Effectively broke it off with a great guy I've been seeing...

Datonecatladyukno · 2020-02-12T16:20:19+00:00

Are you feeling bad about this? Any boundary you have For yourself is an ok boundary, and Enforcing them is What you have to do. Same for him, his choice. I would bet on 6 months you won’t even be thinking about this

Jay-quellen · 2020-02-12T16:21:07+00:00

[deleted]

Jay-quellen · 2020-02-12T17:19:03+00:00

4 months is nothing. If you don't like it (I like lesbians but I wouldn't like this either because that is messy, some other woman is going to be mother of his child), then just go your own way. Let him do what is important to him. Find a man whose values match yours.

Usual_Zucchini · 2020-02-12T17:41:19+00:00

I'd be curious to know what the plans are for when the child is born...is he signing over his parental rights? Is he going to want visitation? Is the child going to be in his life? I'd be wary of this situation too, it's kind of a big deal. It may not bother others but I don't think you're wrong to not want to be involved.

Chandira143 · 2020-02-12T18:41:06+00:00

The fact that he is JUST telling you this now?! What a shock to the system that must’ve been. I’m so sorry.

Just because someone’s actions are noble does not mean you have to accept and deal with the potential ramifications in YOUR life if you have a future with him.

hoIds_up_spork · 2020-02-12T17:55:23+00:00

he's shocked that you're not a fan of him fathering a child with other women? is he stupid?

raiu86 · 2020-02-12T23:02:26+00:00

Legally you can't "donate" sperm like this. He is fathering a child. Unless and until a step-parent adoption for the non-bio mom goes through he will be legally/financially responsible. It's been an issue for people that create families like this several times now, particularly if the biological mother puts the baby on Medicaid.

olibrijoh · 2020-02-13T02:35:54+00:00

I know someone who donated sperm to a lesbian couple as a young person without thinking the consequences through.

He had no real intentions of keeping tabs on the child until he met her and continued to spend time around the couple and the baby. He started to develop feelings for the baby and started trying to arrange time with the couple to see the little girl. And the couple would allow it because they were thankful to him. But they started to become more cautious and suspicious of him. (Not that his intentions were malicious at all. They just weren’t warranted in any way.)

All the sudden he drops a bomb on them, he wants to be on her birth certificate, he wants to help pay for her care, and he wants to go to court for his ”rights” to see this child. The couple is gobsmacked for obvious reasons and he never follows through because he didn't have the money, but now this couple will always have this pest buzzing around their child, trying to lay claim to something he truly believes is his.

There are a lot more variables and feelings to take into account when you are a sperm donor to someone you know. It's a big deal.

HighLife0001 · 2020-02-13T05:41:54+00:00

Eh, good choice. I’d nope out of that on the spot. It sounds messy and you don’t need messy, you have options

Activated27 · 2020-02-13T05:49:10+00:00

Personally I wouldn’t care but you got to do what is good for you. It doesn’t really matter what we think as long as you’re confident you made the right decision for yourself.

Title	Effectively broke it off with a great guy I've been seeing...
Author	Jay-quellen
Upvotes	25
Comments	29
Date	February 12, 2020 4:10 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/f2thda/effectively_broke_it_off_with_a_great_guy_ive/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/effectively-broke-it-off-with-a-great-guy-ive-been.682738 https://theredarchive.com/post/682738

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