend, possibly an even better example, is Peep Show, where the characters have an internal dialogue that doesn't match the way they behave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EY7XUT6gV4I

[–]nomdplumeFormer Alpha0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]wub12340 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link

It's tough to be honest with yourself all the time. We live in a very cruel, unforgiving, downright unfair world. Any problems we experience will be pretty minimal compared to many hundreds of millions of other people. People manage to turn a blind eye to that every day, so why wouldn't they be able to tell themselves smaller lies as well?

Most people's egos and sense of self would collapse completely if they told themselves the truth and faced the truth even for one day. I spend time with my family, and I only tell them 10% of my real opinions, and I sugarcoat most of those, and they can't even handle that. They just want to believe that the world is nice, people are nice, and just live a cosy and cosseted existence where they don't have to face up to human nature and the way the world actually is.

I don't have that choice because I'm intellectually inquisitive.

[–]dragoness_leclerq🚑 Vagina Red Cross 🚑6 points7 points8 points 10 years ago (1 child) | Copy Link

[–]Bekazzled0 points1 point2 points 10 years ago (0 children) | Copy Link