Blue pillers, did you grow up in families where you were under parented or over parented?

ianturpiesmoustache · 2015-03-04T09:06:57+00:00

Were your parents more involved in your life than most other kids or less involved in your life than other kids? Or neither. Please elaborate.

My parents were fairly average in that respect - they were around enough to look out for me, but afforded me some space to do things on my own. For example I walked to school by myself from about grade 3 onwards.

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

Breakfast and lunch were do-it-yourself, dinner was cooked mostly by dad, but sometimes mum. When I was 13 and decided to be a vegetarian, however, I had to make my own dinner, too (they weren't about to make a separate dish just for me, which was fair).

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

Mum did the laundry, only because everyone else was too lazy and she couldn't stand the mess.

Did they help you with your homework?

Past primary school I didn't ask/need them to, so no.

Did they care about your grades?

Oh god, yes. One time my grades were lower than expected and my mum sold my ticket to an upcoming music festival to a kid from her work. They weren't fucking around when it came to education.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

If I wanted money, it was either get a job or do designated chores around the house to earn it from them.

Did they buy you a nice car?

Hahaha, no. There's no way I would've expected them to drop that kind of cash on me, anyway.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

They did the best they could, and we have a good relationship. There's no point in wishing it was any different.

[deleted] · 2015-03-04T09:10:48+00:00

My mom made all meals until I was about 10, from that age I made my own breakfast and lunch. At 12 I traded my one night a week washing up duties to cook supper for the whole family on a Friday night.

My mom did all the washing in the house, but when I was 12 she decided that myself and my brother must do our own ironing and she would only iron for my dad and younger sister. Once my sister turned 12 she had to do her own ironing too.

My mom didn't help me with my homework as I mostly didn't need it. When I ran into trouble with algebra my older brothers helped. My mom helped my sister and one brother with homework as they both had trouble with different things. I also helped an older brother with his English homework. My dad figured he helped by giving me old books to read that he was supposed to have read in school but never did. Martin Rattler haunts me.

My parents only cared about my grades as long as I could honestly say I did my best.

I had a couple of babysitting jobs, but my dad was against me working, he felt I would do better for myself if I concentrated on studies and sports. Some of my siblings had jobs, if they wanted them. Once I turned 18 though I had to get a job to help me while I studied.

I got a car, I'm not sure what you mean by nice. It wasn't a new car, but out of all 6 kids my parents had I was the only who got given a car. I thought it was the best car ever, until I bought myself one.

I think my parents did a pretty good job of raising us, 6 kids, 4 boys, 2 girls. They decided not to try treat us all equally but rather as different individuals. That is why 2 of my older brothers had part-time jobs at school. I got a car and paid for studies. My sister was encouraged to go overseas for experience once she finished her hairdressing qualification.

I think overall we had a good time growing up. I am not sure my brothers would all agree, but I think my parents did a good job and I have a good relationship with them now.

EDIT: I think I was parented the correct amount for me.

goodtime_jellyfish · 2015-03-04T12:07:49+00:00

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

During the week I made my own breakfast, but lunch and dinner was made for me. On the weekends I used to cook dinner for Mum and Dad.

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

My Mum is a massive laundry/clean freak. Things had to be done in a particular way. So she did it. That being said, when she was away Dad and I shared the responsibility.

Did they help you with your homework?

Nope, it wasn't something that I needed, but I'm sure if I had asked for help, it never would have been more than an explaination.

Did they care about your grades?

Definitely. I got straight A's and it became expected.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

As soon as I was old enough to have one, I was expected to. Even before that I never had pocket money, any cash I received was for a job done (outside of my weekly chorse which I wasn't paid for).

Did they buy you a nice car?

We went 50/50. They said they would match whatever I saved.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

Pretty damn good, they were great parents. They taught me responsibility at a young age, but were definitely involved enough (there were strict curfews etc.). I don't think they were more or less involved than any of the other kids in my friendship circle, but I can't really speak for outside of that.. I find that the information you read online (particuarly on reddit) is at both ends of the extreme.

Yonderlander · 2015-03-04T12:36:15+00:00

Probably a bit less. I was allowed to sleepovers from a young age, often went underage drinking at these times.

Made my own cereal, Mum made other meals until I made my own lunch like sandwiches around 14.

Didnt need help with homework.

No particular attention to grades, but I was academic anyway.

I was desperate to work anyway and worked from about 14.

NO parents buy their kids a car in the UK, except millionaires. They didnt even help pay for me to learn to drive. They did help with University living fees though.

I wish they had kept up with me more- was quite bullied and depressed during my early teens and my parents didnt ever ask how I was or give any advice, even when it all came to a head, which I now think is completely messed up. I had to counsel myself and became a much stronger person from it.

Despite the failings they love me and provided for me. My Mum isnt very intelligent, and my Dad worked a lot, they were doing their best.

wombatinaburrow · 2015-03-04T09:11:30+00:00

Made breakfast? I could stick some milk on a couple of weetbix myself, lol. Given lunch was a vegemite sandwich and an apple, I was quite capable of doing that myself, too. I was expected to help with cooking (peeling veggies, stirring soup, that sort of thing. ), and with washing up afterwards.

I was in charge of hanging out and bringing in washing from when I could reach the line. I had to iron my own clothes if I wanted them ironed.

My mum used to help me with homework, and my dad soundproofed the study and used to drop me at the library/pick me up from the library at all hours so I could study in peace.

They expected A+ grades. 99% wasn't good enough.

I was expected to work and to do volunteer work.

I bought my own car, but my dad went to test drive it with me and helped me choose.

In retrospect? My brothers never had to wash dishes and my youngest sister never had to do anything; but no parents are perfect.

MissPearl · 2015-03-04T12:36:32+00:00

Under parented and given significant responsibility for my siblings.

nope_nic_tesla · 2015-03-04T14:43:08+00:00

Both of my parents were fairly involved. Dad coached in sports, mom was always supportive and asked questions about school, helped me out with anything I needed, etc.

Mom did most of the cooking, except for grilling. When I got a little bit older I would help out my mom in the kitchen and sometimes make breakfast (starting around age 12). By the time I was 16 I was expected to make lunch for myself on weekends and for when I left school early for work-study.
They started making me do laundry around age 12. I was also expected to help vacuum, dust, and help out with other household chores both indoors and out.
Yes, whenever I asked, though that wasn't common.
Yes.
When I became working age, yes they expected me to work a job.
They bought me a car, I wouldn't say it was a nice one, but it wasn't a beater either. It was a 10 year old Civic. They made me pay for gas, insurance and regular maintenance on it.

I greatly value the influence my parents had on me in teaching me to be independent without pushing me too far. When I moved away for college there was a clear difference between some of my friends who had no clue how to take care of themselves. I recall some of them still took their clothes home every two weeks or so for mom to do their laundry (university was about two hours away). Many of them also struggled to balance work and school, whereas I had been working two jobs and going to high school and had already figured that out.

MamaTR · 2015-03-04T14:48:44+00:00

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?
I made breakfast, bought school lunch and dinner was usually made by parents (I would cook dinner maybe once a week in high school)
Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?
Parents did laundry I would fold it
Did they help you with your homework?
They couldn't help me with any of my math and science since middle school but earlier years they would make sure I did it.
Did they care about your grades?
Hell yes, they would get pissed at me if I came home with D's or C's but it made me care about them so I would be just as angry with myself
Were you expected to work a job growing up?
Had summer jobs as soon as I was legally able, then worked through college parttime
Did they buy you a nice car?
Bought my aunts old 90's honda as a grad gift, so not "nice" but yeah a car.
Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?
I hope that I can be half the parent that my parents were to me.

squeakybuns · 2015-03-04T14:52:40+00:00

Were your parents more involved in your life than most other kids or less involved in your life than other kids? Or neither. Please elaborate.

i would say it was about average, from what i could tell.

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

they made food regularly until about my sophomore year of high school. then, it was only occasional and i took care of it myself the rest of the time.

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

my parents did the laundry.

Did they help you with your homework?

up until around 7th-8th grade, and then not as much.

Did they care about your grades?

just that they wanted me to get good ones.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

yes.

Did they buy you a nice car?

no.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

if i had the option to change things, i probably would have. i'm not close with my family and i think the past has a lot to do with it.

philomexa · 2015-03-04T17:01:39+00:00

Were your parents more involved in your life than most other kids or less involved in your life than other kids? Or neither. Please elaborate.

Well I'm technically an only child, although I do have much older half siblings. Regardless, my parents were fairly involved in my life, they knew who my friends were, knew what I was up to (most of the time), heavily involved in my schooling (mom worked at almost all the schools I attended), always took me places with them, etc.

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

Sort of? My dad took care of breakfast and lunch, past the age of 14 dinner was on my own.

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

My mom did all the laundry, even if I wanted to help she wouldn't let me. According to her, laundry was her therapy.

Did they help you with your homework?

Not really. They tried but I was weirdly secretive and protective over my homework. Additionally my mom was going back to school so her homework load took precedence over mine as it was a bit more complicated.

Did they care about your grades?

YES. I was in the 'gifted' and CAPA (Creative and Performing Arts) program, a fact they liked to boast about, so I was expected to maintain at least a B+ in all my classes (B+ because they knew I have some difficulty [possibly dyscalculia?] with regards to math)

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

No, school was my job. However when I got to be about 14/15, I would spend the first half of the summer assisting my mom while she taught summer school, and the second half of the summer interning at the local mental health clinic.

Did they buy you a nice car?

Well, I'm not sure how 'nice' it was, but they did buy me a ridiculously bright blue 1998 Eagle Talon TSI Turbo.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

Pretty good. I feel like my parents did a good job raising me as I am not a degenerate and I am relatively happy and successful in my life. We have a good relationship and I'm grateful for all the thing$ they gave me (exotic vacations abroad, fancy summer camps, figure skating lessons, dance classes, member$hip with the local figure skating club, girl scouts, piano and flute lessons, etc)

cxj · 2015-03-04T17:26:42+00:00

Only 30% blue, but I was definitely under parented. Kinda glad though, I genuinely think that I'll have a better outcome longterm than kids who were helicopter parented.

polyhooly · 2015-03-04T21:15:33+00:00

My parents had a good balance of involvement. They weren't helipcopter parents but they weren't neglectful, either.

My mom did my laundry until I was about 14. Then I got upset with her for washing some of my clothes improperly, so I started doing it for myself at that age.

They helped with homework as best they could.

Yes, but I never had issues with grades. I was far harder on myself than they ever were on me.

No, but they told me if I wanted those extra things, such as $250 to get 4th row Nsync tickets, I better find a way to pay for it myself. That was fine with me. I've been working since I was 13. I learned from a very young age that if you want something, you got to depend on yourself to get it. And that money is power. I made the mistake once of allowing someone to support me financially as an adult. I stayed at home for almost 2 years when my daughter was born. I saw the dynamic of my marriage change for the worse. I vowed I would never let anyone, even someone whom I love dearly, like my husband, be able to have that sort of power over me again. So that's why it's so funny to me when RPers talk about how women want a man to support them.

My first car was an $800 1992 Toyota Tercel. My parents and I went halfsies on it.

I have good parents.

southwer · 2015-03-05T00:05:25+00:00

I guess I was pretty underparented by these standards. I was feeding myself and doing my own laundry and things by age 12 for sure. Parents didn't help with homework, did care about grades but honestly they were busy with various things. We were working class so I started working part-time when I was 14 (babysitting from age 11). Since all of us were working and we lived in the country, there was a flotilla of old, crappy cars that we all used to get to work and school and such. The first car that was designated as 'mine' was 20 years old and cost $50. My dad kept them all running.

I feel...let's see. We were working class, but the much bigger problem in my family was that my dad was an active and severe alcoholic and all the problems attendant to that. There have been some really weird, lasting effects in my life and my siblings'. Having a part time job was no biggie, almost everyone I knew had some kind of job.

12SXC367 · 2015-03-05T20:42:41+00:00

Growing up, I had to make my own breakfast and lunch. I was given the freedom to make mistakes. I didn't get a nice car and still don't own one since transit is cheaper and more convenient. They cared about my grades but didn't push me since I pushed myself to succeed pretty hard anyway! I don't remember ever needing help with homework although I did get gifts of math/writing activity books growing up. Overall, my parents praised effort above outcome and were less involved directing me to pursue particular hobbies and resume-building activities than some of my other competition friends. I'm happy that I learned to take care of myself!

nemma88 · 2015-03-04T09:42:22+00:00

My mum was quite involved, she was a SAHM. My dad worked hard and for some years when I was around 10ish worked in a city far away, so less involved as for some years I only saw him at weekends (He would stay in the other city during the week).

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself? Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

Mum made food / kept house.

Did they help you with your homework? Did they care about your grades?

As for the homework IRC we didn't have much. My mum helped me getting involved in arts and design stuff which we would have over the holidays sometime.

I'm sure they cared about grades. I wasn't good at maths, they tried to get me a maths tutor. Didn't work out well but I worked hard myself and got the grades I needed, my parents were very much hands off in that regard.

Were you expected to work a job growing up? Did they buy you a nice car?

Not before college (UK, 16/17yrolds) while there wasn't a expectation, they also didn't give money over and above that for buses / lunch. I got a job at a manor bar (where my grandmother worked) glass collecting at weekends.

Buying cars for kids in the UK isn't a thing like it is in the US - I was able to use their second car for sometime then they sold me the older one.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

I quite liked it, I had a involved family (grandmothers etc) which was nice, my parents gave me reign to make my own decisions when I was a teenager and trusted me to make the right ones.

Succubista · 2015-03-04T14:12:27+00:00

Were your parents more involved in your life than most other kids or less involved in your life than other kids? Or neither. Please elaborate.

Well my father wasn't around for most of it. Mom was involved, but not a helicopter parent or anything. I'd say she was about the same as most parents.

Related questions (about your school age years, 6-18): Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

Mom made breakfast until I was in grade 5 or so, then she started only doing it on the weekends. She'd make supper, it was quick stuff like throwing a lasagna in the oven. In elementary school I would go home with a family member (who was my babysitter, mom worked full time) for lunch. In middle school/high school I'd buy lunch. If I stay overnight at mom's house now though, she seems to love making breakfast in the mornings. I think she would have loved to pack me a lunch all the time and have breakfast made every morning, because she loves feeding people, but she just didn't have the time and I was a picky eater.

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

She did my laundry most of the time. I did it sometimes too. It was just two of us in the house though, so it would be more trouble than it's worth to pick our clothes out of the hamper to just do our own.

Did they help you with your homework?

She did. She read my spelling words to me, would read to me/let me read to her, and I remember her making up practice tests for me (I actually asked her to). I never really needed help with my homework, but she was there for me. I would pay attention in class, and she never had any problems getting me to do my homework. /Keener.

Did they care about your grades?

Yes and no. I always got good grades, and she knew I tried hard. She was very proud of me. If I got a bad mark I know she wouldn't hold it against me, or get mad at me, and I could tell her about it. We never had to fight about it.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

She never mentioned it, actually. She wasn't expecting me to get a job at 16 or anything, and I know she wouldn't want me to work full time while I was in school. I got a part time job in high school/university because I wanted to.

Did they buy you a nice car?

No. We were too poor for that. Mom barely has her own car most of the time.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

I would never want to go back, because of the work/babysitter situation (lived far away from my school). I felt isolated from other kids, and had a lonely childhood. But mom was doing the best she could and that was the only option she had.

I feel like mom worked really hard to provide for the dependents in her life though, and she somehow instilled independence and self motivation in me without over or under parenting me. She never pressured me or fought with me, but I just made the right choices. My mom getting back with my emotionally abusive dad when I was in my preteen years tore our relationship apart, and part of me will never forgive her. But I also know she had a really rough hand dealt to her.

This made me tear up, it made me think about some things I haven't thought about in a long time. I gotta go call mom.

GridReXX · 2015-03-04T15:11:25+00:00

Were your parents more involved in your life than most other kids or less involved in your life than other kids? Or neither. Please elaborate.

They were reasonably involved. Most kids I know had involved parents where dads and moms were coaches for little league, etc.. My parents were friends with those parents. Just imagine a bunch of dads/moms yelling on the sidelines.

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner or did you do that yourself?

Until I was old enough to find the bacon myself and throw it in the microwave my parents cooked (poured cereal) breakfast for us.

My dad did most of the everyday cooking. My mom did all of the elaborate Martha Stewart style "gathering/dinner party/holidays/birthdays" cooking.

Did your parent do your laundry or did you do that yourself?

They did laundry. Until I was 12 and I yelled at them for always losing my socks/underwear. Then I preferred to do it myself. They also sort of told me to do it myself since clearly they weren't up to my standards. Lol.

Did they help you with your homework?

Whenever I asked. But they weren't experts on the subjects I needed help with, so they hired tutors when I felt I wanted an edge in school.

Did they care about your grades?

My dad pretended like he didn't. But that's because my mom cared enough for the both of them. She cared so much.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

Not really. I didn't get my first menial "job" until I was 16, which was the summer between my senior year in HS and college.

Did they buy you a nice car?

LOL. We weren't rolling in dough so to speak. They found me a decently sufficient and safe 1993 Saturn when I was 16 (mind you the year was 2005). They paid the insurance, so that was nice. The next car I got (19) I bought myself.

Additional question: How do you feel about it in retrospect?

My parents did a great job. No regrets.

goatismycopilot · 2015-03-04T15:42:38+00:00

Did your parents make your breakfast, lunch, dinner, or did you do that yourself?

I learned to cook and as I got older I split those duties with my mom, I grew up in a single parent household.

Did your parents do your laundry or did you do it yourself?

Again taught to do laundry, we did it for one another.

Did they help you with homework?

I think my mother would proof read essays and what not that I had to hand in. This is largely generational because I am older, my mom simply assumed I was doing it, she would help if asked but never offered.

Did they care about your grades?

Yes, both my parents had a vague idea that good grades were a goal.

Were you expected to work a job growing up?

When I was too young to have an official job, I did babysitting gigs, as soon as I was old enough I went out and got a job and had one during school and full time in the summer.

Did they buy you a nice car?

No, nor did I expect them to.

How do you feel about it in retrospect?

I think I was a typical working class/middle class latch key kid of my generation. I had massive freedom as a child, my mother had no idea what I was doing when I went out to "play" and neither did the parents of the kids I hung out with. My mother had a job and also went to school for a time while working full time. I was expected to do well in school, do sports or approved activities, be independent and not get into too much undefined "trouble". Mostly that amounted to not getting caught. But my mother was not one of those "best friend" parents, she disapproved of that.

My mother was not overly involved in the day to day details of my life but she knew all of my friends and most of their parents and she knew the big stuff. I appreciate being encouraged to make my own decisions. Most of my friends who were not in single parent families were raised a similar way.

Title	Blue pillers, did you grow up in families where you were under parented or over parented?
Author	rumo_itaki
Upvotes	9
Comments	18
Date	March 4, 2015 7:53 AM UTC (11 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/2xvyj8/blue_pillers_did_you_grow_up_in_families_where/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/blue-pillers-did-you-grow-up-in-families-where-you.283247 https://theredarchive.com/post/283247

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