How to raise a daughter successfully

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October 3, 2019

I have a 1yo daughter. Common knowledge and reading has made me understand that leading by good example is the best parents can do to raise a child.

Now here is the thing, I was an above average rebellious kid. I started drinking, smoking(both weed and cigarettes) having sex etc. Very early. I had a couple parties at home where things got trashed and they obviously lashed out.

They tried everything, talking calmly, screaming at me, grounding me, taking me to psychologist etc. And whatever they did I resented them more and more.

Is there any good reading material on how to parent "correctly"? If she turns out half the asshole I was the challenges will stand in que.

Post Information
Title How to raise a daughter successfully
Author IATAsshole
Upvotes 12
Comments 30
Date 03 October 2019 05:55 AM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askMRP
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[–]somebullshitrp25 points26 points  (2 children) | Copy

You sound a lot like me many years ago. Your goal should be to raise a well-adjusted child. I would say your rebellious behavior as a kid is probably a combo of attention seeking and resentment due to a less than ideal upbringing. Try to think about what in your childhood caused you to behave the way you did, and do better for your daughter. Some of the most important things I've learned in raising my daughter are...

Don't try to control everything in your child's life. Give your kid power over age appropriate things. Always always always follow through on your word, whether it's a consequence or a promise to take her to the zoo. Don't yell, don't lose your cool, don't ever let her manipulate your emotions (good advice for dealing with children and adults). Encourage her to try new things and ensure she knows it's ok to make mistakes along the way. Practice, and therefore teach, mindfulness. Give her a stable and secure base from which she can reach out and experiment with life. Don't punish for mistakes, childish behavior, or when she pushes your boundaries/rules, but come down hard if you ever catch her lying to you. Give her actual responsibilities. Don't tolerate willful disrespect from her, or anyone else in your life. Always let her see you following through on commitments, being disciplined, and accomplishing your goals.

[–]IATAsshole[S] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

This is stellar!

I’m reading through NMMNG right now and a lot of pieces are coming together.

Lots of good advice here, I enjoy spending time and being present with her, taking care of my own health so I have lots of energy.

Cheers man!

[–]Punishermp64 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Directly from NMMNG...."Show Daughters what a real man looks like. Girls benefit by seeing their Father set boundaries, ask for what they want in clear and direct ways, work hard, create, produce, have male friends, and make their own needs a priority. This modeling will have a positive influence on their choice of future partners."

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando15 points16 points  (8 children) | Copy

How to raise a daughter successfully

Become a man of high value.

Spend some time reflecting on what you want in life - what are your goals and your dreams. Use these to formulate your mission.

Spend time working on how you are going to attain these goals.

Then do the work.

Fill the calendar at least one month in advance.

Have a large social circle. Not just one or two friends that you see once a month. Have a selection of people that you can meet up with any time, then do that at least one day a week.

Have hobbies. Surfing, kite fying, playing in a Death Metal band, fucking pottery. Whatever. Cultivate your hobbies.

Look after your body. You only have one. Lift heavy, eat properly, sleep well and drink plently of water.

Look after your mind. Educate yourself by constantly and consistently find ways to expand your thinking - reading, mediation, taking classes, learning new things. Your mind is like a garden.. feed it with light and water and weed out the weeds.

Challenge yourself. At least once a year, find something that will really push you and make you feel uncomfortable. Learn to swim, jump out of an aeroplane, do fucking salsa classes.

Be the family Alpha.

Utilise the time you spend with your family to teach them new things, lead them, bring them on adventures and have fun.

Earn a decent living. Enough to support you and your kids. If you want your wife to stay at home, make sure you earn enough to cover her too. Otherwise, send her ass out to earn a living. Either way, don't trust her with the money. That will come back to bite you.

Control the family finances - make sure you know what's coming in and going out. Track everything. Use the data to plan ahead. Keep her spending in check. Keep your own spending in check. Save at least 10% of all income. Build a savings pot for rainy days. You never know when you might need it.

Keep your house in good order. Regularly make an inspection of the entire property - inside and out. Make a list of anything that needs doing. Price up what needs to be done and budget for it. Schedule in when you are going to do it.

Then do the work.

Decide what a having a great sex life means to you. Then go have a great sex life.

Own Your Shit.

Then own the shit out of that shit.

Learn how to dress yourself properly.

Learn how to groom yourself properly.

Learn how to smell good.

Know your boundaries. Know when to enforce them. Know how to enforce them.

Be attractive, don't be unnatractive.

Be the Oak.

And quit being the faggot who worries about his woman every time she goes on a night out.

Do all those things and you will have done pretty much all you can do to raise your daughter sucessfully.

[–]Iammrp24 points5 points  (3 children) | Copy

How to raise a daughter successfully

The things you list are sidebar material and will help with attracting his partner which is important and you have to know how to take care of yourself before you can take care of another human being but besides that none of this is advice on how to actually raise a daughter.

To raise a kid you need to take everything listed here and help the kid develop these traits. Help them develop their hobbies and their social circle. Put the kids in sports/gymnastics and church and cubscouts. The more points of contact with their peers the more opportunities they have to make friends. If they see the same kids at school and at sport and at church then relationships form.

Don't force your kids into hobbies you want them to do (death metal band? Lol) but give them a variety of opportunities so you can see what they like.

Fill the calendar at least one month in advance.

Yes. Don't go to either extreme and fill your calendar with only activities for yourself or only activities for your kids. Have both.

Challenge yourself. At least once a year, find something that will really push you and make you feel uncomfortable. Learn to swim, jump out of an aeroplane, do fucking salsa classes.

Challenge your kids. Know the difference between true fear and what they want to do it but are hesitant. Push them out of their comfort zone. Teach them to swim. That's an important life skill.

Decide what a having a great sex life means to you. Then go have a great sex life.

Your kids don't give a fuck about your sex life bud.

Learn how to groom yourself properly.

You're still going to be an embarrassment to your kids. Embrace it. Even encourage and laugh about it. If your kid's friends think you're the cool dad and your kid is proud of you then embrace that too. Doesn't matter. What matters is that you're investing in them.

Take the sidebar material and help your kids develop those traits. Teach them how to take care of themselves.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

none of this is advice on how to actually raise a daughter.

All of it is advice on how to raise a daughter. And a son.

In order to teach someone to play the game, you yourself must master the game first.

By becoming a man of high value, you show your children by example what a man of high value is and what it takes to be one. Your sons will follow your example. Your daughters will look for partners will similar traits.

Yes, you help them develop these traits but you can't do that without having those traits yourself. Once you have those traits, passing them on is easy.

Otherwise, you're just the failed soccer Dad shouting to his son from the sidelines about how to play the game properly.

[–]Iammrp22 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I agree. First paragraph of my response. But you failed to mention the most important part of raising a kid: actually raising a kid.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

the most important part of raising a kid: actually raising a kid.

The most important part of raising a kid is leading them by example. Once you got that down, raising them is a piece of piss.

[–]RoccoPinkman2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

And teach her how to cook without an electric cooking machine.

[–]redwall924 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

And quit being the faggot who worries about his woman every time she goes on a night out.

The SBIII OP's post highlights have been lacking of late. Glad to see they are back.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This some good ass advice, especially the house part. I work in real estate and you would be shocked how many people don’t do shit after they buy it.

[–]IATAsshole[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Cheers man, I’m going to repeat read this every day until it sits.

The faggot is still not gone but he’s slowly becoming less faggot, he hopes.

[–]Iammrp22 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

1 years old and already worrying about teenager years? Your job right now is to keep the kid alive so she makes it that far. Kids are fucking stupid. I preach the dangers of cars every time we go to the store. I'm afraid one of them will break from my hand and run off and get hit. It just takes a second.

1 years old. Right now just feed her. Play with her. Make sure you stick to a bed time and nap schedule. I don't know. My kids haven't been that age for a while. My wife did buy me a new dad book but like the faggot I was I didn't read it.

Your influence as a parent is from birth to age 13 or so. Once they hit teenage years their peers are a much larger influence. The only thing you can do to influence them at that point is to choose their peers by choosing where you live.

Besides that take her out on daddy daughter dates when she gets older. My little girl done a 180. She was a mommas girl and after I did that she was a daddy's girl. Loved it.

Good luck.

[–]RoccoPinkman3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

Your influence as a parent is from birth to age 13 or so. Once they hit teenage years their peers are a much larger influence. The only thing you can do to influence them at that point is to choose their peers by choosing where you live

Mine always was a daddy’s girl, had her 3 days a week since 4yo and it was always me doing the fun stuff days out,crafts etc. She’s 12 now nearly 13 and I’m finding it hard. Relentless shit testing, she’s a good kid though I just need to learn how to deal with it.

[–]EasyDaysHardNights4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

take her on Daddy daughter dates.

Seconded. I started taking mine on dates when she was 3. A slice of pizza, a ride on the carousel and a gumball. More than a decade later and she still occasionally asks for that combo.

Daughters are females too. They just trade attention for hugs.

[–]FlyingSexistPig3 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Parenting with Love and Logic by Foster Cline and Charlie Fay is fantastic.

If your daughter feels lots of love from her father, then she doesn't have to seek external validation as much. If she has structure in rules that are fair and consistent, then she will feel more secure. This lays a good foundation for her.

[–]Jaszen31 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

OP, you will find that Fay & Cline’s work is very similar to MRP. They discuss what frame and broken record in their own style. Along with a few other RP ideas in different language.

[–]mrpmonk5 points6 points  (2 children) | Copy

Helen Andelin was the one who led me to red pill by discovering the truth about sexuality through my reading of Fascinating Womanhood. She wrote a little bit about raising kids there. Hence she's a great author, I'd suggest her other book without reading it, but blindly confident in the content:

All About Raising Children

[–]IATAsshole[S] 1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Added to my read list, thanks for the recommendation!

[–]RoccoPinkman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Somebody told me the rational male part 3 has some parts about parenting, I haven’t checked so don’t quote me.

[–]becoming_alpha1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

SBIII nailed it on who you need to be to raise your daughter correctly. Now to the specifics. One of Jordan Peterson's rules for life is to not let your kids to anything that makes you dislike them. That's another way of looking at setting boundaries and sticking to them. Be consistent in your enforcement of boundaries and your kids will respect you and your boundaries.

If you haven't already done this, make an agreement with your wife that you'll back each other up on decisions and consequences with the kids. Your wife may not be perfect with this, but you should try to get on the same page. If my kids want to really get in trouble they ask me something, then they go ask mom if they don't like that answer. This has happened exactly once in the last 5 years or so. My wife backed up what I said after she saw the kids were trying to game the system, and they had serious consequences. Lying also gets heavy consequences.

[–]capn_barnacles1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters by Meg Meeker is a pretty good read, and generally consistent with the teachings here.

[–]RicoDunne0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Set boundaries and set expectations for your kids. Boundaries are the house rules - what type of behavior is acceptable and what is not. Never tolerate disrespect and likewise don't disrespect or belittle your kids. Other boundaries- household chores that are age appropriate. Expectations; set goals for their behavior and actions. Doing well in school and applying themselves as best they can. Staying physically fit and athletic. Don't set unrealistic goals. Talk about marriage and motherhood. My girls know that I expect them to be good wives and to have children in the context of a healthy marriage as that's best for kids.

Boundary violations need to be met with counseling and punishment fitting the infraction. For young kids "time-out" is usually sufficient.

Expectations not being met are different. Expectations are goals and not everyone can met your goals or have your motivation, but they still have to be there as a target to work towards. If you don't help frame these, then social media and peers will.

Lastly, maintaining a strong frame and communication with your kids is vital. Kids listen to those they respect. Rebellion is often a sign of poor communication with parents, lack of frame, or a lack of respect.

[–]ChossWrestler0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Not specifically for daughters, but I highly recommend Dan Siegel's books. Parenting from the inside out, whole brain child, and no drama discipline are excellent.

[–]rocknrollchuck0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There are some articles in this comment thread that you will find useful as far as practical advice for raising children. It's made a huge difference for me.

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Define correctly.

What does that look like in 18 yeard

[–]SorcererKingMod / Red Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why were you such a hellion as a kid?

[–]ManguZa0 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Stefan Molyneux talk about education sometimes. Quite a good talker.

[–]RoccoPinkman0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think they home school their kid.

[–]IATAsshole[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

That’s a new name, great! Looking forward!

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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