Title pretty much says it. He and I banged casually for two years - that was an arrangement I was 100% fine with, because when we met I was fresh out of a four year long relationship (with the quintessential manchild LVM) and was just enjoying the promiscuity.
After two years, I caught feelings, did the classic pickmeisha bullshit of all but begging him to be in a relationship with me, yadda yadda.
Gimme a moment of credit - I'm a young, well spoken, dynamic and conventionally attractive gal with a wide variety of skills and hobbies. I have absolutely no problem finding partners.
BUT, I was (am?) a trainwreck alcoholic and I have some significant scarring from self mutilation, as well as serious PTSD. This guy is the only person that makes me feel safe and has never cared about the scars. He's a combat vet, and so he's a little more understanding about things like flashbacks. S'pose that's why I've stuck around so long. Cute, right? He's also seen me do some profoundly humiliating things when I am scrunched up, blackout drunk. (Vomiting in bed next to your partner, anyone?)
Long story short. We've been officially dating for six months. I drink a lot less now and I'm doing better with the PTSD. He still doesn't, and says that maybe he "can't" offer any kind of verbal affection or compliments. Best I usually get is being called babe occasionally, and being so stoked about that makes me feel pathetic.
This dynamic is decimating my self esteem and even after two or three serious, I-am-on-the-verge-of-leaving-you talks, nothing really changes.
I'm done talking about it. Please just give me the last nudge I need to cut things off and move on. I can do better than this, maybe I just need a clean slate with someone who's never seen me so drunk and paranoid.
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