When you improve yourself so much, do your standards get unrealistically high?

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December 8, 2019

I still have a ways to go, but I'm finding myself so much more turned off by the qualities of "high quality" girls. Laziness, impulsiveness, dependence, instant gratification, etc. I feel like no girl will ever live up to the same standards I hold for myself. Anyone else have this problem?

Post Information
Title When you improve yourself so much, do your standards get unrealistically high?
Author h0ud
Upvotes 117
Comments 60
Date 08 December 2019 09:14 PM UTC (1 year ago)
Subreddit askTRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/298389
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/e7zkzw/when_you_improve_yourself_so_much_do_your/
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[–]boywonder200107 points108 points  (8 children) | Copy

My standards have risen somewhat as I improve myself. What has changed is how much effort I'm willing to put in for someone on the low end of my standards.

Can't be half-assed to help carry the convo with me? Next. Don't get my humor right off the bat? Next. Don't get sarcasm? Hard next.

[–]theyearsstartcomin24 points25 points  (0 children) | Copy

Once youve banged enough thots, whats the point of one more thats not worth the time and fun?

You should have much more important shit to do than entertain some floozy so you can get your dick wet one more time

[–]Tousen714 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–]KingAbdul135 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy

This is exactly how I feel now ever since I improve myself, I rarely even DM girls anymore & I've found myself rejecting some, before I use to be desperate asf trying to talk to girl.

[–]jackandjill224 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

Pretty much.

[–]dingleburry_joe94 points95 points  (2 children) | Copy

Welcome to the red pill. There are no unicorns. At best your gonna find a girl who will look up to you and exhibit the traits who desire in a woman. Until that time spin plates and have fun doing the work

[–]mountainbiker17821 points22 points  (1 child) | Copy

I appreciate the simplicity and wisdom of this comment. When I first started I wondered if the girl I was meeting would like me. Now I wonder if I'll like her, for the exact reason you mentioned.

[–]i-am-the-prize21 points22 points  (0 children) | Copy

When you’re the Prize the script is flipped...

You’re not hers it’s just her turn.

[–]Kad1ja35 points36 points  (0 children) | Copy

For me it did just that.

Never settle for less.

[–]2INNASKILLZ2K189 points10 points  (0 children) | Copy

So you're expecting girls to behave like a high value man?

[–]11-Eleven-113 points4 points  (1 child) | Copy

Kind of yeah. I took a look at my oneitis from 3 years ago recently after 3 years of self improvement because I heard she was getting married and I was shocked at how average looking she was. I thought she was an 8 or a 9 but she was barely a 7.

[–]mraees932 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

When i was obese i was infatuated with this girl in my class in high school. I lost weight and now i think to myself she was just average and i had no other options at the time. I think its also got to do with what the guys around you think about her, if they idolise her.

My standards are much higher now, i only date girls ages 18-23. And they have to be 8 and up. I think theres too little 9s and 10s to only date them.

[–]IceBear---6922 points23 points  (18 children) | Copy

Of course. As I improve myself and get older/wiser, my standards do indeed become higher. Turning 30 in a month and still only pursue girls 18-20. Moved and started college again in a more conservative area than where I was previously. From what I've experienced....the state still won't matter, it's more Urban vs Rural IMO in terms of getting someone to have kids with. The chicks I see are young, religious & conservative "appearing" but AWALT and everything else we've learned here is still in effect. In a way, I think they're even worse than the run of the mill Thot because they try much harder to put up certain appearances.

I learned so much this semester and all it's done is cement the idea that I need to marry someone 18-19, who puts God first, wants to be a MOM above a career (good luck), who is the closest thing to a virgin possible....since getting a real one is unlikely.

Had a plate that I was vetting and checked just about all the boxes you could think of. She was pushing the "what are we" talk....but after asking the right questions, i found we could never work. I would never commit to any girl who thinks it's ok to spend time with another male alone (i.e study partner) while in a relationship. She remains a plate.

Most people tell me I'm insane for having such "unrealistic" standards. But I'd feel worse down the road if I did not stand up for what I want. Keep strong dude and enforce your standards ruthlessly.

[–]We_Broke_Up20 points21 points  (8 children) | Copy

I'm wondering if marrying a chick who is 18-20 would ever be a good idea though, just based on priorities. Unless you guys were Muslim and your entire community, environment, and way of life was based around that since birth. I could be wrong here, but Christianity doesn't seem as tight-knit when it comes to dealing with that. If they settle at that age, they'll either hold resentment in their later 20s, or have a mid-life crisis and sleep around and completely switch their personality. Guys can do this too by the way. Marrying someone who's 25 seems to be more realistic as a long-term choice, but personally, I don't want to marry and I haven't particularly though much about what I'd want in a wife myself so do whatever you want honestly.

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Excellent points. MOST American "christians" do no subscribe to Christianity, but Churchianity. Like I had said earlier, some of the worst people I've come across are those appearing to be conservative "good girls". At least hoes are more upfront about who they are / what they want. I still do not have a church I've been able to tolerate because they all seem so watered down and Beta thanks to Globo-Homo. We have a notion in America that spirituality is supposed to be warm, soft, loving. In reality it's how we become men, through sacrifice and hardship to learn your higher purpose. Whether its Buddhism, Taoism, Islam or Paganism; the path you choose for spirituality is not supposed to be easy.

Their maturity at that age is not exactly appealing, but it's that as time goes on, the odds of them being ruined by society increases exponentially. It makes sense that older men took very young wives for much of history. These men had weathered storms throughout their lives and were now ready to lead these women to be moms.

[–]We_Broke_Up2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

I wonder if it's still possible to do now with the age of the internet and social media, but I wish you the best.

[–][deleted] 2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I’ll add that young SOs come with their own problems too: not having matured in many ways, bad at conflict resolution, don’t know the “don’t do’s” of relationships, etc.

[–]IceBear---69-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

Last LTR had just turned 21 and was BPD when we met. I had discovered TRP right before that so I learned / applied stuff as I went through that journey. Most of it is just enforcing boundaries, teachable moments & handling issues when they come up.

I'd rather spend time teaching someone as we go along vs a girl who has been turned out by the carousel. I keep 'em even younger these days because on the off chance you find someone who is good material to sculpt, time will get them all eventually.

[–]askmrcia0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

A better idea. Marry a chick that's 26-33. But if you're going to marry a chick in her early thirties, I hope you at least been with her for AT LEAST 4 years.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz-2 points-1 points  (2 children) | Copy

Do not marry at 18-20. 30 may be too early.

[–]IceBear---69-3 points-2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Haha I'll get married whenever it happens, but I HIGHLY doubt I'd get hitched to anyone over 23. The world is odd though and stranger things have happened.

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Why is this a controversial statement?

[–]PandaLitter2 points3 points  (8 children) | Copy

How do you meet younger girls?

[–]shonobexone3 points4 points  (4 children) | Copy


[–]PandaLitter0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

How do you proposition them if you're new? And aren't the other cuck there socially programmed to 'protect' them?

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

Don't think so much. I'm like a dog when it comes to dating.....I just GO. Just seriously don't care what anyone ever thinks and you'll get what you want most of the time. Sometimes lilttle bitch boy orbiter cucks will try and make you look back. Literally just ignore them when they're around. If you have better SMV than them, it will work most fo the time.

[–]PandaLitter0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

But how do you handle the push back in the group you go into?

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I don't belong to any groups permanently. Sure I'll go new places, meet new people, but I can't tolerate most people to stay any one place long enough. I'll go, be friendly, get some numbers. Most people I encounter are not authentic in their interactions and this is a huge turn off for me.

TLDR: I don't stay attached to any groups long enough to cause conflict. I'd love to meet a group of like minded people....the search continues.

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (2 children) | Copy

I went back to school....so self explanatory.

[–]PandaLitter1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

While working for leisure or pursuing a new career? And what do you study?

[–]IceBear---690 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Pre-reqs for med school. Will have to get a job soon for money.

[–]We_Broke_Up5 points6 points  (4 children) | Copy

Before: Not too long ago I was 260 pounds and was okay with losing a bit of weight by eating less, so I could be around 220-230. I was okay with settling for some ugly fat chick and have sex once in a while here or there. I also didn't know what was attractive in girls and guys. I just followed what people said. At my peak shape, I'm an average looking dude, so when I was fat, it was way below average. I straight up looked like a potato. I also had high prescription glasses that made my eyes look minuscule. I let my hair grow into an afro, I didn't groom my beard, and I wore REALLY loose and dark-colored clothing, always with sweatpants. I had no social skills and isolated myself to novels and school, and never went to class. I had some hobbies, but wasn't motivated to do much about them. I barely even left home. I would jack off 24/7 and had barely any sex drive too. Basically asexual. And I was deluded out of my mind because I was away from society and always thinking. I'd also never approach chicks or anyone else in general.

After: That was just about a year ago. I'm 178 pounds now, I'm getting more and more lean and dealing with my BF, I have MUCH better fashion sense and barely spend much money on clothes. I instead buy what represents me, while still giving off a mature look. I wear contacts now and putting shit in my eye doesn't phase me anymore, which is what was always stopping me from wearing them in the past. I know what makes both men and women attractive and now have a better idea of what an attractive woman is. Before, I didn't know the difference between a 6 and a 9 in looks. I was that oblivious. I know how to trim my beard to look nice for my average face, and I also cut my hair in a way to deal with my bigger hairline and that fits with my face. I have a better idea of my purpose and am slowly starting to work towards it (still a work in progress to be disciplined with it). I socialize way more than before, I can hold eye contact for the most part, I can make conversation, and I can hold my own in terms of assertiveness, boundaries, and frame. I also give off confident body language. But, I've only managed to approach two chicks so far this semester which is trash, something to definitely work on. Especially as someone average looking who's better 1-on-1 than in social circles.

Where does that leave me? My SMV has increased probably by 2-3 points easily, but nothing's changed much in terms of what I can pull. In fact, I still haven't pulled anything lmao. I know that I should be able to have much higher standards now in terms of looks, personality, and self-respect, but because I haven't approached pretty much at all, standards don't matter because there's no pool to choose from. Even if I know I should be able to pull 5-6s who actually have a personality with no issues, and I have the self-respect to have that standard, they don't matter without having first created options for one's self.

TL;DR My SMV increased a fuck ton, but because I haven't approached, even if my standards increased it doesn't matter, and doesn't make me come off as more "outcome independent". If I still had my shit SMV, I could have still had high standards if I played the numbers game. Sure, it would be harder to meet those standards and it would take more approaching, but I'd still be able to pull, and go beyond my standards even, once in a while. So if I could recommend something, you don't technically need to lower your standards, you just need to approach more.

[–]Dboy22331 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

How tall are u

[–]We_Broke_Up0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]Its_scottyhall0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You’re not the same dude you were. Pitter patter bud.

[–]PUA_Fan0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If u havent pulled then go study PUA redpill wont help you here

Also your own estimation of SMV is pointless if u cant get ur dick wet

Have sex

[–]Senior Endorseddr_warlock11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

The more attractive a woman is, the more specialized her role. The hottest women are for sex, babies, and eye candy. Not much else. That was their genetic destination at birth. She was never meant to be anything else. As you go down the attractiveness totem pole in a female population, their genetic role expands to encompass non-sexual utility. Then at the bottom, they become specialized again, serving as pure non-sexual utility except creating more bottom people to serve everyone else (FYI this is not the same for males) .

Given that men here want the most attractive female possible, they need come to terms with this. Stop expecting them to 'expand their role'. They aren't meant for that. You're looking at her with disgust because you holding her to an unrealistic, UNNATURAL standard. You must provide these extras yourself or find it from other sources.

[–]trp282875 points6 points  (0 children) | Copy


[–][deleted] 4 points5 points  (1 child) | Copy

Bs I know plenty of pretty and intelligent girls. Your lack of nuance is immature.

[–]Protocol_Apollo-2 points-1 points  (0 children) | Copy

What’s the difference between the utility of the men at the top and those at the bottom?

[–]loox14901 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I mean kind of. Idk. I’m in and will be for life the top 20% of income earners for life. And still feel like a peasant

[–]rizzyfromthe91 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I’m never satisfied, which has its pros and cons

But I’m never bored

[–]Casanova-Quinn1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You're standards do raise, but here's the thing. You need to think that "I'm better than her" even with a high quality woman. Why? A woman wants a man who is "better" than her. She won't be attracted or will lose attraction if she thinks she's better than you. Here's Patrice O'Neal with more.

[–]jenovajunkie1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

It's not that your standards become higher, you just don't hang around people who bring you back down.

I mean every guy is different, but if you don't want people to waste your time and try and make you feel shitty about yourself, why entertain their company?

[–]Truedemocracy50 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Only unrealistic if you can’t get those women brother

Will say when you reach a certain level it takes a lot for a woman to impress you. So much so to the point that those women hardly exist

Keep climbing

[–]TheeSakred0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

When you improve your value, you will attract better. I can say when you get to a certain level, you become a rare breed, but other hight value people will notice you in a world of people that are all what you are describing.

It’s not a bad thing to expect from others what you provide. Never settle for less.

[–]__TheDon__0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy


[–]thrwy754790 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I feel like no girl will ever live up to the same standards I hold for myself

Depends on what you're looking for. You just want a ONS, or you're looking for a fling, or a fuck buddy, or an LTR, or a wife. The criteria would be different for each.

For an LTR, or a wife, you're settling one way or another because when you're exclusive with them, you're not fucking other girls who may be younger, or hotter.

Life is finite (for now), and time is undefeated.

[–]fretty5550 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No woman will ever match the standard you hold yourself up to. Its just the way it is for a male human specimen. It can't help but be that way if you're trying to get into the pants of the highest quality woman. Now as for Queen Elizabeth, that's a true challenge.

[–]peacemakerzzz0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Whenever I see myself improve, I always see myself get trapped in the decadence of complacency. I’m still trying to figure out how to beat this cycle.

[–]BurnoTaurus0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

No fucking shit they do.

I grow better marijuana than any dealer or dispensary I can purchase from. guess who's weed I dont smoke? Anyone but mine and a few close grower friends who also know whats up.

[–]ThirtyLimes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I feel like no girl will ever live up to the same standards I hold for myself

Yep, don't expect them to.

Find a girl who looks up to you because you have those qualities, and then take her along for the ride. Get her into the gym and train her. Instead of sitting home eating ice cream and watching movies together every night, tell her that you're staying in and working on a hobby project, and encourage her to work on her hobbies too (don't literally order her to be productive, but be interested and encouraging when she brings up projects she wants to work on, or things she wants to learn). Etc...

You said that you're turned off by personality deficits in women. Stop looking at their personalities at all to begin with. Filter for basic mental stability and make sure she's not literally mentally ill. Beyond that, youth and beauty is pretty much the only thing you should care about. The other stuff you should expect to have to mold as you go.

[–]Kabuki4310 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Yeah man i have started to eye those miss universe contestants lol

[–]Don_Draper270 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This can be a problem if you're actively looking for an LTR but IMO you should never be looking for an LTR.

To have any hope of having a fruitful committed relationship your partner would have to constantly prove herself to you over the course of many months for you to start considering being exclusive with her. She has to convince you.

Anything below this is only useful as a plate at best and even with your plates you need to have standards.

[–]urhen1110101lls0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I definitely have the same problem. My standards have risen to the point where my game is basically zero because I'm not interested or put way too little effort into most girls and the ones I am interested in are "out of my league".

It's a problem when I have moments where I convince myself that It's not worth it because I start self sabotaging with things like binge eating and shit like that but like everyone I'm just here to look for answers regardless.

Just never compromise your standards and if, like me you do have 'low' moments try drag through them

[–]sherlock98-1 points0 points  (1 child) | Copy

This post is enough to diagnose autism

You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

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