696,979 posts

Mate Guarding: Alpha or Beta?

Reddit View
December 15, 2019
28 upvotes

I have a nuanced perspective on mate guarding, and I'd like to be called out on my bullshit if you think this is wrong, so don't pull any punches here and let me know what you think.

I know the default RP advice is to not mate guard. And from a passive-aggressive, "being a controlling boyfriend" perspective, I get that.

With that said, I've had a handful of situations in my life where I physically mate guarded a girlfriend. I would tell a guy to fuck off, or shove a guy, or physically removed him from the situation.

This certainly wasn't all the time, maybe 3-4 times over the last 10 years. But every time it happened, it was always very appreciated by my woman, usually followed by wild sex.

Strangely enough, both of these opposing views make sense to me at the same time. The cognitive dissonance is real, folks.

The problem with this, is you'll never be able to always physically mate guard. There's going to be a situation where it won't be a good idea to mate guard a Jason Momoa. You're also likely going to be out-ranked in SMV at one point. Even if you're an 8 and working on yourself every day, you could very well find yourself in a situation where your woman is talking to a 9.

I have a problem with this, because I want a practical solution for how to handle this every time, and I'm not convinced there is one. I've been fortunate enough where to date, every mate guarding situation I was in was easy: dude was lower in SMV and smaller in size, and it was quickly ended. But that doesn't help me when I run into Jason Momoa.

Now, of course, the single best strategy for all of this is to consistently improve your SMV. I get that. But what I'm having a hard time getting my head around, is a straight-forward playbook on how to handle mate guarding. I'm not fully convinced the community has a 100% verified, repeatable playbook on how to handle this. Everyone's automatic answer is:

  • Soft next her
  • She's not yours, it's just your turn
  • Increase your SMV and fuck other women

Okay, guys, I get it. We all get that. But that doesn't mean there's no other solution.

I'd love your thoughts: is mate guarding alpha or beta? How do you handle it?


Post Information
Title Mate Guarding: Alpha or Beta?
Author whereyougetthisguy
Upvotes 28
Comments 86
Date 15 December 2019 06:27 PM UTC (9 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/299448
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/eb2j6a/mate_guarding_alpha_or_beta/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
RolloRoissymate guardingalphabetasexual market valuesoft nexting
Comments

[–]red-iron-man19 points20 points  (9 children) | Copy

There's too many situations and variables to answer.

I've been in a situation where a guy was hitting and flirting with my wife in front of me at a bar. I laughed at him and told him to get lost, she's with me. He waked away and my wife was turned on by it.

The same thing happened to a buddy of mine, but instead of telling him to get lost he sat back and allowed his wife to deal with it. That night his wife and her friend talked about what a weak bitch he was.

In the situation above, if your wife see's you as being too afraid to confront another guy at a bar, she's going to see you as being too afraid to stand up for yourself in every aspect of your life.

Autistic folk here will group the situation above as mate guarding. As a result, while they're too busy being "the prize" and "awesome" in their own head, their wife or girlfriend is thinking what a pussy he is for being too passive and unwilling to stand up for himself.

[–]JCX_Pulse2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

This backs up MIW’a comment with a real life example. You’re territory was being disrespected and you let the dude know you weren’t gonna let that happen.

[–][deleted] -2 points-1 points  (5 children) | Copy

I am sure my wife gets hit on every time we go out. I just meet the men. I demonstrate value. I have frame, they don't. It's easy to deal with guys if you just don't care that your wife is being hit on because you know it's normal. I hit on men's wives. It's a woman's job to say no and not be attention seeking. Plenty of "not single" girls cheat.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret41 points42 points  (26 children) | Copy

You must should consider mate guarding only when there is a public challenge to your Alpha or AMOG status... when you are being publicly disrespected or challenged by someone messing with your girl... just as you would to their messing with any other possession of yours, like your phone or your drink or your clothes. It's about guarding your status, not about guarding her.

You can choose to extend your protection to others even when your own status is not challenged by the threat to them, but it's necessary to do so only when it disrespects you.

[–][deleted] 9 points10 points  (13 children) | Copy

Woah. This is an excellent way of phrasing it.

I have failed here repeatedly. One of the many reasons my STBX sees me as a faggot.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red23 points24 points  (11 children) | Copy

STBX sees me as a faggot.

Dont worry, it just isnt her.

[–][deleted] 5 points6 points  (10 children) | Copy

Time will tell. Stay tuned on the next train wreck episode of DaddyTC. I'm basically just material for you guys now. Enjoy hoarding those juicy sweet internet points. Are you sure you aren't projecting faggot?

[–]simbarlionRed Beret5 points6 points  (1 child) | Copy

FFS stop talking yourself down.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

He is manic. This was established last OYS.

Nothing anyone can do for him until he hits rock bottom and either offs himself or starts acting like a man.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (7 children) | Copy

I have been projecting my vomit on the sorry members of this forum for over three years.

Lets see if you have the balls to do the same.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (6 children) | Copy

Yes, but I have the ability to depress you. Now who's the stronger smelling turd?????

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red5 points6 points  (5 children) | Copy

Shit stinks more the older it gets :)

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Yes, it's good to remember that many things get stronger with age.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

My daddy taught me to respect my elders, so you win bossman :)

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret1 point2 points  (2 children) | Copy

Accepted.

Did you ever jack with a little brother or sister? The problem with winning, it's game over. Maybe another day...

[–]InChargeManRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Not so fast, this comment is not wisdom of the gods...

[–]InChargeManRed Beret7 points8 points  (4 children) | Copy

You must mate guard when there is a public challenge to your Alpha or AMOG status...

I think you missed the /s in that comment...

No, you absolutely do not need to guard your AMOG status, that is fucking retard speak. A keyboard warrior if I've ever seen one. You have ONE person on this planet you answer to, not your wife, not the guys in your bowling league, nobody else. When it matters a man needs to be ready to take up arms and fight for something, but for god's sake something as silly as a "public disrespect" is not it. How is your viewpoint different than that of paper alpha guys who get into screaming matches with their wives? It isn't, that's how. The fact that you specifically called out "public" disrespect says everything I need to know, you are by definition in someone else's frame.

From a comment I made once

Think of this extreme scenario: You are out with your wife and some tatted up gang member looking dude bumps into you and starts talking shit. Calls your wife a dirty slut, calls you a pussy, declares to the whole room how you are his bitch, he is taking your wife home now, etc. Maybe he shoves you a bit, tells you to make a move. What do you do? Could you "take him"? Maybe, lets even say probably. So what? What is your risk/reward? Maybe you end up with a knife in the gut. Weak framed men are going to be in everyone else's frame in that moment. He will be in the frame of the observers, wanting to not lose face in front of them. He will be in the frame of his wife, wanting her to see that she has a strong alpha male who doesn't back down and let his wife get disrespected. The right answer? You defuse the situation as quickly as possible without violence, no ego. Tell him he is the king of cock mountain, apologize, etc. A lesser man will now have a deflated ego from this. A great man is his only judge, and knows that his value is high. Will his wife now think less of him? Maybe, lets even go with probably. So what? I can't blame her, that lizard brain is still in there, seeing the world through the pre-civilization societal structure. It isn't wrong or right, it just is. Same thing with hypergamy, it isn't wrong or right, it just is. Understand the rules of the playing field, then play your game.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

extreme scenario ... What is your risk/reward? ... Understand the rules of the playing field, then play your game.

"The general who advances without coveting fame and retreats without fearing disgrace, whose only thought is to protect his country and do good service for his sovereign, is the jewel of the kingdom."

as silly as a "public disrespect"

In more genteel circles where faggots are unlikely to escalate to actual violence, this is a shit test of your status, frame, or social skills, in which your wife is being used as a pawn. Choose the appropriate tool for the situation that imposes your frame and wins the test without losing the pawn.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret2 points3 points  (2 children) | Copy

That quote is exactly my point. Sun Zu knows his shit. You think he would say you "must mate guard" when there is a "public challenge" of your AMOG status. ROFL

> In more genteel circles

Doesn't matter. Physical violence is only one way things can go sideways when you make your paper alpha roar. Bottom line, pride/AMOG status, whatever you want to call this thing where you are operating within the frame of your "public" onlookers, doesn't matter. What matters is you doing things that maximize the likelihood of achieving your needs and wants in life. That is literally all life is. A series of choices. Spouting off about how people "MUST" do something takes away that choice.

[–]SteelSharpensSteelMod / Red Beret2 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

Well said.

[–]man_in_the_worldRed Beret0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Point taken.

must should consider mate guarding only

[–]BobbyPeruRed Beret3 points4 points  (0 children) | Copy

It’s all contextual. I agree with /u/man_in_the_world here based on an experience way before I even knew about TRP.

I was in a band, and sometimes men would hit in my woman while I was on stage. One time my BIL said some guy was totally hitting on her while I was on stage, and I instinctively went into fight mode and asked where the guy was. Then, my BIL told me he was joking. Immediately, I saw excitement in my wife’s eyes because I was going to go beat some (imaginary) dude’s ass. That night was crazy wild sex.

So yeh, he nailed it on the head in that context

Another time, post MRP, some distant relative (not blood related) was hitting on my wife , but he was on his own property with all his red neck friends, so it didn’t feel safe. So I waited a little bit until it was a more neutral situation, and went up to shake his hand in front of his wife. I grabbed his hand and pulled , dragged him until he was off balance... noticeably. I remember looking at his wife, and she was actually looking at me like she was turned on that I did that to him and he didn’t say or so anything.

So, yep, my experience is you have to maintain your status and act when necessary

[–]JCX_Pulse0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Love this explanation. Elegant and easy to digest.

[–]uchihaitachi123712 points13 points  (9 children) | Copy

I mean if someone is hitting on my wife and I see she feels uncomfortable I would absolutely get physical. If I see her flirting back and shit then I'll tell her to pack her bags. It is a sign of severe disrespect in my country if a random person tries to make convo with someone's wife. If the wife responds then have some selfrespect and kick her to the curb

[–]hack3geRed Beret15 points16 points  (4 children) | Copy

What in the fuck is with the autism here - if your girl isn’t mate guarding herself you have work to do faggot.

If she is mate guarding herself and the guy isn’t catching the hint that’s a different story.

If my wife wants to fuck off with some other dude who gives a fuck - I have a no return policy and far better things to do with my time than waste it mate guarding a woman like that.

[–]InChargeManRed Beret8 points9 points  (2 children) | Copy

Finally, a response from somebody who isn't colon deep up his wife's ass. So much faggy bullshit in here it's unbelievable.

It isn't hard, you sad excuses for men: Mate guarding is when you act in a way to reduce your girls contact with another man so as to reduce the chances she will stray. Fuck that, the world is full of dudes, lots of them are higher SMV than you, if she wants to cheat she will, period. If a man advances on your girl in your presence, she sure as shit knows how to shut that down if she wants to. If she shuts him down, and he backs off, great. If she shuts him down and he keeps pushing, you need to step in, not to mate guard, to protect her, just as you would a child or other family member from outside attack. If she never shuts him down, well, walk away, you are not her man.

[–]ImNotSlash1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

Idiots: if I prevent my wife from flirting with this guy for sure she'll never cheat.

Wife: I'm fucking this dude soon as my husband isn't around.

Take the L. Move on.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Best part is acting like a faggot and mate guarding is the main reason she will actually cheat.

[–]IWantToHelpSometimes0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

This right here is the truth. Some users above be talking bullshit.

[–]eddielovett4 points5 points  (6 children) | Copy

Mate guarding, like almost everything else, is situational. You can’t say never mate guard because there are infinite permutations of social situations and in some of them it is appropriate.

The trick is doing it in a socially calibrated way so that your woman appreciates it and sees it as attractive.

Now you bring up a good point because if the other guy is - god forbid - higher smv than you, then you must not mate guard because it will make you look unattractive and insecure.

In this case it’s up to your woman to handle the situation and if she respects you she will do so in a way that makes you look like a boss.

Always ignore a higher smv guy and your woman as well if she engages with him. Get busy talking to other people (flirting with hotter women) and being the life of the party. Your lack of attention creates a vacuum that’s filled by him so now he looks like the chump trying to prove himself.

If you don’t trust your woman to shut down another guy who is being respectful then you need a new woman. And if the guy crosses a line be prepared to protect her.

At the end of the day you’re the master of your own life and you decide how to handle situations on a case by case basis. Do what feels right. Do what aligns with your highest values.

[–]SBIIIRed Fucking Commando4 points5 points  (0 children) | Copy

is mate guarding alpha or beta?

Depends on who is doing the mate guarding. Alpha's mate guard like alphas, betas mate guard like betas.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret2 points3 points  (12 children) | Copy

When someone flirts with my wife, and she starts to giggle flirt and enjoy it, and there's no sign from her for me to step in, why would I want to ruin her good time.

When someone goes too far, I get rough, quickly.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red0 points1 point  (8 children) | Copy

Our other thread you won, so I will start some shit here on this boring Sunday.

Is the cane or walker you first weapon choice? :)

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (3 children) | Copy

Hapkido... then I take your walker....

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red-1 points0 points  (2 children) | Copy

You would be up a disabled man?

Meany.

[–]Over60_FireTempered3Red Beret0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Oh no! I might need the walker.

"Meany"? Probably would be better to tap-out like the other guys.

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I tapped out before the fight started.

[–]jenovajunkie0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What is your mate worth to to you, mate guard or don't is a direct representation of this.

The selected quotation you have from Athol is interesting as it simplifies our intellect to that of primates. Which is fucking stupid, we as men have much more capabilities than primates, you are talking about a human relationship here.

People vary, although I believe most men would poach, unless they have a healthy supply which they are content with. Have some confidence in yourself that you are something worth fighting for as well.

Or else what are we saying to women, that they are the only beings worth fighting for, and thus we are intellectually like primates? That we follow a system that is easily controlled and manipulated?

[–]tap09885340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think this is a semantics issue. The way I have always understood mateguarding is chaucer style, where the old man bars his young wife from socializing because he knows she is faithless.

When I hear no mateguarding, I hear don't be controlling.

I consider this different from a direct challenge from another dude. When another dude comes to your girl in front of you, this is to make you look like a pussy. Without being controlling, it is imperative to stand down this challenger.

Caveat, some guys are cruising for a fight. They think alpha means physical intimidation. They are a trap, if you fight them you lose. You must defeat fight-happy retards with social mastery.

[–]0io-Tsundere0 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Might be worthwhile to draw a distinction between wife/gf decides to go chat with some hot guy/coworker/stranger/friend at a party: don't mate guard, you're not threatened.

vs.

You're at a bar and some drunk guy comes up and is aggressively trying to kino/pick up/hit on your wife/gf: you can win points for shutting him down and "protecting her" from creep who is bothering her or not leaving her alone and you look weak if you're afraid to get involved.

[–]Goobergus_Gubbins1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

I'm ashamed to admit that I failed at the latter situation a couple years ago at a sports bar. That event was really rock bottom for me, and one of the things that propelled me into MRP and starting to progress from a jellyfish into an adult man.

[–]friendandadvisor0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

"Mateguarding" is when you try to defend your position with a woman. Protecting your woman or privacy from a drunken/obnoxious wannabe is not mateguarding.

[–]Rifleshoot0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

I think it’s the difference between active confrontation with a potential threat vs maintaining a defensive posture. If you are acting defensively (searching her phone, constantly managing her to keep her away from men, etc.) then the presumption is that there is a reason for you to be scared. If you aren’t worried about any other guys, then some guy comes up and starts flirting with your wife, then that is a scenario where you are actively confronting competition and turning it away would be alpha behavior. Ignoring it in that case would be beta.

[–]Whammywham0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

There’s a difference between whiny “Zaby you talking to him and ignoring me?” And looking a guy in the eye and telling he’s venturing into your territory and he’d be doing himself a favor by making an about face And telling your wife that she’s going support exactly how you wanted to handle it or shes free to leave with him if she had anything to say about it.

[–][deleted] 0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

If you are worried about mate guarding you are not appreciating her for the moment, moment to moment. if you are worried about this garbage then your hamster needs taming. once your frame and resolve is so strong that you can appreciate losing everything at a moment's notice then you will be able to enjoy life for what it truly is.

[–][deleted] -1 points0 points  (5 children) | Copy

It depends on if you are addressing the issue with the man in this situation, or your woman.

Men communicate differently than women do.

This inherently necessitates that men communicate differently with other men, than they do with women.

If you're henpecking your woman over your insecurities or even her minor indiscretions, thats far different than overtly challenging interloping males.

Anongst men, i may play nice and put on a courteous demeanor, but let's not forget that i reserve the right to thrash the everliving shit out of you should you fail to yield to my more tactful approach. Consequences be damned.

[–]djl304-1 points0 points  (0 children) | Copy

Mmmb



You can kill a man, but you can't kill an idea.

© TheRedArchive 2020. All rights reserved.

created by /u/dream-hunter