FDS Relationship Success Stories?

sweatydeath · 2020-06-18T02:17:59+00:00

I was basically following FDS for a few months since I read All The Rules before coming across this sub. I joined this sub and integrated strategies laid out in Why Men Love Bitches, which complimented what I was already doing before.

The result? I didn't get used by men because I made it clear I had no desire to change for them. I am currently in a 9-month relationship with a man that respects and adores me. I don't have to worry about him checking out girls/hiring cam girls/following instagram thots/other LVM bullsh** because he had to invest some serious effort and time before we established commitment. When men work hard for something, they value it even more. He treated me the best out of all the men I dated that year. I love him so much!

I'm at a point where I'm content with the idea of focusing on my career and not worried about getting married, but I would be lying if I didn't sometimes think about getting married to a HVM.

This is a good attitude to have when dating - even if you REALLY want to get married. Being really carefree and aloof with men draws them in like moths to a flame. Putting your hobbies, career and friends/family first will earn their respect.

masterofthebarkarts · 2020-06-18T03:52:03+00:00

Mine was pre-FDS but I had already read a lot of the sidebar because I just find dating and dating culture really fascinating.

The only thing I did right was take a long time vetting my man before falling head over heels. He seemed too good to be true, so I assumed he was secretly a jerk and kept him at arm's length while I waited for him to fuck up and show his "true colours".

Well, turns out he's truly just wonderful. Not perfect, but incredibly kind, funny, smart, good looking, generous, thoughtful, hardworking...basically everything I wanted and more.

I don't usually reply to these threads because it sounds like bragging but holding yourself back and making him work to prove his intentions really is the key.

For context, we've been married for a year, together for just over 3.

eng2fly · 2020-06-18T12:24:17+00:00

I found FDS when I was dipping my toes back into online dating after being with two NVM. My first boyfriend would get on tinder behind my back, invite other girls over when I was out of town, call me fat... the list goes on. Second boyfriend was an unemployed cashier obsessed with himself and video games complete with the emotional stability of a toddler. Needless to say I had an abysmal dating track record. I truly believed love conquered all.

Outside of my NVM experiences I’ve been surrounded by HVM. I was shocked and thought something was wrong with me when OLD led to a bunch of dusty scrotes. I got in fights with family members who put pressure on me to settle etc finding FDS really helped reinforce the fact I needed to stick to my standards. It drove home being single > being in a relationship 99% of the time.

I applied stringent standards to my OLD plus made sure my life was fulfilling and fun. I’ve been dating a man for 7 months who meets FDS standards a list of some of his characteristics/things he did/does:

-drove to me on the date -paid -opens the car door (even now) -ordered the dish of food I usually get so I could have it as a backup -planned a Valentine’s Day get away -pushed back a career advancement to give us more time together -equal housework -thoughtful surprises

Essentially he puts me first. Always has since the first date.

nenindis · 2020-06-18T08:08:50+00:00

Nearly 2 years relationship here.

First off, me and my current boyfriend did not get serious until after 2 months of dating, speaking, going out, and so on. One green flag for me was how there was no pressure for sex just because we had dinner a few times. We spent time getting to know each other. I made it clear from the get-go I'm not interested in doing mommy and wifey stuff for someone who isn't as interested or invested as I am. His response to this was a decisive factor for me. He didn't pull out the "Not sure what I'm looking for." card. Despite being a microbiology PhD researcher, he ALWAYS found time for me. No lame ass excuses, no half-assed planned dates. Despite his busy schedule with study, work, being a member of two bands, I never once heard the continuous excuse of no time that one of my exes used to pull out.

Secondly, the easing into becoming exclusive process felt natural. We both agreed to it (I was seeing other men in the mean time, make no mistake!). A HUGE difference compared to my other experiences was the ease with which he introduced me to his friends, work colleagues and associates, his family, his fellow band members. Another huge one was his stance on nudes: he NEVER asked for them. Then, he is utterly disgusted at violence against women and children (highly important point to me, given my past), he is against the objectification of women through media outlets (again very important to me), he openly agrees that what women experience overall is unfair.

Then, I noticed how natural it comes to him to be gentle and caring instead of a violent asshole. He hugs animals, he always shows me cute puppies, he shares with me biological facts about the animal kingdom, has even taken me to see some live exotic animals and I immediately fell in love with two green iguanas and he was so happy to record the moment when I went like "Oh, look at this big croissant!". He always speaks in a very gentle voice to animals and to me. He doesn't raise his tone. He makes my coffee and my breakfast. When I'm on my period, he actively is there to take care of me. When I wake up in the morning, I'm always greeted with a reminder of how beautiful I am. He constantly reminds me I am his queen.

Another point of importance here is that never once have we slipped into screaming matches. We can handle disagreements like two grown adults. I can share my past of abuse and sexual assault and be met with a warm hug and words of support, all the while I keep a clear lens to filter behaviour according to FDS principles. Whenever there's a moment of something bothering me, I have no issue bringing it up. I have noticed he has worked actively to better himself and his behaviour since we're together, which, again, is a huge difference compared to my exes, who didn't listen. He listens. And he also suggested to hire a professional photographer for when I finish a cosplay I want to begin working on. This morning, he even told me he loved me and addressed me by this character's name, whom he's very stoked to see me as.

All in all, FDS has given me better tools to be confident and speak up. I use them effectively in my relationship. My boyfriend knows I tolerate exactly zero shit in many areas. And, I've never known how making this such an important point can be such a life saver! Instead of telling me I'm absurd, he works to better his behaviour. He is aware that, if he breaks my trust or loses my respect, I'm out the next moment. He knows my past enough as to have reached the conclusion I have no problem in leaving shitty men at this point. This, ladies, is the most empowering thing for me: to actively keep my boyfriend in a state of "If I want to keep this queen, then I better work for it to happen."

bqluoeoedn · 2020-06-18T02:08:09+00:00

I’m just getting started as well, but I remember being a lurker and seeing someone ask the same question. There are several replies here

https://www.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/fyholw/positivity_post_tell_me_about_your_hvm_success/?utm_source=share&utm_medium=ios_app&utm_name=iossmf

2020-06-18T02:29:42+00:00

[deleted]

girludontbringhome · 2020-06-18T02:06:35+00:00

The lack of comments is a bit concerning lol.

--qtbunny-- · 2020-06-18T05:44:11+00:00

Did porn really turn him into a LVM or was he just a LVM in disguise?

I’m not in a relationship yet but I was able to cultivate self respect and control by cutting out toxic people in my life. This allowed me to find better people, and I was able to be in a friend group that is toxic-free.

just_takin_the_d · 2020-06-18T06:20:14+00:00

[deleted]

littledahmer · 2020-06-18T05:11:53+00:00

I met my man before discovering FDS, but he’s nothing like the trash men I’ve dated before.

He’s never once disrespected me or been rude. He respects my boundaries and is thoughtful and sweet - the bare minimum plus more. I knew he wasn’t a fuck boy because he was interested in getting to know me not in my pants because we waited to have s*x.

We were exclusive to each other right from the start. I know that’s not following the rules but it’s been nothing but uphill.

After discovering this sub, I really started to change the way I viewed myself, and he’s been very supportive. I used to be a pickmeisha, but slowly got out of those ways after getting out of my last relationship. We’ve had some hiccups along the way but he knows how to communicate effectively and we can always sort things out respectfully.

We’ve only been dating 3 months, but I don’t regret anything. He’s a HVM who values me. Even if things don’t turn out the way I want them to, I have hope, and I have my family to fall back on which is the most important thing. I don’t ever want to be in a position where I can’t escape a situation because I’m lacking resources. I feel like I’ve found someone who I actually want to be with and see a future with.

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Title	FDS Relationship Success Stories?
Author	sweetmanzanita
Upvotes	66
Comments	20
Date	June 18, 2020 1:12 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/FemaleDatingStrategy
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/comments/hb4lze/fds_relationship_success_stories/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/FemaleDatingStrategy/fds-relationship-success-stories.691567 https://theredarchive.com/post/691567

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