When an LVM is your therapist

MelatoninNightmares · 2020-01-27T00:20:51+00:00

I highly recommend only seeking out female therapists - and female medical professionals in general. Therapy and medical care is a position where you, as the patient/client, are inherently vulnerable. I don't feel safe with men in a position to exploit that vulnerability.

ScrappleSandwiches · 2020-01-27T00:53:08+00:00

Wow, what a horrible therapist! Congratulations to you for getting away from that awful man.

I think therapists in general are not savvy when it comes to spotting and dealing with narcissists.

I went to therapy with a narcissist, with a therapist who knew what was up (I found this out because narcissist died, and I went back to her and she told me). Even when they know what’s up, they can’t really say so, they are supposed to only ask leading questions to help you realize yourself what is going on, eg. “How do you feel when he does that?”

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-27T01:49:39+00:00

Ohhh yes! I had to stop seeing mine and have firmly decided to only go with women. Not only was mine a man, but he was in the boomer age range and he was white (I'm early 20s and black). Bringing up his race/age/gender to emphasize how different we were.

He would make assumptions and speak for my experiences AND he refused to take me seriously when I told him that I never wanted kids. There's a host of other reasons but it's like he couldn't comprehend that I didn't fit into the preconceived box that he had of me.

Good riddance.

I wish you the best going forward in finding the right therapist for you ❤️

itsirrelevant · 2020-01-27T05:05:11+00:00

I read previously something about the problem with therapy in abusive relationships because the abuser knows to act differently in front of the therapist and will not be honest, while the victim will. This ends up with the victim taking the blame because they are the only ones trying to actually solve the problem and own up to their flaws which allows the abuser to hold even more over them and the victim ends up believing they are more at fault themselves even. Apparently not a lot of therapists are good enough at catching this and the situation often times ends up worse than it was before.

I'm not certain how bad your ex was, but I'd extend this to any narcissistic personality since they are programmed to hide their faults.

raggedclaws_silentCs · 2020-01-27T05:53:44+00:00

One of the biggest problems with couples therapy is that there is no judgment of what is or isn’t abusive coming from the therapist. They treat you like both parties have fucked this up equally. The victim says what’s wrong and the perp sits there looking sad and who does the therapist put the blame onto? The victim, for being so direct and so forward so quickly, or maybe something else (I don’t know?!?). Such a load of shit. In my opinion, if it’s gotten to the point where you have to go to couples therapy, you will at BEST get a therapist who is libfem, which means making a lot of unfair and demeaning compromises.

extraacct1234 · 2020-01-27T01:16:23+00:00

Male relationship therapists are the absolute worst of all male therapists. I would never go to a man and let him in my head unless it was Lundy Bancroft.

2020-01-27T01:37:28+00:00

Or maybe you WERE at the start of finally feeling your queen self subconsciously and neither he nor your shit ass ex could have that happen so they tried to put you in your place. Good on you getting out.

blackopium777 · 2020-01-27T03:50:18+00:00

I would absolutely NEVER consider going to a male therapist. As someone who was literally going to uni with male psychology students, it's SCARY out there.

Once, at my roughest patch in life, I had to go to a psychiatric ward for 2 weeks. I had an Eating Disorder at that time and heavy depression due to my 2nd miscarriage. I knew some people at this psychiatric ward already, because I had to work there for a couple of months while doing my bachelor's degree. I thought it was safe for me. It wasn't. I got a male therapist after a first talk to a female psychiatrist (who I knew already). He not only said, that I couldn't have an ED, because I looked average (after losing a shitton of weight, tho), but also that depression is NORMAL after a miscarriage and that "some women shouldn't have kids and ruin their bodies". Now imagine, if I was a vulnerable woman, who didn't know shit about anything psychological. I complained about this therapist right away. I didn't say ANYTHING else to him, after he made clear, that he doesn't take me seriously. Luckily the psychiatrist understood me and took her time to get a female therapist for me. Since there aren't enough therapists available to work in a psychiatric ward, they have to take pieces of pure shit in sometimes. It's heartbreaking, honestly.

FluffandRainclouds · 2020-01-27T01:47:08+00:00

There are good male therapists out there, but that was not a good one at the least and I am so sorry he re-traumatized you. I had one male therapist and he encouraged me to increase my boundaries/make a list of dealbreakers. He was healing in a different way.

I remember this one sad reddit story (now deleted) of this woman who had a male therapist who defended f***boy behavior and "that guy asks you for nudes to help your self esteem." Such quackery 🦆

OsamaBenLadle · 2020-01-27T08:15:16+00:00

Guess what therapist? OP IS a queen. No matter how licensed they are, it is much more comforting to go to a therapist of the same gender. No matter the degrees, no man will ever be able to understand how emotionally intelligent women are. The feminist theory in philosophy pretty much says, “Yeah! Scientifically, our brains are wired to be more emotional. But guess what? That shifts our moral compass to be better as well as makes us more empathetic to others. Acknowledge it as a strength that we can use to make the world better.” Women are better therapists because of our gift of being empathetic. It doesn’t even matter what gender the client is, a woman therapist will be able to connect on a deeper level. That is vital in therapy.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-01-27T05:04:21+00:00

He was punishing you for his personal hangups.

Novemberinthechair · 2020-01-27T02:48:43+00:00

[deleted]

ivy176 · 2020-01-27T15:18:43+00:00

Agree.

Title	When an LVM is your therapist
Author	Enough-Introduction
Upvotes	140
Comments	34
Date	January 26, 2020 11:52 PM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/eufd5j/when_an_lvm_is_your_therapist/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/when-an-lvm-is-your-therapist.683928 https://theredarchive.com/post/683928

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