Should a second gen immigrant settle for an arranged marriage if he's failing miserably in the west?

SplushkaMcOwlFace · 2020-06-16T09:46:08+00:00

There are a few things to consider.

You don't know each other and were raised in different counties. Are you even compatible? Is the girl actually willing to get married to you or she would do as she told? What happened if the marriage doesn't work? Is she staying or going back to homeland? Are you personally willing to start a family or it's act of desperation?

RedPill_is_a_cult · 2020-06-16T09:46:33+00:00

I need some unbiased advice

You might have come to the wrong place then man.

What is it that you want though? Do you just want to get married? Do you want hookups? True love?

Matt_Door · 2020-06-16T11:02:47+00:00

First place I would look is similar 2nd gen western born and raised women from your own community, so that means you need to be hitting up cultural events, festivals, university student groups, and to use a specific case in my country we have a lot of Indian politicians, and you could volunteer for one of them to get near other likeminded girls, they have a lot of events and community contact because it’s necessary for them to build strong ethnic voting based.

If that doesn’t work, take your pick from back home and import.

crookedsummer2019 · 2020-06-16T11:32:25+00:00

Can you take some time to spend overseas and get to know those girls? Like actually date them first and see what happens (dating in whatever way is allowed which I’m sure will be different than in the west). See if you are compatible with either of them, pick the one you are more compatible with and see where that goes?

If you find that you are not compatible with either of them maybe it will give you more perspective and motivation to continue trying in the west or you may be more inspired to continue looking for a girl via an arranged marriage.

In any case, the strongest and most healthiest choice would be marrying a girl because you genuinely love her, not because you can’t get laid by western women. You would only come to resent her for something that has nothing to do with her and you likely will still want to hook up western women.

Barely-moral · 2020-06-16T09:49:22+00:00

I am going to believe that you did everything you can do to improve yourself and your chances. So remember that everything that follows assumes that you have already peaked and you can't possibly be any better than you are now.

Then I am going to assume thay having a female partner in your life is a priority for you. And by a priority I mean the priority. As in something you want in your life as much as you want to stay alive. Disregard the following if that isn't the case.

Yes. Of course you should give an arranged marriage a try. Maybe it works, maybe it doesn't. The point is that you already tried finding a partner by going the western route and you failed.

If it is true that you are at your peak and you tried everything... then you have your answer.

An alternative. An arranged marriage is just a mediated way to change your dating pool by changing your hunting grounds. All you are doing is selling the product (yourself) to a market in which you have less competition.

You can do that without an arranged marriage.

2020-06-16T10:34:05+00:00

[removed]

GandMeChattri · 2020-06-16T10:50:50+00:00

Chutiye, how about you become single digit body fat, improve and try again?

You're already in the West. You can get a brown pussy for arranged marriage even when you're 35.

Dont give up this easy.

Serniebanders69 · 2020-06-16T11:28:19+00:00

Men don't understand how it is for a woman being put into an arranged marriage. You gotta realize that a lot of those women don't want to marry some random guy and are being forced/pressured by their families to do it. So let's say you do go along with an arranged marriage. There is a huge possibility of the lady not even liking you as a friend and are avoidant of you due to fear of abuse/rape. I'm not saying that you're like that but from what I've seen on other subs the men in the arranged marriage complain how distant and how cold the women are and SOMEHOW can't grasp the reality of the situation or the woman's perspective. Plus, she might even have a boyfriend already or is in love with someone else and is willing to leave you so she can live a proper life by her own free will. There are so many possibilities.

OXOzymandias · 2020-06-16T11:03:04+00:00

Dude dont ask dating advices on PPD it is forbidden, go write it, in the weekly chat, also, arranged marriage are not alway bad, go meet them, spend time with them, be honest, and if there is a match why not buddy....

Honisalivebitch · 2020-06-16T11:04:48+00:00

Western societies are individualistic, you will never move ahead in life if you simp, be insecure and try to find middle ground with everyone. This advice both for men and women, but more so for men because they are the ones who are 'supposed' to initiate. Do what you want to do, if that means becoming unsociable, then that's what you have to do. Shyness and insecurity + pleasing others is hated in western societies, while unsociability is respected and liked (opposite in east asian cultures).

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Shyness#Versus_introversion "Collectivist cultures view shyness as a more positive trait related to compliance with group ideals and self-control, while perceiving chosen isolation (introverted behavior) negatively as a threat to group harmony; and because collectivist society accepts shyness and rejects unsociability, shy individuals develop higher self-esteem than introverted individuals.[26] On the other hand, individualistic cultures perceive shyness as a weakness and a character flaw, while unsociable personality traits (preference to spend time alone) are accepted because they uphold the value of autonomy; accordingly, shy individuals tend to develop low self-esteem in Western cultures while unsociable individuals develop high self-esteem"

You are literally making your life worse by trying to find middle ground with other people, and western society will dislike you for it as well. Be selfish, do what you want, and when you get comfortable with that, society will support you as well.

mindsanitizer · 2020-06-16T11:10:45+00:00

Go for it bro. Lots of people get arranged marriages and they work out great. Western dating can be a shitshow. Just try to get a girl who will be able to get a good job, that way even if you divorce you won't have much to lose.

Barneysparky · 2020-06-16T11:26:16+00:00

Do you believe your parents have an understanding of who you are? Do you believe they will work hard at finding you the right match?

Arrange marriages means a third party who isn't just looking at what you and the girl look like will access if you will make a good match. When parents have their children's best interests at heart and not just trying to line their wallets arranged marriages work out well.

Having said that my 5.7 friend from Bangladesh just started dating a Canadian girl from the bakery after seeing her across the store and telling us old women he thought she was beautiful. He didn't do well on Bumble, but in real life he got the girl!

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TechnicalMight0 · 2020-06-16T10:57:14+00:00

Maybe you can find some middle ground: an educated Muslim woman from overseas who understands English, is not too poor and genuinely likes you but who still has mainly traditional values and doesn't worship whiteness.

You probably won't find her through an arranged marriage though: you're going to have to use a dating site (not app) or meet her in person in her country of origin.

Pastelitomaracucho · 2020-06-16T12:29:00+00:00

Pardon the cultural mismatch, but you give the creeps, dude.

> dating apps are a god damn wasteland

Yes, why are you even trying to use them?

> bars/clubs are filled with women that want to reject you in the most brutal ways possible

Let's flip the coin: bars and clubs are full of creepy dudes like you which won't leave the girls alone.

Know your place in the pecking order. If you are not at least a solid 8 and you don't know how to dance/read body language to perfection, you are going to get destroyed at the club. Stop chasing women there.

Besides clubs and tinders, in which other environments you navigate? because I'm telling you, you are starting with the abosolute wrong foot.

> However i get ALOT of attention overseas

Now you know your market. Use this to your advantage.

> i know a couple of very cute muslim girls that i can marry

Knowing BEFOREHAND that a particular person is a marriage candidate is fucking creepy in my opinion. Women pull this shit all the time with their requirements for "eligible bachelors".

My hot take:

You are immigrant-looking guy in a society that regards immigrants as lesser people. That's your problem. You need to navigate in social situations where 1) you are being seen as a high value member of society 2) you are being seen as an equal by others or 3) a society that values immigrants for what they are.

What to do:

1) Move somewhere else, or

2) Stay at university and pursue and academic career. Academics are open minded, multicultural and value intelligence more than any tinder/bar slut. Academia will also expose you to travel, conferences and cultural exchanges. A true melting pot of equality where you can have a chance.

Or,

3) climb up the corporate ladder or establish a succesful business. Your economic and social standing will speak for yourself, leveling the paying field for you (as long as you don't turn into a creepy, slimy dude).

Sincerely,

A first generation immigrant brown dude which is succesful with women despite not even speaking the local language.

Title	Should a second gen immigrant settle for an arranged marriage if he's failing miserably in the west?
Author	Justsomelonelydude
Upvotes	2
Comments	17
Date	June 16, 2020 9:24 AM UTC (6 years ago)
Subreddit	Posted in /r/PurplePillDebate
Original Link	https://old.reddit.com/r/PurplePillDebate/comments/ha0l9n/should_a_second_gen_immigrant_settle_for_an/
Archive Link	https://theredarchive.com/r/PurplePillDebate/should-a-second-gen-immigrant-settle-for-an.700917 https://theredarchive.com/post/700917

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