Background: I’m 24, he’s 36. He is 6’2”, slim, dark hair, dark eyes and handsome. I have low self esteem and often feel like a total frump but I regularly get my “good looks” complimented, so I admit I might not have a proper view of myself. I’m an average weight (US size 10), average height, waist-length black hair, blue eyes, pale skin, wear makeup daily.

I admit I’m messy, disorganized, flighty, and often sluggish. I hate cooking for myself and I hate cleaning. Off to a great start right? I am very affectionate though, never deny my partner sex, give oral whenever he asks, will do whatever he asks me to do even if that is cooking and cleaning. I just need to be asked, which I know isn’t attractive. I build my partner up everyday with compliments and doting (but it helps that I really do believe he is so smart, handsome, funny, responsible, amazing.) I have a pretty rare, solid career as a professional artist with a huge upward trajectory and a superior who makes 100k and wants me to take over for her in the future. I am very dedicated to my work, I’m always improving, learning, goal-setting, achieving. It takes up 80% of my time.

My partner is honestly......a gem. I seriously lucked out. He is tidy, organized, good with finances, perfect credit score, endlessly patient, logical. always thinking one step ahead, always prepared, nurturing to animals and people around him, goes out of his way to help strangers, cleans and cooks regularly, friendly and amiable, not secretive, gives me access to his phone, computer, and Facebook login (but I don’t go through them—it was just a nice gesture). Downsides are he has been flirty with other women in the past but stopped when I called him out for it, he shuts down emotionally, gets cold and withdraws when he’s unhappy, plays a lot of video games, buys like 3 boxes of cookies every time we go grocery shopping, just finishing his masters degree so doesn’t have a job (but is getting his masters of science so should be able to find a tech and science job when he graduates in one month). My humour is sillier than his and he doesn’t always reciprocate, but I do have friends for that.

He really wants children and preferably in the next 4 years. He says he can deal with giving up video games and sleep—he sees raising good children as a civil duty and a way to find more meaning in his life. He says he would stay with me even if I didn’t want children but it’s something very important he would be giving up for me. I wouldn’t be able to live with the guilt if I did that to him. I don’t want to keep stringing him along only to find out in 4 years that no, I don’t want children. He will be 40 by then, which is a crappy age to restart looking for the mother of your children.

I think I want children at some point—I want family after he dies (considering the age gap) and I want to experience that unconditional love for a child. My parents were both dysfunctional and I had a pretty terrible upbringing so the chance to re-do childhood (for my own kid) is appealing. But my career is like, my only source of self esteem and the only thing that makes me get up in the morning. The responsibility of a child terrifies me, I don’t know how I’d manage, and the eventual perks of my job include travelling the world, meeting different inspirations of mine and learning from them. I’m not sure I can do that with a kid, even if I’m only gone for a week at a time for my job.

I think my ideal age to have a baby is 36-40, not 26-28. But, my boyfriend is such a gem though that I’m thinking of just taking the plunge so I don’t lose him/he doesn’t resent me. He seems like the ideal father and husband, something I might not find again easily. Another bonus is either one of us can be part time while the other is full time, although via the nature of my job I have way more flexibility and can make my own schedule.

*TL;DR boyfriend is the ideal father and husband figure, soft alpha, he wants children soon but I’m unsure about motherhood and my career is starting to take off giving me opportunities for travel and such. Do I take the plunge for motherhood anyways because I might not find another man as suited to being a father and husband as him again in the future?