707,481 posts

Spark

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December 23, 2019
13 upvotes

This is just some late night philosophy, not an uegnet problem I have, just want to pick you guys’ brains on this one.

About an hour ago I had the realization that the in love feeling in the start of a relationship is never gonna come back the same way. It’s common knowledge and I knew, but now I know. It hit me quite hard as I was tickling my girlfriend of 4 years and we were laughing, weird timing to find out.

Now in fear of sounding like a beat I have to say my connection with her is deeper, so we’re evolving as a couple, and we compliment eachother nicely and I appreciate that.

I’m wondering how you who are in successful LTR’s and marriages keep the spark going. I mess around with her, tickle her, spank her randomly around the house etc. She responds well and we laugh, sex is often and great. It’s just this internal feeling I’ve been having a while.

Few stats we’re living together and have a 15month old child, she’s 23 I’m 25. Economy is good. I’m a weak bitch but look aesthetic, I’m 180cm 74kg, Benchpress 55kg x 5 Deadlift 75 x 5 squat 65 x 5


Post Information
Title Spark
Author IATAsshole
Upvotes 13
Comments 42
Date 23 December 2019 10:25 PM UTC (10 months ago)
Subreddit askMRP
Link https://theredarchive.com/post/302787
Original Link https://old.reddit.com/r/askMRP/comments/eernlw/spark/
Similar Posts

Red Pill terms found in post:
long term relationship
Comments

[–][deleted] 20 points21 points  (7 children) | Copy

Tase each other's butt holes.

[–]IATAsshole6 points7 points  (6 children) | Copy

Do we really have to tase them, can we like at least start with dripping hot wax on them to see if we’re into it?

Unless you meant taste, in that case I have the whipped cream and PB good to go

[–]jjj25760 points1 point  (5 children) | Copy

Pretty sure it’s a typo.

He obviously meant “taste.”

[–]hack3geRed Beret2 points3 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tasing will certainly give a spark

[–]red-sfpplusHard Core Red2 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

I will try this and report back.

I am fucking freak.

[–]markpf730 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You can use one of those battery operated electrical muscle stimulators. Attach one electrode on you, the other on her (and not your balls or taint). Interesting sensation every time you complete the circuit...it is a good time.

[–]jjj25760 points1 point  (1 child) | Copy

Oh fuck— just got the joke.

Holy fuck I am dumb.

[–]hack3geRed Beret1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

Congrats on catching up

[–]JoeBuckYourslf11 points12 points  (4 children) | Copy

Tickling? How cutesie.

Please add tickling to the sidebar.

[–]IATAsshole2 points3 points  (3 children) | Copy

Lol ty XD my mom says we’re cute too :)

[–]JoeBuckYourslf7 points8 points  (2 children) | Copy

What’s her number?

[–]z2a1-92 points3 points  (0 children) | Copy

lol

[–]Hugenstein412 points3 points  (1 child) | Copy

You've got a pretty good thing going by your own reckoning and it sounds like you're trying to manufacture something to be discontented with.

In the beginning it's always more magical for everybody. Why would your relationship be any different?

[–]IATAsshole1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

You’re probably right, I can’t help but overanalyzing quite a lot, I’m trying not to but that’s a weakness of mine. We do have a good thing going!

[–]EasyDaysHardNights6 points7 points  (0 children) | Copy

Lift. STFU. Sidebar.

[–]WolfofAllStreetz1 point2 points  (0 children) | Copy

If you’re 25 and whining about a spark you’re fucked.

[–]theunconquored1 point2 points  (1 child) | Copy

In short, you have to continue to inject uncertainty into comfort.

Esther Perel's book "Mating in Captivity" was a revelation to me back in my blue pill days.

That book is based around the concept that if you want to have erotic attraction to your long term partner, you need to maintain a sense of separateness.

When a relationship is new, you have a lot of things that are uncertain. You don't know everything about the other, and that makes it exciting. Not knowing everything makes you hungry to know more. Not knowing if the relationship is going to last, or even continue, makes you want to work to keep them around.

The lack of comfort and certainty, because it's new and there is so much unknown, is what drives that spark. As we get to know more and more, then start making commitments, we get close. We get comfortable and think that things are certain. Comfort and erotic attraction are mutually exclusive.

So, if you're in a long term relationship and you want there to be a spark, you need to maintain a sense of uncertainty. A sense of being separate individuals with separate lives. Not knowing everything about each other, and wanting it to be that way. This is why push/pull tactics work so well. When we pull away, we inject uncertainty into a situation we thought was more certain than it really is, and drive the other person to come running towards us to close that gap that we've created.

This is the key. There are myriad ways to create a gap, and you must continue to create them. Never let her feel like she knows 100% of you. Always leave something for her to come running towards.

Keep a sense of mystery. Don't make her your bro by talking to her about all of your problems and all of your goals. Accomplish things that she didn't even know you were working on. Work towards goals that she doesn't even know you have. Always let her be discovering new things about you, but not by talking...by witnessing the results.

And, stay hawt. Nothing drives more uncertainty, and therefore creates more sparks, than being attractive to other women and having her see them check you out, hit on you, and want what she has. If she knows that you have options, there's always a gap for her to close.

[–]OptimusRP0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

Good comment

[–]RStonePT0 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

You navel gaze too much about your feelings.

Also, you're now #2 with the baby... You'll be fine, or you wont

[–]tap09885340 points1 point  (0 children) | Copy

What you are talking about is a real phenomenon. This is often described as Kundalini or Love-drunk, etc. It is caused by the "falling-in-love" chemical Phenylethylamine (PEA) which has major effects on dopamine and adrenaline.

This chemical typically ceases in a mature relationship, beginning to taper off by year 3 and usually disappearing by year 5. This chemical plays a major role in female sexual initiation. Even girls highly attracted to their men, tend to stop or greatly reduce independent sexual initiation after this period. This is why women that seem sexually independent early in a relationship become almost completely sexually responsive after a few years. What this means practically is that female arousal is almost entirely dependent on a reaction to the arousal of others. Whereas a sexually healthy (non-porn-conditioned) male will feel spontaneously aroused by reproductive instinct.

This phenomenon leads to well-observed shortcomings in lesbian LTR, which typically experience bedroom death after 5 years, and also last an average of 5 years.

A robust and frequent sex life helps to keep female dopamine levels high, which aids in rapid female arousal. A weak and infrequent sex life makes female arousal much more difficult. The "7-year-itch-phenomenon" is a outworking of PEA. New people are much more exciting than an LTR, because they cause the production of PEA. Suddenly a wife that can't get horny on her own, feels spontaneously horny, due to the new face. Males universally feel more spontaneously horny than usual with a new face, the PEA that follows just intensifies it.

The truth is that if a confluence of events causes your wife to lower her guard for shirtless Roy and his immense hairy belly, she will likely feel more intensely aroused by him than by you due to the Kundalini chemical.

According to the well-observed Coolidge Effect, males typically will prefer novel mates every time the opportunity is present in addition to renewed excitement with a novel female. Combine this with PEA and you a recipe to blow up your life after improving your SMV. Suddenly hot girls, decades younger than your wife are touching your arms and giving you IOIs. Sure, you're just flirting for practice, until one day you aren't and there's a beautiful sophisticated 25 year-old Goldilocks you can't stop thinking about, and suddenly boning your newly-compliant wife feels like a chore, because you're pretty sure Blondie's asshole tastes like peach-vanilla cake.

Your hamster will think up what it needs to in order to downgrade the value of the existing female into order to reserve gamete production for the novel female.

Females respond to this competition by exploiting the limits of reproductive arousal. In other words, they drain your balls, devour your gamete production, and sexually exhaust you in order to keep your dick out of strange. This is dread-responsive sexuality. Maintaining sexual health in an LTR requires several elements, and these elements enable the "spark" to persist well past the presence of PEA in an LTR:

1) Maintain high SMV in contrast to wife  2) Maintain social dominance, mastery, and leadership over wife  3) Maximize your sexual initiation, and sexual frequency  4) Maintain a sufficient level of dread to trigger dread-response sexual interest from wife 

There is a reason MRP is considered hardmode and it is partly due to the absence of PEA, and the cocktail of cascading hormones present in a new sexual encounter/relationship.



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