I think it's extremely difficult (perhaps even impossible) for us men to truly understand how something other than the physical form could make someone infatuated or loving or lustful.

We men would follow beauty to the ends of the Earth and so we assume, if only unconsciously, that women feel the same. But still we have unassailable proof that some of the most beautiful women in the world simply did not care about being with an equally beautiful man. In each case, some other attribute was far more desirable to her.

This classic hot-girl/ugly-guy scenario is the wellspring from which all game theory flows. What do these beautiful women see in these average-looking guys? What value do they provide? How can I emulate them?

Looks vs. Game vs. Status vs. Money is one of the classic (never-ending) debates because it has no absolute winner. Every person and situation is different and no one factor is most important to all women in all situations. Exceptions to each rule are easily found and inevitably trumpeted. For our purposes, the most important thing to realize is that there is enough evidence out there to prove any of them true, so it comes down to making a choice about what you want to believe.

We at TRP are all big fans of harsh truths, so people here repeatedly exclaim the supposedly unknown idea that "looks matter" and that handsome/fit men get laid easily. That's true, but just because "looks matter" does not mean it will benefit everyone to hold aesthetics in the highest esteem. And just because "looks matter" does not mean you cannot compensate (or more than compensate) for a lack of aesthetics.

If you are good-looking and want to believe that looks are paramount, that's fine, I'm not here to argue with you. In fact, that's probably the most beneficial belief for you to have, so I'd advise you to keep it.

Attractive guys will almost always tell you that looks are the most important factor — but of course they would, that's a belief that gives them confidence and a psychological advantage. That's good for them, but you need to find a belief that gives you extra confidence and gives you a psychological advantage.

For everyone else, consider this:

The belief that "looks matter most" is an obstacle to success for anyone whose looks will never be their greatest strength.

It's simple to explain why: If you believe that looks are the most important factor in success with women and you are not (or believe you are not) good-looking (or good-looking enough), then you will have low confidence and low self-esteem as a result. Or you will have lower confidence than you could have if your self-esteem derived from something else. And without confidence you'll never get off the ground with women.

The other problem with pedestalizing Good Looks is that it's a fight against time and human psychology. David Foster Wallace said it best:

Worship your body and beauty and sexual allure and you will always feel ugly. And when time and age start showing, you will die a million deaths before they finally grieve you.

Good looks are a weak foundation for self-esteem, even for the genetically blessed. For many, an obsession with Looks will kill your confidence.

If instead you choose to revere an attribute which also happens to be your strength, you can build your self-esteem over a lifetime and it will grow faster and reach higher heights. And if you pick an attribute that women happen to value — like talent, charm, success, fame, fortune, etc. — you'll be much better off in the sexual marketplace than if you had tried to beat the beautiful ones at their own game.

The take-home message:

If aesthetics will never be your strength, it would benefit you to drop the crippling belief that aesthetics are the most valuable trait, and instead assign more value to the attractive traits that are your strengths.