Why exactly can't "equal" relationships work ?

alreadyredschool · 2015-07-27T10:25:07+00:00

but what is wrong with asking for your partner's opinion when it comes to decision making and valuing their judgement ?

That sounds like captain first mate.

Why can't 2 nails fix a broken plank? Why can a hammer and a nail manage it?

The roles of the hammer and nail can change based on the topic, and they do so in many relationships. A democracy of two can't work.

I am sure you know some relationships where the women is in charge, they work because one has to be the hammer. TRP just tells you to be the hammer because it is a better role if you want to achieve and satisfy your needs, and many women hate being the hammer (numbers game)

cats_or_get_out · 2015-07-27T11:00:12+00:00

I entered marriage is in 2001 with this idealism of total equality. That changed with time and experience.

When we had a kid, we decided that the the most important thing was that we presented a united front. None of us this ask Mommy then ask Daddy stuff. No divide and conquer. No pitting Mom and Dad against each other. Children are natural guerrilla warriors.

The whole concept of insurgent warfare is that for relatively little cost in resources, the kid (the insurgent) can disrupt operations and break morale. From this came our mantra in 2006, "We don't negotiate with toddlers."

Flash forward and we're still acutely keeping the united front. If there's a disagreement in something, I immediately defer to his judgment.

In private, I will share any reservations I have about his decisions. Generally, these aren't statements of disagreement but moments of clarification. I provide information that he may not have had at his disposal earlier. He clarifies what the vision/plan is, so I can know how to best support the objectives.

I am expected to use my brain and make decisions and support the LLC (what we call our marriage/family). He is not always here (military), so I have to be in on the plan. I have to run the household without him, so I have to execute small unit leadership of my own. Even when he's not here, he's still leading because all of my decisions are aligned with the vision.

Not being 100% equals does not mean I became a brainless zombie Stepford Wife or a battered wife. I think this is the fear our women have of this model. This fear is so palpable that we have a whole genre of Lifetime movies that feed into this victimhood idea---this idea that if you allow your husband to be the leader that you will utterly and completely brutalized.

Xemnas81 · 2015-07-27T11:56:56+00:00

If you assume that women are teenagers, i.e. highly emotional and impulsive, it's a foolish investment to put them at the helm of decision-making. They can contribute as 'First Mate' but not be the leader. (Even though I disagree with this oldest teenager in the house assumption but hey-ho)

Making a decision =/= lead

In any case a man is conditioned to put a woman and child's interests first, while a woman is only conditioned to put her child's interests first. In the trad-con pre-war world women were invested in keeping their man happy, but now in the liberal age of no-fault divorce, alimony, child support and oh so unbridled hypergamy, of fucking course she'd put herself and her child first! lol

wtknight · 2015-07-27T12:25:25+00:00

I would say that my wife and I switch who is in charge based upon our individual expertises of what is being decided upon and our moods at the time. Sometimes she likes to take charge and other times I like to. Luckily we are enough alike in personality that outright conflict when it comes to a decision is pretty rare. When that happens then we have a discussion and come to a consensus or compromise just like two adults should.

[deleted] · 2015-07-27T14:36:22+00:00

Why exactly can't "equal" relationships work?

Because there is no such thing as precise, exacting "equality" between men and women in general, or between any one man and any one woman.

max_peenor · 2015-07-27T17:06:41+00:00

Equality requires constant rational communication to keep everything in balance. Women can't do that. Feelings and instincts are just as important to women as rational thought.

mrgoditself · 2015-07-27T20:33:17+00:00

HappilySingleWoman i don't know if it's true, but i read somewhere you are dating a PUA. If he's a real PUA that knows theory and practice. Find out from him, do you shit test him, if you do: you are unconsciously trying to lower his value( if he fails) so you would be the head of relationship.

I seriously, don't know a woman that doesn't shit test.

If you are a guy that is head of the relationship, even without knowing shit tests, you will probably pass most of them easily, because you already feel like a leader.

A guy that strives for equal relationship will eventually get stomped by his girlfriend, that doesn't even think she's doing anything.

Some beta guys think that they are in equal relationship, but are doormats and some guys(rarely) think they are blue pill, but they act more like alphas- they just think that if they both are happy it probably means equal relationship. What's why a lot of natural alphas are bad theory teachers, but good at practice. So the only way you should learn from them is by observing them

DStoo · 2015-07-27T11:54:19+00:00

I don't know why it won't work. Ours does.

But I'm so convinced I'm right about my decisions that if she doesn't agree with me then I just haven't made a compelling enough argument or worded it right yet.

Archwinger · 2015-07-27T13:05:43+00:00

Let's say I get a lucrative job offer in anther city, father from my wife's family and her current group of friends. Similar positions don't exist in our current town.

Do we move, or do I stall my career and our family's finances to keep my wife comfortable?

Of course we talk about it. But then we fucking move. Because our relationship isn't equal. I'm the leader of our household, and I do what's best for us - even when that's not always what's best for me personally. Even if it's something my wife doesn't want. My wife's input is invaluable in nearly all situations, but I make the final decision, and I stick to it, even if it pisses off my wife and she cries for days. Because I do what's best for us.

Rufus_Reddit · 2015-07-27T12:52:35+00:00

A relationship where one person act in an executive capacity, and the other in an advisory one isn't a relationship of equals. Arguments and questions like this that are couched in some non-standard notion of 'equal' really only confuse the issue. It's rather reminiscent of Orwell's "All animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others."

Different is inherently unequal, and testing whether an unequal relationship is equitable requires subjective value judgements. So a relationship that one person considers "equal" may not be seen as "equal" by anyone else.

Title	Why exactly can't "equal" relationships work ?
Author	HappilySingleWoman
Upvotes	1
Comments	54
Date	July 27, 2015 10:08 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3er7uq/why_exactly_cant_equal_relationships_work/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/why-exactly-cant-equal-relationships-work.280724 https://theredarchive.com/post/280724

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