Question to housewives: when did you decide to stay at home?

MrsTrinket · 2019-10-06T20:44:14+00:00

We were married at 19 and we had been dating since we were 14. We both agreed that once we were married I would be a homemaker. We were both raised by working parents whose marriages suffered greatly from that stress of never having time with each of their spouses. I haven't worked outside the home since I was 19. I'm almost 31 now. We have no children. So, if it's in your heart to be a homemaker and your spouse is willing to provide... why not? I have plenty of things to keep me busy. I volunteer and I'm currently learning to paint. I'm an excellent cook, I bake homemade breads weekly, and I have a group of friends to brunch with. I have no regrets. My family was very against it and so was his. They thought it was a bad decision and because we didn't have kids thought I'd get bored. Good Luck on your future and whatever you decide.

melitele3 · 2019-10-06T21:10:03+00:00

useful things to know and do: efficient deep cleaning with healthy products. Wide array of cooking by scratch methods, buy a ninja Foodi for dense nutrition in your cooking, create a hobby for you to advance yourself and keep your identity. Making your own soap is fun and can be a good side income/gift for others. Keep yourself on a daily and weekly schedule. Assign each room of your house a weekday for deep cleaning and write your your daily/weekly/monthly tasks.

cassandrarose39 · 2019-10-06T21:52:47+00:00

I stopped right after getting married. I knew it was going to happen though because my husband and I went through pre martial Christian counseling where we discussed our vision for a Christian marriage.

It’s an adjustment so be prepared. A schedule for each hour would have been useful if someone suggested it. You’re going to have a lot of time and very little adult interaction. Cue in why I spend a lot of time online. It helps me socialize with others.

I’m going on ten years of not working now and still very glad I made this choice. But I would like to take a couple college classes every once in while now that all our kids are in school.

My grandma who worked and was divorced five times hated the ideal and said I shouldn’t trust a man this much. Like I’m going to take advice from her. My grandpa was concerned I would be bored out of my mind and I “wasted” my college education. Other than that everyone else was happy!

travelingkiwi · 2019-10-07T01:31:06+00:00

At the beginning of the year I went down to 4 days a week and do house cleaning, meal prep, shopping on my day off. My SO appreciates it because then he and I dont have to clean in the weekend and we can go away instead or do fun stuff right off the bat instead of both spend half of Saturday cleaning. On days I work I commute 1 hr each way. I like my job but I am so tired at the end of the day to cook and clean, SO is too. He earns a lot more than I do. He has noticed on my one day off how much I contribute to the house and while I do feel I will be judged by family if I stay home 100% of the time before we have kids, they also see how much I contribute to the running of the household on my one day off, I feel like making it a gradual thing wards off some of the judgement. Next year once we're married I'll probably go down to 3 days a week. Then zero once I get pregnant.

ihearthandbags · 2019-10-06T19:07:26+00:00

I’m not a house wife but I’m surprised by the negative responses to your post, especially in this sub. I’m currently in a relationship with a wealthy man and my friends and family are convinced if we get married he will ask me to quit working. I’ve already decided I’m open to it even though we will not have kids. It will give us more quality time and freedom to travel. If being a housewife feels like what is right for you and your husband go for it. If you find you’re not happy you can always go back to work, a break in employment does not mean you cannot get another job.

melitele3 · 2019-10-07T20:05:38+00:00

I'm not a housewife, exactly. I stay at home with our kids, but I also work, from home.

I'll say if it works for you, that's great. However, I would caution that the stay at home women I know seem to be prone to a lot of anxiety and hypochondria, and I can only assume it's because they have too much time on their hands.

In the old days, sure, lots of women stayed home, but housework was a lot harder back then and also, since so many women stayed home, there was a built-in community.

szsunshine · 2019-10-07T13:11:18+00:00

I had been married a few years (with two kids) when I was laid off. After being laid off, I looked for jobs but couldn't find any, and it was difficult to look for jobs (interviewing, having time to job hunt and send out resumes). Also, I had hated being the person who dropped their kid off early and picked them up late. We decided it worked out for us for me to stay home until my youngest was in 1st grade and in school full time. Then one of my kids had a lot of academic problems, and I stayed home to ensure they were getting all of the help they needed. I also volunteered a lot with the kids' school and activities. I treasure the time I was able to spend with my kids. My husband respected my choice to stay home because he knew how much I gave up. When we needed extra income, I worked PT during school hours.

It worked out well for my family (and me), but now that I am looking to go back to work, as are many other moms who have kids about to finish school. My peers and I have found re-entry into the job field difficult. I had a lot of experience (I didn't marry until I was over 30), an advanced degree, and have worked part-time for the past several years. And it is STILL difficult for me to find a job. Having virtually no job experience, only a certificate, and not much of a work ethic for tasks that are not stimulating will not provide much of a safety net if you ever need it or make it any easier for you to eventually work outside the home (if you ever need to). Divorce and death happen. Lucrative businesses fail. Husbands get laid off. I have seen all of these things happen to friends (male and female) of mine and they needed a plan "B".

If you don't want to work for pay, I would consider volunteering in a field that interests you. Something that you could really devote yourself to (does not have to be full time). When I interview for jobs, recruiters are more interested in my volunteer jobs (because....they are more interesting I guess) than my paid experience. And you will be a more interesting partner for your husband if you are not just sitting at home.

Gin-and-Elderberries · 2019-10-06T19:13:01+00:00

You've commented about work as if there are only two options- either work until 7PM and have no time, or quit working altogether. There is a third option- what about working part time? Working fewer hours will give you the time you want to tend to your home, but will leave no gaps on your resume, should you want to return to work. If you rely on your husband for a primary income, you can also have a little more freedom with finding something that you find fulfilling, regardless of how much it pays.

badinternetbad0111 · 2019-10-07T20:14:11+00:00

Being a stay at home mother is a critical part of having a good family life.

Staying at home with no kids is being lazy and treating your man as an atm.

Cleaning and making dinner is not a full time job.

vettech87 · 2019-10-08T13:27:25+00:00

In the end, you have to do what makes you happy. If your job is making you miserable and you know you will be happy at home serving your husband/family, then that's what you should do, to hell with what other people think.

I've been at home for just over 4 years now. My husband and I have been married for 5, and I told him right from the beginning that I would either work or have children and be at home, but I wouldn't be able to do both (due to having mental health issues). While I was working, I was on medication that kept me stable for a number of years, but as soon as we tried to get pregnant, I had to come off it and I relapsed. I was really sick during the pregnancy and for quite awhile after. I don't think I would have been able to get up every morning and go to a job, even if I wanted to.

But staying at home made me happy. I got to spend time with our son, the house was always clean, and meals were always healthy and homemade. My husband really appreciated that he didn't have to come home and immediately start doing chores or cooking dinner, that he could just relax and enjoy time with our family. I think it made us appreciate each other more.

About a year ago we enrolled our son in preschool because he has a severe speech delay, and his pediatrician recommended it as part of his treatment. So now I'm home by myself all day, and I guess I'm more of a housewife than a stay-at-home-mom. I get asked often, "so when are you going back to work?" and a lot of people seem judgy when I tell them I'm not. My job is as a wife and a mother, and that doesn't stop once my child goes to school (or preschool, in this case). I still spend my days running errands, prepping meals, and doing chores and other things that will benefit my family. I'd rather be working to make my family happy than to be making some CEO I've never even met that much richer.

[deleted] · 2019-10-06T18:15:46+00:00

[permanently deleted]

Hammocknapping · 2019-10-06T20:56:50+00:00

My husband is in his early 30s and retired earlier this year. He is retired which means he has passive income, investments and saving sufficient to support himself for the rest of his life. I’m several years younger, and will be able to retire around age 35 or so depending the type of income property I decide to buy.

I am married. According to divorce laws I am pretty much secured when it comes to finances and I would be capable to live for more than 10 years without working with the savings I currently have.

Barf. This is why men are opting out of marriage, and those that do get married don’t want SAHW/SAHMs, because their such a huge liability.

In order to protect my husband and show him that he is not just a paycheck to me, we are not legally married. But, he was able to retire early because I’m able to provide him with very high quality healthcare at no cost to him and I’ve been able to move my retirement date up because he owns his home outright so I no longer have housing costs.

Now that my husband is home, he takes care of all of the cleaning, administrative tasks and maintenance associates with our home. I still do most of the cooking, because I love to cook and it’s my favorite way to unwind at the end of the day. But, I always felt like we managed just fine when we were both working 50-60 hour a week. Our house was always clean, we had fresh home cooked meals every night and we still have time to stay active and relax together.

It’s nice that he’s home, but I don’t know how much extra value it’s added to my life. Generally, I’m pretty indifferent about the whole thing. Ifone of your goals is to travel more it will likely be solo travel. I’m not available to travel more, because I have the same amount of vacation days as I always did, and I assume your husband is in the same boat.

Also, if you’re already doing all of the chores he probably won’t see a big increase in the amount of time he has to work on his side hustle.

Chloe_baxter5 · 2019-10-06T18:05:32+00:00

I would not just quit your job without children or something else lined up. You may find yourself in a situation where you need or want to go back to work, and you will have an inexplicable employment gap (I wanted to quit my job and become a housewife wouldn't look so hot for potential employers).

Not sure your reasoning, but it could also lead to resentment from your spouse

I was fortunate to be able to stay home when I had my first child. When my youngest was 3, I really felt the pressure to go back to work because in my field I knew having a much longer gap was going to be much more difficult to go back.

Also, coming from a family where my sahm lost my dad very young from cancer, seeing her struggle to go back to meaningful work resonated with me.

chante___ · 2019-10-09T21:28:12+00:00

I’ve been a housewife for five years now. I quit my job when my first child was born. It’s cool, I do all the cooking, cleaning, laundry, and child care. Without kids i probably wouldn’t stay at home. For the first three years I was also a student, and now I’m about 6credits short of my degree. It’s hard work for sure, but if I wasn’t home then there would be no time for so many things.

Once my youngest is in school I’ll probably go back to work. Though my husband makes good money, he’s always thinking ahead(retirement, kids college, investing in his business) and I want vacations and to travel, and kinda a lot of things that he thinks is a waste of money. So I plan on working so we can have some fun money.

DavidHK · 2019-10-06T18:39:20+00:00

So you just want to quit your job, have absolutely no career skills and then bank on some guy to pay for you.

Title	Question to housewives: when did you decide to stay at home?
Author	melitele3
Upvotes	16
Comments	71
Date	October 6, 2019 5:54 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/RedPillWomen
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/RedPillWomen/comments/de6or2/question_to_housewives_when_did_you_decide_to/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/RedPillWomen/question-to-housewives-when-did-you-decide-to-stay.289073 https://theredarchive.com/post/289073

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