tl;dr Soft skills women must have to be LTR material

While I have found numerous threads on TRP for maintaining an LTR, I have found almost none on initiating one. Members often mention red flags that disqualify a woman for an LTR, but seldom do they talk about the green flags which positively indicate LTR potential. LTR strategy needs a more positive focus if it is to thrive.

After pouring over what information on green flags I could find, and comparing said information with those few successful marriages I have observed, I have recognized the qualifications and green flags of LTR material are not inherent personality traits or innate behaviors, but indicators of certain soft skills: commitment, empathy, consideration, and curiosity.

Commitment is the ability to resist being caught up in the moment and instead act according to a set of principles or long term goals. A successful marriage does not simply happen, it takes sustained effort from both husband and wife.

Signs of commitment include:

  • A history of long-term stable relationships

This includes both romantic and platonic relationships. A committed person will work to resolve problems rather than run away from them by dumping their SO or finding new friends. This is why a low partner count is so important. Women who don't think twice about who they sleep with, or who dump their boyfriend instead of working things out are not preparing for marriage. When you fail to prepare, you prepare to fail.

  • Objective accomplishment

Commitment demands that a woman be able to look past her feelings to some degree. If she can achieve goals that do not take feelings into account, then chances are she knows how to stick to a plan. Competitive female athletes and STEM majors are good examples of this, because scoreboards and calculus tests don't care about your feelings.

  • Fitness

Sticking to a consistent diet and workout routine requires commitment. However, fitness alone is a weak indicator, since group exercise and peer pressure can easily serve as substitutes for intrinsic motivation.

Empathy is the ability to recognize and respond to another person's emotions. Practically every woman thinks she is good at empathy. Few actually are.

What most women do instead of empathize is project. They project the emotions that they would feel in a given situation onto the other person. They fail to realize that other people might not feel the same way as they would. A woman who does this will not only be unable to understand you, but will assume there is something wrong with you if you point out that you do not feel the way she thinks you should.

Real empathy depends on the realization that you cannot be certain of what another person feels. A projector will tell a person what to feel (That's so sad, I'd be mad if I were you, You shouldn't have to feel that way), while an empathizer will ask (Are you OK? Would you like to talk about it?). Even a woman with good empathy skill might not ever understand you perfectly, but she will be much less likely to misunderstand you.

Signs of empathy include:

  • Aversion to conflict

Heated arguments are hard to bear when you can understand how both sides feel. Empathetic people will tend to avoid conflict or try to make peace.

  • Generosity

Someone who is sensitive to the emotions of others will tend to be generous, not necessarily with money, but with time. Taking the time to help a friend is good sign. Volunteering can be an indicator of empathy as well, but it depends.

Volunteering to help animals is simply projection. This is the reason lonely old women tend to collect cats.

When you look into an animal's eyes, you are seeing your own emotions reflected back at you, and nothing else. - A quote from The Life of Pi

Volunteering to help people who you will never see face to face is either projection or straight up vanity. Someone who can actually empathize with people is more likely to try to help people they can actually see.

Consideration is the ability to anticipate the emotional responses of other people to one's actions, and to adjust one's behavior accordingly. A considerate woman can not only respond to you, but can proactively anticipate your needs. This is the most desirable skill a woman can have, but it depends on having both the empathy to read emotions and the foresight to predict and plan ahead.

Signs of consideration:

  • Modesty

A considerate woman may be pretty, but avoids the spotlight and the attention-seeking behaviors of her peers. She does not waste her parents' money amassing a vast collection of shoes, clothes, and accessories that she hardly ever wears, because even in the mall with a cute little skirt in front of her, she considers feelings of the one(s) who earned the money she spends.

  • Food

Even if it's just take-out, a considerate woman will anticipate when you will be hungry. Hunger isn't an emotion, but the joy of having food ready and waiting for you without even having to ask is something too few women understand. On the right occasion, it can move a man to tears.

Curiosity is the ability to take interest in and learn about new things. This skill can help make up for deficiencies in the above skills. Directing her curiosity towards testing her abilities can help build commitment. Directing her curiosity towards the thoughts and feelings of others can help build empathy. Directing her curiosity towards proactively anticipating the needs of others can help build consideration.

Curiosity is best indicated by the type of shit tests she employs. A know-it-all will try to tell you who you are and what you want, then expect you to prove her wrong. The shit tests of a curious woman will be subtler and more open-ended; more like a dance and less like a wrestling match. You will not need to endure and maintain frame, but take the initiative to prove yourself. Passing this type of shit test can actually be fun once you get the hang of it.

Finding a woman with these skills requires a different approach than picking up plates. You are unlikely to find her in a bar or a dance club. That is where the sluts gather. Good LTR women do not generally go to specific places looking for romance. More often, they live their lives hoping to find someone through a friend or some common interest like in a rom com. So take up a hobby that women might like too, or better yet, volunteer.

Volunteering is one of the indicators of consideration, so it can be a great way to meet women with LTR potential. This goes double for organizations that help kids. If you're planning to have kids of your own some day, you can get a little practice handling them, find a nurturing woman, and show off your paternal side to said woman all at the same time. And God knows all those poor bastard children could use a strong male role model.

A woman with high LTR potential will also be put less effort into drawing attention to herself. You will need to look less at how hot she is while dressed up and made up and more at how hot she would be without clothes or makeup.

While finding a woman with good LTR skills is certainly preferable, it is not always possible. Even if you do manage to find such a woman, skills can always be improved. Encouraging good behavior and discouraging poor behavior has always been part of LTR strategy, but relating good and bad behaviors to competency or deficiency in core soft skills could SO training strategies to a whole new level.

It is, of course, impossible to force someone to change. If a woman is uninterested in improving herself, simply find a different one. Abundance mentality applies. After all, men interested in marriage are in short supply these days, which gives us considerable market leverage. Women who are uninterested in improving themselves can ride the carousel or marry a beta.

LTR strategy faces several challenges that shorter term relationships do not: it takes longer to collect data, successfully employing strategy takes a much higher degree of discipline, and there is greater opportunity for extraneous variables to interfere. However, the LTR presents the unique opportunity to play an active role in how your SO changes over time. You'll be playing a role in how she changes anyway. Better to know what effect your actions will have than not to.

This is a repost of my "What Makes a Unicorn" thread, but without the word "unicorn," since everyone was debating the definition of "unicorn" and ignoring the actual content of the post. I also added and subtracted some stuff from the intro and conclusion.

EDIT: The indicators I listed are not meant to be used as a comprehensive assessment of a woman's LTR-related soft skills. They are examples meant to illustrate some common ways that said soft skills might be reflected in her behavior. Soft skills, by definition, cannot be measured in a formulaic manner the way hard skills can. You will need to exercise your own judgement when assessing a woman's soft skills.

Furthermore, keep in mind that women often put on fronts to appear as though they possess these soft skills. Skills can also improve or deteriorate over time. Assessment is not a one-and-done process, but a continuous process. By adding an assessment of her soft skills to whatever other qualifiers you choose to use, you should be able to evaluate a woman's LTR worthiness more confidently, but don't use that as an excuse to let your guard down.