Workaholic Boyfriend (27M) Wants to Get Married...I’m (23F)Having Second Thoughts

SilentCantaloupe · 2019-10-01T21:09:50+00:00

I think you hit the nail on the head:

He seems to want a cook, maid, egg donor, surrogate, nanny, and concubine when he wants it and work allows.

He wants an assistant, to put it simply. Marriages don't work like that. You're supposed to be partners.

And as much as he begs you not to break up with him, it sounds like that's what he's trying for - telling you your lazy for sleeping 8 hours a day? Come on.

Theendisnearornot · 2019-10-01T22:21:13+00:00

Straight forward he is telling you what to expect from marriage with him. You are already expressing doubts and trust me this is as good as it gets with relationships (meaning this preengagement/newlywed type feeling is as amazing as it can possibly be). It only gets harder the more years there are.
There aren’t any surprises in store. He’s been very clear on what he can give you. Is that enough?

soggywaffles708 · 2019-10-01T20:30:26+00:00

If I was you I would not marry him. Honestly the whole thing sounds kinda fishy. I don’t want to hurt you, but do you think maybe he isn’t interested in you anymore & this is his way of “getting rid” of you? Best of luck.

vintagegirlgame · 2019-10-01T19:52:23+00:00

What is your sex drive like? Would once a week be ok for you or would you become resentful wanting more, or feeling like you’re competing with his job.

Hopefully you knew going into this that military is not a normal job or career. They practically own him, and there is a lot of conditioning they do to instill loyalty to the military at all costs. Is there something coming up in his training more recently that is causing him to be extra harsh about your projected future?

He is expressing some doubts that have probably been nagging him more and more as he gets closer and closer to making a real commitment to you. It is important to talk about these things. But he says he doesn’t want to break up, why are you the one suddenly wanting to bail? There may be times where his work is more intense and he will be less available, he wants to know if you will stick around during these tough times. But it doesn’t have to look so bleak, there will also be times of less work and more availability.

Are there other military wives (ideally with husbands w similar commitments) that you can talk about this with? It’s good to get a realistic idea of how much he will be working and how often you will be on your own. How do these women cope? Can you build a strong support structure for yourself for when he is less available?

HB3234 · 2019-10-02T00:21:27+00:00

I think you should walk.

A religious man who fills his void with work, rather than faith, is a big red flag that he is going to give you many of the common negatives of faith (ie sexual guilt, patriarchal attitudes that conveniently forget the part where he must serve you as Christ served the people)... but without the positives (a guiding and closer connection to God by living faithfully, a man comitted to being your rock and protector).

In fact, his conversation with you has outlined all these red flags. He has guilt and it affects his libido. He expects you to wait for his attention. He is dismissive of your health needs (women often need more than 8 hours, compared to men) rather than wanting to protect your health. He sounds like he let you finance the trips to him, too, so apparently he follows the Lord's word that you must be helpmeet but not the Lord's word that he must provide.

LadyHelvetica · 2019-10-02T02:38:32+00:00

Do you make sure to take your iron supplements with foods rich in vitamin C?

I know it’s hardly the main focus of your post, but anytime I hear about a woman struggling with anemia around her period, I have to ask. I suffered from monthly anemia while taking supplements for 10 years before finding out in college that vitamin C helps with iron absorption. The difference in my hemoglobin is literally night and day when I take my iron supplement with a glass of OJ vs without. No doctor ever told me. I stumbled upon it by pure accident, so I feel the need to spread the news whenever I hear of a woman whose anemia is barely helped by supplements.

dangernoodle88 · 2019-10-01T22:07:43+00:00

The other comments offer good advice, but I want to stress the caution with marrying someone in the military. I spent some time on psychiatry at the VA and it's insane the kind of emotional scars that service can leave behind. Tons of alcohol and substance addiction, PTSD, and depression all directly related to experiences in the military. I sat in on several group therapy session and nearly every veteran had an ex wife and kids who he has taken anger out on, neglected, left behind, disappointed, alienated. Obviously I'm only seeing the bad stuff but you have to brace yourself that these are all possibilities that could happen and are fairly out of your control. If he gets deployed there's no telling what kind of trauma he could be exposed to and what kind of scars those could leave. I feel for our vets but I think both they and their loved ones don't have a great grasp on what they're signing themselves up for.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-02T04:13:44+00:00

You should move on. You’re obviously not what this man needs and vice versa. I’m sure both of you will find more suitable partners

RedPillMissionary · 2019-10-02T00:08:50+00:00

Keep in mind there are women here saying that their men arent motivated or passionate enough about their careers.

castleglastonbury · 2019-10-01T23:36:19+00:00

Overcome the religious guilt and know each other as man and wife. This guilt stuff is harming his libido and he probably feels like you've given him more than he's given you. He's balking at having to now do the next stuff - ring, baby, etc.

or he may be immature and it's just now catching up with him. idk

Title	Workaholic Boyfriend (27M) Wants to Get Married...I’m (23F)Having Second Thoughts
Author	AzaleaMagnolia
Upvotes	12
Comments	33
Date	October 1, 2019 6:48 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/dbxtff/workaholic_boyfriend_27m_wants_to_get_marriedim/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/workaholic-boyfriend-27m-wants-to-get-marriedim.288050 https://theredarchive.com/post/288050

Comments