How much do women care about prestige?

[deleted] · 2015-07-03T02:32:45+00:00

For some women, prestige is everything.

For some others, they choose men on looks and sex appeal and don't think too much about the rest.

For some others, money is everything and they don't care how he made his money, they just want a man who's rich.

For some others, they think about the fact that they want a settled life living close to family (they don't want to marry military men) or they don't want a man who works long hours (they'd rather a carpenter than a lawyer) or they find a man who works with his hands and muscles sexy (they'd rather a carpenter than a lawyer) or they like long intellectual conversation (they'd rather an academic than a tradesperson).

And then again, some women want to go far in their career and would like a guy who'd consider being the one staying at home with future children.

[deleted] · 2015-07-02T19:14:51+00:00

Also, there is a girl in my social circle who went to Boston Unversity (decent school). However, she will ONLY date Harvard/MIT guys.

Now I ain't saying she's a gold digger...

TheChemist158 · 2015-07-02T19:20:37+00:00

I don't care too much, but I have a certain prestige of my own. I would like a guy in a similar field, but it's not for bragging rights.

haircombsnightmare · 2015-07-02T19:39:00+00:00

I care more about how much they like what they do than what they do. Passion reflects on people. That's me, tho. For sure some women want prestigious rich men.

sohamster · 2015-07-02T19:58:19+00:00

No, I don't care what a man does. If he is a loser, he is a loser. I don't care if he is the Very Model of a Modern Major-General, a jerk is a jerk.

chasingstatues · 2015-07-02T20:41:41+00:00

Some women care, some don't. I can hardly spend ten minutes with someone who bores me, let alone the duration of an entire relationship. Their career doesn't change that.

GynaTynglez · 2015-07-02T20:46:20+00:00

I do not find this to be true, in my personal experience. My partner and I make similar incomes, but I have more degrees and have a very unusual and public career. He is a highly skilled tradesmen with an uninteresting sounding career. In social settings, both of us avoid talking about what we do. He thinks what he does is boring (I don't!) and what I do tends to derail conversations. Note to Redpillers, please no assumptions or insults about my man being a boring beta- that couldn't be further from the truth. I really could care less about prestige. We both come from working class families and value that about each other. We also value humility, and dislike phony status seeking behavior.

dragoness_leclerq · 2015-07-02T23:44:54+00:00

I honestly don't give a fuck. I have never in my life been (considerably more?) attracted to someone because they had a good career or went to XYZ school.

Last year I was dating a guy who was from a very prominent family in my city. His father was a surgeon, his mother was a "famous" (meaning, well known in her industry) curator and the guy himself went to some very good schools growing up and a great college on top of that. Plus he had a rising career in finance. He really liked me too; I was 23 years old so you'd think that would be quite a boon for me.

And yet, I grew to like him the least of any guy I've ever known. His "status" and "prestige" couldn't make up for his subpar conversation skills or utterly boring, childish mentality. I wasn't impressed by him or the things he'd done because I wasn't impressed by him as a person.

He had almost zero personality and the more time I spent with him the more I could tell he was used to buying his friends and girlfriends and getting by on status rather than his own merit.

BattleDrillOneAlpha · 2015-07-03T01:08:46+00:00

Honestly, I don't expect a wide variety of answers to this.

Most females will say "No, I don't!", and that is logical. Nobody, especially the demographic of Reddit, is going to outwardly say otherwise (of course, there are exemptions). I'm not saying that the women in this thread are lying; they aren't. I see attraction as something in a bubble that plays out differently than the ideal scenario one rehearses through their head (IE. saying so and so attribute is one you don't care about or that you like). If that wasn't the case you wouldn't see so man women saying "Oh boy, that past boyfriend(s) was a mistake that I let continue for too long" because then everybody would have their ideal mate from the first relationship.

But the good thing with attraction is that it isn't logical. You could think a guy is just so-so, but upon hearing something about him that makes him more "prestigious" you gradually change your mind. This is all done subconsciously. You really are attracted to him.

The other answer I'm seeing is "my boyfriend is poor and/or he makes the same thing I do!". Ok, but I feel like attraction (past the initial evaluation) comes down to Hedonistic Calculus. Everything equal, if there were two identical versions of your boyfriend but one is a carpenter and the other a lawyer, then I know which one you would choose. Most men don't give a shit about the job or level of prestige their wife has.

Of course, that was a little simplistic. However, when it comes to human interaction I follow the maxim "Acta Non Verba". There is a trend I see in my anecdotal life when it comes to female to male social interactions.

And the thing about Officer's wives is true. Some identify with the rank of their husband and thus feel like they have tenure. A 2nd LTs wife would be hard bent to question a LTCs wife and so on.

rulenumber303 · 2015-07-02T22:15:33+00:00

It is very nice to have some social standing to capitalise on. Life's pretty effing miserable for the unnoticed and unwanted human beings of the world. Things happen to them and no-one gives a fuck. Their children go missing and they find it difficult to work up social opinion. They get an expensive disease and no one cares or contributes. They lose their jobs and look for work and no-one gives them any leads let alone any outright recommendations.

Just like with money there's two aspects to this... security and pleasure. You and your family are safer if you've got a buffer zone of money. You and your family are safer if you've got good social standing. You are also likelier to have pleasurable lives. I don't think it is particualrly helpful to have a conversation about people's drives towards social standing without looking at it through both those lenses, separately and together. Things get complicated when people want things for a variety of reasons not just one simple reason.

And from the point of view of social standing and women you need to know a couple of things.

First, if women stop work to have kids their social standing plummets. Sure there's a bunch of sentimental stuff that attempts to raise the status of mothers but in the end, going from even the most menial of jobs to being a stay at home mother means a form of deletion from social life. Sure a certain amount can be done by spending money and time working harder at being social, but nothing quite replaces being out there employed. It is not unreasonable that when seeking a man to be father to her children, a woman who intends taking time off paid work seeks a man who can carry a substantial amount of responsibility in this regard.

Another thing to consider is that a bad choice of partner can not only fail to contribute to a person's social standing and eventually their children's social standing, it can destroy it. I know a woman who had two kids with a man who first lost his rather ordinary blue-collar job because of drugs in his urine, and then turned out to be the perpetrator of a rather unpleasant rape a couple of decades back. He has devastated that family. They carry his presence in their life as a burden.

To put it most bluntly, the best way to make sure you don't end up with an incompetent man is to seek out a very competent man and disregard those that are only ordinarily competent. Just like the best way not to end up with an obese wife is to seek out a very slim woman and disregard women who are a looking just a little fleshy. Is this fair? Probably not. Is life fair? Generally no, it isn't fair and you'd better get used to that and get over it and stop complaining, because you aren't a fair person to strangers either when you are the one judging their potential use to you.

dragoness_leclerq · 2015-07-02T21:07:23+00:00

It's amazing how all the women here say basically the same thing:

"Not me."

It's like cheating. No one is ever gonna admit that they would cheat.

wtknight · 2015-07-03T08:43:08+00:00

I think it depends upon how social the woman is. Most women do care about finding a responsible man who will potentially help provide for a family, which in western society means that the man has a stable, decent-paying job. Only the women who socialize with many other women are going to play the comparison games, though. Introverted women with fewer friends are likely not going to care as much about what other people's mates are doing.

Superfluous_Toast · 2015-07-04T11:37:58+00:00

Whatever keeps a roof over his head is good enough for me. A job is just a way to pay bills. And if he happens to really like his job or has the career he's always wanted, well that's just a bonus.

thereddespair · 2015-07-02T19:17:24+00:00

coz deep in our hearts will always be the desire to be better, than others

we just take that route differently, and the route of least resistance is always so tempting. why work to get into harvard when you can just get a man who is from harvard. why spend so much money and labor to be a dentist when you can just marry a dentist.

tomatostew · 2015-07-02T23:24:23+00:00

Prestige isn't as big of a deal to me in others. I like to be ambitious and have goals for myself so it doesn't matter as much to me what my SO's standing is.

I'd rather be confident and secure in my own independence and have a boyfriend that I adore than worry about my boyfriend's rank.

Right now, I'm going into my senior year of college and my boyfriend just graduated. He's working at a non-profit and taking the LSATs soon. Could he have a better job? Maybe, but he's really interested in what his company is doing and I respect that greatly. I'd rather him be happy.

ECoast_Man · 2015-07-03T03:00:47+00:00

Because. We are expected to pay for houses, cars, weddings, diamond rings, etc. All these material goods that women crave.

It's rarely the only thing for most women but it's a plus for all in varying degrees.

I would view my SMV as relatively high on pure looks and conversational skills, but i have impressive degrees and career and this allowed me to tap into the girls who really prioritize that as well.

I've definitely gotten laid more, with less effort, since that time.

max_peenor · 2015-07-02T20:03:51+00:00

So... prestige is defined by the type and location of his education; and the relative social standing of his occupation?

Speaking as a man, and observing women with me and with other men, it doesn't appear prestige (as defined above) matters all that much in terms of attraction to the man holding that education and job.

What's mattered more are

his confidence (his attitude about the world and relationship to the world, his belief that he will survive and thrive despite conditions external to him) and
his dominance (his ability to influence and impose his will on himself, his immediate surroundings, his home and his occupation; his ability to shape and create his environment to his preferences).

Reginleifer · 2015-07-02T22:20:54+00:00

Being married itself is a status symbol, read Black lit.... when talking about Married Church women and how the queen bee treats her wedding ring like a staff or something, always rubbing it as some weird show of authority. xD

Just weird.

Title	How much do women care about prestige?
Author	alphabetaAB
Upvotes	3
Comments	35
Date	July 2, 2015 7:03 PM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/3bwjfn/how_much_do_women_care_about_prestige/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/how-much-do-women-care-about-prestige.281272 https://theredarchive.com/post/281272

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