Those of you who grew up with a single mom, do you think your life would of improved if you had a step dad?

Ofourkind · 2019-10-20T18:50:04+00:00

I grew up with both parents, but our family took in foster kids so I have some perspective on this.

It depends on who the mom and dad are.

Most of the kids we took in would have been better off raised by wolves than with either or both parents/stepparents. A few had parents that were good people doing their best, but simply couldn't care for their kids. Some had nightmare parents and step parents, some had good ones that became ill, impoverished, incarcerated or dead.

Some had stepparents that rescued them from horrible childhoods. More had stepparents so terrible that they were the reason they ended up in foster care.

No way to make a blanket statement that having a step dad is better than no dad or vice versa. However statistically, no one is more likely to abuse children than stepdads.

throwawayemotions34 · 2019-10-20T19:19:02+00:00

Yes, a man would never have tolerated what my useless junkie of a mother did to me.

Unless it was another useless junkie, which is the direction she'd' doubtless have gone in if she wasn't a man hating lesbian feminist.

Who had one child, an annoyingly straight son.

Regarding single mothers.....sure, why not? I might even meet kids.....after "the talk" since I won't be cohabiting or monogamous any time soon, if ever.

we-are-men-with-ven · 2019-10-20T19:14:49+00:00

My parents HATED each other and they dragged things out for us kids. By the time I was 14, they sat me down and said they were going to break up. I recall being very relieved.

They didn't fight in front of us, but when you live under the same roof with people, the undercurrents of contempt become noticable. I hated the atmosphere and I was happy that they decided to break up.

My dad kept the house and within a few months moved a young women in (who was 21 IIr). They went on to have a son within the first year and slowly started to marginalize me. They eventually told me I had to move out as there was no room, before going on to have another two kids which they moved into my bedroom :(

My mother went through a string of STR/LTR that didn't work out, a couple of which were pretty abusive. Shes been with her husband 10 years now and they seem really happy. I don't agree with him on a lot of things, but he treats her and my brother well so I'm grateful for that.

I hear the 'single parent kids are statistically worse off' all the time. But I think those kids belong in the 'parents who didn't love each other' camp. Sometimes breaking up is the best for them, even if it take's a few years to mitigate things.

Melohdy · 2019-10-20T20:49:52+00:00

A step dad would have been nice. I had 4 of them. Sucked. On the plus side, it has given me a road map of what to avoid. My wife and I have been married 30 years, and my kids have benefited.

-OpportunityCost · 2019-10-20T18:57:20+00:00

I grew up with both parents, but statistics prove a child has a better chance at a quality life (less crime, less poverty, etc.) growing up with 2 parents.

Dmongun · 2019-10-20T19:17:13+00:00

It would of been nice to have a permanent good father figure around.

As I warmed up to whatever boyfriend my mom would have at a time I would slowly see them as dad figures but they usually didn't stick around long enough or were of good enough character to be beneficial to my childhood.

One weird quirk that came out of my single parent upbringing is this weird feeling of wanting to be liked and respected by older men who I respected or looked up to. During highschool it was certain teachers. Now that I 'm older it manifests with superiors at work or famous intellectuals.

LeJacquelope · 2019-10-20T19:01:31+00:00

When I was single would I ever date a single mom? Maybe, on a very short term. Marry or support with my money? Fucking hell no... unless I was a single dad.

SlashCo80 · 2019-10-20T20:26:31+00:00

It depends on the parents, I think. For instance I grew up with a loving but emotionally immature mother and an arrogant, overbearing, bullying father. Thanks to him I grew up introverted, with feelings of anger and fear towards authority figures, and difficulty asserting myself and making decisions. Would I have been better or worse off raised by a single mother? Hard to say for certain.

As for dating a single mom, probably not. I don't dislike kids, I just don't see myself as a father figure at all. Plus it can get complicated if their dad is still around.

wtknight · 2019-10-20T20:33:49+00:00

No, I had a stepfather and didn't like him at all. My childhood would have been better without one. I still visited my actual father though, so that might make a difference, but I doubt I would have liked my stepfather even if my actual father was not around.

I'd date a single mother, but as a last resort.

EsauTheRed · 2019-10-21T02:50:26+00:00

My father had a stepdad and he was a good one, you still run into issues of this guy not really loving you (especially if he has a child of his own - a half sibling) but it is better than the alternatives if the guy is decent

md8716 · 2019-10-21T06:31:17+00:00

I grew up with a single mom. A step dad might have made the "learn how to be a man" learning curve a little less steep, but I negotiated that challenge on my own anyway. Just took me a little bit longer.

As for the second question, it depends. She would have to be a really good catch compatibility and personality-wise.

Gravel_Roads · 2019-10-21T12:49:20+00:00

I was the child of divorce; I've was with both my parents in early life (benefits: two parents to teach me about life; detriments: they fought all the time and did not teach me what good relationships look like), was raised by my mother alone for a few fears (benefits: I learned by watching her that you can leave a bad relationship, even if its hard, and improve your situation if you don't settle; detriments: a single provider means she spent most of her time working, so I was a latchkey kid and mostly had to take care of myself), and had a step parent after my mother remarried (benefits: two people to teach me about life; detriments: the dude was not very good at teaching, and ended up making home life so awkward I moved out as soon as I was legally able to.)

A good upbringing is one where your parents love you. I was blessed to have been loved by my parents, especially my mother who devoted most of her life to raising me, even after my father stopped. Two parents that love you will obviously be even better... but two shitty parents are only twice the shittiness.

tl;dr Parenting is a 'quality' not a 'quantity' sort of thing.

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BobJuan0902 · 2019-10-20T21:33:33+00:00

I got a stepdad later in life. It was at one of my and my family's lowest points and we all went up from there.

BlackPrideWorldWide · 2019-10-21T11:13:44+00:00

NO! I had an abusive stepdad and my life would have been WAY better off had my mom just stayed single.

Title	Those of you who grew up with a single mom, do you think your life would of improved if you had a step dad?
Author	throwawayemotions34
Upvotes	8
Comments	60
Date	October 20, 2019 6:07 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/dkn9bh/those_of_you_who_grew_up_with_a_single_mom_do_you/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/those-of-you-who-grew-up-with-a-single-mom-do-you.291969 https://theredarchive.com/post/291969

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