TLDR - Should I move across the country in the hopes that the family and community there will be helpful for my depressed BPD wife?
I'll try to keep this as brief as possible while still giving enough context...
My wife and I moved to California 2.5 years ago. It's been a rough go and our marriage has essentially been on a downhill road since day 1 of the honeymoon 3.5 yrs ago. Found RPC about 2 years ago but although I've attempted to apply what's on here, I haven't seen a significant turnaround in our marriage... Still pretty much a dead bedroom, wife has no attraction and very little respect for me.
My wife is diagnosed BPD, sleeps until noon every day, hasn't had a job since she finished school in 2016, and is on medication for depression. She's been to a half dozen counsellors over the last few years with no lasting results.
It's been a confusing road trying to figure out how much of this is a direct or indirect result of my leadership (or lack thereof) as a captain, and how much is simply preexisting / will continue no matter how much I improve myself and my leadership.
Alright point of this question - Right now we're in California, she doesn't have any close friendships or community or work here.
My in-law's parents have suggested we move into their carriage house in Virginia, which would
A) Allow us to save the $2500/m we're paying for rent right now
B) Give her a supporting network of family nearby
C) Give her access to her old church where she got saved, had community and was previously was on staff - And where she could start volunteering and maybe get a job again.
I'm hesitant because it seems like a bit of a repeat of why we came to California in the first place.. Similar theory back then...
We thought the sunshine might help, there was a church there we were excited to be a part of, her family was going to be moving out there to start a business etc...
The sunshine is nice but not a magic pill. The church didn't work out. Her family is no longer moving here.
Who is to say this won't pan out the same?
But at the same time
>My work is online so I can do it from anywhere.
>My hobbies are equally available there as they are here
>I don't have any church I'm super tied to right now as the last couple months I've been really turned off by the blue pill propaganda / inspirational rather than scriptural messages I've been hearing at every church I've visited as I've looked for a new church home.
>Not paying rent for a while would allow me to invest more and also give more freedom to work on the new business startup I've been planning out and step into my mission.
>My friendships here are "meh" level right now... The couple good guy friends I had recently moved away anyways.
Other than moving expenses and the hassle, there doesn't seem to be much to lose by trying.
So on paper, there are lots of reasons to do it, and not many reasons to stay... But sometimes we're blind to what is right in front of us, so I'm hoping I can get some outside perspective from you guys.
Should I move us across the country in the hopes that the family and community there will be helpful for my depressed BPD wife?
153lbs, 5'6, prob 10%BF
Workout 3x per week + soccer 2x per week.
Here is a pic as I think that's easier... https://imgur.com/a/OnRs6WU
I'm no Chad and clearly still have work to do.
Church - Attending every week. Speak to friends about faith when I have the chance. Not serving right now as I've been looking for a church with a pastor who dives into understanding and teaching scripture instead of just inspirational messages... and it's been surprisingly hard to find.
Read my bible daily. Not actively discipling my wife - Need to do better in this area
$$ make about 100k per year, but living in California that's like 50k anywhere else lol.
I've read the full RPC sidebar and most of the books (other than for singles stuff)