Cold Approach is a Lone-Wolf Fantasy

slay_it_forward · 2016-11-28T19:00:51+00:00

Cold approach has worked for me and countless others I've met. Is it efficient? No. Is gaining a social circle that provides you with a steady stream of women more efficient? No. Is working for years to attain some level of status more efficient? No.

I had a fairly big social circle but it rarely provided anything in terms of girls.

Krauser talked about this on his blog.

FrameWalker · 2016-11-28T17:33:28+00:00

LOL. Great job now you don't have to cold approach anymore. I learned cold approach by watching my father (post-divorce). He starts chit-chat with everyone - even saw him grab a few numbers at the grocery store.

"COLD APPROACH" is engaging with others in a public setting. It's not fiction, it's not rocket science, and it sure as hell ain't unnatural. Emotionally mature adults do it all the time, NO problem.

Internet keyboard jockeys with social anxiety have a hard time. Swallow the redpill. You're afraid. It's okaley dokaley.

Yepbro · 2016-11-28T16:54:06+00:00

I really agree with a lot of this. Cold approach is merely a means to an end. It shouldn't be a substitute for having solid social connections. However, I disagree where you say "cold approach is inefficient". As far as time invested for results garnered, cold approach is incredibly time efficient. Going to have a look over at some of your other content. Good job.

WingedScorpion · 2016-11-28T20:42:08+00:00

Yeah I'm gonna have to disagree with this, well most of this.

I do exclusively cold approaches. I am average looking. Most of them work. I'd say I have about a 70% success rate but I can tell you I do not do the "numbers game" so maybe that's why I don't play the numbers.

You say you've done cold approach so you know what it's like. And after reading your list of things a man needs to have I'd say you're right. I never really thought about it that way but I can see the way it applies to me.

Looks - I don't have them. I've been rated from a 2(which I fucked later on and became fuckbuddies with) to an 8(from a chubby girl who I did not want at all). Honestly, I think I'm average. I'm perfectly forgettable. And I like that, I'm nothing special and if I wanna ghost out I can. I do keep my appearance by keeping my hair and face clean and wearing nice fitted clothing.
Gainz - I got some. I used to be skinny fat. I started going to the gym and the fat went away, and my traps/back/shoulders/arms blew up. My chest sucks, my legs suck. I am NOT big by any mean. I look "slightly athletic". I mostly wear t-shirts or henleys or v-necks that give off a "casual" look but they are fitted. My shoulders and back look big for someone my weight and this helps me look more "gainz" like.
Great game - You don't really go into this and I'm not sure why. I honestly feel like I can sell ice to an eskimo. I've worked in sales all my life since I could get a job and it's about the same thing. Of course they're going to be wary, you're a rando who just walked up to them. They KNOW what you want. You just have to play that. You're the outsider who decided to break the rules and speak to a girl you don't know for sex because you know what you want and you're going for it. There's always that nervous laughter when you make a joke, but the real key is to make her laugh hard. It's like the saying "waiting to exhale" or "comical relief". This will remove all of her fears and worries and doubts. Of course she will still think about them, but once she full on belly laughs, she won't feel them that much anymore. That's your beginning point and you have to leave her at a high point and get her number and bounce. Of course the game doesn't stop there, you have to get her to text back when you do text her. But the impression you made on her should have been so good she wants more. People like feeling good so when you can make them feel good and make it feel "easy and natural" they'll like it. And they'll stay with you just to keep feeling it. I've had girls get iffy and I'm pretty honest about me wanting more than just friends otherwise I'm out. More often than not, I'm given a chance because of this.
Numbers - I don't do it. There are two college towns near me and although they can be pretty big, I don't want anything following me. I succeed pretty well with the girls I do go after and I keep them for a good while so I don't need new ones. Think long-term "lovers" rather than fuckbuddies. At least that's how I word it to them and they're ok with that label.
Fake preselection - Ok I actually realized I do this also just a while ago. I do meet girls through friends of friends or that whole tribal bullshit you spoke of. Guess what? They don't want me. I'm the average guy in most of my groups and you're right, they don't want the average guy. I tend to dial myself down around social groups because I haven't had success dating in my friends of friends or the people I meet through others. I attribute it to my looks, and to my status. I'm not a rockstar or anything, I'm an average dude with an average job that makes ends meet and has enough to party on the side. However, when I do meet hot girls, I keep them as close friends. I let a little of myself out and I'm always invited to their parties. Literally my friends always tell me how I befriend the hot girls and not the guys. Most of them make social circles with the guys and bond. My best friend usually does this more and I get invited to the guys night out because of him. Of course I hit it off with the guys, but the hot girls are usually the ones that find me the most fun. Yes, think of friend zone. But actual friend, not lil-bitch zone. This can be tiring sometimes because sometimes the hot girls act like I'm the lil manlet friend vying for their attention. They're used to a "fun" guy like me just being their clown and getting nothing in return. I don't pay for drinks, I don't give free rides, I don't do free favors, and I don't carry purses or whatever they want. If they throw a hissy fit I throw it back in their face, yes I'm your friend and I'm not your lil manlet friend who wants to get in your pants so this is going to be a fair friendship. You buy me a drink, I'll buy you one back. This ain't the "friend zone" from movies, this is two adults being friends. I say this, and I sometimes ghost them too. Surprisingly, it works and they apologize and ask me to forgive them and they'll act better. I really genuinely think it's because of my game. They want to be around someone who is as charismatic as I am. I am not asking them for sex, but I am bringing this "fun" persona around them in return. Asking for equal friendship isn't that bad a thing for a girl to give up to get someone like me who can bring the party to life. Sometimes they do think it, "oh I'm hot and he wants to get in my pants he should just do everything I want", and it's one of the worst parts of being friends with these girls. But the photo opportunities and the things people say about me are worth it. I don't mind putting my foot down and putting them in their place for this benefit. Plus, going out with 5 hotass girls to clubs and getting free bottles is so great. I love to drink what can I say. I usually play it off that I'm the driver. These bitches get random men to pay for their bottle and table. I'm just there enjoying the attention, ambience, and preselection.
Bad boy - This kinda ties into the other stuff. If you can look bigger, you look more threatening. My neck has always been thick and my back and shoulders getting big has helped me achieve this. The girls people see on me, and on my social media has helped this. I genuinely run my mouth off around these girls. I call them bitches, and I tell them go suck a fuckboys dick because they're dumb bitches who are bad at making decisions. They laugh it off. I keep this "idgaf" persona around most people and everyone just plays it off as "oh this guy, he's such a card, he's the dick of the group". Of course I can't show this to girls I am cold approaching because I'm a random guy approaching them. But asking them to add me on social media helps when all they have is pictures and not stories to tell them what I'm actually doing.
Power - I'm cocky. That's about it. Think Iron Man cocky-funny. I come across as cocky but I am friendly to people around me(except the hot bitches I party with). People always tell me I look like an asshole before they met me. I tell them "I am, I just like you" and smirk. This makes them feel accepted by someone greater than them. "Oh I got the asshole who parties with hot bitches to say he liked me." Great victory there, bro.
Money - I don't got it. I'm very honest about this to anyone who asks or hints.

continued below-vvvv

2016-11-28T20:25:33+00:00

You seem to have forgotten that women fuck for quality sperm and string along betas for resources. This is central to their sexual strategy and has been ever since they had tits. This is genetic and predates all of your refrences above.

Men have been pulling women aside and slipping a fat dick between their legs away from prying eyes ever since they could get erections. These sexual encounters never gave a shit about social rules or birth control. The things women are viciously attracted to are the exact behaviors which indicate that you'll do exactly that.

Historically, some of these encounters were consentual and some were not. Sometimes she got pregnant and sometimes she didn't. Society puts a wide variety of strict rules and structures in place in an effort to stop the rape and pregnancy, but women still want the guy with a permanent boner.

Change the flair to Blue Pill Example and swallow the pill.

roeddit · 2016-11-28T16:42:01+00:00

Great post.

Pure cold approach generally works on women who have no social ties themselves: a girl who just moved to the city, a freshman the first week of college, etc.. As you say, a lone woman is "foreign to mankind," so it makes some symmetrical sense. If a girl already has any social group and you're a lone wolf - you inherently have lower social standing and everything you said holds true.

One addendum I'd make: cold approaching when out with a group of friends (esp. good-looking, mixed gender) can work very well.

HumanSockPuppet · 2016-11-28T19:34:18+00:00

An excellent guide, not to mentioned well-formatted. Great work, /u/dr_warlock.

As an older guy who is returning to college to complete supplemental education, I can confirm everything in this guide. Being surrounded by young, nubile, curious girls in college seems like prime ground for pick-up, but in reality you cannot overlook the evolutionary underpinnings of seduction.

Every day, I run game both as cold-approaches with girls on campus, and as gradual escalation with girls in my classes. Without a doubt, the girls in my classes respond much more positively to my approaches than rando-campus bitches, and it has everything to do with social context.

When I do cold approaches, it usually happens while I'm walking between classes, or from the school gym to the labs. Girls will sometimes respond positively with giggles and banter, and I'll occasionally get a phone number, but out of the sixty or so girls I've cold approached in the last two months, I've only laid two of them.

By contrast, the girls in my engineering courses fall over themselves to get near to me. Being a Red Pill-awakened man in a major full of nerds, I tend to command most conversations. Guys circle around me and talk enthusiastically, and the girls always linger on the edge of the conversations playing with their hair, flashing me smiles, hoping silently that I'll include them in the circle - and they always smile and go wide-eyed whenever I draw them in. Of the nine girls I interact with regularly in my engineering courses, I am presently laying four of them, and all of them are on the hook and eager to get in.

For quality compelling lays that bolster both your public image and your social influence, you are better-off cultivating your social connections with men and drawing women in from the periphery.

GayLubeOil · 2016-11-28T17:19:53+00:00

If you keep triggering our Batmen Loners nerds who reside deep in their secret caves how are we supposed to sell them cold approach PUA manuals?

goldnhorde · 2016-11-28T17:29:06+00:00

Women love criminals ... BUT THEY KEEP BITCHING ABOUT ALL THE RAPING!!!! WHAT'S THAT ABOUT!!!!

Ok, that was completely without taste or decorum ....

2016-11-28T19:07:43+00:00

When I was younger, I used to do telemarketing part-time. Part of my daily tasks included cold calling prospects. I got to be pretty good at it when I figured out that the purpose of cold calling was to fill the lead pipeline by qualifying prospects and setting the stage for follow-up. A lot of the people who washed out as telemarketers spent too much time trying to close sales on the initial cold-call, rather than using that call to establish rapport, qualify the prospect and confirm contact information and, if it made sense in the flow of the call, scheduling follow-up.

The companies I worked for used telemarketing as just one of their sales channels. If they solely relied on telemarketing to generate new sales, they would have gone out of business.

I completely agree that relying on cold approach as the only method for connecting with women will lead to inceldom. Cold approach can be, however, part of a multi-channel approach that includes digital, networking and other activities to maintain your prospect pipeline. The way I see it, if you’re out in public and there are attractive women around and you have mastered approaching so it won’t take an inordinate amount of your time, why not do it to add to your prospect list? The quality of the product (you) will, however, largely determine how many of those prospects are converted to sales.

let_terror_reign · 2016-11-28T20:19:12+00:00

I agree with some of this, and think some other stuff is wrong too.
Pros of Cold Approach:
1. You get auto +1 for being able to be completely vulnerable with a stranger (if you're super direct), and if you can pull it off in an attractive way, great.
2. It's very nerve-wracking in the sense of how much it pushes you out of your comfort zone at, and helps you grow internally. Each time you pussy out or fail you have to question yourself/your method/mistakes afterward and seek some uncomfortable answers.
3. If you're relatively high SMV it gives you access to girls outside your circle. You might meet a niche goth chick who has an unusual look you just find yourself digging.
4. Being approached by an attractive confident stranger is a fantasy, and if you check their HOTorNOT boxes she'll respond really well.

Edit: Most important benefit IMO. If you're someone with a lot of hangups/issues over women/sex/your identity, cold approach lets you solidify your frame and beliefs about yourself without the second guessing from friends and worse, from your own issues. Cold approach = going out on your own, learning about yourself, and seeing that it's all gonna be fine. You don't want to suddenly become a scumbag to your social group when they have a picture of you in their minds, that'll dmg your rep.

Cons:
1. Flake rate. Very high, and there's no reinforcement since you'll likely not see her again. Did you do enough to pique her interest and keep it? If not, delete and next.
2. Cold approach is not a great idea in any place where you can't slip anonymously away. You don't want to be THAT guy on a small campus with 3000 people, not ALL publicity is good and here? Fuck no.
3. Cold approach seems instinctive for people without a good social group, and plays to your strengths (solitude, boldness) without covering any of your weaknesses (group behavior, navigating social situations, reading people over time vs. making cold reads).

I've been exclusively doing cold approaches over the last year. I've come to see these issues and these pluses.

The majority of your successful 'cold'-approaches weren't cold at all, you piqued her interest the moment she saw you, then you escalated from there. Most practitioners believe that you can simply approach any attractive woman with no initial interest (the 'cold' in cold-approach), then miraculously summon the tingles with their super-duper magic potion rituals + confidence.

This is the focus of a lot of daygamers like Tom Torero. I think it's largely BS but they use foreign chicks who may respond differently from the US of A.

But here's the point - cold approach gives you a chance to get to meet girls you would otherwise just see, lock eyes, smile, wish you had more context and move on.
Your social sphere is limited. Your social circle has its range of influence, and is always a work in progress.
My recommendation: After the initial high-pain period, don't devote a large amount of time to cold approaching. Make it something you do in between other things, like when you're going for a morning run or buying groceries, or in between classes. Don't do dumb shit like hollering retarded stuff in public to get over it. Just socialise more.

vengefully_yours · 2016-11-28T19:53:37+00:00

You're right, if a man doesn't garner interest immediately, he gets nowhere. Being obviously big is a game changer, not fat but powerful looking. The numbers I have to approach to get a new plate without knowing anyone in a common social circle is very high, and I have the game, muscle, and apparently looks to pull it off.

Most of what I do is cold approach, because I rarely have had a large network with varied girls in it. I can get a hundred no's before I get a a yes. Having been unaffected by the no for a few decades now, I tend to forget that this is the hard way and I don't even consider the rejection anymore. If I met a girl through a friend it is vastly easier to get her naked than meeting her in public as a cold approach. If she shows interest at all and she met me through someone else, it's nearly a done deal, though it's not guaranteed by any means.

Horus_Krishna_2 · 2016-11-28T20:44:14+00:00

" They (women) are clowns. Sh!t, they even wear makeup and drive little cars. "

lol

redestofthereds · 2016-11-29T00:23:31+00:00

Great post.

As expected, there's been some pushback from Sigma-types who are triggered by the truth.

The reality is that high-status makes every thing 10x easier. People who doubt this probably haven't been in a situation where they're able to offer other people a lot of value. Seriously, the whole game changes and you, to some extent, actually take control of the local social environment.

If you're the guy hosting the cool Christmas party, you have immediate social proof. Friends invite their friends, and introduce you to them. People appreciate the value you're adding to their lives and thus want to get on your good side. This means they reciprocate and invite you to their own events, introduce you to their girlfriend's roommates and so on.

skiy411 · 2016-11-29T04:23:27+00:00

I dunno bro. Sounds like a big rationalisation post not to act to me.

Obviously SMV and social circle gets you big results and we should all be pursuing it, but there's never a reason not to cold approach someone you see. Works all the time, and DHV's you through the roof if done correctly because hardly anyone does it properly with a bulletproof frame.

trppr · 2016-11-28T17:31:31+00:00

Glad to see this post.

Girls, and especially hot girls, always have great networks and social circles.

Getting access to hot girls is simply about getting access to higher end social circles.

This is where the problem lies for most men, and why cold approaching is an attempt to circumvent that issue.

Getting into or even creating your own social circle that is large, optimally fluid, and of reasonable quality requires the following:

Effort to find and make friends in the circle
Some type of DHV (status, success, charisma, etc...)

So in essence being IN with a particular circle requires the same things that are required to be successful at cold approaching, yet social circles have network and others effects that cold approaching does not, making social circles vastly superior to cold approaching.

Despite this, I think it's easier to do cold approaching than getting into the right circle. I think that most men just don't naturally have what it takes (both skill and desire), to be in the right social circles and in general men have much smaller social circles than women.

With this in mind it's easier to be a dancing monkey for a few hours approaching, than it is to gain and interact within a social circle that is either not congruent with who you are or that requires social skills beyond a reasonable level to attain.

Woujo · 2016-11-29T00:15:39+00:00

This is absolute nonsense.

Here is an important fact your analysis leaves out: most girls are not happy with the guys in their "tribe". Girls have an idea in their mind of who they want to be with and the guys they are with are NOT THAT. Hell, most girls are not happy with the guys they are in relationships with. They are looking for a way out, and most women are deathly afraid of rejection so you need to approach them. If you can stand out, and look good,cold approach can work wonders.

Of course, social circle game is easier. With cold approaches, I can get "something" going on around 25% to 33% of the time, whereas with social circle the number is closer to 100%.

The problem is that cold approach is incredibly hard so most people can't do it well. PUA books teach you to approach approach approach, but just approaching doesn't work. You have to be very attractive, very well dressed, in a great frame of mind, and you have to make the approach directly, with confidence, and without violating a shit ton of rules related to human nature. And from there you have to be able to immediately launch into a good conversation. Most people can't do it. Hell, I can't do it a lot of the time. But if you can do it, you can get huge results, and more importantly, huge results with girls you otherwise wouldn't get to know.

2016-11-28T19:40:05+00:00

More faggy bro-science from TRP. Sounds like an excuse to me pussy.

Conceited-Monkey · 2016-11-28T16:53:30+00:00

Nice to see someone telling the truth, instead of simply advocating doing more and more cold approaches.

2016-11-28T21:05:25+00:00

mysterious Alpha-Sigma fantasy, is just that, a fantasy.

"And then the serpent said unto Eve, is it really so...?"

truthseeker201 · 2016-11-28T22:22:50+00:00

So I have a question..... I am very good at being social in person, but my social media is very "mysterious" and dry, as I post barely anything on it therefore if you were to look at my profile, you would think I'm a loner. My question: Would i be better off deleting it vs. keeping it the way it is?

NaughtyFred · 2016-11-28T23:25:25+00:00

Great post but as a recovering beta I'm undecided whether this is meant to make me more or less inclined to pursue women.

2016-11-29T02:15:01+00:00

If you're just trying to fuck and chuck girls, cold approach is the way to go. If you do this with girls in your social circle, you will likely face repurcissions. The wonderful thing about cold approach is that you probably have no overlap in social circles with the girl.

Entropy-7 · 2016-11-29T05:17:01+00:00

On a technical point, men's looks are on a log-normal distribution rather than exponential.

iamneptuno · 2016-11-29T08:46:42+00:00

Thank you for a quality post. But since it's not "girls are not that hard, just take action" bullshit, it won't gather the appreciation it deserves.

Circlelurker90 · 2016-11-29T22:18:01+00:00

Great post. I agree that social proof-based game is much more efficient than cold approach but this is only once you have the status, and developing a large social circle that confers social proof is extremely difficult. I believe most men (even those with RP knowledge) who do not have this type of social proof and try to develop it will never succeed. This is because large, high value social circles accept two forms of currency as price of admission: 1) status in a parallel group that serves as price of admission to the new group (he must bring outside social proof to his new prospective group) or 2) extremely strong "fundamentals" meaning personality, appearance, resources, etc but with a very heavy weight on extraversion. Therefore, since the vast majority of men who are not already in a high value social circle are unable to demonstrate prior status or an extreme level of extraversion, they will fail to join the group. Since the social proof conferred by a high value social circle is unattainable, they must use inefficient cold approach to have any shot at sex. Thoughts?

Since you rightly highlight the greater power and efficiency of social proof, it would be interesting to discuss ways of building this social proof: how much of 1 vs 2 should be accumulated given limited time and resources and given your starting point? My thinking is based on the idea that 1 is a much more valuable currency (chain reaction social proof) but first requires sufficient level of 2 (fundamentals).

I think low SMV men should prioritize 2 to fix glaring shortcomings while average guys should emphasize leveraging 1 and see rapid growth in SMV. The hardest part is getting from low to average since you are trying to enter social circles without any 1 whatsoever. The big question is: what social circle will accept someone with strong 2 but no 1? Maybe a low value social circle, but isn't this hardly a success and possibly counterproductive?

The_Good_Delusion · 2016-11-29T22:18:13+00:00

tl;dr: Cold Approach doesn't work for OP.

I hope that you find or have found something that works for you. All the best.

petrichordog · 2016-11-28T17:31:01+00:00

Attempting to defy physics, hahaha love it

J-baller · 2016-11-28T18:05:29+00:00

There are thousands of naive young men who dedicate countless hours towards cold approach pick up. This is time that could be spent developing their careers, making more money, improving their health etc. If a young man's soul purpose is to get laid then he should become high status and attain social proof. It's more efficient than cold approach. It would be wrong to blame young men for their lack of direction. They are subjected to sophisticated marketing by PUA gurus and companies

Cold Approach is a Lone-Wolf Fantasy

Introduction

How does one compensate for their lack of 'tribal' belonging?

What happens if you don't make-up for lack of 'tribal' belonging?

Cold Approach Is Attempting to Defy Physics

Cold-Approach is Inefficient

Conclusion

Title	Cold Approach is a Lone-Wolf Fantasy
Author	dr_warlock
Upvotes	93
Comments	88
Date	November 28, 2016 3:19 PM UTC (7 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/TheRedPill
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/TheRedPill/comments/5fc6bh/cold_approach_is_a_lonewolf_fantasy/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/TheRedPill/cold-approach-is-a-lone-wolf-fantasy.64868 https://theredarchive.com/post/64868