Why am I so fucking afraid of cold approaching a girl?

RacistMuffin · 2020-01-17T14:56:59+00:00

Get the fuck off this subreddit if you think looksmaxing is the solution. Better yet, the blackpill forum will gladly accept you.

If you cannot change the fact that looks don't matter shit all and isn't correlate to an overall female's attraction to a male, you don't belong on the redpill. This fact is also supported by the fact that you are blaming your "youth" for your lack of personal development. If you sucked ass during your youth, great good for you. So did all of us, but the most successful guys on here didn't complain from that "cuck shit". Rather, they improved themselves to the best of their ability.

Now that I roasted the fuck out of you, I'm going to give you solid advice. You lack confidence, have approach anxiety(fear of rejection), don't have outcome independence, and have low self-esteem.

1) Confidence - Confidence is a muscle, you can build it and train it through social interactions and getting used to it. Confidence also comes from your success with women. If you go out and play the numbers game, your confidence goes up because your thought process has changed from that anxiety gut-wrenching feeling to "oh shit, I can get this chick's number because I have done it before." Learn how to play the number's game and build that confidence. Believe it or not, the game of pickup is more dependent on luck more than you think. Yes your probability increases as your game gets better, but it's still a number's game and how nice of a number you roll on that dice. And I get it, you're a virgin. But play it slow, talk more to female friends and get accustomed to female nature. Then to female acquaintances, then follow that ladder up. The reason why it's so hard for you is because you are going from 0-100. Cold approaching females is one of the hardest things to do in pickup even though it's one of the fundamental practices in seduction.

Other tips to building confidence is self-development. Confidence also relies on "your inner world". Guys are confident when approaching girls because they don't give a shit when they get rejected. They just retreat back to their thoughts of being contempt and happy, and their state never falls(or just a little). Confidence also relates to the idea that no person has power over you since your inner world speaks more highly of yourself than their opinions of you.

Build that confidence.

2)Fear of Rejection- The fear of rejection is the idea that you are not accepted by a "tribe" in an evolutionary basis. Moreso, it can be identified as not being accepted when approaching new groups of people or specifically an individual not accepting you. Fun fact, girls have a greater fear of rejection than males.

However, do you know what type of person lacks the fear of rejection? Alpha males. They don't give a shit about being rejected from a tribe because if the tribe isn't theirs, they wouldn't join it in the first place.

What this means is create an abundance mindset and develop that idea that you are the prize. You are scared of being rejected because you care too much about the public's opinion about you which indicates that you connect your ego to your emotions too much. Change that.

Fear of rejection causes people to act desperately or irrationally. Which means that it's also a form of insecurity. Alpha males are never insecure and never seek for approval.

3) Low self-esteem - You give a shit about people's approval/validation of you too much. If you have a strong inner world and learn how to not give a shit, you can change that. Learn how to disconnect your emotions from your ego. And then also learn how to disconnect your "self"(which enables to get rid of negative emotions) from you.

"Self" is a concept known as your ego, id, etc. It often makes you think emotionally and subconsciously speaks to you when you fail or success

For example: When you fail, your subconscious says that "you failed, so you must be beta and inferior."

Learning how to disconnect self will make you think more logically about your failures or success. Creating a healthy balance of alpha traits and beta traits(think rolio tommasi)

Spiritual practices, meditation, reading, hanging out in nature, listening to good role models, reading about female nature/human nature in general, etc. These all help in changing your low-selfesteem

Good luck faggot

EDIT: Just to clarify, looks do matter since it determines one's SMV(looks, status, money), which is the idea of how far a person is placed on a social hierarchy. And it is a major honest signals some females value more than others. But, the main point is that looks is a form of logical attraction. Yes, it does matter, but if you look like an 8 but speak like a toddler/spit game poorly, you will not create an emotional spark in the women.

In OP's case, he says women are repulsed by him even though he is jacked and seemingly looks good. I called him out on his ignorance

LordFa9 · 2020-01-17T17:34:06+00:00

Its ironic that you can so very confidently and aggressively resist anyone trying to talk to you here but IRL you don't even dare to talk to a woman who is on average 60% of your body weight

Proves your tough guy act is just an act

And to drive my point home imagine a huge pair of hooters class tits as the footnote. That'll put the fear of god into ya

L2diy · 2020-01-17T17:35:49+00:00

stop watching porn. get more guy friends. keep working out.

keep approaching and get laid. you are way too caught up in your own mind.

just fucking do it.

frognads · 2020-01-17T16:04:58+00:00

Because you're a regular guy.

Just realise you're going to fucking die anyway like the rest of us and just say fuck it, life is a joke.

H_Crush · 2020-01-17T15:37:18+00:00

By the way you are writing, it seems you don't think much of yourself. When you get laid, you won't suddenly change. It would be good to get laid just because you won't think you're a virgin anymore. Other than that: you have to change your thinking. You have been conditioned a certain way and you have to begin the process of deconditioning. Regarding girls and life in general: you have to think of yourself as the shit. That doesn't mean be full of yourself but rather defeat fear and accept what's coming at you and have faith you are going to deal with it with the best of your capabilities without wasting energy on things you cannot control. Develop a plan and cut all distractions. Goal is to have thinking you are satisfied with and not needing anyone to make you feel better. Spend some time alone and learn what you like and want. Then learn how to have strong thinking you're satisfied with that alows you to get what you want. If you think weak of yourself, guess what you'll be? Your world is what you think. All toxicity and distraction out, all thinking that makes you weak out. It won't fix all your problems, but it will be a good foundation.

AdmiralFiz · 2020-01-17T16:02:35+00:00

As was already stated, it's a confidence issue which was outlined very well in an earlier comment. Figured I'd just chime in with some things that helped me build my confidence up.

Fashion - I got into r / streetwear and r / malefashionadvice and completely changed my wardrobe. I started caring about how things fit, color palettes, etc. You can get a very basic versatile wardrobe from H&M and expand out from there, which is what I did.
Cologne - Look up some good ones, literally every single girl I've gotten with has commented on how good I smell. I currently swear by "Only the Brave" by Diesel for night's out.
Read the Red Pill sidebar, I'm sure there is plenty of material there specific to you. Internalize it, use it.
Gaming - I used to watch a lot of RSD videos and they helped me tremendously. They'll explain everything from open to close.
Hobbies - I'm an emo vocalist who uses his basement to host shows. I also do some light beat production on the side. Having healthy hobbies is extremely important. I have made healthy MALE friendships and have grown my social circle, raising my social proof and confidence. It's great for plausible deniability when I invite girls over to catch the show or to help me make a beat. Finally it gives me something interesting and fun to post about on socials which sparks conversations/shows I have a life.
Keep lifting.

I never had a fear of sex and I don't quite understand what you're going through so I won't pretend that I do. I hope this helped answer at least part of your questions. Good luck

TRPGaveMeLife · 2020-01-18T03:16:43+00:00

Jesus you don’t know how to take criticism and from the comments you can tell that your frame is weak because you’re so emotionally brittle and volatile.

With that in mind I would consider my advice to be just an extra point, your top priority needs to be to lose the ego investment you have in everything, it’s what gives you such a weak frame. I’ve had people on asktrp tell me I’m an idiot, the point is I don’t care, in fact IDGAF - which is exactly how you should be.

A man who can’t take criticism will never grow as a man. I see this so much professionally - most young people are so weak and can’t take criticism, it means that the bosses, the experts who’ve been there and done that, tiptoe around their feelings and can’t genuinely teach them as much as they should. So please work on that, it’s a big personality flaw.

.

That said, my advice is that you need to get on the ladder. Women can smell the virgin in you. Once you’ve gone over that hurdle, you’ll come across differently. I’d even say get an LTR so you can have enough sex that you’re no longer afraid of it and are confident in your abilities when the opportunity arises to close a deal. In your LTR I’d focus on your sex technique for this reason too.

Controversial advice here for sure, but you need to start somewhere - get your foot on the ladder.

Ps. Everyone here is harsh because they want to help you. You came here for truth not bullshit. If you want to be yessed to death (and die a sorry betaboy pseudo-virgin) then go to some cuck normie relationship sub and cry about your problems there.

sebastianconcept · 2020-01-17T17:51:33+00:00

. Basically you’re too narcissistic. Sidebar. Do your homework before complaining. Don’t ask for other people do the job for you. Bad soldier. Correct that and then come again

wowkwo · 2020-01-17T18:12:13+00:00

Realize this, the pain associated with some random bimbo denying you is much less than the long term pain of regret and not taking the chance.

MarkJohnPaul · 2020-01-17T19:15:08+00:00

You’re probably scared because you have no pride and don’t want to risk being unhappier than you are.

In other words, women’s power is in your fear of whatever they’re going to do.

You’re low in self worth and you have a negative self image and aren’t happy. So, you look to gain esteem and happiness somewhere else, in others. Then, ultimately, when confronted with the opportunity, you’re afraid the others will confirm what you already believe about yourself. Which would make you unhappier.

You don’t ask because you believe what they think of you matters more than what you think of yourself.

The only way to improve your self image is to make your happiness the most important thing in your life.

Once you start making yourself happy, it won’t matter if other people do or don’t.

zboo1h · 2020-01-17T19:23:34+00:00

Because you may in fact be successful and get to fuck her. Then, you gotta deal with her talking, talking mouth.

A fate worse than death.

Protocol_Apollo · 2020-01-17T20:23:28+00:00

”Faint heart never fucked fair lady” a post and saying by some old geeza.

Look it up.

I_amm_groot · 2020-01-17T21:06:42+00:00

[deleted]

fannyfire · 2020-01-17T22:23:49+00:00

It’s because you’re thinking too much during the act. A few years ago I realized that the biggest problem with facing your fears is waiting. The longer you wait, the more you rationalize the situation. You talk yourself out of doing it. The moment I truly realized this was when I jumped off about a 50-75 ft cliff into a river.

I was scaling up the mountain with other brave people while hundreds watched. I got to the top of the mountain and saw a few dozen people. You could feel it in the air. There were people up there thinking to themselves, should I do it? You could see just by looking who was going to jump. The courage was in their swag and they had the energy around them.

When I got to the edge of the cliff I said in my head, “If you don’t jump right now you won’t do it.” I got a big grin on my face and hurled myself over the cliff into the river. My wife and mom were looking right at me when I did it. They nearly shit their pants and it was hilarious. I fell so long that I could look down and think, “God damn, this is a long fucking jump.”

I hit the surface and went down into the water. I came up and had a grin on my face. What a fucking rush. I did it again just because I wanted to feel that insane feeling of free falling. Ever since that day I always did things that scare me. I remind myself how I jumped off that mountain and took a leap. It was scary the first time and then it was a blast the second time.

Talking to women is no different. The first few times are scary. You will fuck up, make an ass of yourself and do dumb shit but once you’ve got it, it’s so damn fun. Saying nonsense to women and not giving a fuck about it. Seeing how absurd you can be and just doing what you want without any care. There’s no better feeling and it’s a skill that most guys don’t have. The problem is in your head. Shut that fucking guy up and jump.

lokilis · 2020-01-17T22:53:48+00:00

Try aiming for failure. Then you'll realize failing isn't so bad.

FrenCan316 · 2020-01-17T23:09:21+00:00

Honestly I didn't even read your post, but I'll give you an answer.

You're cripplingly afraid of rejection.

Think of every time you've been rejected in your life up till now, girls, jobs, assignments, offers etc. You're still here and you're doing fine. Plus, you forgot about those rejections until right now. The point is that it doesn't fucking matter. You're much better at socializing than you think, you DONT NEED A PLAN. Just approach with a hi + a simple question then from there your primal brain will be able to generate social interaction in accordance with the situation and what she says and where the conversation goes. Grow the fuck up, nothing in your life depends on that social interaction, you have nothing to lose and a lot to gain.

HankMoodyMFer · 2020-01-18T02:09:58+00:00

To be Blunt, you just need to shit your pants, dive in and swim. Don't over think it.

You are not alone in this, this whole shitty silly thing where men are virgins and they so desperately want to not be virgins anymore but yet they don't make a move because they are virgins. Just go for it, stop overthinking it. Make a move and get over this hill already the you so very want to. you can do it man. You have the desire within you, bring that out, you mentioned you've had women be very talkative towards you and seemingly interested in you, when a woman reaches in, grab her.

kingofclubsmorde · 2020-01-18T03:42:21+00:00

Take magic mushrooms. They'll teach you.

samtheimp · 2020-01-17T18:14:19+00:00

Well first off... dont call girls "bitches" is highly offensive. Second girls dont like being hit on at the gym. It comes off as creepy.

Title	Why am I so fucking afraid of cold approaching a girl?
Author	interexmonster
Upvotes	21
Comments	63
Date	January 17, 2020 2:41 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/askTRP
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/asktrp/comments/eq17gs/why_am_i_so_fucking_afraid_of_cold_approaching_a/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/askTRP/why-am-i-so-fucking-afraid-of-cold-approaching-a.311886 https://theredarchive.com/post/311886

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